Don't Ask Me

Chapter 3: Meaningless

        I remember having a dream. The dream made me feel relaxed, like I had no worries in the world, like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders.  But besides that I remember nothing. I don't remember what the dream was about, but it felt like death... In a good way, if you could understand that.  When I awoke I could fell the weight returning to my shoulders, slowly, with ten times more pressure as I realized I was back in reality, 'The real world'.

        I got out of bed quick because I realized I was falling back asleep and put my sketch book, my... ugh!... 'diary'... And all my homework into my bag.  I brushed my hair and teeth and headed to school. I was walking staring at my shoes because my shoelaces were undone and I didn't want to trip but I also didn't feel like tying them up, I couldn't deal with it today, I'm not in the mood.

        "Hey... Bexlynne!" I heard someone calling from behind me. It took me a while to recognize the voice.

        "You have GOT to be kidding me!" I said to myself before I turn around to clarify my thought.

         "Hey, Bexlynne!" Keith repeated after catching up with me. "How are you?"

        "..." I didn't know how to respond to his question.

        "Wow! You really don't talk much, do you?" He murmured under his breath. "I thought I just caught you at a bad time yesterday."

        "I don't have much to talk about," I stated.

        "Yeah? Well, I just asked you something," He said, giving one of the biggest smiles I have ever seen, "I asked a question."

        I stopped walking and stared directly at him.  He stopped walking almost instantly as well and stared back at me and his smile started to fade. And as it did I slowly came back out of the clouds. "What?" He asked.

        "You smiled just like- ... You have the same eyes as my best friend." I managed to get everything needed to out and began walking.

        "Really!?" He seemed really shocked

        "...Yeah..." I said back confused

        "I mean, cool!" He said shrugging his shoulders and shaking his head. "Does she go to Hallow High as well?"

        "Yup..."

        "What's her name?"

        "Farah Greene." I said. "So you like girls with blue eyes.  She is really pretty, but is really hyper and..."

        "What?" He said and took a sudden stop. "I'm not... I haven't even met her!"

        "You seemed interested after I said she has your eyes so I thought-"

        "No, it's just..." He seemed to think about what he was going to say next very carefully "I haven't- There isn't... Very many people who have eyes that look like mine." After he finishes getting what he wanted out I nodded my head.

        "Yeah... I only know of you and Farah." I stated. And the rest of the walk was silent.

        Mr. Newton's children were sick and he had to stay home and take care of them, so we had a substitute teacher in for history.  She really didn't give two shits about the class.  She was on her phone the whole time and she said as long as the class promised not to tell anyone, they were allowed to do the same... "Pathetic," I thought. The only reason she was here was because she was paid to be.  Nimah walked up to me looking pretty and pissed.

        "What the hell have you been telling Mrs. Cora about me?"

         "I believe that's supposed to be confidential," I replied.

         "I don't care! Our whole session yesterday she thought I have been cutting myself and kept saying to me over and over 'I could tell her anything' and kept asking if I have ever done it."

         "Have you?"

        "Wha-! Of course not! that is the most inconsiderate thing ever. My parents would be really disappointed in me."

        "Mhm."

        "Oh my GOD! Bexley, you sure know how to irritate me." She stomped back to her desk and back on her phone. I take a quick sigh and took out my sketchbook and drew a small reflection in my newly drawn eye from yesterday."

. . .

        "Is there a page in your diary full of your feelings?" Mrs. Cora asked after sitting across from me in her bean bag chair.

        "Sure did! here you can even read it if you want."  I suggested.  I grabbed it from my bag and handed it to her.  "Here!"

        "Are you sure?"   She asked before opening it.

        "Go ahead."   She opened to the first page and her face immediately went into shock.   She started flipping through all the pages and looked at me.  Her eyes were wide.

        "There nothing in this book."

        "I know."

        "Why did you lie?"

        "I didn't." I stated before giving her the explanation "I wanted to write EXACTLY what I felt on that piece of paper for you but somehow it stayed blank and then I realized... I couldn't explain it any better."

        "So you feel empty?"

        "It's more than that." I sighed. "The blank piece of paper describes it better then I can. Don't ask me..."

"I think you should see a real therapist outside of school." she spat out, out of the blue.

        "a REAL therapist won't do anything more than what you're doing. what the hell are you? A grapefruit?" Mrs. Cora couldn't help but chuckle at what I had said. Angrily I stood up.

        "I'm sorry!" She said still chuckling then quickly became serious. "First of all, I am a counselor. You need someone more educated then I am."

        "More educated!?" I screamed.  After the long silence, I stormed from the office and started to head to class.

        "Do you always exit that way?" A heard a voice behind me. I didn't really know who it was or cared so I just ignored him.  "I did not know you were deaf."  He sounded disappointed.

        "I'm not." I hissed as I spun around to finally see who it was and I was surprised to see it was the kid who got in trouble yesterday. "Why are you even talking to me?"

         "I came to warn you."

        "Of what?"

        "Of the blood sucker I saw you talking to yesterday... Keith"

        "Blood sucker?" I thought out loud. "What about Keith?" 

        "He is bad news, you should stay away from him."

        "Whatever boy, thanks a lot." I turned to head back to class.

        "I'm serious!"

        "Of course you are kid. Go back to the arts and crafts room, your mommy will worry." And like that, the conversation ended with my crabby comment.

. . .

        During lunch I was looking for Farah, I was looking for her so long I might have actually almost started to worry about her until I finally found her and you would never guess who she was talking to... Okay, you could probably guess. Keith.

        Farah was blushing and she brushed her hair behind her ear. Was he flirting with her? why would he lie to me? "What the hell is going on." I thought out loud. I ended up just going to a table by myself to eat lunch. I finished it fast and was just doing the finishing touches on my sketched eye when all of a sudden.

        "Wow! That's so amazing!" 

         "Holy crap!" Startled, I jumped up. "You startled me!"

        The person behind me was Keith. "You remind me of my friend Alfie when you are startled... He says the most random things and he never says the same thing twice." He began to giggle.

        "What is it you want Keith." I said with special emphasis on "Keith"

        "Don't say my name like that," He whined, "I was just admiring your drawing and the face you make when you're really into it."

        "What do you mean by 'the face I make'." 

        "You get three little creases in between you eyebrows, right about...  Here."  He takes two fingers from his left hand and touched my face.  I shift a little bit with the exceeding amount of pressure he puts on my forehead. 

        There was an awkward silence between us. "I saw you with Farah... I thought you said-"

        "I changed my mind.  I am interested in her."

       "You were interested in her from the beginning weren't you?"

        "I...  Sure." He finally admitted "When you mentioned her eyes I..." I grabbed my book and walked away before he could finish "I understand why you're mad but please!"

        "Do you now?"

        "Yes! I lied, I hate liars too, but that was something I couldn't tell you."

        "Right, something almost as secretive as you liking the closest thing to a friend to me, is something you CANNOT tell me?" I started to shake my head. "That's meaningless, That's not why I'm really mad. I'm angry because you asked me about her because I was approachable but you get all lovey dovey and choke up around her."

        "Wow... I never thought of you as the self conscious type."

        "I am not self-conscious!"

        "Then you're jealous?"

        "No! ugh!"

        "I'm sorry then... I wont date her. Will that make you feel better?"

        "You think I'd be happy to see her not find happiness?" Who does he think I am?

        "I just don't want you to be mad at me."

        "I'm not mad at you!"

        "But you just said-"

        "I said I was mad, I never said I was mad at you," I stopped walking and turned around to face Keith, "I'm mad at myself."

        "For what?" he said. I wasn't going to tell him, but judging by his face he seemed to be taking this seriously.

         "For being stupid!"  I inhaled and took a long pause before continuing, "I thought we could be friends but the only reason you talked to me was because I was approachable and you wanted to know about Farah."

        "If those were the only reasons I talk to you then I wouldn't be talking to you now, now would I be?"

          To answer his pointless question I gave him a pointless answer, A long deep sigh. Then turned back around. "Your different from everyone else you know?" He said getting farther and farther away from me as I kept walking and he just stood there.

        "No, I'm not!" I stated, "I'm just unique, like everyone else."