The Wolf in Sheep's Skin

Chapter 48

The house was surprisingly quiet as I went inside. Everyone was gone, except my dad pottering around in the kitchen. I sighed in relief, not ready to deal with the house full of chaos. I went to the kitchen, my mind still reeling from my meeting with Jay. All I wanted was to crawl into bed and sink into the covers, blocking the world out.

My throat burned with acid, and saliva collected in my mouth. My dad was humming at the counter in an apron, chopping veggies and dumping them into a big soup pot.

My stomach soured, remembering the barbeque and I grimaced. I grabbed a cup out, pouring myself a glass of water, and chugged it.

“Fancy some beef medley soup?” He grinned at me, stirring the pot with a big ladle.

“I’m not hungry, but maybe I’ll have an appetite later.” I gave him a soft smile. My stomach was still queasy, with the taste of stomach bile lingering in my mouth, even after an entire glass of water.

“Are you alright?” He looked me over and his face dropped. “You look ill. Your face is white as a ghost, and you’re a tad… shiny. Like you’ve been sweating up a storm. I’ll call the pack the pack doctor.” He brushed his hands together, leaving the ladle on the counter as he left the stove.

My stomach dropped, curdling as he went to a phone hanging on the wall.

“No!” I shouted as he was picking it up. He flinched and gave me an odd look. My heart picked up and I could only imagine the embarrassment of having to explain my ‘sickness’ to the pack doctor.

He blinked at me, giving me a befuddled look that begged for explanation. I opened my mouth, and an odd croaking sound came out. I cleared my throat and brushed down my shirt.

“My stomach was just a little upset. I’ll sleep it off, no need to get the pack doctor involved.” I pressed on a smile, hoping he would drop it. What would I tell them, I’m suffering a stomachache from a tender heart?

“Gwen, I can smell you’ve thrown up. Recently. You know wolves don’t get sick, and we don’t just get upset stomachs.” He frowned at me, his brows knitting together. I knew that look. He was waiting for me to explain myself, pursing his lips.

“It’s just stress.” I shrugged, my stomach starting to swirl again. My heartbeat picked up, and I poured myself another glass of water. My skin burned as he watched my every move.

“I can smell Jay on you. His scent is fresh. Did you just see him?”

“Things are fine! I mean, we aren’t talking.” I shouted, blurting it out too fast. He raised his brows at me, and my cheeks warmed as I scowled, realizing that wasn’t what he asked. A little growl slipped from my throat as I took a sip of water.

“Really? Did he upset you?” His voice was soft and reassuring, but his expression was harsh, like he thought of giving Jay a piece of his mind. My cheeks burned hotter, and I scowled at the ground.

Did he upset me? My heart sank and my stomach did flips. His expression, the look of his pain had been stuck in my head since he’d left. No. I upset him. I pursed my lips and let out a deep sigh.

“No, things are fine.” But the pit of my stomach grew, and I flinched. My skin itched and crawled, like it was trying to escape my body. I hunched over, as pain washed over me.

My jaw ached as I clenched my teeth together, and I shook. Chills went over my body and I sucked in a deep breath, baring down through the pain.

Stop it! I’m not giving in! A growl left my throat, and the pain went away. I sighed in relief and took a drink from my glass.

“What was that?” My dad whispered. His eyes were wide and filled with concern as he looked me over.

“It’s nothing. Just stress.” I shrugged and gave him a reassuring smile.

“Stress shouldn’t do that to you Gwen! You need to see the pack doctor!”

“No! I’m fine. I mean, it’ll go away. I’ve it under control!” I forced myself to smile.

“You’ve got what under control?” His brows scrunched together, his words in a low hiss. Icy tendrils went up my spine as he raked his eyes over me, like I’d done something wrong.

Oh no. He’s worried I’m going to lose control of my wolf. I grimaced, and my stomach churned. My hands were clammy, and my hair clung to the back neck, wet from sweating.

“I have control of my wolf! She’s struggling, but I’ve got her locked down deep. She won’t be causing any problems.” I gave him an awkward, forced grin as I nodded, rubbing my clammy hands on my pants. I tensed, waiting for the fear to cross his face.

He tilted his head and blinked at me, his mouth opening and closing a few times. He shook his head a little and squinted at me.

“What do you mean you’ve got her ‘locked down’?” He whispered, pointing at me.

“You know, I’ve got her pressed down deep. Somewhere she can’t be a problem.” I motioned with my hands as if I was shoving her to the floor.

His mouth hung open and his eyes were wide. My stomach sank and I dropped the fake smile.

“Gwendolyn!” He hissed, whispering as horror crossed his face. “You can’t force your wolf down like that! It can’t be good for either of you, know wonder you look ill!”

I recoiled blinking at him. We locked eyes, and everything flooded back. Everything he’d told me; about how dangerous it would be if people found out about her. That I had to blend in, keep things a secret. How important it was that I learn to control her, to stop her and myself from lashing out at people. Especially higher rank wolves.

“I’m controlling her! You saw what she tried to do to Bridget! Its lucky nothing more happened.” I tensed, squeezing the glass in my hand. I scowled, remembering all the late nights. The planning for moving, how much we had prepared to come here. “This is the last pack we’re moving too. We agreed on that, things here are permanent.”

He cringed, looking me over, his face pale.

“I’d rather we move again than have you sick from your wolf. Gwen, this isn’t good for you!” He pleaded, stepping closer. I tensed, leaning away from him.

I’m not sick from her! It’s from Jay. From being upset about him, that’s all. It’ll go away once I’m over him. Things can be normal. And once my wolf realizes I’m in control now, and stops fighting against me, I won’t have to shove her down anymore. It’ll go back to how it was before we moved.

“It’s just stress! From the beta’s mate like you said. But the shop is doing well, and after Quinn’s party I won’t have to see her again. I’ve got it under control.” I smiled at him, but he grunted and shook his head.

“There’s got to be another way, Gwen. You need to control your wolf, not get rid of her. She’s a part of you, whether or not you like it.” He whispered.

I tensed, and a growl escaped my throat. I ground my teeth together and he looked away.

“You told me to control her! What else am I supposed to do? Let her run around, killing everything? Fight the beta’s mate?” K*ll Olivia like she dreams of?

“You need to find balance, a way to live with your wolf! Not just tucking her away! I… this isn’t what I meant.”

Fire burned in my core. What would he know? She’s unstoppabe, unreasonable! She doesn’t do what I say, I have to force her! I thought about all the times I’d pleaded with her not to do something. Time when I’d been unable to stop her through words, and she’d done what she wanted.

Fighting an Alpha. Hunting through the night for sport. Blacking out and starting fights. My blood turned to ice, coursing through my veins. He couldn’t understand. Not really. He’s seen it, but he can’t feel it.

How terrifying it is not to be in control of your own body. I could still feel it as it was happening now. The terror of shifting for the first time. Waking up, covered in blood. Knowing you were about to do something, about to hurt someone, and you couldn’t stop yourself.

I shook in front of him, and his eyes were soft yet filled with fear. Pain, swirling in his blue eyes.

“I’m going to lie down.” I mumbled, rushing past him upstairs to my room. The door clicked closed behind me, and my heart hammered in my chest.

Memories flew through my mind. Too many to identify. All that stuck out was the pain and fear and terror.

I sunk onto my bed on my side, curling into myself. My eyes watered and Jay’s face kept popping up. The sound of him sucking in his breath as he’d flinched at my words was stuck in my mind.

My joints and stomach ached, and my heart throbbed as if someone had reached in my chest, squeezing it. I wrapped my arms around myself, willing myself not to cry.

It’ll be over soon. I chanted in my head, trying to clear my thoughts of the painful memories. Soon my thoughts calmed, and I filtered my eyes open.

Jay’s note and ribbon were in my hand, pressed up against my nose. I couldn’t recall grabbing them, yet his scent swirled around me. My heart clenched, but I didn’t move.

Instead, I sucked in a deep breath. I laid there for a while, trying not to think. Eventually, everyone came home, and the house filled with cheerful screams and laughter as kids buzzed around.

Dad called for dinner. I was comfortable, like I’d become one with my bed. He’ll come get me if I don’t come down to eat. I sighed and uncurled myself and tucked the note and ribbon back in their hiding space.

I stood and stretched and froze. The pain had gone away. I smiled to myself, stretching my neck. He’s wrong. The pain’s only there for a little bit, I’ll be fine. I can control this.