NO SAFE DISTANCE

CHAPTER TWENTY __MUTUAL OBSESSION

The elevator ride up to Aou’s apartment was quiet, each floor passing in a soft metallic hum that seemed to echo Kian’s own heartbeat. He clutched his bag tightly, aware of the fluttering in his chest. The same tension that had built since their private time together, since every subtle glance, every touch, every deliberate pause between them.

Aou had invited Kian over a day before, he has been busy with work and it's very stressful for him going over to kian's space everyday. He also wants him to try something New.

When Aou opened the door, Kian noticed the careful precision of the apartment: shoes aligned near the entrance, a small tray for keys, minimal but intentional decoration. It spoke of discipline, of order, and yet beneath the surface, Kian could feel a hint of warmth, of personal history tucked into corners.

Aou gestured for him to sit, moving with the calm certainty that had always both grounded and unnerved Kian. The apartment smelled faintly of sandalwood and clean linen, a scent that now carried association with presence, attention, and obsession.

“You’re… early,” Aou remarked, voice calm, though Kian thought he caught a flicker of surprise.

“Just… I wanted to see you” Kian murmured, settling onto the couch. His fingers drummed against the fabric, restless, nervous, hungry for cues, for reassurance.

Aou’s eyes softened as he sat opposite, hands resting on his knees, posture meticulous. “I understand,” he said quietly. “And I… want to be with you too . I appreciate it. But you know I have obligations. Cases, patients…” He glanced at a neatly arranged stack of folders on a side table. “Work doesn’t stop because we are… human.”

Kian studied the folders, the subtle notes and schedules Aou kept. He realized, almost painfully, how deeply ingrained the discipline was, how much of his life was dedicated to observing, tracking, and caring for others. “Your condo looks nice, Phi. I… I never really thought about how much you do,” he admitted. “All the patients, the people you help…”

Aou’s lips pressed into a thin line, and for the briefest moment, the meticulous mask slipped. “Woow Phi?I really thought you didn't understand Thai well,and that it's …it’s… necessary. My work is structured. It keeps chaos at bay. And yes, it matters. But it doesn’t define everything I am.”

“ I understand a little, I just thought we're close now and I can address you that way, P’Aou” Kian replied smiling widely.

Kian leaned slightly forward, drawn to the small crack in the armor. He noticed a few photo frames on the shelf, a few colleagues at a conference, smiling, unaware of the careful observer in their midst. Another photo of a friend at a café, casual and relaxed. And one with his younger sister and his parents. Small glimpses of a world beyond therapy sessions, beyond careful control.

“You… have friends?”

Is that your parents? Kian asked softly.

“Who is that girl leaning on you?” He added.

Aou’s eyes flicked toward the photos, thoughtful. “I do have friends. Not many, but they are… important. People who understand the discipline, the boundaries, the work we do. But few know the… other parts of me. The personal part”

“ That girl in matriculation dress is my sister, she's studying at Canada that's why you don't see her with me” and those two oldies are my parents, If I'm opportuned I'll tell you about them”

Kian’s chest tightened. He wanted to ask more, but the weight of Aou’s gaze held him still. Instead, he simply listened, noticing the meticulous order, the careful balance of professional life and personal containment. He felt himself both drawn to and intimidated by it, the obsessive care mirrored in subtle ways. The way Aou unbuttoned his shirt, the deliberate placement of a pen, the slight pause before speaking, calculating the impact of each word.

They moved through the apartment, Kian trailing slightly behind as Aou led him past shelves of carefully organized books, journals filled with notes, and framed certificates that spoke of years of dedication. “This is… impressive,” Kian murmured, trying to mask the awe in his voice.

“It’s routine,” Aou replied. “Necessary. Keeps the mind sharp. But there’s… fulfillment in it as well. The work, the lives I touch, It’s rewarding. Even when it’s… draining.”

Kian noticed a faint shadow cross Aou’s expression. The intensity behind his composure, the obsessive care, now felt like it extended beyond Kian, into the structured world he inhabited. And yet, the pull between them remained palpable, unbroken.

They sat in silence for a moment, the only sounds the soft hum of the city outside and the subtle ticking of a clock. Kian’s mind replayed the weeks since their intimate night. The moments of intense affection, the careful attention, the way Aou seemed almost to measure his own restraint in response to Kian’s presence.

Aou’s eyes met his, steady and precise, yet something unspoken lingered. “You are… aware,” he said softly. “Aware of patterns, rhythms, behaviors… but not yet fully aware of the pull. The mutual… attention.”

Kian’s fingers twitched, tracing the edge of the couch, feeling the tension coil in his chest. “It… it’s overwhelming sometimes,” he admitted. “The way you notice… everything. How you care. How I… notice you in return.”

Aou’s gaze softened, a faint warmth breaking through the professional mask. “Awareness can be… comforting. But also consuming. It’s mutual. You notice me as much as I notice you.” “ I don't want it to feel like I'm taking advantage of you, I care about you, I want to make it obvious but still….. I don't want to confuse you”.

Kian’s heart raced. He had felt it, the obsessive attachment growing, mirrored, measured. Not just his own, but Aou’s as well. It was in the slight hesitation before a gesture, the careful modulation of tone, the meticulous positioning of hands, the slight leaning forward, the subtle glances that lingered just a fraction too long.

“I… I think about you a lot…….and I've never thought of you taking advantage of me, or even confusing me” Kian admitted, voice low, almost trembling. “When you’re not here. Even when I try not to. I… I want to know… you’re okay. That you feel the same way about me. I want to be part of your life too”

Aou’s hand hovered near Kian’s arm, a gesture that was part reassurance, part control, part intimate care. “I feel the same, and I care about you more than myself,” he said, calm but firm. “But notice… the obsession is not just yours. It is shared. You feel it in your chest, in your pulse, because I feel it as well. In my careful routines, in my observations. You are… present in ways you may not realize.”

Kian’s fingers brushed slightly against Aou’s, just enough to feel the warmth radiating from him. The brief contact sent a shiver through his body, not from desire alone, but from recognition, mutual awareness, mirrored obsession, the careful dance of attention and restraint.

The silence stretched, heavy and intimate. Kian’s mind flicked to the notes, the patients, the colleagues he had glimpsed, and he realized how much of Aou’s life existed in the measured spaces between those interactions. The obsessive care he gave Kian wasn’t limited. It was an extension of the precision, discipline, and emotional investment Aou poured into every part of his life.

They moved closer, almost imperceptibly. Knees brushed, hands hovered, breaths synchronized. The air was thick with tension, observation, and something dangerously close to need.

“I… I don’t know if I can handle this,” Kian whispered, voice fragile. “The pull… the intensity… it’s… too much sometimes.”

Aou’s gaze softened further, the warmth breaking fully through now. “You are stronger than you realize,” he said. “And so am I. We… navigate this together. Obsessed or aware, dependent or careful… It does not make us weak. It makes us… present.”

Kian exhaled shakily, allowing the weight of the acknowledgment to settle. The fear, the obsession, the need, they were mutual, mirrored, intertwined. And in that reflection, he felt… anchored.

Aou pulled him into Kian arms and kissed him, he then whispered “You look so beautiful and tempting, I don't want to take advantage….. Let's go out for a walk.”

Kain grabbed his hand, holding tightly “ Let's go for a walk then”.

“ Sometimes you just have to let out your feelings. Completely”