The Wolf in Sheep's Skin

Chapter 59

Gwen

The sound of crashing water filled my head. Mud squished under my paws, in between my toes. Lilith’s grip around my mind loosened, and the ground got closer.

My two legs shook underneath me, unprepared to be human again. The cold night air was harsh against my body, making me shiver.

Or perhaps it was the adrenaline.

She’d run us here, so fast I couldn’t determine where we were going. But now that I was still, clarity flooded over me.

The waterfall crashed in front of me, turning into a wide bubbling stream. The same waterfall I’d been at two weeks ago. With Jay.

I stared at the grass around me. I was standing in about the same spot we’d kissed. Where I’d kissed him. And ran away. Where he’d calmed me down after I’d panicked, gripping me tight, clutching me to the earth.

I sucked in a breath and my lip quivered. Tears welled behind my eyes and my chest burned. The moon was high in the sky and the stars twinkled above me as if they were saying hello.

The burning in my chest spread like a wildfire, scotching every fiber of my being. I bared my teeth, let out a growling scream at the sky. It twinkled at me, unfazed.

My anger grew, the fire inside me burning so hot I swore I’d combust. F*cking st*pid! How could I be so d*mb! How could I do that?

I wanted to punch something, pound my fists into the earth, call down the moon to beat the ever-living sh*t out of it.

Mostly so it could punch me back.

I could remember everything. From the sound metal hitting Olivia in the head, to her dropping like a sack of potatoes, possibly dead, to the taste of a wolf in her mouth.

Hot tears streamed down my face. I could still taste them. Furry against my tongue, clawing to get out of my mouth.

It was one thing to wake up covered in blood from prey. But almost eating a wolf? I shuddered, thanking the heavens she’d listened to Jay. I could still see his panicked, terror-ridden face. The squelching of the wolf plopping to the ground from my mouth echoed in my mind.

I shuddered and my stomach tightened.

“How could you be so st*pid? So careless? You hurt people, you almost k*lled people!” I screamed, my throat burning from the effort. It’s my fault. I let her out.

I knew it would cause problems, put people in harms way. Yet I still did it.

I thought she’d handle Olivia. Fight Alpha Ansel about it. Not try to eat someone.

I gasped for breath; my vision blurring with tears I couldn’t stop from spilling out. Something deep and dark inside myself, was confirmed. She’ll hurt people.

My shoulder shook with sobs and my eyes burned from the tears.

“You’re useless! What good is having a strong wolf if it’s only going to ruin things? You’ve only caused more problems!”

Just like I expected. Why I had shoved her down, unable to harm anything.

I tensed and lightning spread through me like white hot light. He’s going to come here. He’s going to have to deal with me. I crumpled to the ground on my hands and knees. My chest heaved and my vision went in and out.

She almost didn’t listen. He saw her, they all saw her, what she’s capable of. That I can’t control her. I gasped for breath, my throat threatening to close. He’ll have to k*ll me.

“He won’t harm us.” Lilith said simply, as if it was a matter of fact. My stomach ached so bad; I nearly threw up.

Of course he won’t. How could he? I’d never seen Jay’s wolf, but it didn’t matter. There was no way he could take us. She’ll k*ll him. I stared at the rushing river, wild, crazy, thoughts going through my head. I won’t let her hurt him.

Calmness washed over me, like I’d been wrapped in a warm safe blanket. “I will not hurt him.” Lilith crooned, as if trying to soothe me. It grated on my skin. the burning returned, coursing through me.

“Are you f*cking kidding me?” I shouted at the sky, as if Lilith resided there instead of in my own head. “I don’t believe you! You almost ate someone! You almost ripped someone in half!” I snarled, squeezing my hands into fists.

I could still feel Liam’s teeth pressed into my skin. The wetness of his mouth on my hands. His whimpers and the scraping of his claws against the marble floor played through my head. The look of terror in his eyes.

I shuddered at the memory. My breath caught in my throat and my chest heaved as I tried to breathe.

“I didn’t” Lilith was smug. My chest swelled with pride and warmth filled my belly.

“You shouldn’t be proud of that! You shouldn’t have tried to at all!” If she hadn’t listened to Jay… I squeezed my eyes shut and used all my willpower to focus on shoving her down, back into her deep corner.

My legs turned back to jelly, and I wobbled, nearly stumbling over. My head went fuzzy, and lights danced before my eyes. I sucked in a breath, catching myself, and growled. I tried again, with worse results, and nearly passed out.

Dread filled me, oozing out of every pore. What do I do? I have to control her; she can’t get out again! I shivered, thinking about the disaster of tonight.

Lilith bristled in the back of my mind. Wretched pain coursed through me, worse than anything I’d felt before. Deep loneliness filled me. My whole body ached, wracked with shivers, my joints screaming in pain.

I crumpled to the ground with a gasp, crashing to the ground. Wet grass brushed against me, the blades trying to flay my tender skin. I writhed on the ground, my insides threatening to come out. My mind blanked, wrapped in darkness.

No pain. No sound. No sight. No touch. Nothing.

I was drenched in darkness. Terror gripped my heart, yet I couldn’t feel it beating.

Then it went away.

Sounds crashing into my ear, dim light surrounded me, grass was damp across my front. I was on the ground again, pressing my front into it. I sucked in a breath I didn’t know I was holding and flopped onto my back.

My hands were at my sides as I dug my fingers into the grass, ripping it out of the ground. I’m okay. I’m fine. I repeated to myself as I verified my sensations were back.

My heart quickened, a familiarity dawning on me. It’s just like when I shift. After I wake up. How my memories feel from the night. My eyes widened and my body shook with each beat of my heart.

“No more. Please.” Lilith whispered, barely audible in my own mind. Like she was begging me.

More tears streamed down my cheeks, into the grass underneath me. Is that what it’s like? When I shove her down? My chest heaved, like the weight was crushing my lungs. Is she there like that the whole time?

“Yes.” Lilith said. I hadn’t meant to be asking.

Sobs carried through the space around me. I knew she spoke the truth. She wasn’t messing with me. She’d always messed with my emotions, using them to show me how she felt.

I’d always hated my wolf. Thought of her as evil and heinous.

But nothing, no one, deserves to exist like that. In pure emptiness, darkness, avoid of any and all sensations. It wasn’t living.

I did exactly what she did. We’re only hurting each other.

A warm flush went through me, then subsided, as if she was agreeing with me.

Sudden clarity went through me. I’m not in pain anymore. I hadn’t even noticed. Other than the past few weeks, when Lilith tried to break out, I hadn’t noticed the pain. The ache in my joints, the slight headache, my muscles feeling tired, like weak rope about to snap.

My dad was right. Shoving your wolf down isn’t good for you.

I ripped out my grass, letting it flutter to the ground at my sides. I let out a shaky sigh, tension leaving my body.

I can’t shove her down again. Not if it causes so much pain. I frowned at the stars twinkling above. But what I am supposed to do? I have to control her.

“No more. No controlling.” Lilith grumbled, tension that wasn’t mine going through me. An odd laugh burst from my throat.

“You’re dangerous. You get too many wild ideas, have no self-control You fight everyone and literally tried to k*ll people tonight.” I growled the last words, digging my hands into the dirt. My cheeks warmed and I let out another awkward laugh. I’m really talking to my wolf. Out loud. Like a mad woman.

“But I didn’t.” The same surge of pride went through me, and I snarled.

“You can’t deny what you tried to do. I remember. The whole pack was there, they’re witnesses!” I waved my hands in the air as if I was really arguing with someone.

An image of everyone fine, unharmed flashed in my mind. “Oh.” I mumbled under my breath, my arms flopping to the ground. She didn’t hurt them. They’re all okay. Other than Olivia.

Lilith rumbled in the back of my mind, more images flashing through my mind, creating a clear message. Of our family, safe. The pack leaving them alone. Olivia leaving them alone.

“You sent a message.” I whispered, a sense of awe coming over me. “So the pack would leave them alone.” They won’t bother them while we’re around, now that they know about her. How massive she is, how much damage she’s capable of.

It was genius. I blinked up at the sky, and a fit of laughter tore through me, startling myself.

“You put on a show. For the pack. Of your strength.”

“No. Our strength.” Lilith stated and I sucked in a breath.