Forever and Always

Chapter Twenty Eight: Archer

Archer

My head is pounding and f**k, what is it so damn bright? I have black out curtains for a damn reason. What the hell is going on? I groaned, pushing myself off the bed, shook my head to wake up and looked around my room.

Wait…

This isn’t my room.

I quickly pushed my self onto my knees and turned around, looking at everything. I’m in a hotel room and the shower is running. What the f**k happened? Why the hell am I naked? Oh my gosh.

No.

No.

No.

This cannot be happening.

Everything last night quickly came back to me, making me freeze. I remember going to the bar and drinking like a damn fish. I remember the beautiful woman that came to me and helped me to bed and that’s all I remember.

Who the hell was the girl?

Fuck. f**k. I’m such a jackass. How could I do this to her? How could I do this to us?

I quickly jumped out of bed, panicking, ignoring my throbbing head and looked for my clothes only to find them in the corner, folded neatly and warm. Why are they warm? What the hell is going on? I grabbed my boxers and slipped them quickly. I needed to get the f**k out of here. Jo’s going to freaken murder me in my sleep.

I rushed around the room, looking for my phone and found it under the bed. Crawling to grab it, I called Dylan because I didn’t know who else to call. f**k. Hopefully he can help me or something. Or maybe hide me?

“Hey broski.” He mumbled on the phone with what sounded like a full mouth of food, “I’ve been meaning to call you but I figured you would want a day to yourself and Jo.”

“Dyl…” I whispered, trying not to panic, “I need help.”

“What’s wrong? What happened?” I could hear the seriousness in his voice, “Who do I have to hurt?”

“I messed up.” I choked out, holding in the other emotions that wanted to spill, “I messed up bad and I don’t think I can fix it.”

“Where are you?”

“I…I…I don’t know.” I mumbled, “A hotel room.”

He paused for a moment, making me wonder what the hell was going on before he spoke again, “A…hotel room?”

“Yeah.”

“Where did you go last night?” he asked.

“The same bar as last time this happened.” I mumbled.

“Freaken a’ Archer. Seriously? Why the hell would you do that?”

“Because, my life is fuckin’ over!” I snapped, “Because I just found out what happened five years ago and I’m freaking the hell out because she insinuated…” and that’s when I paused as the sound of the door to the bathroom opening, a cloud of steam came out. I gulped and looked at her, hanging up on Dylan because now, it’s time to face my demons, even if I didn’t want to. He’ll get over it.

But there, in front of me, stood a woman, gorgeous, blonde, with soft blue eyes, all wrapped in a giant white towel all around her body, smiling at me, but that’s not what stopped me. It was the sadness that came with the smile. Why the hell is she here? I’m so confused but f**k, I needed to get out of here as soon as possible. I can’t be around her. Someone like me can’t be here.

“Hey.” I whispered as I bent over and slipped my pants on, “What are you doing here?” I asked avoiding eye contact.

“Well, someone was incredibly stupid last night.” She rolled her eyes, “So I went to you to take care of you before you did something stupid, but I guess I didn’t make it in time, because here you are.”

“Sorry. I really don’t know what else to say except I’m a huge f**k up.” I mumbled, grabbing my shirt and slipping it on before sitting down and putting on my shoes. Where the hell are my socks, “I’m um, I’m going to go…”

“Why?” she crossed her arms over her chest, pushing her plump, gorgeous breasts just a bit high in the towel. I could feel myself getting half chub, but I gulped and looked away before I did something stupid.

“You know why.” I mumbled, “I…I need to go and figure things out.”

“It’s a bit late for that, isn’t it?” she questioned, c*****g her eyebrow at me, “Besides, I need you with me to go to the doctors today.”

“Why?” my eyes widened, “Did we? Did we have s*x and you regret it? Did you want…to take precautionary measures because of what happened to me?”

She rolled her eyes and groaned, “No.” was all she said.

“No that we didn’t have s*x or no you don’t want precautionary measures…”

“You’re being ridiculous. Can we sit down and talk about what happened last night?” she asked as she stepped closer to me, but I took a step back and there was instant hurt in her eyes.

“Um, there are things you don’t know but I need to go and we need to talk about what happened yesterday after I dropped you off at your place. But I I think after we talk, maybe we should take some time for ourselves?” I mumbled, dropping my head and shaking it, “I think this is best for us. We should just…live peacefully and go on with our lives.”

“Is that what you want? Because that’s not what I want.” I looked up at her and her lips were trembling, “That’s not remotely what I want and I didn’t pack up mine and Jamie’s entire life to come here and face you just for you to walk away and give up.”

“I don’t know what you know, Jo, but last night…last night…” I closed my eyes, gathering the courage I had in me to say this, because once I tell her what happened, because once I do, I’m going to lose her forever, “I went to the bar and drank. I drank even though I told myself I wouldn’t do that again, but I needed something to numb myself from what you guys told me. I needed something to take it all away, even if it’s just for one night and the next thing I remember was this woman, coming over to me and talking to me.”

“Okay…” Jo mumbled, as she went over to the bed and sat down at the end.

“No! Get off the bed.” She jumped immediately after I freaked out. I didn’t want her to sit there. I couldn’t That would be so wrong on so many levels. Her eyes widened as she held the towel to her body tighter, “Just um…sit here.” I said, getting off the chair as I went to the bed, avoiding her eyes. If anyone was going to sit in the mess I made, it’s going to be me and not her. I couldn’t look at her.

“Archer, there is something I need to tell you.” She shook her head, but I cut her off.

“No. I need to tell you this first. I have to even though it’s going to kill me.” I bit my lip and looked down at the carpet, “The woman, I’ll be honest and I hate that I’m saying this, but I remember calling her gorgeous.” I winced at the thought, “I remember telling her that we should go to bed. She asked about you and I told her…I told her you deserved better than me and I wanted this and that it’s been five years. Jo…I don’t… fuck.” I groaned, slamming my eyes shut and shaking my head, “I woke up fuckin’ naked in bed. God damn it! What the hell did I do? I couldn’t control my d**k for one drunken night? I’m such a dumbass.” I yelled as she jumped.

“Can I speak now?” she asked quietly, coming over to me and kneeling in front of me. Her soft hands went on my knees and started to rub them to calm me down as she tilted her head slightly to look up at me, “There is so much I need to tell you right now, and you’re going to sit there and listen to me.”

“You should be screaming at me. You should slap me for what I did.” I mumbled before looking up at her, “f**k, Jo. You shouldn’t be with me right now because I had s*x with another woman that wasn’t you.”

“Can you pause, damnit?” she glared at me as she stood up to her feet and placed her arms on her hips, “Take a moment and really think about what happened last night after you dropped me off. What did you do?”

“I left you and went to the bar…” I whispered.

“Okay, and you drank.”

“A lot…”

“And you saw a girl?”

“Yeah. She was with a friend. I told her she was gorgeous and basically asked if we could have s*x. She helped me to the room and I woke up naked…”

“Can I tell you how my night went, now? Please?” she rolled her eyes at me as I glared, “Don’t give me that look. I’m about to clear everything up for you right now, because once you really take the time and think about what happened and what I’m about to say, you’re going to kick yourself in the ass.”

She turned around and went to the table, grabbing a pair of white lace panties. She turned her back to me and dropped her towel, standing there, butt fuckin’ naked. I stood up, wanting to go to her and throw her ass on the bed, especially when she bent over and gave me a teasing full view of what I wanted to devour before slipping on her panties and putting on a matching bra.

As she continued to get dressed, she told me everything that happened last night, “You left me at home without talking to me about how you were feeling and I get that. But you distanced yourself from me instantly. I just wish we would have talked and if that was truly what you wanted, then I would have respected that. But something else felt…off and I knew there was something wrong when I got a call from Gage telling me the bartender that just got off shift called him to tell him you were getting plastered. So, him and Taylor came and picked me up and we went there to get you before you fall on your face or something.”

“s**t, Jo. Did you see me with her? f**k. I promise I was just drunk. I don’t know what I was saying and to who. I don’t know why I did what I did. I mean, I do, but it’s dumb.”

She rolled her eyes and pulled on her dress, “I walked into the bar with Gage and Taylor and you were there, laying your head on the bartop, groaning. I came over and grabbed your shoulder and that’s when you looked at me and told me I was gorgeous and I told you, you were drunk. I did it all with a damn smile because I freaken love you.” She sighed as she slipped on some flats, flipped her hair over and threw it up in a messy bun, “You asked if we were going to bed when I helped you up. I looked at Taylor and she shook her head and Gage looked pissed, especially after I asked you about your girlfriend because I wanted to know where your mind was at…

…I shouldn’t have done that, but I needed to know. You walked away from me without a word and you know, drunken words are sober thoughts. You wanted to have s*x with the gorgeous girl you met at the bar because it’s been over five years and you said your girlfriend, me, deserves better than you. You’re damaged and broken and needs a man that can give her everything she wants and needs and that’s not you. It hurt. It freaken hurt, Archer, but I chalked it up to what happened because of Tara…

…so, we got this hotel room because you looked green and were about to spew everywhere. It’s the hotel around the corner, by the way, so Gage and Taylor helped me get you here and as we walked through the front door of the hotel, you puked…all over me. Gage got the room while we helped you upstairs and when we got inside, you sat on the floor against the wall, smiling up at me. You kept telling me how pretty I was and how much you wanted me while I stripped you out of your clothes. You stood up in your boxers and went to the bed, pulled them down, gripped your d**k and asked if I would suck it to give you a release before you passed out naked on the bed. So, like the good ex-girlfriend I am, because apparently that’s what you wanted to do, you know, break up with me so sleep with a stranger, I tucked your butt in while I waited for Taylor to bring me a change of clothes…

…and when she brought me some jammies, I washed our clothes so you had something to wear tomorrow, because I was hoping you would wake up and realize what you did. I woke up, took a shower so I would be awake for my appointment today when you woke up and freaked out thinking you slept with someone else.”

“So, I didn’t?” I asked with wide eyes, relieved.

“No. Of course you didn’t. You called ME gorgeous, not some stranger. You wanted ME to suck you off, but I didn’t because I wasn’t going to do that with you when you were piss ass drunk. You thought you slept with ME but at the same time, you told ME that I deserved better and you were willing to sleep with someone else.”

“s**t. Fuck.” I stood up and walked over to her, grabbing her hand, but she pulled away, “Crap, Jo. I’m so sorry. I’m so damn sorry.”

“I know.” She whispered, “And I forgive you for everything you said, but Archer, you need help.” She looked up at me with tears in her eyes, “What you learned about Tara is traumatizing, especially since you don’t remember what happened. I don’t fault you for your behavior, because it’s how you coped, but Archer…you were so distraught you wanted to throw what we had away in an instant without talking to me or getting help. You assumed I would leave you. You assumed I didn’t want you when in reality, I want to be there for you. You basically dumped me.”

“I never said those words, though.”

“You didn’t have to in the exact way.” She walked over to the other table and grabbed her purse, “I love you more than anything, Arch. I really do. I want to be there for you. I fought for you, literally. I beat the s**t out of Tara and I would do it again in a heartbeat. I even reached out to Celeste, you know, the therapist that was helping some of the guys throughout the years and she is willing to talk to you about it. I even spoke with Aiden about Tara and he’s going to let me sit in on the interrogation and hear more what happened so we can get to the bottom of things. I did all this while you slept last night because I am so worried about you.”

“I don’t know how to handle this.” I sighed.

“I know you don’t, but I want to help you.” She came over and grabbed my hands, getting on her toes and kissing my cheek, “I want to be there for you but you need to let me in. I can’t help you if you won’t let me.”

“I don’t want to burden you.”

“Burden me, damnit.” She snapped slightly before shaking her head and walking to the door, “I want you to burden me. I want you to bother me. I want to hold your hand through this whole thing and help you get answers and I would do anything to get them. Hell, Arch, if Tara wants me arrested for assault, she could do it, and I would happily go to jail because I defended you.”

“I…I don’t know, Jo.” I looked away, “I love you, but this, this is too much for me right now.”

“What’s too much?”

I was silent for a bit, not wanting to answer her because I knew the answer would hurt her, but I had to be honest. I owed it to us to be that at least, “Are you going to keep Jamie from me?”

“Never.” She shook her head as she wiped away a tear, “I would never do that to you, no matter what happens to us.”

I nodded, “thank you.”

“Yeah. Um, listen. I have to go. I have an appointment at the hospital that I can’t miss and well, just know I’m here for you no matter what.” She opened the door and was about to leave me alone in the room, but paused, looking over her shoulder one last time, “Is this what you really want, Archer?”

“No, but it has to happen like this until I get my head sorted.”

“I respect that decision. Just remember, I love you.”

“I know. I love you too, but promise me something.”

“Anything.”

“I don’t know how long it’s going to take to get over this. I have some things to work through, but I want you to be happy. If you…” the pain in my chest came and it hurt like a motherfucker. I was about to say something I wish never crossed my mind, but I can’t hold her back, “If you…if you find someone you connect with and want to explore that connect, go for it.”

“Arch…”

“Explore it. It could be days, weeks, months, years, but if we get a chance to be together again, I want to be in it, one hundred percent. But if I miss my chance and you find someone, I just ask you tell me so I don’t hear it from someone else and that I always stay in Jamie’s life.”

She shook her head and looked way, “Yeah. Sure. Um, come by later tonight for dinner. There’s going to be some people over and we’re having a fire before Sawyer, Finn, Aiden, Luna and the kids leave for New York for the week.”

I closed my eyes, gave her a nod as she walked out the door, leaving me alone in the hotel room. I went to the bed, sat down, and fell onto my back, my hand running down my face, groaning. s**t. I’m stupid. What the f**k did I just do? I reached out my hand to feel around for my phone and when I grabbed it, I called Dylan.

“Don’t hang up on me again.” He demanded, “Now, tell me what the hell happened?”

“Can I come over?” I mumbled.

“You okay?”

“Not in the slightest.”

And right now, I just needed my brother because he could help me put everything in perspective before I lose the best thing that’s ever happened to me.