Chapter 47
1550 Words
Jay
The scent of Gwen’s fear surrounded me, filling my senses. Burnt, rotten, cloying. My stomach tightened, threatening to heave. Fear swirled in her brilliant blue eyes.
My body tensed, going cold. Everything was numb, like all the blood had pooled to my feet. My heart was beating too fast, and I worried it would knock me off balance.
She was telling the truth. I could smell it.
She’s afraid of me? My lungs struggled to catch air. The scent of her fear had been clinging to her since I’d arrived, but I’d told myself it was nothing. Simple anxiety after our last meeting. Completely normal, nothing to be worried about.
I merely hinted at us being mates and she’s terrified. I thought maybe that was the cause of her fear. Being mates.
But no. She’s afraid of me.
She was tensed before me, cowering. Looking down and away, like I might snap at her. Freak out, lash out, as if I might hurt her. Just like everyone else acted. I opened my mouth to speak, but my voice cracked under the weight of my words.
I growled, squeezing my eyes shut, and stepped back. The scent of her fear grew, making the air so thick I could taste it. I flung my eyes open and looked down at her.
“If you’re afraid, I’ll leave you be.” I whispered; the words barely coherent.
I stormed away to my car before she could say another word. Before her face would reveal more fear, more hurt. I climbed in my truck, slamming the door, and sped away.
Dust clouds plumed behind the truck, surrounding her in the rearview mirror. She was watching as I left, and my breath caught in my throat. Tears welled in my eyes, and I gripped the wheel so tight it could snap.
How could I be so foolish? To think she wasn’t afraid, that I could have a normal life, a mate, children. Hot tears escaped me, running down my cheeks. I growled, the sound vibrating in my chest.
Driving was a challenge as my vision blurred, wet like I was under water. I tried to hold in my tears, but they kept coming.
How could the moon goddess be so cruel? To give me a mate who’s afraid of me? Afraid of the mere idea of being mates?
“Wrong.” My wolf growled in the back of my mind. I ground my teeth together, scowling at the road. I know! She’s the wrong mate! You made a mistake, Selene made a mistake!
Pain radiated through me, and I jolted, almost driving myself off the road. I slammed on the brakes; they screeched as I came to a halt. The truck dipped, nearly going off the edge into a dip. I gasped for breath, my mouth filling with dust that fluffed into the air.
“No! You wrong!” His scream made my head reel, and I winced. I’m wrong? She made it clear she doesn’t want me! Doesn’t want us!
“Lies! Wrong!” His pain coursed through me, like poison spreading through my veins. My joints ached, and I hunched in on myself.
She wasn’t lying! She said she doesn’t want us!
“No!” He growled, and her words played through my mind. Torturous words, I covered my ears, knowing it was useless, but unable to stop myself. Everything she’d said repeated, like being forced to rewatch my worst nightmare.
I leaned against the steering wheel once it was done, sweat pouring out of me. I gasped for breath, every part of my body aching. Why are you torturing me? I could barely open my eyes.
“She not say.” He grumbled back. My mind cleared, and the pain ebbed, just enough for me to sit up. It was true. She technically hadn’t said she didn’t want us. I scowled, shaking my head.
She made it clear. She said we can’t be together. It’s close enough.
“Wrong.”
I don’t understand! What’s wrong? Her? As a mate? I’m aware, she made that clear. I growled at him, my skin twitching.
“No. Wolf wrong. No scent.” He whispered; his thoughts laden with concern. I tensed and sucked in a breath. He was right. She’d had no scent. No spiced mead, not even a hint of it. Only her fear clung to her. I’d been too busy to notice in the moment. Even now, it didn’t linger on me, not on the air either. I sniffed the hand that I’d grabbed her with. But all it smelt of was me, dust, and rust from my truck.
Goosebumps raised on the back of my neck. My stomach twisted in knots, and all I could hear was the pounding of my heart.
Did she reject me somehow? My thoughts raced, and I fought the urge to throw up. It wasn’t supposed to be possible. I’d heard of wolves trying all throughout my life. Using magic, trying to find a way to break the mate bond, or erase it all together. Everyone had failed. Rejecting mates, at least in a real way, was impossible.
The most anyone had achieved was leaving, ignoring the mate bond. But destroying it all together? I shook and the world spun. How? She couldn’t, could she? Why else would her scent be gone?
Is that it? Did she remove the bond? I pulled at my wolf, hoping he’d answer.
“No.” He said. But he took his time answering, like he was unsure.
A deep unease settled in the pit of my stomach. I sighed, deflating, and pushed the gas pedal, heading to my quiet and empty home.
Gwen
Dust blew up in the air as Jay’s truck squealed off into the distance. I froze, unable to move my feet. Soon the dust settled, and I couldn’t hear the loud rumbling.
But the image of his hurt was still plastered in my mind. Like an afterimage, him staring at me, pain swirling in his eyes. My body shook, and my stomach twisted itself into knots.
Pain radiated through me, and everything hit me. I did it. I really said it.
I stumbled into the trees and threw up.
My throat and nose burned from the acid. I leaned against a tree with one arm out, holding myself up. I held my hair out of the way with my free hand. All my muscles shook as I heaved again, huddled over.
The world spun and my body went numb. My skin itched and crawled and I craved to tear it off.
My bones cracked and I let out a harsh growl, fighting against it. Everything in me wanted to shift. To run through the woods, to black out, to be numb.
But I fought against it, shoving her down. My vision blurred, turning black.
“No! I’m not! You’re not taking control!” I growled at myself through clenched teeth.
I shoved her down, locking her away inside. It’s for the best. I shivered, covered in sweat head to toe. I stood up straight, and my fingertips grazed something oddly smooth. I stared at the tree with wide eyes.
Large gashes, claw marks, where my hand was, had been dug into the tree. F*ck. I stumbled towards my car, the world spinning around me. I flopped against the hood, using it to make sure I didn’t slip onto the ground.
I paused, heaving for breath and rubbed my forehead. Why is she fighting so hard? I scowled at the ground, hunched over.
I would. His words brushed against my ear, making me shiver. I tensed, and my heart picked up. Was he saying we’re mates?
My stomach tightened, and I gagged, almost throwing up again. I squeezed my hands together, hunching over.
No. We’re not mates. That’s not what he meant. I shook my head, my brain foggy. He only meant he’d have a dominant mate.
I would know if we were mates, wouldn’t I? I scowled and tried to remember what I’d been taught. But most of my lessons had been about survival. How to fit in with the pack, how to pretend to be submissive, how not to challenge the Alpha’s.
Mom and dad both said their wolves told them they were mates. My wolf would’ve told me when we met. I sighed, remembering him drunk, too big for his chair at the first pack event. There was attraction, sure. But nothing hinting we’re mates.
My shoulders slumped, and I took a big breath. It’s just normal attraction. That’s all. Plenty of wolves go through it, Maeve has. I thought back to Maeve’s break ups, trying to recall if they were as painful. It was common among wolves to date, even if they weren’t mates.
Having fun, filling time, trying not to be lonely. I’d never done it, too aware of how it always ended. One person found their mate, leaving the other alone, still pining in love. It had happened to Maeve.
We’d lived together at the time, still teens. Her sobs echoed in my mind as she’d cried herself to sleep.
That’s all this is. Normal pain. I swallowed, my throat burning with acid as I climbed back into my car, heading home.
- Writer
