Don't Ask Me

 I had just come to accept that I would always be an ordinary girl when extraordinary things began to happen... but, like most stories, I'll start at the beginning.          It was a chilly fall morning. The bell just rang echoing through the cool air. Panicked birds flew through the peach sky and past the early sun. "Okay," I whispered to myself, "Just another year I have to get through."          "Just like any other!" I hear a familiar, yet annoying, high pitch voice behind me, breaking through the nice balanced hum of other students' conversations. Startled, I whip myself around, "Oh... Good morning Farah..."          Farah has long brown hair and is known for her bright blue eyes which seem to glow. Farah is a girl who has desperately been trying to be best friends with me since 7th grade, I don't know why. Even I wouldn't want to be friends with me.          "Bexlynne, I tried calling you at 9 PM yesterday... Were you sleeping?"          "No, I didn't sleep much last night... M-My phone must have been dead." Truth was, I just didn't answer when she called. I knew if I had answered, the one-sided conversation would go on forever and I don't know if you could tell, but I don't really like her that much. I don't even know but, something about her makes me not want to hurt her. If it was anyone else would have told them to "f**k off!" already.          "Bexlyyynnne!" She whined. "You should get more sleep, especially on the first day of school... you'll be exhausted."          I let out an annoyed sigh as I look around to see if anyone was staring at us because of how loud and obnoxious Farah is being. "No amount of sleep in the world could cure the tiredness I feel." I murmured or at least I think I did. Her silence leaves me unsure. She said nothing else till we reached her locker, then we parted.          I walk the main hallway of Hallow High. I wish this hallway will go on forever... or at least seem like it. I got to my locker in no time, grabbed my history supplies; which is mostly just paper and a pencil, and headed to class.          The second bell rang and as if the teacher was waiting just outside the door specifically for it to ring, he entered. "Please find a seat, any seat will do." Like I did every year here, I chose the seat in the far back corner by the window, but just as I sat down this "Popular Chick" named Nimah walked up to my desk and leaned in close to me shaking her head.          "Bexley, Bexley," Nimah started, clicking her tongue, "Why do you always sit in the back with the gloomiest look on your face as if your life is the worst?"          "What is it you want, Nimah?" I'm trying to not let the irritation show in my voice, but that is harder than you would think.          "An answer!" She said with confidence that I would give her one. "What do you think is worse, Having kind parents that love you die, or having parents that beat you and treat you like trash?" there was a long silence that was awkward enough that I actually thought about saying something back until she said more. "Because I had both... Since my parents passed, I have been jumping from foster home to foster home full of people who don't give a crap about me... When your parents past away you had a loving aunt who took you in."          'right she's really loving.' I thought. "Are you here annoying me because you're looking for pity? cause' you came to the wrong girl"          "No Bexley, I am not!" I gave her a sarcastic nod hoping for her to scram. "I'm giving you a reality check. You have to quit looking for pity and you have to quit your 'oh poor me' act. It's not good for you!"          "Right, I'll get right on that..."          "Is everything alright over there, ladies?" I felt everyone's eyes on me and Nimah as the teacher called on us.          "Everything fine Mr. Newton!" Nimah replied with a big smile.          "Then for the second time, Nimah, please take your seat."          "Of course Mr. Newton!" Nimah hopped a couple of desks in front of me and sat down.          Mine and Nimah's parents died in the same car crash of three vehicles. There was a drunk truck driver that swerved to the wrong side of the road. It was my family's van that crashed first and because of the sudden stop, Nimah's family car crashed into the van really hard. Our families never survived the crash. Nimah and I were 11. At the time and we were having a sleepover at her house. We used to be best friends but the crash changed us. I became closed off to everyone, but Nimah wants to make her parents proud of her and she became extremely popular.          "Psst!" Farah was trying to get my attention from the next desk beside me. Not wanting to say anything I just glanced at her "Are you OK? What Nimah said was pretty harsh." She whispered just loud enough for me to understand her.          "I'm... Fine!" I whispered back angrier than I intended it to sound.          "I know what will cheer you up!" she said a little louder "We'll go clothes shopping!"          "I don't need clothes."          "Sure you do, all you have are black clothing, your hair is even black! you need to be more colorful!" She looked directly into my eyes and I looked directly into hers.          "Normal people don't understand how beautiful black is." What I said was more for me but I knew Farah heard me because her eyes twitch as soon as I finished and she looked back down at the paper, and I guess that's how our conversation ended.          The bell finally rang its regular irritating sound and everyone got up and closed their books as if they are all robots.  As I was about to exit, Mr. Newton said, "Just a reminder: Mrs. Cora is waiting for you in her office." Mrs. Cora is the school counselor. She has been like a "therapist" to Nimah and me since our parents died.          "Thanks, Mr. Newton, but I remembered." I left the classroom before he could say anything back and I headed to Mrs. Cora's office. When I got there the 'o' on the nameplate on the door was covered in black marker and at the end of her name was a 'p' scribbled in white-out.         "V-v-vandalism already? I w-wonder what the s-school will l-l-l-look like at th-the end of the-the year." Calla speaks beside me. In case you hadn't noticed she was born with a stutter.          "Yeah," I mutter. "Me too." I go up to the door and knock twice.          "Come in!" I hear Mrs. Cora's voice from inside          "OK..." I entered as she said.          "What do you have to say for yourself?" I hear another voice inside the room. After my eyes adjusted to the light from the sun directly outside the window of Mrs. Cora's office, I saw who the voice belonged to.          "Principal Abastrab?" The school principal was in the room with another student. He is a freshman, I think his name was Jaydin or Jaron... Something like that. He is short and chubby, one of the other boys probably put him up to it.          "Good morning Mrs. Coles" As he greeted me his expression changed and he looked at me "I'm sorry we'll just be one more second, as I'm sure you saw this school has been vandalized."          "Of course" I answered, a smirk rose onto my face.          "You... Apologize to Mrs. Cora right now young man!" Principal Abastrab ordered.          "I'M SORRY!" He said shaking with tears pouring from his face.          "You can head to your next class now, but at the end of the day I'm going to have to have a talk with your parents." The boy sobbed louder as he ran from the room and the principal followed in a much slower pace.          "Well, that was just pathetic," I muttered under my breath          "Now Bexlynne, that was his first time getting in trouble," Mrs. Cora said, "He is a good kid."          "Still pathetic no matter how many times it happened."          "Please sit." I did as she said and sat in the chair in front of her "Comfy?"          "Sure, I guess."          "Did you do as I asked of you over summer vacation?"          "Truthfully? No."          "Why not?"          "I told you. It was me that broke up our friendship in the first place... After the crash, Nimah changed and nothing I did was right. I was sick of saying 'sorry' so I said 'goodbye'."          "So you guys are never going to be friends again?"          "I don't think so... we are different people now."          "Mhmm..." Mrs. Cora sat there in silence staring at me and nodding her head like an idiot...  "You're not even gonna try?" "No." "I think becoming friends again and having a healthy relationship will bring back memories and maybe you will 'change' back." "I'm fine with how I am now.  I don't want to 'change back'.  That experience has changed me for the better.  I now know how cruel the world is and no one can take that knowledge from me." "I just think you need someone who you could tell your feelings to.  you don't have to hold it all in.  I know your parents' death is very upsetting but-" "No!"  I didn't want to hear what Mrs. Cora have to say.  "I'm not upset by my parents' death.  They were going to die sometime, no one cares they died early in life.  Their life was just so insignificant."  I crossed my arms and held back my tears, I felt so guilty for what I just said. It just came out. This mean facade has become such a habit. that these terrible things just keep spilling from my mouth.         "Well here take this." She handed me a small book          "What's this?" I asked.          "Well its a diary, silly!" She said so much louder than was necessary. "Tonight I want you to write what you're feeling... Write to your heart's content."          "...Okay..."          "Now on a more serious note."           "yes?"          "When was the last time you... self-harmed?" I couldn't answer right away. Mrs. Cora knew I did it from the beginning. It was really easy to catch me. I wore long sleeves in the middle of summer to hide my scars.          "About two to three weeks ago." She looks at me very disappointed. It hasn't gotten better or easier as people promise. Cutting is addicting. I don't really need a reason to anymore, it's like a routine now.  But it's fine, my thoughts have destroyed me more than blades ever could.          "How about Nimah? Has she ever done... 'It'?"          "Don't ask me." I replied with a large smirk "You're her 'therapist' too, ask her." Immediately after I finished saying what I had to, I got up out of the chair and headed for the door.         "Where are you going?" Mrs. Cora asked, seeming confused.          "I'm gonna have to cut this short," I replied still painfully holding my smile. "I got to catch up on my mathematics now." And I charged out of the room... I couldn't handle being in the room with her for another second, she irritates me.