The Wolf in Sheep's Skin

Chapter 60

A tingle spread through me, and I grinned. Then I frowned at the sky again.

“They won’t know it’s a show. They’ll think we’re out of control.” The night’s events flashed through my mind. Quinn’s dress tearing, her scream and sobs. I’ll tell them I lost control because of what happened. I’ll tell Alpha Ansel it was just an overwhelming moment; I was protecting my family.

That should be allowed, right? I scrunched my brows together, doubt gnawing at me. What if he can tell it’s a lie? I tossed the idea over in my head.

“Is it a lie?” I whispered to the forest. No. I wouldn’t have lost control if Quinn hadn’t been in distress. A growl escaped me, and I wished I could hit Olivia with the candle stand again. A twinge of pain went through me.

I ruined Quinn’s night… I let Olivia ruin her night. If she hadn’t been able to command Bridget, it wouldn’t have happened. If Bridget had been able to tell me…

Why didn’t the command work in the first place? I’d told her not to go near my family. I groaned, a thousand reasons why it might’ve gone wrong popping into my head. Did holding back Lilith affect my command? But it worked on Bridget… maybe she didn’t consider Bridget part of our family?

Maybe Bridget doesn’t consider herself part of the family?

I scowled at both ideas and Lilith remained quiet. Hatred and sympathy swirled together, mixing into a toxic concoction in my stomach. I shoved the thoughts away.

I tensed, realizing I had no solid proof. All I had was the burning instinct telling me it was her. And the way she’d laughed when Quinn’s gown had dressed. She’s the one who suggested we have the ceremony at the pack house. Told Ansel about it. Maybe if I tell him about her laughing, he’ll understand why I attacked her and not Bridget. I waited for the anger to burn my chest, but I was left hollow.

A deep knot formed in my stomach, tangling so tight it was hard to breathe. If I’d told him about Olivia, would he have approved her request for the ceremony to be at the pack house? He would’ve been keeping a look out, right?

I should’ve told him. I should’ve told him everything about her as soon as I knew it. But I shivered, fear clawing at my insides. All the memories filled my thoughts, making my breath shaky.

“Alpha’s aren’t to be trusted.” Lilith murmured in agreement.

“But if I had… Quinn’s ceremony wouldn’t be ruined.” I wouldn’t have revealed Lilith to the pack. They wouldn’t have witnessed her trying to eat someone, even if it was for show. I shook, the wetness from the grass coating my skin, the cool air giving me goosebumps.

We would’ve fought if I’d talked to Alpha Ansel about it. It always ends that way. But which one’s worse?

This. Tonight was much worse. Fear gripped at my belly, the uncertainty of it all catching up with me. Sure, it had been a show. But was it too good? Would Alpha Ansel believe me about having control?

Will he let me stay in the pack?

I wasn’t even sure if he had a choice. Whether I was more dominant than him or not. He was the top Alpha of the country. He’d been the first wolf to combine packs of a nation. The idea of being more dominant than him made my mouth cottony.

I won’t force myself on the pack if they don’t want me here. I’ll leave. My family will be safe. The pack won’t be able to hurt me. I’ll make it clear there will be h*ll to pay if they hurt my family. I concluded with precision.

Having a plan was comforting, soothing my aching soul. Thoughts raced through my mind; I couldn’t hold onto them. I had to snatch one, holding on for dear life.

I don’t want to leave. Soul crushing loneliness filled me. I’d heard what life was like being a lone wolf. If I wasn’t in the pack, I couldn’t stay at home. Couldn’t hear the racing feet through the halls, the kids screams and giggles. Wouldn’t see my parents’ cheerful smiles, feel their safe, comforting embrace.

Tears streamed down my face, uncontrollably.

Will my family even want me to come home?

Their terrified faces were etched into my mind. My father’s disappointment, the pain I’d cause them. My chest shook and strangled sobs pooled out of me.

Anything would’ve been better than tonight. Anything would be better than the pack… than my family thinking I was some monster that tried to eat people.

Even if it wasn’t true, if it was all a show, it didn’t matter. How could I convince people? The pack will assume I’m dangerous. I froze, my sobs catching in my throat. I made an odd, wet gurgling sound.

They’ll send Jay to come here. To deal with me. He’s probably already on his way.

What do I say? I could explain it to him. Maybe he’ll listen.

Doubt slithered into the back of my mind. Would I get a chance to say anything? If Lilith took over, there’d be nothing I could do. Will he try to attack me? He can’t be that st*pid, can he?

Lilith growled, the sound almost crawling out of my throat. Irritation coursed through me, making my skin prickle.

“It isn’t like you have the best record! I won’t stand for you hurting him!” I jolted, sitting up. My voice was snappy and desperate. Another growl tore through me, this time leaving my throat. I could almost feel her eyes rolling.

“He will not harm us. I will not harm him.” She stated it simply. Like it was a fact as true as the sky was blue.

“No.” I whispered, the word barely escaping past my lips.

I froze, my body going numb. The edge of my mind blanked. I could’ve sunk through the grass, into the very ground itself.

We’re mates.

She hmmed back at me in confirmation. A choking sound left my throat. I couldn’t tell if I’d closed my eyes, if I’d passed out, or if the moon had disappeared, shrouding me in darkness. I wobbled, unsure if I was sitting or laying on the ground again.

It didn’t matter.

His pained expression burned into my mind. Him recoiling as I’d told him we couldn’t be together. My body ached, racked with the pain I’d felt after our horrid talk on my driveway. The thought of him feeling an ounce of what I’d felt made bile collect in my mouth.

She’s f*cking with me. We aren’t mates. The world spun, like I was in my own personal gyroscope h*ll.

I knew she wasn’t lying. I’d shoved the thought away, locked it up deep inside, ignoring all the signs I didn’t even know to look for.

My inability to stay away from him. The way I craved to see his smug *ss smile. His scorching skin, making me melt. How d*mn good it felt to be near him, addicting, like a moth to flame.

How no matter how hard I tried to banish him from my thoughts, I couldn’t.

I ruined my chance. I told my mate we weren’t meant to be together.

I was trying to protect him and ended up hurting him. Now he’ll have to come deal with me anyway.

Burning rage poured through me. If my legs had willed me, I’d have thrown myself in the river, clinging to the bottom so he wouldn’t suffer for my mistakes. I could almost feel it, the ice-cold snow melt coursing over my bare skin, the harsh river thrashing me against the rocks along the riverbed. It would be nothing compared to the pain I caused him.

He’ll never want me now. Not after what I did to him.

Panick gripped me. The darkness was too small. I was trapped, stuck, caged in some little box far away. Just like when I shifted.

I should’ve seen it sooner. Never should’ve pushed him away. It was too late for what ifs. It was done. And now I’d never see that smug smile, hear his teasing voice, or feel his lips on mine again.

The taste of him from tonight pooled in my mouth, coating my tongue. Heat flashed in my core. His kiss had been needy. Desperate. Breathless. He wanted to tell me something.

Clarity snapped me back to reality. I blinked my eyes open, soaking in the moonlight dappled forest around me. I sighed in relief and my body uncoiled. I was laying on my side in the fetal position, my knees tucked under my knees.

My muscles ached like I’d been clenching too hard, my shins stung where I’d dug my fingers into them.

He wanted to talk. Even after everything I did. Does he know? Is that why he wanted to speak?

Hope fluttered in my chest. He’d looked stunned after our kiss in the waiter cubby. Admitted he hadn’t meant to do it, shaking, his eyes gold like he’d been stunned. Maybe he still wants me?

Or he’d come to formally reject me. I scowled. Is that even possible? I’d never heard of such a thing, and the thought was like a white-hot poker had been jabbed into my heart.

I’ll earn his trust. Make him want me again. If he enjoyed the kiss that much, maybe he can forgive me?

I bolted off the ground, my muscles taunt and ready to sprint.

I gritted my teeth in determination and inhaled through my nose, deep, getting a clear scent of the night. His scent wasn’t in the air, but it wasn’t headed in my favor. Where would he have gone? Here? Home? Would he stay at the pack house?

My instincts told me he’d be on his way here. Somehow, I doubted he’d linger at the pack house after what I’d done. Nor did I think he’d go home. No. The pack would’ve sent him to me, due to my actions. A small part of me hoped he’d come to check on me as well, but I didn’t dare let myself have too much hope. I didn’t deserve it.

It doesn’t matter. I’ll follow my trail. If I don’t run into him, I’ll go to the pack house. I have to talk to Alpha Ansel and explain myself.

A tremor of fear went through me, the urge to flee nearly making me turn on my heels. I can’t run away anymore. I have to talk to Alpha Ansel if I have any hope of staying in the pack with my family.

And with my mate.

My feet pounded against the ground, my breath steady and well-paced as I ran to the pack house.