The Rebel

Amina-1

Amina

I’m going to run away. I’ve got no other choice left. I’ve done a lot of thinking lately, and came to the conclusion that there is no other solution. Unless I want to end up as Saud sheikh’s wife, I must leave my home, and as soon as possible, because they want the marriage to be in two weeks.

At first the thought came as a random one, due to my anger rather than my helplessness, but I didn’t take it seriously myself. Like when something seems so absurd that you don’t even see it as a real possibility. But as I was lying awake in my bed, night after night, torn between doubts, a passing thought became more and more specific, and what was unimaginable had turned out to be the only path to take. By now I have definitely come to understand that a loud protest was pointless, because no matter how I reason, there is nothing to change my father’s resolve. For a while I’ve only been sitting still at the family meals, never pleading with him anymore. It would make no sense. That I’ve realized wasn’t a good solution either.

Father has given the order to Nasirah if my appetite and mood don’t improve, then she should call the doctor to see me. What a laugh! As if the doctor, with his vitamin drops and humbugs could help my problem. So, I’ve decided to change my tactics. I will pretend to be resigned to the issue, and in the meantime, I will plan my escape. It’s quite complicated and very risky, but not impossible. I need money for it, lots and lots of money, but I think I can work it out. I have a lot of gold and gems; I couldn’t even put all of them on me. From our birth, on every single birthday and other holidays, father gives Rafa and I jewels. I have never found much joy in them, the sight of a diamond ring or emerald earrings has never given me any thrill, but dad never asks if we want these gifts. It’s perfectly normal that men in his position spoil their female family members with valuable jewellery. Everybody does that who can afford it, and I will make great use of it now. there is only one drawback: the jewels are shut away in the safe, and we only take them out if we wear one of them for an occasion. Even in my room there are a few gold necklaces and earrings, but the truly valuable items are locked away. Of course, I don’t know why, because, who would take the courage to break into a prince’s villa, but that’s how it is. Father is not concerned about these things, Nasirah is in charge of the family valuables, and she has the key to the safe as well. But I have a plan now how to coax her into opening it and make the treasury available to me.

The jewels notwithstanding, I will still need some cash, because it’s absolutely out of the question that here in Ras-al-Khaimah, I can turn them into money. I would be caught at once. I have a credit card just like Rafa, with which we can buy ourselves anything anytime, but I’m afraid the card will not help me once they find out that I have run away. My father will close the account the moment he realizes that I’m gone. I will need cash and a lot, so this is what I’ve come up with.

I will pretend to be shopping for my wedding and things for my future home. My father won’t even notice, on the contrary, he’ll be happy to see that I’ve been distracted from my depression and leave the house again every now and then. Financially speaking, he’s always been very generous with us, he never forced me to give account of what we spend our pocket money on. I do feel that this is wrong, that what I am going to do is a fraud, but I simply have no other choice. I will regularly take out money using shopping as an excuse, but instead of spending it, I will save it. Yesterday I had gone shopping with Selina and aunt Nadia at the most expensive shopping mall in Dubai, and I took a lot of money out of the bank machine. I was bored sick because, while aunt Nadia was sitting at the hair dresser’s, we spent half a day in cafes and restaurants, but other than a scarf, I bought myself nothing. Selina made big eyes when I stuck the cash into my bag without spending it. I owe her an explanation, but I’m not ready yet to share my plan with her. It’s going to be a painful conversation, and I must prepare for it.

I am cruising the internet, trying to find the most ideal way to escape, but the more research I do, the more despair is getting the better of me. I’m struggling between I’m not able to do it and anything but marriage with the sheikh. One moment I laugh at myself because the whole idea seems absolutely ridiculous, but in the evenings, when I sit at the table and Nasirah and Rafa are discussing my wedding, I get nauseous, and the plan of escaping suddenly seems sweeter than anything else. It’s terribly hard to give it a good face, what’s more, to pretend I have come to terms with the situation. My whole being, my soul, my heart protests against the smile I force on my face, but I have no choice. I’m a cheat. I am deceiving my family, I will be throwing them away, but what else can I do? I hate having to do this, but they are forcing me to. And what hurts the most is that I even have to lie to Hamid. It feels the worse to laugh to his face when my heart is breaking inside for not being able to be honest with him. A couple of times I was really close to doing that, but always changed my mind in the last minute. I can’t tell him what I’m planning to do.

＊

“Today I’d like to go shopping with Selina,” I blurt out at breakfast, and make a huge effort to sound calm, regardless of my heart beating like a jackhammer.

My father and Nasirah look at me with glittering eyes, and on Rafa’s face I even detect a little smile. It almost scares me how easy it is to deceive them. They are visibly happy about the change of heart; they don’t suspect anything. Only Hamid’s face remains severe, he even frowns as he studies my face. It’s a rare occasion that he has breakfast with us, this must also be a special occasion, because he has to speak to our father before dad leaves for a few days.

“Where do you want to go?” Nasirah asks, turning towards me, and she sounds genuinely interested.

Good heavens! She doesn’t want to come with us, does she? I hope not, or else my whole plan is ruined. My brain is feverishly working on a reply that would keep her away from joining us, but before I would open my mouth, she speaks up.

“Take Rafa with you. Your sister is very good with colours. I’m sure she can be of help to you.”

“Next time. She can join us next time, not now.” I interfere not too politely, at which Nasirah makes big eyes, and Rafa hangs her head with disappointment. I am close to pitying her, but it’s out of the question that I’m taking her with me. I feel somewhat guilty about my rudeness, so I try to make it better. “She would only be bored. We will be looking for underwear all day and…” I look at my father who shakes his head and scratches his beard as a sign of disapproval about my mentioning female underwear by the table, what’s more, in his presence. “And anyway,” I try to face, “I want to spend as much time as possible with Selina before the… wedding,” I squeeze the words out of me, but they burn my tongue like fire as I say them. I need all the will-power I can muster to hold back the urge for retching that comes over me.

“But Amina! You could still—” Nasirah is about to argue, but my father stops her with a move of his hand.

“Leave it. let them go,” he nods and turns towards me. “Buy anything you like, daughter. And if you can’t find anything that is to your liking, next week you can travel to Cairo or London, if you wish—"

When he mentions London, I feel like my heart is stopping. The blood turns to ice in my veins, for a few moments I can’t even move. I don’t even understand his words anymore, what he is saying is only reaching me as a blur. Now all I can think of is to get up from the table as soon as possible, to run off and close the door of my room on me. I have to arrange my thoughts, I must compose myself, or else they will start getting suspicious. Now dad is only talking about things like where Nasirah, Rafa and I could fly for shopping, that Hamid could accompany us if he can’t make it, and so on. When he begins to discuss how important it is to him that the sheikh should see that I get everything my heart wishes, I suddenly sober up, and strength return into me. I lift my eyes and hesitantly look over my family.

“Of course, only if you want it too,” Rafa now turns to me with glittering eyes, visibly waiting for an answer, I, however, have no idea what the question is.

“I, ehm… of course, as you wish,” I gabble, and smooth my forehead with embarrassment. I don’t dare look at him, but out of the corner of my eye I sense Hamid never taking his eyes off me. I feel awkward, not just in front of him, but the whole family. I want to get away as soon as I can. “But now I need to go and get ready so that Selina and I can leave in time. I don’t want to keep her waiting.”

“Who’s going with you?” asks my father with strictness, and I know he means a male companion.

I take a deep breath before answering, but Hamid beats me to it.

“I’ll take you.”

What? Absolutely no way!

“No,” I say abruptly and too loud, making them all stare at me with shock. It’s only on Hamid’s face where I see more hurt. “I mean… thank you, but you don’t need to waste your day on that,” I continue much more quietly, with a placating voice.

“No problem,” he presses on, almost piercing me with his stare. Damn sure he’s not buying my story. “I was going to, anyway.”

“Rashid is coming with us, everything has been arranged,” I cut it short before he would say something else, and quickly get up from my chair, to prevent any further arguments.

I say goodbye to my father and Nasirah, nod to Rafa, but don’t even dare look at Hamid, I just beat it from the dining hall as fast as I can. I run up the stairs as if being chased, and arrive in my suite out of breath. I rush to get dressed, I’m tense and agitated. As I fix the hijab on my head, with shaky fingers I call Selina. I want to be out of the palace quick as I can.

“What’s wrong, Amina? Has the plan changed?” my friend answers the call with a voice full of worry.

In the background I hear the buzz of an engine, which tells me they must be on their way. That puts me at ease.

“No, I only wanted to know when we’re leaving. Have you left yet?”

“We’ll be at your place in two minutes. But Amina—”

“Is it about Rashid?” I interrupt her with nervousness.

I know, as a matter of fact, that if her brother is not with her, then I will have no other choice but to ask Hamid to still take us to the shopping centre.

“He’s with me, though he’s pulling his face,” Selina answers. I sigh with relief. This is still easier, then having to tuck away all that cash with my brother behind my back. “he’s seeing a friend at Al Naeem, so no need to worry, he’ll be fine.”

“Cool. See you soon, then,” I answer, and end the call.

I cast another glance around my room, and my eyes are caught on my old plush bear. Poor Teddy, he fell a victim for my escape plan, as I’ve been hiding the cash and the jewels in his belly for a while. I run to him, and pulling the blue denim jacket up him, I make sure again that the little cut on his back is not noticeable. I take the bag and am already on my way out, to wait downstairs at the entrance. At the landing I almost get a heart attack, when I crash into Hamid. He grabs my wrist and yanks me back by force. What the hell is he doing here and why isn’t he dropping the issue?

“I’m in a hurry, Selina and Rashid are almost here,” I say quickly, and try to move on, but he won’t let go.

“What’s going on here, Mina?” he asks with suspicion, and my legs go wobbly. I sense that he is suspecting something.