Rose-Colored Metamorphoses

CHAPTER 9

"It's okay to feel that, Xavier-kun. I'm here. I'm here to comfort you," bulong ni Akiara sa tainga ko. I closed my eyes and let myself feel her embrace for a little bit longer. The scent of her cologne and the faint smell of her shampoo filling up my nostrils.

"A... Aki?"

Bigla siyang umatras at pinahid ang mga luha na tumutulo sa mga mata niya. "Go... Gomenasai... I got...Carried away. Sorry, Xavie—"

(Trans. : Gomenasai means "I'm sorry)

I shook my head as I wiped the tears on her cheeks. "No, it's all right."

Umupo siya ulit sa swing at tinitigan ang lupa.

Well, this is awkward, bulong ng isip ko. Bakit kaya siya umiiyak?

"At first I really thought that you are a jerk, to be honest," pagbabasag ni Akiara sa katahimikan. "Then I talked to my brother about it and he told me na lahat tayo may dahilan why we are like this."

Nilingon ko siya. Nagkatitigan kami. Nakita ko ang biglang pamumula ng kanyang pisngi at pag-iwas ng tingin.

"There's a reason why you developed that personality disorder. There's a reason why I am so friendly. There's a reason why Louise is such a spoiled kid. And Onichan told me that I should try to understand those kinds of things because I've only seen someone's chapter in life, not their whole story. So I decided to stick with you. I didn't... Expected that you'll open up. "

(Trans.: Oni-chan means older brother)

" I didn't expected that too... " I whispered.

" You know, I hate to see someone alone. It always hits me that that person might be fighting their own battles too, but they are alone and there's no one to help them. I don't want to feel that feeling again so I keep on hanging around you. In a way, I feel comfortable around you and that I still can help you just in case you're doubting yourself or you have problems. I might not be able to tell you to forget that guilty feeling but  I can help you ease that painful and horrible memory. Who knows, baka bukas-makalawa bumalik ka na sa dating ikaw. Nararamdaman mo na ulit yung mga emotions na hindi mo naramdaman from the past two years. I want to help you, Xavier-kun. Cause that's what friends do," she said, as she turned to look at me and smile. " I'll help you trust and believe in people again. "

Hindi ko alam bakit ako nagtitiwala sa mga sinabi niya. I would've tell her to f*ck off, leave me alone, and mind her own business like what I usually do. But not her. Not Matsubara. To be honest, her words felt like good music in my ears. Calming and soothing in the middle of my chaotic existence.

"Nani shite tano?" inis na bungad ni Jiro na puputol sa pag-uusap namin. He approached Akiara. "Otto-sama is looking for you. What took you so long to go to the hospital?" 

(Trans. : "What were you doing?",Otto-sama means Father)

" I'm... I'm sorry I made her listen to my—" pag-singit ko.

"Ie, Onichan. It was my idea to have a chit-chat with him," sabi ni Akiara habang nakatitig sa kapatid niya na parang humihingi ng pag-iintindi. Jiro sighed. 

(Trans. : No, older brother.)

We heard bells ringing. Sabay-sabay kaming napalingon sa may bakod ng eskwelahan at nakita namin ang sorbetero na papadaan. Nagliwanag ang mukha ni Akiara at lumingon sa Kuya niya.

" Jiro-nichan, I'm gonna buy dirty ice cream!" bulalas niya bago nagtatatakbo papalapit sa bakod. May kalayuan din 'yon.

" Hey, aho! Slow down!" sigaw ni Jiro. Umupo ito sa swing na katabi ko pagkatapos ay nagkamot ng ulo. "Tsk, basta pagkain talaga..." Nilingon niya ako. "Xavier, right? Pardon my sister for her high energy." 

(Trans. : Aho means moron)

I just smiled. "Nah, it's alright." And to be honest, I was the one who made your sister stay here. 

"I hope Aki wouldn't be like before. I always want to see her like this," malungkot na sabi niya.

"Why? Did something happened before?" tanong ko.

Oh great, Xavier. Starting to involve yourself with other people again.

"I wasn't her oldest brother. To be exact, there were three Matsubara siblings in the first place."

"Then? What happened to the oldest one?" Mas lumungkot pa ang mukha ng kausap ko. Maybe it was a really tough time for them.

"Kei-nichan commited suicide five years ago. He was nineteen years old," he almost whispered. 

"Condolence," I whispered. He just stared on the grass underneath his feet.

" Our father, Daichi, is a very strict and tight-laced man. He never heard our mother's opinions because first, she's a woman, and he doesn't really love her in the first place. It was an arranged marriage, to start. He said that women should put their places in the kitchen, cooking and serving the family. Yeah, that's how misogynistic my father's views are."

I sighed. Yeah, family drama. Guess everyone experiences that, huh?

" My oldest brother... Kei... Since we were young, he was trained to obey my father and everything that he's ordered to do, like a robot. Kei is quite a genius. My father saw his potential and pushed him more. He wasn't even allowed to play with other kids, even with me. He never experienced a memorable childhood, let alone socialize with us, since everytime he goes back from school idinidiretso siya agad sa kuwarto niya para turuan ng private tutor. Of course all of us experience that, but Kei's on a whole different level, lalo na siya ang first born. As I grow up and see Kei in that little room, receiving beatings from Otto-sama when he doesn't meet his expectations, somehow it instilled fear in us. But Kei always smiled and endured all of that. "

I stared at him. Halata sa mukha niya na naaalala niya lahat ng traumatic experiences na naranasan nilang magkakapatid. Man, I guess it's better to have an estranged dad rather than that tough-lover dad.

God, thank you for making my father estranged rather than like that.

" Aki was on her last year in elementary school and I is on my second year in middle school when Kei-nichan was on his last year of high school. It was the time for him to choose the career he's going to pursue. But being a Matsubara, he's left with only two options: law or medicine. By the way, he wants to be a painter. "

I see. So they're running barefooted on a cemented road,already paved for them. All they have to do is to pursue what their father is offering them.

"Father disapproved it. Sabi niya wala daw pera d'on, walang kinabukasan si Kei-nichan doon, he'll be a disgrace, and he forced him to take law. Little did we know that Niichan is already experiencing depression that time. Hindi siya nagkukuwento. Kahit sa akin.

"That day was supposed to be our last family gathering for the year. Own version of Thanksgiving and reunion ng pamilya namin  n'on, hindi pa lumalabas si Nichan sa kuwarto niya simula pa n'ong tanghalian so Oka-san asked Aki to fetch him dahil dumating na yung iba naming mga kamag-anak. Pagkatapos nakarinig kami ng tili. I rushed there only to see the most heart-breaking scene I ever saw in my life.

"Kei's hanging on the ceiling with his bedsheet wrapped around his neck. Nakatirik yung mga mata niya, nakalabas ang dila. His body's slowly swinging habang may nakatumbang upuan sa ilalim niya. He... He hung himself... And of course, Aki. Unconscious, lying on the floor. They immediately rushed Onichan to the hospital but it was too late."

Tumayo si Jiro pagkatapos ay tumayo sa harap ko. His hands in his pockets, staring at me. " Aki was left traumatized and catatonic for almost a year. After that, Aki never smiled or laughed again. Not until now. " Nilingon niya ang kapatid niya na medyo papalapit na at may bitbit na tatlong sorbetes. " Kaya Xavier Mendoza, ewan ko kung anong ginawa mo sa kapatid ko, pero salamat. Huwag ka lang sanang magiging dahilan para bumalik sa dati kapatid ko," sabi niya bago niya nilapitan si Akiarang walang kaalam-alam na kwinento na ng Kuya niya sa akin ang buong buhay niya. Kinuha niya ang isang ice cream mula sa kamay nito. Bumaling naman sa akin si Akiara at iniabot sa akin ang isa sa mga ice cream na hawak niya.

"Xavier-kun, sa'yo 'to. Pa' no, una na kami. Baka nagagalit na si Oto-sama. Tara na nichan, para maumpisahan na natin ang paghuhugas ng plato. "

Inakbayan siya ni Jiro. "Hindi pa naman. Malapit pa lang. Okay lang sa'kin , ikaw lang naman maghuhugas ng plato kasi ikaw lang naman yung hinanap. Sinundo lang kita."

Sinamaan siya ng tingin ni Akiara. "Bully ka talaga, nichan." Lumingon ito sa akin. Pagkatapos ay ngumiti nang pagkatamis-tamis na akala mo walang pinagdadaanan. Ngiti na nagpakabog ng dibdib ko na parang dinaluyan ng milyong kuryente. " Bye-bye, Xavier-kun!"

I just smiled and waved them goodbye.

He's wrong. 

I didn't changed Akiara. 

She's the one who changed me,slowly making me believe into trust again. Made me feel again familiar sensations I used to feel before. It was all her.

And I swear, while I fix myself, I'll protect that smile. No matter how hard it is. Even if I'm still suffering with my personality disorder. Even if I find relationships suffocating.

It's weird, I guess. But maybe...

Yeah, maybe I'm starting to like her even more.