Teach Me How To Love

Chapter 3 - Feeling pain

Beth's Prov

when I got home I went right inside and started on dinner knowing that if I did not I would be paying for it greatly. putting Mr. Collins at the back of my mind, I decided to cook some spaghetti and meatballs. After getting everything cooked and ready for dinner I went to my room and went to sleep. My sleep did not take long to be over when I woke up to my dad yelling about me being stupid and not being able to do anything right. Getting up and out of my bed I made my way down stairs to see what I did that got him so worked up.

walking into the Kitching I saw him with a liquor bottle in his hands and I knew this wasn't going to end well. My mom had not come home yet and even if she had she would not try to stop dad from hurting me. I mustered up all the courage that I could and walked in the kitchen, making sure to keep enough space between us as much as possible. "hi dad is there something wrong?" I asked in a little whisper but enough for him to hear me. He looked up from what he was eating with a look of disgusts on his face.

I tried to hide the fear I felt that was creeping to the surface of my face. "CAN YOU EVER DO ANYTHING RIGHT!" he yell at me and I filched stepping back a bit in fear that I would be hit. "I...I..I'm...s..so..sorry" I said in a trembled whisper. He ate a few more bites of the food before he pushed it a way. Getting up from his chair he walked over to me slowly. He was not drunk but by the look on his face he was a little out of it, he stopped right in front of me, before I knew what was happening he slapped me hard across the face. The impact made my face swing to the side, knowing that ill have a bruise in the morning. "why did I have to have a daughter like you huh?"

I tried with all my might to not let him see the tear that were prickling at the corner of my eyes, instead I took at deep breath and said "I..I'm.. sorry" its all that I could say, I didn't know why I had to be his child. Maybe it was a mistake for me to even be born because right now I feel like I should be dead. I've never had the choose in the matter to be born I don't know . I just can't understand what I ever did to deserve this . Why me....Why does it have to be me.. I wish it wasn't. Relief washed over me when he pushed me away and went to the living room I took that as an opportunity to go back to my room. I prayed to God that he doesn't hit me while I sleep.

Being back in my room made me feel a little better but not much I took my phone out my bookbag and called Kelly. I just wanted to hear someone's voice that was not my own or my father's. she answered on the second ring and that made me feel a little bit at ease. "Hey babe what's up is everything ok?" she said at that I felt the tears I had been holding back fall down my face. when I didn't answer right away she said "Beth are you ok? .. did your dad hit you again ?" I could hear the worry in her voice. I wiped the tears that had fallen and said " yeah he did he asked me why was his daughter and honesty I wished I wasn't? I could hear her sigh on the other end of the phone.

"I know love I wished you weren't either, look get some sleep and we will talk in the morning ok?" I decided that she was right, I did need some sleep. "ok I will, i'll see you tomorrow at school" she didn't waste time before she said " looking forward to it, later love " and with that I hung up. changing out my clothes and jumping under the covers, it took a little while to fall asleep but I did.

Waking up I did my morning routine and when I was finished with the makeup on my face I headed out the door and to school. The makeup didn't do much to cover the hand print that was left on my face but I hoped no one pay attention to me. I was a little late getting to school, so I didn't have time to eat breakfast, walking into class I could see that Mr. Collins was already there. when he saw me he game a small smile and I gave him one in return. I saw that Kelly was already seated so I went and sat next to her only to be greeted with a hug and a worried expression and to be bombarded with multiply question.

"you ok Beth? how did everything go last night? did you get any sleep?" I looked at her with a little smile grateful that I had someone that cared for me. "yes I'm ok, last night was ok, and yes I got some sleep. By the way can you not worry so much?" she looked at me as if she was about to cry and for the first time I felt like if she cried it would be the first time someone ever shed tears for me "how could I not cry Beth I worry about you and every night your there I'm scared I wont see you the next morning" by that time the tear had fallen from her eyes. I couldn't help but hug her again to comfort her. she wiped the tears that has fallen and game me a said smile as to make me see that she's ok and I knew she wasn't, but I let it go for now.

After letting her go I looked up to see that Mr. Collins was look up at me with fixed eyes, I wonder if he had heard the conversation with me and Kelly but I pushed the thought away. looking around the whole room I could see that everyone was already here but they were talking amongst themselves until Mr. Collins spoke "Good morning class today we are just going to read from the text book and at the end of the reading you will have some question to answer" he looked around the room until his eyes were back on me with a little concern in them but look away around the class again. " that would take the whole class time to finish, if anyone does not understand something, you are welcomed to ask me anything." I was left wondering why he was looking at me with concern but seeing I had some work to do I brushed it off not wanting to think about it any longer.

Class went by with little talking with everyone while some girls decided to asked Mr. Collins question just to get his attention and to flirt with him. unfortunately for them he didn't care whatsoever to flirt back which had made most of them a little upset. But he had not shown any signs of caring. By the end of class every one was packed up to turn in there work and leave, as I put my work down and was heading out the class Mr. Collins called me back. "Ms. saliva can I have a word with you" I stopped walking and went over to his desk. he didn't look up until it was the only two of us remaining in the class. I was a little nervous about what he was going to ask or say to me and it made my heart pond in my chest.

"I couldn't help over hearing what your friend had said at the begin of the class and I wanted to make sure everything was ok with you" I looked at his face with a look of panic, it became a little hard to breath and I was trying my best to not let it show, but I couldn't stop my hand from resting on my chest. Seeing what I did Mr. Collins immediately got out of his seat and made his way over to me. Oh God what am I going to do if he finds out what's going on then he's going to try to help and he's going to get hurt and I'm going to get beaten to a bloody pulp again. Its not the first time some one has tried to help and my father made sure no one could again. what am I gong to do …. I can't imaging going through that again it left me broken and I can't go back to that again. I just can't.