Wild Heart

Chapter Three: Nico

"Where are you going?" Dad had come out of the kitchen and glared at me.

"Out," I'd replied.

"You're going to your uncle's wake, Nico!" Dad had yelled and I'd slammed the front door closed before turning back to him.

"When will you stop telling me what to do?" I'd yelled back, throwing my jacket on the couch. The house hadn't changed in five f*****g years.

"When you decide to stop being an arsehole!"

"You call me the arsehole? Who's the one who dragged my arse out of here five years ago with no f*****g explanation, then decided to drag it back five days ago?" I'd snapped, feeling the familiar ripple of anger through me.

"You watch your language, Nicolas. Grandma won't put up with your swearing like me."

"Why didn't you let me stay? Why make me come back?" I'd yelled.

"I would have thought you'd want to be here for her? You made a big enough deal of it five years ago. I thought you prided yourself on being her protector?" Dad had sounded snide and I knew he was trying to get a rise out of me, give me some perspective, put me in my place, despite how serious he was being.

"Why the hell would I care about her?" I scoffed sarcastically. "You didn't seem to care when I didn't want to leave her then."

"Nico, it was for your own good. You can't tell me you didn't realise what could have happened?" he'd asked, his tone pleading.

I'd blinked. "What the f**k are you on about, old man?"

Dad had sighed and run a hand through his hair as he paced. "You were too close to her, Nico."

"What?" I'd laughed incredulously. "You talk like you thought I would have claimed her. She was a f*****g kid, Dad! I wasn't going to claim her."

"It's irrelevant what you would or wouldn't have done, the two of you are forbidden," I'd heard Grandma's voice and turned around. She was stealthy, that one.

"We're what?" I'd asked, looking between them and having no idea what kind of stupid fantasy world I'd landed back in.

"Forbidden. Don't tell me you've become an i***t and don't grasp the concept," Grandma had said wryly, one eyebrow rising in question.

"No, I'm not an i***t-"

"Could have fooled me," Dad had muttered.

I ignored the jibe and focussed on the other thing. "What the hell do you mean, forbidden? Why would we need to be forbidden?"

"Darius has forbidden it, do not ask me why," she'd said, like that answered my damned question. I looked to Dad, hoping he had something more for me.

"It doesn't matter who forbid what, Grandma. I'm not going to claim Lys," I'd answered, grabbing my jacket and walking out the door.

I was sure I'd heard her say, "yeah, wait until you see her again before you make such promises, my boy."

I'd thought she was the f*****g i***t as I'd let her and Dad take me to her place for Uncle Ben's wake. But, then I'd walked into Grandma's backyard and I'd seen her. She'd been standing alone and somehow I knew she'd been looking for me, like she'd known I was there. Even from a distance, I'd seen the emotions cross her face in quick succession; joy, pain, fear, and something else.

I'd felt my heart race as she took two steps towards me, but it had plummeted when she'd stopped. I'd thought it would never beat again when she'd shaken her head and run towards the trees. I'd gone after her before I knew what I was doing, even though Dad and Grandma called out to me to stop.

And now, I stood in front of her, and had no f*****g idea what to say. I didn't even know why I was there.

The girl in front of me was my Lys, but what she elicited in me was nothing I'd ever felt before. It didn't take a genius to realise Lys was a woman now. She'd filled out spectacularly and seemed to have no shame in flaunting it. Her breasts were round and perky, her waist small, and her hips were a disconcertingly perfect width. What used to be wild blonde hair now fell in tamed curls that I longed to run my fingers through, and her blue eyes shone bright with unshed tears.

She stepped back and I felt myself step forward involuntarily as though an invisible line connected us.

An odd feeling coursed through me and I wondered if there was any merit to Dad and Grandma's words before. No, surely not. I wasn't going to claim Lys, she was like a cousin to me, she was just someone I'd cared for a long time ago, someone I'd taken care of. Besides, if Darius said we were forbidden, then we were forbidden. It didn't matter why and it didn't matter what either of us felt about the matter; that was it.

But, well aside from that, it didn't matter because I didn't want to claim her.

I just wanted her to stop looking at me like she didn't know me. But, then I realised, she didn't know me, she didn't know who I'd become. I wasn't the same person I'd been at seventeen-years-old when I'd left her. Just like she wasn't the same girl- no, woman that I remembered. Not in the least, because I could see bruises fading on her skin. Bruises I would have noticed earlier had I not been trying to calm something unfamiliar in me.

I took another step forwards, the old familiar panic shooting through me at the idea of her hurting. She held her ground, her jaw clenched in that old familiar way and she still didn't let the tears fall. She'd always been so strong, so much stronger than any other human I knew. And, I'll admit, I hadn't bothered getting to know a whole lot of them; a few kids at school had been about it.

"What the hell happened?" I heard myself ask through gritted teeth as I took another step forward.

"Nothing, I'm fine," she replied in that crisp clear voice I'd never forgotten. It had deepened a little over the years and sent an altogether inappropriate thrill through me.

"You're not f*****g fine, what happened?" I snapped, taking another step forward.

She frowned at my tone, but took a step toward me this time, defiance in every fibre of her being. The wolf in me flexed.

Then, the wind changed and I caught her scent. I felt my wolf strain against my skin like he was going to erupt regardless of no full moon, and a low growl rumbled from me unbidden. She smelled the same as I remembered, like vanilla and a scent that was entirely her own I couldn't describe as being anything but home. But, there was another scent on her I recognised all too well that had me fighting to keep control over myself. Blood pounded in my ears and I clenched my fists in an effort to stop me running off and laying into him.

I saw her eyes widen and wondered how much of that side of our world she'd seen. Probably more than she realised and more than I would have liked. A flicker of recognition crossed those beautiful blue eyes, then she smirked. She had the gall to f*****g smirk at my response. She hadn't grown out of being able to read me like a book.

"Something funny, baby girl?" I asked slowly.

Her smirk shut down. "You lost the right to call me that five years ago, Nicolas Renaud," she replied, crossing her arms under her breasts. Not that I was complaining at the way they were pushed up.

"You and Mark spending a lot of time together, then?" I kept my words slow, forced myself to breathe, despite the clamour in my head that was calling for Mark's blood.

This was not good. I knew what this kind of rage meant and it had no place between me and Lys. It wasn't something I was supposed to feel, not something I wanted to feel. I tried to bury it. I almost succeeded, but then she laughed.

"So, what if we do?"

I had her pinned to a tree before I realised I'd moved. I breathed heavily as I looked down at her. Damn, she was still so small, so fragile. I felt something in me more powerful than rage, but I tried to ignore it, focus on the rage. I noticed her breath came short as well and there was something in her eyes that called to me, something foreign but so familiar, so strong it almost ripped me apart.

"If he touched you..." I growled. I thought I saw fear in her eyes, but it was only that steely defiance she always showed through all those years I'd tried to get her to be careful.

"It was just a bit of fun, nothing serious," she answered and something ugly tightened in my stomach while my wolf beat against the inside of my head.

"What the hell constitutes a bit of fun these day, Lys?" I asked, my voice barely more than a growl.

I knew exactly what had constituted a bit of fun before I left, and I wasn't letting her get mixed up in that. Just because lycanthus were a little more...sexually expressive, shall we say? There was a s****l freedom among lycanthus that would probably be looked on by the human population as wrong, vulgar, irresponsible even. But, that was how we were, we had a different culture. Even so, there was no way in hell I was going to stand for Lys being involved in any of that. I was going to kill Stacey if she'd let her best friend get pawed by one of those cretins.

Lys blushed and looked down. "None of your business."

"Alyssa," I growled.

She looked up and met my eyes defiantly. And, my wolf f*****g felt it. "Nicolas?"

I hit the tree next to her head hard enough to break skin, but she didn't even flinch.

"Rant and rail all you like, but you have no control over who I spend my time with and what I spend it doing. You're not my protector anymore."

"How far did it go, Lys?"

She looked for something in my eyes. Whatever she found made her sigh. "I don't sleep with him, if it means that much to you."

I blinked, trying to get my head around that while my wolf hounded me for the blood of whoever she did sleep with. "With him? Who the f**k do you sleep with then?"

She shook her head and looked like she was about to try to push me away, but stopped, knowing it would have been futile. "That is certainly none of your business."

"And, the bruises?" God help whoever gave them to her; lycanthus could get a little...crazy, shall we say, in bed, not that it mattered when the only ones involved were lycanthus. Add a human into the mix, though?

"Accident," she said pulling me back to the present situation.

"What kind of accident?"

"It doesn't matter."

"It f*****g does. I don't think you realise just how much it's taking for me to not lose control right now, baby girl..." My tone warned her not to mess with me right now.

She narrowed her eyes at me in a way I'd never seen her do before. She'd always hated me telling her what to do, but she'd never looked at me like she was now. She'd never looked at me like she hated me.

"It seems I haven't grown out of my penchant for riding into oncoming traffic," she said, her tone icy. "I seem to forget no one looks out for me anymore."

If she intended to make me feel guilty, she succeeded. But, that guilt was replaced by intense anger when she lifted her arm to push back her hair in that familiar manner and I saw what was on her wrist. I grabbed it and glared at her.

"If that's Mark's-"

She slapped me with enough force my head whipped sideways and, had it been a full moon, I would have rolled over and bared my back-flipping stomach for her in total submission. I looked back to her, telling every single part of me to get a grip and stand down. We both breathed heavily, but she spoke first, anger flaring in her eyes.

"You watch your next words, Nicolas," she said, almost breathlessly.

I felt her shaking and I worried for a moment that she was afraid of me, but she wasn't. She was actually just that angry with me. Had she been anyone else, I would have crushed my mouth to hers and had her right there. And, she wouldn't have been the first to awaken the wolf in me with anger. But, she was the first to awaken that fierce a lust in me and I was barely containing myself.

The hand of the wrist I still held clenched into a fist and the Lys in front of me wasn't one I recognised. There was nothing familiar about her except the colour of her eyes; her face was hard, her eyes full of hate and mistrust, and I felt her body ready to run if she thought she needed to.

"What the f**k happened to you?" I wondered.

"The guy who vowed to protect me forever left. But, I stupidly expected him to come back at any moment. Ride that dirt bike, and he'd be there to catch me when I fell. But, no, broken leg. Fight with the cubs and he'd save me from the blow I missed. No, broken arm. Fling myself off monkey bars, or gym equipment, and he'd be there to tell me to stop or prevent more injuries. But, no and no. Bruises, sprains, broken bones. Maybe if I didn't pay attention to where I was riding then he'd pull me off my bike before the car hit me? But, no. He. Was. Never. There."

My heart constricted painfully as her words hit me. I should have been there to stop her, to take care of her. But, I hadn't, because the adults had seen something we'd both been too young to see and they'd decided to separate us. Well, I wasn't too young now, and she was too angry to notice it. If I could get a handle on myself, then she wouldn't have to see it and I could pretend it wasn't there. I wouldn't fail her twice. I could protect her from whatever stupid s**t she tried to get herself into in the future.

"Where the hell were you?" she asked, accusation heavy in her tone, and I looked into eyes that held so much pain.

The pain I might have been able to deal with, but it was the distrust that undid me.

"It's complicated, Lys..." I said softly, looking down at her and begging her to forgive me.

"Don't give me that. We were family. Nothing's too complicated for family. But, you left. No explanation, no contact, nothing. You left me, Nico. You promised you'd always be there and you weren't. My wolves aren't supposed to leave me, they're not..."

She stopped, looking at me like she couldn't see me, like her whole world had crumbled around her and she didn't know how to live in it anymore. She looked like everything she knew in her life had betrayed her and there was nothing left but a shell.

I hadn't cried since I was about four, but her sorrow was about to ruin that streak and I felt something inside me shatter. I caught her as her legs gave way and lowered us to the ground. She breathed erratically, like she couldn't get enough air. I pulled her into my lap the way I used to and held her tight. I rubbed her back the way she used to like and looked up at the sky to give me strength; I'd never been good at this emotional s**t, but I'd never been able to sit back while she hurt. I just hoped my brand of comfort still worked on her.

"You're okay; just take a deep breath, baby girl."

Her breath hitched and I was pretty sure she had zero control over anything at this point.

I kissed her temple. "Come on, Lys, it's okay. Please, big breath."

She took a shaky breath in, but it caught and I felt her body start to tremble.

I caught her chin and made her look at me, but her eyes were still unfocussed.

"Lys, I need you to look at me, baby girl. Can you do that, see me, Lys. I'm here," I said and I saw her eyes clear a little.

My wolf fairly wanted to smack me upside the head for bringing this on her, but he also wanted to wrap her in our arms and never let her go. I felt the familiar tremors ripple through me and hated the idea of the intensity she'd see in my eyes. But, f**k it, I needed her to know I was there.

She blinked, confusion replacing the lack of focus, and I felt her fingers on my cheek. I took her hand, not looking away from her eyes. I had her with me and her breathing was steadying, but I could lose her again at any moment.

"Lys, I'm here, okay? I'm here."

"Why?" she asked softly.

"It's-"

"If you say complicated, I'm going to hit you."

I wanted to smile at the fact she was still so strong, even in her darkest hour. "No, it's just not really my place to talk about it, I guess."

She tilted her head to the side as though putting the pieces together. "Uncle Sam's responsible for us now."

"Uh, yeah...guess it's not that big a secret..."

"But, why are you here? Why did you leave?"

I leant my forehead against hers and closed my eyes, just needing to breathe her in. Mark's scent was fading and all that was Lys invaded my senses, curling around me like she was made just for me. God, she was so close, but she wasn't for me. She couldn't be my mate if Darius had forbidden us; that was just a fact. Alyssa Hoffman wasn't my mate, period. But, I'd be damned if my wolf wasn't trying very strongly to convince me.

"Nico...look at me."

I shook my head, knowing what she'd see if I did. She might not have been lycanthus, but she'd recognise the look in my eyes when she saw it. The fact I could feel it so palpably, I'd be very surprised if she couldn't.

She kissed my cheek gently and my eyes flew open of their own accord and found hers. Something passed through her eyes and I knew she'd understood what she'd seen in mine. Jesus, the way they felt, I was sure they were blazing hot yellow.

"Why did you leave?" she asked again.

I shook my head. I couldn't lie to her and tell her I didn't know. Yesterday, I hadn't really known. But, the pain at leaving so abruptly had made me angry and I couldn't bring myself to contact her. Then, I felt more awkward and angry about it as the years passed. I could only imagine what she thought of me.

"Why are you back?" I heard the other question in her voice, but couldn't bring myself to answer it, no matter how hard my wolf howled within.

"Because you needed me, Lys."

She laughed, but it was without humour. "I've needed you for five years, Nico..."

Fuck, please don't let that mean what it sounds like...what I want it to...

"I'm here now, Lys, and I'm not leaving again."

"Yeah, well, when I'm old and decrepit and your hulking arse is still by my side, then I'll believe it." Her self-depreciating smile fell. "He's gone..."

I wrapped my arms around her, telling my wolf to shut up as hers wound around my shoulders, and she buried her face in my neck.

"Just let it out, baby girl," I said softly, knowing she needed to cry, needed to mourn.

I felt wet warmth on my neck and she shook silently. I leant against the tree behind us and she snuggled against me like old times. I just let her cry, holding her and kissing her cheek, until she ran out of energy and she fell asleep against me.

No one came looking for us, but I'd sensed Grandma in the shadows and given her a steely glare. I was angry that she hadn't told me the truth five years ago. I'd been seventeen for God's sake, I could have handled it. Maybe, if I'd known, things would be different, I wouldn't have been blind-sided by her now; I would have contemplated the idea of claiming her and it would be out of my system, I'd be over it. I would have known it was stupid before my wolf tried telling me otherwise.

I thought back to the night before Dad had packed us up and moved us.

Mark had been sniffing around Lys in a different way than usual. He'd shown more interest in her, stuck closer, and I'd sensed his intentions possibly before he'd even realised them. I'd felt that something come over me then, but I'd just thought it was...well, you know, because she was Lys and she was family and I looked after family.

Maybe it wasn't?

Fuck, of course it wasn't.

How had I been so stupid that I didn't see the inevitable hurtling towards me like a f*****g freight train? But, I could ignore it. She needed me and I could do what needed to be done so I could stay with her. Humans had a lifespan of what, ninety years, on average? I could totally put my feelings aside for that long and watch as she made a life with someone else.

I leant my head back on the tree and sighed.

Because I needed my life to be more difficult. I needed to want quite possibly the only female, human or lycanthus or anything, that was forbidden to me.

"Nice going," I muttered to myself, vowing I would find out why the hell we were forbidden.

Maybe if I knew, it would make it easier to ignore the deafening call she seemed to have for me.

She shifted in her sleep and I held her tightly, settling in for the night. I knew I'd wake the next morning with the familiar sore neck I used to get when I stayed with her. But, I wouldn't change a damn thing.