The Rebel

Amina-2

“Nothing. We’re going shopping.”

He studies me with a frown.

“Since when has shopping been your favourite past time activity?”

“Since it became clear that I need to obtain a lot of things for my wedding,” I look into his face stubbornly, but I can’t bear his gaze too long. Tears well up in my eyes, I’m on the edge of crying. I bow my head. “Please, Hamid. Don’t make it even more difficult,” I whisper, devastated.

“What, Amina? What shouldn’t I make more difficult?”

Sniffing, I shake my head, for lack of words. Slowly, he lets go of my wrist, and withdraws a little.

I would have so much to tell him, but fear paralyzes my tongue. With every closer to enacting my plan, and what I spend with lies beforehand, the chasm is growing between us, and it hurts terribly. he is right here before me, so close that I could stretch out my arm and touch him, and yet… I’m already missing my brother.

“I need to go,” I whisper, sending him a little smile, and leave him at the corridor. by the time I reach the exit and step out into the unbearable heat, tears are streaming down my face.

＊

“How can you mean that?” Selina stares at me with mouth agape, the cup slips out of her hand, and half her coffee pours onto the saucer.

“As I said. I am going to escape.”

“You… escape?” she hisses between her teeth, and nervously looks around the almost empty cakeshop. Rashid and his friend are sitting at a nearby table, busy staring at the guy’s mobile phone. “But how do you plan to do it? Alone? Where? Without a passport? Without money?” she gabbles it off, but as she gets as far as the money, she suddenly goes quiet, and her gaze falls on my handbag which is now thoroughly stuffed with banknotes. “Oh, I get it,” she scratches her forehead, and with a big sigh she lays back in her seat. “But this is still a nightmare. Do you have any idea what danger you are exposing yourself to? As a woman, alone, without a male companion,” she lists with horror, and that’s what has brought us to the key part of my plan.

“I wouldn’t travel as a woman.”

“What?” she whispers, shocked. She glances around again in case someone might hear us. “You’ve totally lost it.”

“Since our last little outing, I’ve gathered some experience how to act like a man, and you’re right, I’d be much safer wearing a thobe. At least, until I have left the peninsula.”

“The… the peninsula?” she gulps, and begins to fan herself with the dessert menu. I see I need to give her some time to brood over the information. “Amina, this is crazy this… you can’t do this. This is suicide,” she stammers, but as our eyes are interlocked, her voice is losing its power. Finally, she’s just shaking her head, and with a deep sigh, she wipes a teardrop from the corner of her eye.

“I’ve given it enough thought, Selina. Believe me, if there was another way— “

“And where do you think you could go?”

“Europe.”

“Europe is huge.”

“I haven’t decided yet,” I shrug my shoulders, and this is partly true.

For days now, I’ve been pondering what my destination should be if I run away. Of course, London would be the most obvious idea, since I have already lived there and I know the place. All right, I went to school in Epsom, 30 km South-West of London, but my brothers and I spent plenty of time in the capital. And this is also the drawback to the plan. Since they know this is the only place, I am familiar with, this is where they would seek me first, so I couldn’t even go near Epsom and my old school. And London is really big. A city of nine-million people. What are the chances that they could track me down? The universe can’t hate me so much that in such a huge place I could run into my father or my brothers. There’s always some risk, of course, so I’ve also thought about Paris and Madrid. We’ve also visited these places a few times, but I don’t really know either of them, and I have some difficulty with the languages. My French is not great, I’ve never been able to put my hands on that unique accent that our teacher was trying to pressure into us. As for Spanish, I don’t speak a word, and other than the sights I know nothing in the capital. Some other European cities could also be considered, but England is the only place where I wouldn’t have a problem with the language. I feel it would be too exhausting to settle somewhere as a complete stranger where I don’t even know the language. I will pretty much depend on myself anyway, and I have no clue how I will react to loneliness. I’m not used to being lonely, because where we live, you are never alone.

As I look up again, I catch my friend studying my face musingly.

“Good heavens, you are serious, right?” she says devastatedly.

“Dead serious.”

“That’s why you’ve been saving the money too, isn’t it?”

“Cash and jewels which later I can turn into money.”

“Aren’t you scared?” she says, making big eyes at me.

“I am. A lot. But I’m even more terrified of marriage with the sheikh.”

“To Allah, Amina! I can’t imagine losing you.”

“Then come with me,” the words slip out of my mouth before I would even think about it.

“What… me?” she opens her mouth with surprise. “You can’t be serious.”

“Of course, if you’d rather be Farid al-Sharif’s wife…” I raise my eyebrows with challenge.

She opens her mouth to speak, then closes it very quickly. She folds her arms at her front, and squeezes her lips together stubbornly, yet I know she’s not really angry. Finally, she speaks up unwillingly, rolling her eyes.

“Farid is not so bad.”

Wow! Farid is not so bad. What prospects! What does Selina actually know about her groom-to-be, other than where he went to university and what his father does? Absolutely nothing. She doesn’t know his personality, doesn’t know what his favourite pastime activity is, what kind of music he likes, what he’s interested in. He could easily be some sick bastard who collects porcelain dolls in his cellar and puts makeup on them himself. Okay, this might be an exaggeration, and of course I’m also well aware of the fact that the young al-Sharif is still a less scary possibility for a husband than Saud sheikh with his 43 years, yet, I just feel annoyed. Why do they take away our opportunity to choose? Why do we have to be contented with what’s “not so bad”? My thoughts must be written on my face, because Selina slowly relents and gives me a sad little smile. She takes my hand.

“You’re right,” she whispers. “It’s all unfair. Farid can’t be bothered about me. Since we met, he’s never tried to arrange a meeting with me. He is living his life, up until the date of our wedding, and then—"

“Then he continues living it,” I conclude her train of thought with bitterness. “While you give birth to his children and wait for him obediently at home.

Selina stares at me petrified for a few seconds, then suddenly a curse word leaves her lips, and now it’s my turn to be taken aback. I don’t think I’ve ever heard using such bad language.

We both spy around with fright, and as my eyes meet Rashid’s, he looks at me inquisitively and points to his watch. Indeed, it’s time for us to go. While we get ready, Rashid says goodbye to his friend, and we start silently for the underground garage. Arm in arm, we are walking slowly, but neither of us says a word, and Rashid soon notices that. We can usually hardly shut up when we meet, but I think Selina needs time to brood over our previous conversation.

“What happened?” he asks, furrowing his brow, while opening the door of the car.

Selina looks back at him with embarrassment, and I can see that she’s deeply absorbed in her thoughts. I answer for us both.

“What could have happened? Nothing,” I shrug my shoulders. “We got tired.”

“Of what?” Rashid raises his eyebrows. “Shopping?”

This kid is getting cheekier every day. My palm is itchy at the sight of his naughty smile, I want to beat him up for his stupid humour, but I can’t do that. I count to ten in myself and give him a frustrated smile. Selina’s arm jerks under mine, but before she would say something critical to her brother, I quickly push her onto the back seat. I’m well aware that I have shocked her with the news of my escape, and only added fuel to the flames by my suggestion that we should run away together. I’m not even sure I was serious about the offer. Selina has never been so much into adventures as me, and even in our childhood, I was more of a daredevil of the two of us. She is more quiet, more submissive than me. She’s always been better at coping with hindrances, and she’s even much less appalled of arranged marriages than me. Of course, the escape would be much easier for me to accept if my best friend would be my companion in this mindless enterprise, but deep inside I still don’t believe she would really be able to follow through with it. While I ponder about these things and watch the dunes through the windshield, Selina suddenly leans close to me and begins to whisper into my ears.

“You’re right. I’ve had enough of being treated like a child, that they decide what is good for me. I’ll come with you.”

My chin drops as I turn to face her, hardly believing my ears. This is what I expected of her the least. So simply? So easily? I wasn’t even trying to persuade her. Something’s really strange about this.

“Selina, are you serious?” I whisper, moved, lifting the edge of my hijab to my mouth. Think it through, this is really big, and the most dangerous thing you’ve ever done.”

“Do you think I don’t know? It’s madness. Yet, it’s still better if we do it together than if you go for it on your own.”

I give her hand a squeeze and feel that tears of joy are gathering in my eyes, even though I really don’t want to cry. Especially not in front of Rashid.

“I don’t even know what to say,” I whisper. “I’m so happy. This is unbelievable! I’m just so happy,” I keep gripping her hand as Rashid drives the car to the entrance of the palace and stops in front of the steps. “We’ll talk about it, right? But not on the phone. Only in person,” I give her another significant glance before I get out of the car.

I realize with relief that neither Hamid’s nor Kareem’s car is in the parking area, and my father is away for a few days. This way it’s easier to dodge supper and have a quiet evening to myself. I say a quick hello to Nasirah, this way I can make sure she won’t come to see me later. I find Rafa with her also, they are sitting on the sofa among cushions, leafing through a thick magazine. I bet it’s a wedding magazine. When they begin to question me enthusiastically what things I have bought, I excuse myself, saying I’m tired and have a headache, and quickly leave them. I can see the disappointment on their faces, but that is the least of my worries now. I’ll have enough conversations about clothes and accessories with them when we all go to Cairo for shopping. My father has offered that we women should go – of course, accompanied by one of my brothers – on a spending spree still before the wedding, wherever we want, and I left the decision to Nasirah. She chose Cairo and I didn’t protest, as this way I might have an opportunity to put my hands on my passport. I don’t have a specific plan regarding that, but will keep my eyes open, and who knows, I might be able to improvise something. If I could take it without anybody noticing that, they might think it got lost during the trip. I know it’s a bit of a weak plan, but at the moment I don’t have a better idea.