Calling Myself

Ayoub Khaldoun sat across from his mother. “This isn’t going to work. I need a boyfriend. A girlfriend is too easy, and you know how Dad wants me to settle down.” He glared at her across the table, “How am I supposed to find a girlfriend if I have a girlfriend?” She sighed, pushing her coffee cup away from herself on the tabletop. Her husband, Nour, sat opposite her with a similar expression on his face. “We don’t know what to tell you Ayoub,” she admitted. “I’m sorry. You’re right, this is not going to work.” His eyes narrowed slightly at his mother, “Do you guys think I should date someone outside of our family? Like… a girl maybe?” Nour shook his head, “No one else would look at you for more than five seconds without turning purple. It wouldn’t look right for a boy. Especially a boy like you. You’ll end up alone in life if you go out looking that way.” “But it can be hard being single. I’ve been thinking of going out with girls. Maybe it might help me find someone?” he asked, hopefully. Again they both shook their heads, “Not while your father is still alive. You know how he will react when he finds out you’re gay. If anything happened to you we’d all be thrown out into the streets,” said Nour. Ayoub sighed, frustrated. He leaned forward and put his elbows on the table as he rested his head in his hands. “What am I meant to do Mom? No one has ever liked me. All men are cruel and mean. And even if anyone tried to be nice, they’d only make fun of my name.” He turned to his father, “Dad, how could you let my brother get married? I thought he was special! What kind of parents let their son marry someone who makes fun of his name?” He crossed his arms and looked defiantly at him. His father shook his head sadly, “You didn’t hear me when I told you the first time. The guy is completely evil. I just wanted to keep you safe. I had no idea it was going to turn out this way.” He reached over and patted him lightly on the back. “Don’t worry about me, alright? You focus on finding a girlfriend to make you happy.” Ayoub smiled slightly. “Thanks dad. At least somebody cares what happens to me.” He stood up from his seat and made his way towards the door. After turning around to see if he had their attention, he said, “Bye mom. Bye dad.” Then he disappeared into the hallway, closing his door behind him. When he got to his bedroom he threw himself onto his bed with a groan. His phone lit up with a notification. It was a message from a friend. He picked it up and saw that it was from his sister, Firuze. She wasn't responding directly, but instead sending him links to some posts of her favorite books from school. She always sent him links to books when she was reading a new book. She knew he enjoyed reading as well. He quickly opened them and began browsing through them. As he did so, an image appeared on his screen. It was an animated photo of a lion chasing after another lion, which was trying to escape by running across a bridge. They were both chasing each other, the lion with the red eyes and the lion with green eyes. The lions were obviously fighting for dominance over the bridge as it had many large cracks in it. In the center of the bridge was a huge tree trunk which was split open. From inside the tree came a woman calling out and telling the lion to stop pursuing her brother because she loved him. The image continued to scroll. A small text below said, 'The Lion loves the Mother Earth.' Ayoub scrolled back up, reading the words again. 'Love does not win battles,' read the next caption, accompanied by a picture of a lion holding a sword in front of him and a crown on his head. He looked up, surprised that someone had actually used that quote. His gaze shifted up, to where there were a lot of trees and buildings. There were signs advertising food and a sign advertising a library. On one side of the park was a lake and on the other side were people sitting in lawn chairs having picnic lunches or relaxing in swimsuits. One group was taking pictures of themselves and another group looked like they were playing volleyball in the water. Most of the faces looked very happy. He wondered what was going on over there. He moved his focus onto the main page again. It had taken quite some time to read all of Firuze's stories. But now he had finished them. His gaze drifted to the clock near his desk. 3pm. Lunch time at school started soon. Should he leave for school now? Probably not. Why bother? He'd never made much friends at school anyway, so what good would it be to go today? No one really cared about his life. Except for Firuze. Of course Firuze would be worried about him going to school, but he was fine. Just fine. Nothing was wrong at all. Not at all. He felt like crying all of a sudden, so he did. Instead, he laid down on his bed and stared at the ceiling for a long time. Eventually he fell asleep. His dreams were dark and filled with monsters. He was chased by them. They would chase him until he could barely breathe and then they would suddenly stop. He’d feel relieved. He would start crying again, but before it could get worse he woke up. He rolled onto his side and looked at the clock. 3:45pm. His stomach grumbled angrily at him. That was weird, he hadn’t remembered feeling hungry earlier. Or tired either, come to think of it. It wasn’t like he slept much these days anyway. Still, he needed to eat something. He got off his bed, stretched, and headed downstairs. The kitchen smelled delicious, so that must have been what his stomach was upset about. He looked in the fridge and found two pieces of chicken, a bag of rice, and a container of kimchi. He took it all out of the fridge and set everything on the counter. He grabbed his backpack and pulled out a notebook. Once he started writing things down in it, he would feel better. He opened his computer and logged into his email account. He typed ‘Hi Mom and Dad,’ and waited. Chapter 2 Satisfied with what he had written, Ayoub closed his laptop and went back upstairs. He walked through the hallway into the living room and saw that his mother and Nour were watching TV in the den. He glanced down the hall to Firuze’s bedroom door. For once it was shut. Hopefully she was sleeping. Otherwise he’d probably get chewed out again. Ayoub entered the kitchen and put the chicken in the microwave. He opened the fridge and scanned the contents. Everything seemed to be okay. There weren’t any tomatoes left. That was normal though; his mother had been making tomato soup yesterday. He closed the door and checked the time. 3:47pm. He opened the fridge and found some ketchup. Well, it would do. He poured it into his lunch and started digging in to it. After he was full, he decided to wash the rest of the food. While it was boiling, he grabbed two forks and knives, placed them neatly on a paper towel roll and carried them to the sink to rinse them off. As he worked, he couldn’t help but notice that most of what he was doing looked messy. This was because the entire plate was covered in food stains. After washing them and drying them off he decided it was time to call it a day. Time to go home. Once he was done eating, he grabbed a glass and filled it with tap water. He walked back into the hallway. He looked at his sister’s room. It looked almost untouched since he had been here yesterday.