Spy Of My Life

 As I open my eyes, I smile looking at the beautiful man sleeping next to me. I get up, look for something to wear, and settle on the hotel robe. I step to the balcony to feel the morning breeze, and suddenly my heart becomes heavy. This is my last day of freedom. This could be our last moment together. I look back at the bed, wishing I could wake him up, but he looked so peaceful doing so would be a crime. And the memories of how this started come back to my mind all at once. I remember it as if it were yesterday, but it’s been over five months now. *** (Flashback) I wave for the tenth time to one of the server, but it’s like I’m invisible. As if they don’t want people to come here on purpose. Defeated, I decided to go to the bar myself to fetch me a drink, and to my surprise Jamie is sitting on one of those stools. ‘- Hi Jamie, or should I call you sir? - Well hello you! No need for politeness, we’re outside the complex. In here, we are just two people enjoying alcohol’; he says lifting up his glass. I don’t know why, but I just start laughing. Jamie is always oh so serious, I think it took me by surprise to actually see him smiling and a little tipsy. ‘- Are you going to join me or will you just keep laughing at me, Sofia? - I’m sorry sir, I mean Jamie. It’s unusual for me to see you like this. - Like what? - So… relaxed. - I’ll take that as a compliment. Sit. Next drink is on me. - I’d love to, but I hate bar stools. I prefer to be sitting on a chair, or better yet, a booth. Mine is the one on the far end of the bar. - I see. I’ll leave you then. - Or you can join me?’ I don’t know why, but as I finished my sentence, my heart started beating a little faster. Jamie stands up to follow me after gesturing to the bartender for two more drinks. We reach the booth and the sit down face to face. I start feeling a bit awkward. What am I expected to say or do now? Why do I always put myself in these kinds of situations? I just look up, and smile. Oh that was so stupid. Why did I smile so stupidly? ‘- So tell me Sofia, how are you liking your training so far? - I’m still getting used to it but it’s more than I have ever dreamed of. Besides the academic stuff, I am just mind blown. I mean, combat training, mission tactics, some of the things we do everyday are straight out of a spy novel. Joining the Company makes me feel like I didn’t know s**t about the world all this time that I was alive. It makes me feel that I’ve been roaming the earth aimlessly, but now I finally found my purpose! It’s a strange feeling of power and strength.’ As I finish talking, I suddenly realize that I’ve been blabbering, and by the look on Jamie’s face, I think I just made a fool of myself. I compose myself and start apologizing when he just holds his hand up, stopping me mid-sentence. ‘- The way you’ve described things, you don’t need to apologize. You’ve entered a new world and you’re fascinated by it. You’re testing the limits of what you’re able to do. It’s totally understandable. Never apologize for being excited about something. And I’m the last person to judge you. You should have met me in my training days. I was just like you, maybe a tad more excited. That’s one of the reasons I pushed to recruit you. I felt you’d appreciate the opportunity. And as I’m discovering every day, you’re a natural. You’re pretty impressive, you know.’ As he spoke, my heart felt so warm. For some reason, hearing him speaking to me and about me like this made me happy. I kept smiling, because the words started to fail me. He smiled back, and I think that was the moment I truly fell for him. ‘- So, why are you here on a Monday night? You have your pick of the day but you chose today? I’m curious. - Well, when they told us we could choose one night a week for total freedom, almost everyone chose Thursday through Sunday. I figured, I’ll be living with a bunch of people for 6 months, I’d rather we not all be attached to the hip. Monday is a quiet night out. As you can see there’s almost nobody here, and on the plus side, the dorms are deserted on the weekends. So I win twice! Plus, I prefer to be by myself. It’s been a month now, and so far I’m enjoying this arrangement. - You’re a smart one, I give you that. Mondays are my days too, it’s weird we haven’t crossed paths before today. -You’re always on the bar and I’m always in the booth.’ We both start laughing as if I just said the funniest thing. As we finish, I put my hand on the table and Jamie put his hand on mine almost instantly. We share a look, and I feel my heart about to burst from my chest. I quickly take back my hand and clear my throat. ‘- How about we if play a game? It’s quite the simple truth or dare, with drinks. Agree? - You’re the boss, Jamie boy! Too far?’ He nods and I just laugh again. ‘- Okay, ladies first. Truth or dare? - Dare! I’m living dangerously tonight! - I dare you to….’ We spent hours playing and drinking. And to be honest I couldn’t ask for a better evening. As we chose truth, we got to learn so many things about each other. For instance, Jamie is the youngest of four brothers; he was in the army, like his father and grandfather. His full name is James Alexander Wright. His family is pretty close to one another and they keep in touch almost every day. He has a dog named Blue, a German shepherd who now lives at the family estate. His life seemed so simple and full of happiness, which made me want to get to know him more. ‘- Okay Jamie, this is the last round. Truth or dare? -Dare. -I dare you to…’ But I couldn’t finish my sentence. I just kept looking from his eyes to his lips and back. And before I knew it, there he was, kissing me passionately, and I couldn’t help but kiss him back. Since the first time we laid eyes on each other on that empty street in Washington, I felt this mysterious attraction towards this handsome gentleman who was holding me in his embrace right now. But this, right now, was so much better than my wildest imagination. His lips were so soft yet there was strength in his kisses. He makes me feel like I’m flying while holding me tight with his arms around my body. Suddenly, he stops and looks at me, wide eyed, like he wasn’t aware of what just happened the last few moments between us. I take a breath, and brush my hands against his cheek, and I can feel him tremble against my skin. He pulls back, and says: ‘- I’m so sorry Sofia, I shouldn’t have taken advantage. This was a mistake, I should go, I should…’ But I couldn’t let him leave. I wanted him to stay. I wanted more. I pull a card from my pocket and cut him off before he finishes his sentence. ‘- I have a key to a hotel room. I don’t want you to leave. I don’t want this to end here. Tomorrow is another day, but tonight, we can be free. We can just be us. - Are you sure? - No, but I’m open to possibilities.’ And without hesitation, we stand up, leave some cash on the table, and leave the bar, hand in hand. (End of flashback) *** ‘- Sofia, your spot’s getting colder, come back to bed!’ I have been so caught up in my mind that I jumped at Jamie calling me. I look at him and just smile. He has this childlike look in his face the few moments after he wakes up. It’s so adorable. I go back to bed and bury myself in his chest, taking in a deep breath, a smell that has become so familiar and so essential to me. ‘- Why do you look so sad? What’s going on, baby? - I’m just thinking. Everything is becoming so real. We have been sneaking out every Monday for the past five months. We have been living in this reverie of ours, knowing that one day it will all come to an end. And it’s today. I’m not saying I regret everything we’ve shared. This, you, was the best thing that has happened to me since I don’t know how long. But sometimes, I just wonder, would it have been better if we never got involved, if it were doomed to end all along? Why did we do this, if we knew there was no future in it? It’s so much harder now. I don’t know what’s going to happen. We may never see each other after tomorrow. - I don’t know what to say. I love you. I don’t know what else to say… - I love you too, but at this point, does it matter? From now on, my life, where I go, where I live, is going to be chosen for me. I can’t even be honest with you, which is the job description. And we can’t even be we each other. If we could, we wouldn’t have felt the need for all the precautions all this time, would we? - I wish there was something I could tell that would make all of this better, but there isn’t. All I can say for now is, have faith. And let’s not waste the little time we have left right now. Please let’s just enjoy this, now, and see how things will go from now. Just trust me on this. Agreed? - Agreed.’ Jamie leans on and grabs my chin, and then we kiss. I hold on to him as tight as I can, as a tear falls from my eye. Oh how I will miss him! *** My phone buzzes, and it’s the alarm, reminding me I have one hour left to my last class. I shake Jamie’s body, and he groans for me to leave him alone. When I tell him it 7:00 AM, he jumps off the bed, and his foot gets stuck in the sheets which makes him fall awkwardly on the carpet. I blow in a hysteric laugh. His face was just priceless. We start our Tuesday morning routine, getting ready to rejoin society. We order some breakfast, while we change our clothes and clean up. Then we go down to the hotel dining room and eat, and it’s always the same thing. I take my coffee with milk, he prefers it black, and we share pancakes and scrambled eggs. And then it’s time to go back to the complex. We share one last kiss in the hotel lobby, and we go our separate ways. I go outside for a taxi, and Jamie goes downstairs to the hotel garage for his car. The cab pulls in front of the complex doors. It’s 7:45. I step out of the car, and go inside, and all I can think of is: this is the end of Jamie and me.