Please, Forget me Not

CHAPTER 13

"Ay girl, ang ganda naman ng upo mo riyan, baka gusto mong tumulong?" I looked up to Stefan who was standing in front of me while his both hands were placed on each side of his waist looking down at me.

We are currently here inside the Multipurpose Hall preparing for our exhibit but I’m just sitting in the corner, looking at my phone every now and then.

I once again looked at my phone to check if I received any messages from Zach but just like before, I felt disappointed.

I sighed heavily.

It's been two weeks since we stopped talking. I've been sending him messages to his account in i********:, f*******:, Telegram and to his phone number but he's ignoring all of it. The last talk we had was when I told him I'm going to a night out with my friends.

I can't remember what happened that night pero nang magising ako kinabukasan, nasa ibang kwarto ako. I freaked out while trying to remember if I slept with a stranger or what, pero nakahinga ako nang maluwag nang wala namang kahit anong kakaiba akong nararamdaman sa aking katawan maliban sa sobrang pagsakit ng aking ulo. Then, Saimon entered the room and he explained everything to me why I ended up in his house. He assured me that he didn't do anything to me, and I believed him without a single doubt. Even though we just met twice, I know he's a type of a guy who will never take advantage of you even if you were on your weakest point. He's a gentleman.

He handed me my phone when I asked for it. Fully charged na. He said I’m watching something from my phone repeatedly and I didn't stop until it ran out of battery. When I turned it on, I was shocked when I got bombarded by messages and missed calls from my friends. They were all asking where I am, but my attention was all on Zach's messages. My forehead creased when I only got 5 messages from him at lahat ng iyon ay kaninang madaling araw pa.

Alas dos na ng hapon ngayon!

Isn’t he looking for me?

Hindi ba siya concerned sa'kin?

Hindi ba siya nag-aalala na baka may nangyaring masama sa'kin kaya hindi pa ako nagre-reply sa kaniya?

Teka, ano niya ba ako? Hindi niya naman ako girlfriend para itrato ng ganoon, e. At bakit nasasaktan ako tuwing naiisip ko 'yon?

Why am I suddenly feeling like this?

Am I in love with him?

Hindi 'yon maaari. Hindi ko pa nga siya nakikita sa personal, e. Tsaka ilang buwan ko pa lang naman siya nakakausap, hindi pa madalas dahil busy kami parehas at magkaiba ang oras namin, so it was so impossible for me to fall in love with him. He was just my long-time crush, that's all.

I convinced myself that what I am feeling right now is just a pure attraction that would fade away eventually. I shouldn't invest too much emotions in this uncertain one.

I tried to calm myself. Pinaypayan ko rin ang gilid ng aking mga mata, stopping my tears to fall down. I took a deep breath before started typing for my reply.

He never responded since then.

"Hoy! Kanina pa kitang kinakausap pero hindi ka pala nakikinig!" Napabalik ako sa ulirat nang iwinagayway ni Stefan ang kan’yang kamay sa aking harapan. "Ano ba ang problema mo? Aminin mo nga sa'kin, na-rape ka ba no'ng gwapong nag-uwi sa'yo noong gumimik tayo last time? pansin ko kasi palagi ka nang natutulala mula noon."

"Hoy, aba! walang rapist sa lahi namin, g*go 'to ah!" Biglang sumulpot si Frea at sinapok si Stefan. "Tsaka, may na-rape bang tingin nang tingin sa cellphone, ha? Ang bobo mo talaga minsan Stef!" She scoffed.

"Wow, matalino ka girl? Sige nga, sabihin mo nga sakin kung anong problema ni Khyrss tutal matalino ka naman, e," Stefan retorted.

"Well, I’m sure ghosted na 'yan! Pansin mo ba na hindi na siya nagkukuwento about doon sa Canadian guy niya? Tapos palagi pang nakatutok sa phone, probably waiting for his reply na hindi na darating." Inilahad niya ang kan'yang kamay sa harapan ni Stef.

"What? Ano'ng gagawin ko sa kamay mong magaspang?" Frea nudged him.

"Baka nakakalimutan mo ang pustahan natin? Nasa’n na 'yong 40k namin ni Brenda? Ghosted na frenny natin, e."

"Lol. At paano ka naman nakakasigurado?"

"Asked her, then." Frea crossed her arms confidently while Stefan pulled me up before he spoke.

"Nakakausap mo pa ba si Zachy boy mo?" I shook my head. There's no point on denying it anyway. "Why? What happened?" I shrugged my shoulders.

"I think he has a girlfriend already. I saw something from his ig story, e." You know what, I find this so funny. I should be the one ignoring him because of what I saw and not the other way around but look, I’m the one asking for his attention. How ironic, right?

He didn't even bother to explain everything to me. Kahit hindi nga siya mag-explain, e, okay lang. Simpleng paalam lang naman 'yong gusto ko. Sana sinabihan niya ako na ayaw na niyang makipag-usap, gano'n, para alam ko. Umaasa kasi ako na baka busy lang siya kaya hindi siya makapag-message sa akin o kahit ano pang rason ang meron siya kasi alam ko sa sarili kong iintindihin ko siya. Hindi 'yong ganito na biglang walang paramdam at para akong tangang nangungulit sa kanya.

"I told you, girl. Wala kang makikilalang seryosong lalaki sa social media kaya dapat 'wag kang mag-iinvest ng feelings sa kanila. Hayaan mo na 'yon, andyan naman si Saimon, e. Mas bagay kayo. Tsaka nakakasama at nakikita mo pa, kaysa naman sa ldr na hindi mo mababantayan 'di ba? Hashtag Khymon for the win!"

Napailing na lang ako sa sinabi ni Frea dahil wala ako sa mood para patulan 'yong mga sinasabi niya at hindi na sila pinansin dahil abala na rin sila sa singilan ng kanilang mga pusta. Mga siraulo. Seryoso pala talaga sila noon na pagpustahan ako, akala ko kasi nang-iinis lang.

I looked again at my phone. I scrolled down all my sent messages to him. I think it's more than one hundred at bukod pa 'yong sa mga social media accounts niya. After staring at those unread messages, I just realized that I don't deserve this. Hindi dapat ako nangungulit, it's not my thing. If he didn't want to talk to me anymore, then fine! Bahala na siya. I'm so done with it. From now on, I'll pretend that those months of talking to him didn't happen.

And to successfully do that, I need to block him from all of my social media accounts for my peace of mind.

P*tangina niya kasi!

Itinago ko na ang cellphone ko at nagsimula na akong tumulong sa kanila sa paghahanda para sa exhibit namin this friday, after kasi nitong week na'to, rehearsal na lang ang gagawin namin para sa graduation and I couldn't be more excited for that day to come!

Surely that would be my first stress free day!

"Gusto mo bang uminom tonight? Libre ko. Ililibre kita kasi dahil sa'yo, nagkaroon ako ng 20k nang walang kahirap-hirap." Frea put her arms in my shoulder. We're now heading towards our building to get our things because we are already done for today.

"Pass," tanggi ko habang umiiling. Ayaw ko nang mag-inom talaga. Last time, almost two days akong nakahiga dahil sa sobrang sakit ng ulo ko. That was hell at ayaw ko nang maulit 'yon. Tsaka may pasok pa kami bukas kaya mas lalong ayaw ko.

"Kj naman nito! Dali na kasi! Sa bahay lang naman namin, e, kasi pass muna ako sa bar." The last sentence she said caught my attention. I looked at her and she suddenly become quiet.

"Why?" I asked when I suddenly remembered something.

"Gusto ko sa bahay, e," she answered, her gaze fixed in front of her trying to avoid my malicious stare.

"I wanna ask you something..."

"Go on."

"Where are you when I got drunk last time?" Tila nagulat siya sa tanong ko dahil bigla siyang natigilan pero agad ding nakabawi.

"Of course I... I w-went home a-already. Why are you asking me that?" she stammered.

"Edi wow. Hindi ka magaling magsinungaling." I know she didn't go home that night because it was Saimon who brought her car back home. I saw that in his garage when I was about to go home.

"You're with Aly, aren't you?" She was about to deny it but I cut her off. "‘Wag mo nang i-deny. I know my best friend. Never niya akong iniwan sa inuman pero bigla siyang nawala... pati rin ikaw. I was alone with your cousin hanggang sa malasing ako at hindi dumating si Aly para iuwi ako. I tried to ask him about that pero he's been silent about it so, I know something really happened dahil hindi naman niya ako ipagpapalit sa kahit na sino not unless it was you."

I grinned at her. "I just want to know if there’s something going on between you. Did he confess na?" excited na tanong ko.

"You will know everything tonight kung sasama ka." She winked at me. She really knows how to use my curiosity against me well.

"Oo na, leche ka!"

She clapped her hands. "Perfect! Walang uwian 'yon ha? Sa’min ka tutulog. Mabuti na lang may ilang damit ka sa closet ko for tonight. You can borrow my clothes naman for school tomorrow, magkasing-sexy lang naman tayo."

"What about Brenda and Stef, are they coming with us?" Tanong ko habang papalapit na kami sa pintuan ng classroom namin.

"They wanted to, but unfortunately they have appointments tonight, so, tayo lang dalawa." Ah, kaya pala umuna nang umalis yung dalawa kanina.

I went straight to my things when we entered the room and did some retouch bago kami lumabas. I sent Aly a message that I won't come home tonight para hindi na niya ako intayin pa.

"Daan muna tayo sa supermarket, wala kasi akong groceries sa bahay. Tinamad akong lumabas noong linggo, e," Frea uttered while starting the engine of her car.

"So paano ka kumakain?"

"Deliver," she answered casually.

"Ang tamad-tamad mo talaga! So, ano... ako ang magluluto ng pagkain natin ngayon pati bukas ng umaga?" I asked what's obvious. Hindi kasi siya marunong magluto, e. Mabuti na lang marunong si Aly. Hindi sila magugutom if ever sila 'yong magkatuluyan.

"Ako bukas ng umaga. Marunong naman ako magprito, 'no!" I gave her a mocking face.

"Franzyn Eallana wala kang maloloko rito, marunong ka nga magprito but we both know that you're not a morning person." I rolled my eyes at her.

"Okay, sabi ko nga." She grinned at me. Wala talagang aasahan sa babaeng 'to. Napailing ako at tumingin na lang sa labas.

"So... what are your plans after graduation?" Napabalik ang tingin ko sa kan’ya nang bigla siyang magsalita.

"Plans? What do you mean?" kunot-noong tanong ko. Dalawa kasi 'yong nasa isip ko. Kung celebration ba or about sa work.

"Celebration. Out of town ba?" Lumingon siya sa akin saglit at agad iyong ibinalik sa daan.

"We're going out with Villareal fam for dinner then kinabukasan 'yong out of town. Hindi pa sure kung kasama sila Aly roon, but my mom was inviting them too. Ikaw ba?"

"Sana all. Family dinner lang ang amin. Busy kasi parents ko for out of town." I can sense her sadness from what she said, and I know where she was coming from. She's been longing for her parents.

"You can come with us if you want." I invited her na ikinagulat niya. 

"Are you freaking serious!?" Natawa ako sa reaksyon niya.

"Oo naman."

"Oh, my God!! Excited na ako! First trip pa lang natin 'yon together 'pag nagkataon!" I just smiled at her. If Aly is my boy best friend, siya naman yung girl best friend ko. We just met during our freshmen year but she's as special just like how special Aly is to me. Parehas kasi kami ng sitwasyon ng magulang. We used to sleep in each other's house before kapag kami lang 'yong naiiwan sa bahay. Kapag wala 'yong parents niya, roon ako natutulog sa kanila, kapag naman wala 'yong magulang ko, siya naman 'yong natutulog sa amin. Gan’yan ang set up namin before, naging busy lang talaga kami sa school kaya medyo matagal na rin naming hindi nagagawa 'yon. Ngayon na lang ulit.

"Hoy, ano riyan ka na lang? Hindi ka ba sasama sa loob?" Napabalik ako sa aking ulirat nang katukin niya ang bintana sa gilid ko. Nakalabas na pala ang gaga, hindi ko man lang namalayan.

"You're always spacing out, ano baang iniisip mo, ha?" takang tanong niya nang makalabas ako ng sasakyan. Nagsimula na kaming maglakad papasok ng mall.

"Wala naman."

"Sus, kunwari ka pa, baka dahil doon sa kapatid ni Algid. Hayaan mo na 'yon, ang layo-layo naman noon, e. Madami naman dito sa Pinas. Kung gusto mo, 'yong pinsan ko na lang, wala naman 'yong girlfriend. Successful na, gwapo pa." She winked at me. Palagi na niyang nirereto sa akin si Saimon simula noong malaman niyang siya 'yong nag-uwi sa akin noon. Hindi siya tumitigil kada malalapit kami sa ganitong topic!

"Tigilan mo nga akong babae ka, porket may love life ka na ngayon, e."

"Ulol." Natawa ako nang dali-dali na siyang naglakad sa entrance ng supermarket at iniwan ako. Akala niya ba makakalimutan ko 'yon? Mapapasabak siya sa hotseat maya-maya. I can't wait any longer!

Agad kaming dumiretso sa kusina para ilagay 'yong mga groceries na pinamili namin nang makarating kami sa bahay nila.

Frea handed me a glass of water.

"Thanks." Inubos ko muna iyon bago inilagay sa sink.

I leaned on the counter while watching her put the cokes and beers that she bought in the refrigerator. Napalingon siya sa akin.

"Huwag ka na tumigil diyan, magluto ka na kasi nagugutom na ako."

"Okay, Senorita," I said sarcastically that earned a laugh from her. I just rolled my eyes and started bringing out the goods we bought.

I decided to cook pork adobo para madali lang lutuin. Habang nagluluto ako, si Frea naman 'yong nagsasaing. Nakaupo siya ngayon sa island stool at abala sa pagce-cellphone.

Nang matapos ako magluto, kumain na kami. After eating, naghugas muna siya ng plato bago kami umakyat sa kwarto niya para maglinis ng katawan. Gusto na niya kasing magsimula sa aming inuman session. Pumayag naman ako hindi dahil sa alak kung hindi dahil doon sa mga ikukwento niya about her and Aly!

Nauna na siya sa cr habang ako naman ay nakaupo sa sahig at nanonood sa mini flat screen tv sa loob ng kwarto niya. Nang maburyo, kinuha ko naman ang cellphone ko at nag-scroll na lang sa mga social media accounts ko. It took so much in me to fight the urge of stalking Zach or messaging him, mabuti na lang at nai-block ko na siya dahil kung hindi, baka hindi ko na naman mapigilan ang sarili kong kulitin ulit siya.

"Akala ko sa cr ka na matutulog," I scoffed right after Frea get out of the bathroom. Tumayo na ako at kinuha 'yong damit na susuotin ko na nakapatong sa kama niya.

"Bakit hindi mo pa inakyat 'yong mga drinks at chips?"

"Ikaw na, tinatamad akong bumaba kanina, e." She frowned.

"'Wag mo naman ipahalata na kaya ka lang sumama sa akin ay dahil gusto mo lang makichismis."

"Tunay naman, e, kaya okay lang na 'yan ang isipin mo."

She was about to throw her hairbrush at me because of what I said but luckily, I got inside the bathroom immediately. I heard her swore at me from outside, but I just laughed in response.

When I went out of the bathroom, I saw her already sitting on the floor with beers, coke and chips in front of her while she was busy typing on her phone. I walked towards her and settled myself in front of her.

Ibinaba na niya ang cellphone niya at nagbukas siya ng isang beer bago iyon inabot sa akin.

"Do you remember the telegram guy whom I went out with for a few days?” Tumango ako. “I'm the one who ghosted him not the other way around."

“Kaya pala parang hindi ka affected noon. Why did you lie to me, then?" I hugged her pillow and rested my chin on it. She's now starting her story.

"Of course, I don't want you to throw a lot of questions at me that time. But the real reason is... I have a huge crush on Algid." She covered her face with her palms.

"O, to the M, to the G! Seryoso? Bakit hindi ko nahalata?" Why am I freaking clueless about that!?

"Ewan ko sa'yo, baka magaling lang akong magtago or tanga ka lang at hindi mo napansin," she scoffed at me. "So, ayon na nga, I just used that telegram guy baka sakaling ma-divert ko sa kan'ya 'yong nararamdaman ko for Algid, but it didn't work. I ended up ghosting him dahil mukhang walang pakialam 'yong best friend mo noong nakita niya akong sinundo noon last time when he was waiting for you. Alam mo ba, minsan naiinis na ako sa'yo 'pag nakikita ko kung gaano kayo ka-close at ka-sweet, naiinis ako 'pag 'yong atensyon niya palaging na sa'yo kahit na alam kong mag-best friend lang kayo, hindi ko pa rin mapigilan makaramdam ng gano’n towards you, but syempre, I didn't let that affect our friendship." I was speechless. Wala akong napansin na kahit ano! Akala ko recently lang siya nagka-crush kay Algid!

"You should have told me that you have a crush on him!" She sipped on her beer before answering me.

"Feeling ko kasi baka magselos ka at ipagdamot mo sa’kin si Algid kapag nalaman mo. May ganoon kasing best friend ‘di ba? 'yong feeling jowa." Inismiran ko siya.

"So ganoon ang tingin mo sa akin?" hindi makapaniwalang tanong ko sa kan'ya.

"Medyo? Sobrang close niyo kasi, e! Iniisip ko noon na baka nasanay ka na ganoon kayo to the point na ayaw mo nang may makaagaw ng atensyon niya sa'yo. I'm sorry for thinking of you that way, pero genuine 'yong pakikitungo ko sa'yo ha? walang halong kaplastikan." She wiggled her eyebrows at me.

"Eto pa, the reason why I keep on insisting that he was your boyfriend was to low-key check if you were still best friends, baka kasi sa sobrang sweet niyo na-in love na kayo sa isa't isa, e." I gave her a disgusting face.

"That was... ew!" nandidiring sabi ko sa kan'ya.

"Hoy, maka ew ka r’yan! Ang gwapo-gwapo kaya ni Algid!" Binato niya sa akin 'yong unan na nasa lap niya.

"Yeah, he is. Wala naman akong sinabing hindi, ah? Ang nakakadiri ro'n was that you actually thought that we would fall in love with each other. Imposible 'yon, okay? He's more like a kuya for me." I tried to explain.

"Oo na, kailan ko lang din 'yan na-realize. Tsaka... pwede bang manahimik ka muna riyan kung gusto mong matapos ako sa pagkukwento. Keep your comments to yourself na lang muna." I rolled my eyes then gestured her to continue. I grabbed the chips near me at binuksan ko iyon.

"Halos mamatay na ako sa kakaisip kung bakit niya ako iniiwasan at bakit parang mainit 'yong dugo niya sa akin dati hanggang sa pinabayaan ko na lang. I convinced myself na wala akong pag-asa sa kan'ya kaya I tried to ignore him too. I've been trying to forget my attraction towards him for almost a month when our night out happened. I asked you to pick me up because I’m planning to get wasted nga, but before I reached his car, he suddenly drove away fast for unknown reasons." She stopped for a moment to sipped on her drink again before continuing her story.

"Then bigla kong naalala 'yong pagiging mailap niya sa akin kaya I decided to bring my own car na lang. Baka napilitan lang siyang isabay ako sa inyo, e. While driving, kung anu-ano ang pumapasok sa isip kong possible reasons niya kung bakit gano’n siya sa’kin but all of that doesn't make sense. When I reached the bar, I saw him outside and we had an argument. That's why I’m in a bad mood when I joined you." Kain lang ako nang kain habang nagkukwento siya kahit deep inside gusto ko nang sumabat.

Nagpaalam siya na mag-ccr muna kaya umalis siya saglit. Nang makabalik siya ay ipinagpatuloy niya na ang pagkukwento.

"Ayon, gusto kong magpakalasing noong gabing 'yon sa sama ng loob sa best friend mo but when I’m actually enjoying the night on the dance floor, he pulled me out of the bar. Algid looked so mad at me! Sis, grabe pulang-pula 'yong mukha niya and he's panting! Medyo nawala 'yong pagkalasing ko dahil sa itsura niya. Nagkasagutan ulit kami. I forced him to tell me the reason for his cold treatment then he confessed. He likes me too. Nahalikan ko siya dahil do'n!"

"Oh, my god! P*tangina! Kinikilig ako! parang scenes lang sa novel 'yong nangyari sa inyo, my gosh!" Nanlaki ang mga mata ko at hindi ko na napigilan ang sarili kong sumabat.

“Gusto ko rin maranasan na may manghila sa akin palabas ng bar!” naiinggit na dagdag ko.

“Si Aly, ah. Ilang beses ka na noong hinila palabas ng bar tuwing lasing ka na pero ayaw mo pa ring umuwi,” tatawa tawang sabi niya. Inirapan ko siya dahil sa sinabi niya pero agad ring nginitian nang nakakaloko.

"Huhulaan ko ang sumunod na nangyari. Noong hinalikan mo siya, he kissed you back then you went inside the car and made love. Inang, kaya pala hindi kayo makita ni Saimon, ha." Humagalpak ako nang tawa nang makita ang reaksyon niya sa sinabi ko. Lumapit siya sa akin at hinampas ako ng unan.

"G*go, hinatid niya lang ako pauwi after no’n 'no! ang awkward nga, e." Hindi naniniwalang tiningnan ko siya.

"Sus, tanggi pa. E, bakit hindi na niya ako binalikan, ha? Ah alam ko na, baka dito sa bahay mo kayo gumawa ng kababalaghan. ‘Pag kasi sa kotse, limited lang 'yong galaw ‘di ba compared dito sa bahay niyong malawak at walang tao kun’di kayo. Solong-solo niyo ang buong gabi. Mas maganda nga rito. Nice choice." Humagalpak ulit ako nang tawa nang inis na inis na hinampas sa akin ni Frea 'yong malambot niyang unan.

"P*tangina mo! Hinatid nga lang ako rito, gusto ka pa ngang balikan kaso pinigilan ko siya kaya hindi na siya nakabalik tapos natulog lang kami nang magkatabi! 'Yon lang! Napakabastos ng utak mo ha!" She gave me one last hit bago siya tumigil. Hinihingal siya habang nakatingin sa akin. I tried to stop myself from laughing kasi baka mapaghahampas na naman ako, e ang sakit na ng mga braso ko kakasangga!

"Sus, imposibleng tulog lang. Alam mo, ‘wag ka nang mahiya sa akin, ako lang 'to, ano ka ba?" Ngumisi ako sa kaniya. Inis na inis naman niya akong tiningnan.

"Sana pala hindi ko na lang i-kinuwento sa'yo, t*ngina ka!"

Binalot ng malakas na halakhak ko ang gabing 'yon.