Her Invisible Knight (Book 4)

Twenty One

Maverick

None of us spoke for a while, and the silence became deafening. I wanted to talk first. I wanted to say the things I never got to say or clear the air so we could start over for real, but it was as if my vocal cords stopped functioning. Sure, there were too many words left unsaid between us, and what we had started to argue about was sadly just the tip of the iceberg. Simply put, we had issues starting from the past up to the present. I didn’t want to play the blame game either, but there was no way we could avoid it. I did things that were admittedly unacceptable, but I refuse to accept that I was the one who let go first because I didn’t. I guess I never did; otherwise, I would’ve moved on from her a long time ago. But after all these years, she was still the one I was madly in love with.

“So you came to prom, but not at my father’s funeral?” Mackenzie finally stated with a voice so shaky but deadly quiet that I couldn’t help but rub my hands over my face out of guilt and frustration. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to come to her father’s funeral; I just couldn’t make it that one time, even if Jaxon’s private jet was at my disposal. We were just starting back then, and so we didn’t exactly have the luxury of doing whatever the f**k we wanted and when we wanted. For what it was worth, I still tried to call her. I sent her a couple of messages, but, just like before, she never answered. What was I supposed to do then? “I wanted to, but the circumstances didn’t allow me to. When I finally got the chance before we went on our first world tour, you were already...” I held back from saying more. Maybe it was because I couldn’t stand remembering how I stayed frozen watching her kiss another guy just a few months after things went down. “And so you just left, right? After you saw me kissing my prom date?” she chuckled humorlessly before turning to look at me. “Yeah, there was nothing I could do but leave and think that you'd moved on.”

“I wasn’t moving on. I was getting by. It wasn’t exactly a good way to survive the madness around me at that time, but...” she answered, her lips quivering. “I was falling apart, Maverick. Maybe it was my fault for jumping to the conclusion that you chose your band over me and that you left me when I needed you most. Obviously, we can’t go back in time. What’s done is done, but it still doesn’t change anything about what is going on now.” I didn’t get what she was trying to say at first. It sounded as if she was trying to admit that I wasn’t the one who broke things off with her, but then she was also saying that she still couldn’t get past what we were going through because of what Lila told her.

I could only imagine what she had to go through when she lost her dad, but was I also a bad person for thinking that she could’ve opted for another way to cope? Like her, I was also left in pieces, but I never looked for a rebound. It took me years to finally start seeing other women, and none of them made it this far. We kept reverting to the past, which was kind of taking a toll on me. If the past was the past, as she mentioned, then why do I feel like she is still blaming me for what happened? I knew being tired wasn’t a good reason to lose patience over anything, but I was feeling a bit roughed up, both mentally and physically. I was having a hard time controlling myself from saying anything bad, so I kept quiet for a while. At this point, I still wanted to fix things, so I was going to try just that, even if it took all night. “You’re right. We can never change anything, and I guess you have every right to get mad at me for keeping things about the dance company. But what was I supposed to do? Show up the moment you got accepted just to tell you that I own it?”

“Yes! That’s what you should’ve said,” she argued. “Then what, Kenzie? Would you have stayed knowing that?” I immediately shot back. “I don’t know. Maybe!” she stated with a raised voice, and another long silence ensued between us. We were practically staring daggers at each other, but even so, a huge part of me still wanted to make things okay. “Here’s the thing,” I finally said as I ran my hand through my hair. “I told you once that I never got over you and so I kept checking up on you all these years to make sure you were doing okay. I didn’t meddle in your affairs, except when you got invited to the audition. Believe it or not, I didn’t control your life back then and I don’t intend to control it now. I’m sorry for doing that, but I would never cut your wings like that. I'm sorry I couldn't make it to your father's funeral. I'm sorry I didn't try harder.”

Her throat bobbed a couple of times as she continued to stare at me with a stoic expression. I wasn’t getting the message across, and so she was slowly building her walls back up like she always did. “Tell me how to make this better. Tell me how to fix things.” I begged. “I don’t know how to make things better,” she quietly answered before slowly standing up to leave. “Where are you going?” I quickly stood, clearly panicking a bit because I knew that if I let her out the door, things could easily end between us once again. “I just need to get away from everyone for a while, okay? Just let me think about this,” she hissed as she walked toward the elevator. She was doing it again, running away when things got tough, and I wasn't having it. “So that’s it; we’re leaving things unsolved?” I called after her. "I can't do this right now, Maverick." I took long strides to catch up to her, grabbing her wrist. "Please don't do this. You can't just leave like this," I begged once again.

"I need to go. I can't talk to you right now. Don't follow me," she firmly said before yanking her arm out of my grasp, and I stood there slack-jawed, watching her leave. I kept telling myself to go after her, but I just couldn't. What the hell just happened?