The Forbidden Truth

We all have desire for something, and I believe love is the most suitable word for 'something'. Love, a medicine to cure your wounds but at the same time the poison to kill you. And for me, it is considered as poison. It is a wild animal that can never be tamed, if asked to me 'money or love'. (smile) my answer would be the money, because love had made me come at my limits, to kill myself and also the lost the power to love someone again, maybe I couldn't use it as a medicine, maybe I was born with the curse of having this life. I want to die, (sobs) I surrender myself to this war of love, I am no longer the person who I knew, I knew at the very most time that my life is not even compared to the life of an ant, I have lost the power to smile.If only he would have never appeared in my ordinary life, if only I never met him, If only I never knew him, if only... we stayed friends forever, if only I kept my heart all to myself, if only... The if's would never stopped because I can never change the past but I can change the future. "Let's do it shall we?" I smiled and took the knife and sliced my wrist so deeply that it was confirmed I will die until someone saves me and....nobody will ever come to save me because I have none. The last thing I saw was my bleeding wrist and as I closed my eyes and saw my whole life in a flash back and I could feel that my tears were rolling down my face. I smiled and said my last words "if only I could never live again"