Beautiful Mess

"Eve!!" I smiled after hearing that familiar voice. Of all people, he's the only one calling me by that nickname. Why? I wonder why myself too. But I admit it makes my heart flutter every time he calls me Eve. From my name, EVErgreen. I was named after nature. I smiled widely as I turned around to him "Hey" I waved at him, and he waved back We decided to meet up and go to Sammy's house, to have fun. Like watching horror movies, which we always do. The three of us love horror movies. There should be five of us, but sadly, our other friends Christina and Keicy have strict parents, which is why we can only hang out at school. "???'? ??!" He shouted and started his motorcycle. I nodded and smiled at him. Gently, I sat behind him and held on to his shoulders. We're not a couple, so I don't hold on to his waist. That's very embarrassing, you know! I smiled widely as he finally started driving. He fetches me at my house every time we decide to hang out. There are only three of us, but it's great fun since all of us are very much alike. Sammy is one year older than me and he's my childhood bestie! He's a boy with a heart of a woman. He's really fun to be with. Christina well I'm not really close with her when we're still in 5th and 6th grade but we became really close when we're high schoolers. We share the same hobby and she's not the same quiet and shy girl anymore and I'm so happy about It! She's two years older than me. Then Kiecy! She's a gymnast and one year older than me. We get along especially when it comes to Mangas and manhwas! We fight jokingly often when we find a new husband. She's very funny and when you talk to her...Expect your stomach and throat to hurt from too much laughing! And lastly, the man I never thought would be a huge part of my life. He's my best friend, my brother, my father, my teacher and my clown. Maybe that's the reason why I fell in love with him. I looked at the man driving and secretly fantasize about him as my boyfriend. He's five years older than me but heck! Who cares!? Rich Dior, the only man who can make me understand life more than my parents does. He said that every time he looks at me, he sees his younger self. I'm like his girl version. I met him two years ago when I was thirteen and I joined taekwondo. It wasn't easy and I nearly quit but then I heard him shout a word than only webs like me can understand and I was at shock! The hell!? he just shouted something that's very Insulting! And only If the gal knew what's the meaning behind those words. He'd be kicked in the ass Wanna know what he shouted? He just shouted, 'Small boobs!' In a Japanese language at the girl, he's talking with. Gosh! What a bully, I shook my head and smirked. I don't know why but even though he shouted something Insulting but why does it give me butterflies? And I don't know what entered my head and bam! I just knew that I'm walking towards him and approached him! I looked so freaking desperate! But I shrugged away the embarrassment and I talked to him. He's the reason why I did not quit taekwondo that time and now? We're best friends! I can't deny that he really is such a bully! He calls me different nicknames like shorty, elf, loli, dwarf and it irritates me but when he calls me silly nicknames he gives me, my heart Instantly pumps lots of blood and my face turns red. I'm still fifteen but why do I feel like this? I really fell for him and the love I had for him is a secret I kept from him. Only me, Sammy, Christina and Kiecy knew about my feelings. Sometimes they tease me and yes! It gives me butterflies. I stared and smiled at the house Infront of us. I'm not rich like my best friends and I'm not as smart as them. Sammy's mother Is a teacher while his late father is a soldier. Christina's mother Is a teacher while her father Is a businessman. Keicy's mother works under a department and his father fixes water pipes problems. Ang lastly Kuya Rich's late mother Is teacher. A very smart teacher to be precise. She once entered in a national math competition. And his father once used to be a yakuza's right hand. Yakuzas are like mafias in Japan. You think they only exist in fiction? No bruh! They really exist In reality, Pretty cool but I don't know why his father stopped. And it's pretty awesome that right now I'm friend with a former Yakuzas' son, Rich Dior. Kuya Rich may be playful and is a real prankster but his smart It's just that his really playful that sometimes oumm-- let's not talk about It. He's someone I look up to from his point of view about life. His Father married another woman a year after his biological mother died but he doesn't mind about It. He's a good person If you know every single bit of him. He's not as bad as people think he Is. Despite all the bad rumors about him, he continued living his life not giving a f**k about those gossipers. And that's one thing I admire about him. Though he's not vocal about It, he attempted to commit suicide several times, but you know what? I'm glad that someone stops him from doing that. All I could do is to comfort him through chats. I can't hug him and tap his back because we live faraway from each other. I came back to my senses when I heard his voice "??? ?????? ?? ?? ????" He asked and stared at me I gulped. Ilang minuto ba akong tulala? "??? ????? ????? ????? ???-???? ?? ???? ???? ???????? ?? ???? ????? ?? ???????" Iiling-iling na aniya "????? ??" I jokingly said "??? ????? ??? ?????" he tsked and smirked I squinted my eyes on him. Kung hindi lang kita mahal baka ginawa na kitang barbeque stick!! "??????? ?????!" I sticked out my tongue at him Walking stick Is the nickname I gave him. I made It up myself and I'm the only who can call him that just like how he is the only one who can call me Eve. Pumasok na kami sa loob ng bahay ni Sammy and he welcomed us with a smile. "??????!" She jumped like a kid, and I hugged her tight. She returned my hug. Just so you all know I address her as she and not as a he because she doesn't like being addressed like that "??????!" I exclaimed like we haven't seen each other for decades kahit na nagkita naman kami kahapon sa palengke "???? ????" she looked at Kuya Rich and gave him a hug too Just so for you all to know nag ku-kuya din ako sa kaniya. He's five years older than me kaya natural lang na mag kuya ako. Sa aming lima ako ang pinaka bata. To them I'm their younger sister but I act as their mother especially to Sammy and Christina. Sammy can be flirtious sometimes that I have to pull her away from guys. I'm also her protector. You know gays get bullied that's why my fist Is always ready in case something bad happens to her. I can't afford to see her cry. As for you all to know. Kapag umiiyak si Sammy ay umiiyak din ako. And Christina. She's very problematic and have a really low self-esteem and I'm always there to support her, she runs to me every time she's got a problem. Not to brag but she's only open with me. I'm really happy doing these small things to them. This is all that I could at least do for them. "???? ?? ??? ???? ???????? ?????" I heard kuya Rich's sighs and It brought me back to reality "???? ???????? ???????" Sammy asked with her worried voice Did I forgot to mention? They also help me when I have problems. Problems about myself, Problems about my studies, Problems about the world and Problems about my family. I admit that my family Is as dark as the night sky with no clouds. No stars. And no moon. Just complete darkness. There's no sense of love at all that I sometimes envy my best friends with the kind of family they have. while me? I'm the black sheep. I shook my head in response to Sammy's question. "???????. ???-???? ?? ???? ???? ????? ??? ????? ??" I jokingly said to lift up the atmosphere As much as possible I don't want to drag them with my problems. Just like we always do when we hang out. We eat lunch together. Watch horror movies and chit chat then laugh like idiots and sometimes we karaoke in Sammy's house. Tita doesn't mind naman but as much as possible we try to keep It down. Hindi maganda ang boses namin para iparinig sa buong baranggay. After all the happy moments. It's finally time to go home. Inihatid ako ni Kuya Rich sa bahay at nag ba-bye ako sa kaniya. Pagkapasok ko sa bahay ay sigaw ang sumalubong sa akin. Mama ang Papa are fighting again. They fight every day that I got traumatized. When they fight, they don't only use hurtful words. They also use sharp knives and such. Who wouldn't be traumatized? I peeked at them and as the time passes by my heart bleeds at the sight of them. Pumasok nalang ako sa kwarto ko at nagbihis. I plugged in my earphones and maxed out the volume so I could not hear my parents fighting. When will this end? When will I experience It? The love of the parents for their child? Tatlo kaming magkakapatid at ako ang panganay. Ako kang din ang babae sa amin. I closed my eyes as I listened to the music that I always listen whenever I feel at loss. I gasped some air and silently cried just like I always do. My parents don’t give a f**k about our feelings. They're so selfish! Bakit nga ba? Hindi ba kami pwedeng sumaya? Gaya ng ibang pamilya? Every night before I sleep, I always pray for a whole 'another family When will I experience it? that happy family? I closed my eyes as I listened to the song over and over again. No matter how much I enjoy myself... darkness won't leave me alone. Yes, I admit, masaya ako kapag kasama ko ang mga kaibigan ko and when the day ends. I'm back to my usual gloomy world. I sighed and sniffed. I wiped away my tears and hugged my knees. After crying, I felt empty. No pain, no happiness, no fear... just empty I closed my eyes as tiredness gulped me and I fell on a deep sleep. Can I sleep for eternity? Can I sleep forever so I won't suffer anymore? Anong kasalanan ba ang nagawa ko at nagka ganito ang buhay ko? Ang gulo-gulo! Alam kong Isang kasalanan ang kwestyunin ka pero bakit? Bakit ganito ang buhay ko ha!? Anong kasalanan ba ang nagawa ko sa nakaraang buhay ko at pinaparusahan mo ako ng ganito!? Panginoon bakit? Ang gusto ko lang naman ay mamuhay ng masaya. Mapayapa... Is happiness and love too much to ask for hmm? I don't want luxury! I just want a happy family, full of love and peace... Is that too much to ask for hmm?... Nagising nalang ako sa beep ng cellphone ko I slowly opened my eyes and stared at my phone. Anong oras na ba? I lazily reached my phone and turned off the audio Nakalimutan ko palang patayin yung music kagabi. I untangled the earphones on my neck ang put them on my study table. It's 4:30 in the morning. Nag-ayos na ako ng gamit at nag charge muna ng cellphone bago lumabas ng kwarto para magluto at maglinis ng bahay. After that I took a bath and put on my uniform. I looked at the wall clock. 5:47 Kumain na ako at nag ayos ng sarili bago kinuha ang bag ko at cellphone, bakas parin sa mga mata ko na galing ako sa pag-iyak dahil namamaga Ito. I unplugged my charger and kinuha ang baon ko na nasa altar. 6:25 Nag-paalam na ako at lumabas na ng bahay. Naglakad lang ako papunta sa school since hindi naman Ito malayo. Ng matanaw ko na ang gate mas binilisan ko pa ang paglalakad at ng aktong papasok ako ay pinigilan ako ng isang teacher. Sir Micon. I sighed He told me to guard the gate like he always asks me to do. Lunes na lunes tapos magpapaka haggard ako? Damn It! Hindi rin naman ako makaka tanggi. He's the SSG adviser. At hindi ako miyembro ng SSG! Isa lang akong Lady scout damn it! Lady scout is yung babaeng sumali ng boy scout. Ng tumalikod na Ito saken, i rolled my eyes at kumurap-kurap. Nakasimangot na nagbantay ako ng gate. Argh! This is the number one reason why I'm always late in my morning lessons. Nakaka-tangina. Kung sa susunod kaya ay magpanggap ako na may sakit? Tsk!