Rose-Colored Metamorphoses

CHAPTER 8

XAVIER'S BACKSTORY

Grade 9, First Semester

"I was... quite popular before. I was the captain of the basketball team, an honor student, you name it. And of course, when you are like that, you are at the top of the school's heirarchy. You got so many followers and friends. The elite ones. The ones on top of that hierarchy too. And Louise was one of them. She's the captain of the cheerleading team, my childhood friend, and I was dating her. I was happy because I got so many friends who always got my back. I was well-loved. "

Nilingon ko ang lalaking umakbay sa akin. Si Connor Sebastian Del Valle pala. Isa sa mga pinakamatalik na kaibigan ko. 

" Yow, Xavi! Let's go to your place after class! "

I chuckled. " Come on, Ian. I can't. I've promised the others to go to Louise's pool party. Why don't you come with me? Para naman magkaroon ka ng social life, bro." 

Ian frowned. "C'mon, man. I can't. Ayoko ng alak at brats." 

Biglang sumeryoso ang aura ng paligid. Seryoso na kasi si Ian na nakatingin sa akin. "Hey, John Xavier. Masyado ka nang napapasama sa kanila. Alam mo delikado ka sa mga brats na 'yan. They'll bring you down if they got a chance." 

Inakbayan ko si Ian at pabirong hinampas ang balikat niya. "Ano ba, Sebastian! Kaya wala kang masyadong social life, e! Masyado kang seryoso! What's wrong of having fun sometimes? And besides, I can still manage the basketball team and being on the honor roll. Alam ko kapag ginag*go na ako, man. Don't stress yourself. "

" I wish that time I listened to him. I didn't realize that because of socializing too much, lumaki ang ulo ko. I became a brat like them. I always used my status as the captain and being on the honor roll to mock those students who were less capable than me. In short, I became a jerk. Everything changed that day, when another middle class kid transferred on my class. But she's different from everybody else. She's always alone and silent in one corner. All of us saw her as that one weird nerd in your class. So you know what popular assh*les always do. They bully the weaker ones. "

" C'mon, Mia ! I told you to buy me strawberry milk, right? Then what the f*ck is this? " himutok ni Louise bago niya sinabunutan si Mia, ang transferee. Tinignan ko lang sila habang kumakain. Imbes kasi na strawberry milk ang bilhin nito, binilhan niya si Louise ng soya milk na ayaw na ayaw niya. 

" W-wa-la n-na k-kasi akong naabutan, Louise. Na-naubos n-na," nanginginig na sabi ni Mia. 

" Ha, you incompetent piece of sh*t! Can't you even follow simple instructions? I already told you, I want strawberry milk!" Mas lalo pang nilakasan ni Louise ang pagsabunot niya sa buhok ni Mia. Halos maiyak na ito sa sakit. I put down my lunch box and glared at her. 

" Hey, Louise! You f*cking go buy your own strawberry milk! Stop pulling her hair! " sigaw ko. 

Binitawan ni Louise si Mia. Bumagsak ito sa sahig. She crossed her legs and then her arms and stared at me. "So what's this, Xavi? You're siding with losers now? Eew." 

Sinenyasan ko si Mia na lumabas na ng kuwarto. Mabilis itong nagtatatakbo palabas. "You're just too noisy. Let me eat my lunch in peace." 

"Come on, Xavi! You should not worry about that loser. You should use your power to get what you want. Besides, you're not just an ordinary student. You are the king. And you know what Kings do? They use their power. So why are you now wasting effort for that weirdo? " bulyaw sa akin ni Louise. 

Umayon ang iba sa sinabi ni Louise. I got annoyed. " Hey, I'm not worrying for that Mia girl, okay? I'm just pissed because Louise is shouting here like a f*cking psycho. Keep your voice down, for Pete's sake! And also, I think we should start thinking for new ways to have fun! It's so f*cking boring!" 

Louise smiled devilishly. " Then why not play little tricks with that transferee, Xavi? There are so many things you can do with one person to end that boredom, you know? "

Gab smirked when I didn't answered." Come on, Captain! Huwag mong sabihing takot ka? "

I glared at him. "Who said I'm scared? Do you want me to show what I can do?"

"There are other popular kids inside that room at that time. Nand'un yung tatlong captain ng mga sports team ng school. Si Ian. Si Louise. At yung sumunod sa akin sa basketball team, si Gab. They all heard how I accepted the challenge to toy with Mia and they all looked thrilled. Except Ian. And little did I knew, that the rest of them would be the reason of my downfall later,"

"After that day, I started bullying Mia. I knew no limitations. I always apply spray paint on her locker and seat, or sometimes trying to spill on her her food especially hot soup from our canteen during break time. Partly I want to do that because I want to impress Louise, but those actions were mostly fueled by the thought of them thinking that I am weak. I terrorized her for months by pulling pranks on her that sometimes leaves her injured. Minsan kinukuha ko lahat ng baon niya, kinukuha PE uniform niya, destroying her books at one time I even locked her inside the girls' restroom. Louise and the rest of them are not only watching. They would always step in only to bully her more physically. Sometimes they would just watch. Walang naglakas-loob na magsumbong sa mga teachers, especially Mia. Sino ba namang gustong maging target ng pambu-bully, 'di ba? Lalo na at pamangkin si Louise ng principal at lahat kami anak-mayaman.  My best friend Ian and I started arguing with each other. One time he even hit me on the face with a book. He's mad. "

" John Xavier! How many times do I have to tell you that you should leave Mia alone? What the f*ck, man! Didn't you see the scars on her f*****g arms and legs? How about the burns on her hands because you always spill hot soup on her during break time ? She's living in hell because of you and your assh*le friends! Put*ngina, Xavi! Gan'yan ka na ba kag*go? "

I punched Ian back. He glanced back at me with eyes filled with hate and disbelief. " T*ngina, Xavier. Buong buhay ko kilala kita. T*ngina pare, hindi mo gawain 'yan e. Masyado ka nang nabubulag ng mga pinagsasasabi nila Louise. Asan na yung John Xavier na palakaibigan? Yung John Xavier na mapagkumbaba? Yung mabait?" 

I smirked. "Because I'm not like you, Sebastian. I'm cool and I'm not as boring as you. Now what? Are you jealous that I have more friends than you?" 

Ian face-palmed. Pinipigilan niya ang sarili niya na hatawin ako ulit ng libro niya na may yupi na sa lakas ng paghampas niya sa akin. "Ewan ko na sa'yo, John Xavier! It wouldn't be my fault anymore if you get into trouble!"

"That was the last time I ever had conversation with Ian. He avoided me. I was blinded by my false beliefs and my fake friends that I just continued to bully that girl.The worst thing I've ever done was unacceptable. That Saturday night I called them to go to my place since my parents were on a business trip. The last person I ever called was Mia. I threatened her that if she didn't showed up, things would be much worse on Monday. Louise and the other popular kids were already there when Mia came alone. "

" So, Mia. Drink," pag-aalok sa kanya ni Gab ng isang baso ng alak. They were drinking. I was a little bit drunk already but I tried my best to stay awake. 

Nakita ko ang pag-tanggi ni Mia sa basong iniaabot ni Gab. Mukhang napahiya ito. Ininom niya lahat ng laman ng baso at pagkatapos ay ibinaba iyon. Sinampal niya ng malakas si Mia. "You w***e! No one dares to say 'no' to me!"  He started unbuckling his belt and taking off his pants. Doon ako natauhan. Dali-dali akong tumayo at pumagitna sa kanila. 

"Hey, stop! You've gone too far!" 

Tinabig ako ni Gab. Since I was already drunk by that time, mabilis niya akong napatumba. Kahit na umiikot ang paningin ko, I stood up, trying to pull Gab away from Mia. 

"My mind was in a dilemma at that time. But I decided, f*ck it. I don't care if I wouldn't be popular anymore. He's going to r**e her. And I have to step in. This is not what I want. This is not what I've expected and this is not what I thought would happen. Not this far." 

Nakipagbuno ako kay Gab. Everyone's screaming, telling us to stop. I shouted at Mia. "You better go run, Mia!" 

She stopped to look at me for a second and I can see her miserable face. Her eyes swollen in tears. Then she ran outside. Sinuntok ko ang panga ni Gab to make him stop grabbing my neck because he's already choking me.  The others ran outside too to chase after her. Iniwan ko si Gab na nakahiga sa sahig. 

F*ck it. 

It just dawned on me that these so-called "friends" of mine were nothing but bullies. And I became one of them.  

I ran after them. Chased them down the street. But I didn't found them. 

It was already morning when I decided to go back. Wala na si Gab na nakahandusay sa sahig. Nakakalat ang mga bote ng alak na ninakaw ata nila sa parents nila. We are all under-aged, after all. I sat there, my head pounding, hanggang sa nakatulog na ako. I woke up around 1 PM with the sound of my smartphone ringing. It was Louise. Even though having a severe headache, I answered it. 

"Hello? Louise?" 

She was crying hysterically. "Xavi! Mia... Mia's dead! She's dead! I don't want to go to the jail! Xavi, I don't want to go to the jail!" 

Biglang nawala ang hangover ko.

" Sa halos paputol-putol na kuwento ni Louise nalaman ko ang lahat. Mia was a victim of hit-and-run last night while she was trying to run away from us. Dead on arrival. Pagkapasok ko ng Monday I met with them. Everyone was silent, no one dared to say anything. Guilt and fear can be seen on their faces. When I entered the room they all stared at me, as if asking me, 'What now?' ."

"Tuesday morning I was asked to go straight to the principal's office. Kahit na kinakabahan, I immediately went there. Nand'on si Louise, si Gab, yung tatlong captain ng sports team. My so-called friends. At higit sa lahat, nand'on ang parents ni Mia, umiiyak. Nang makita ako ng nanay niya, she immediately ran at me and slapped me hard on the face. Kung hindi siya nahila palayo sa akin, I could've received harder slaps. Hindi sila makatingin sa akin."

" Now, Miss Louise Adela Suarez, can you repeat your testimony about the bullying case of Mia Sanchez“?"

" We... we tried to talk Xavier out of it, Mr. Principal. We asked him to stop... But he just wouldn't listen... He was the reason why Mia suffered like that.. He's the one responsible for doing horrible things to her... We were being forced by him to do those other things...  " Louise almost whispered those words.

 I was shocked. In anger and disbelief, I stepped in. " Wow Louise! Didn't you tried to bully her before because of just a goddamned strawberry milk? How about you, captains? Didn't you tried to carve things on her skin before because you're bored? And how about you, Gab? Didn't you even tried to r**e her in front of us? " 

" I was raging mad. I can't believe it. All of those crimes were now being placed on my shoulders to carry. It's unfair. So unfair. "

" We only did it because you threatened us that you're going to target us if we don't do that to her! But believe us, Mr. Principal! We're just victims here too! " sigaw ni Louise habang umiiyak. 

" I never tried to r**e her! You moron! " segunda ni Gab. Akmang susugurin niya ako pero pinigilan siya ng iba pa nilang kasama. Naikuyom ko ang mga kamao ko sa sobrang galit. Pero hindi ako nagsalita. Alam kong mas lalo ko lang palalakihin ang gulo kung papairalin ko ang galit ko.

" I almost got expelled because of that. But because of my father's money, my punishment was changed to one-month suspension and I was removed as the captain of the basketball team. My other so-called 'friends'? They did not even received any punishment because the principal sided with Louise especially she's his niece. All of the blame and the hate was passed on me. They were all disappointed. I can't blame anyone since I have a fair share of it. Pero bakit ako lang? Lahat kami may ginawang masama. Pero bakit ako lang? Why do I have to shoulder all of the blame and the guilt? "

I looked at Akiara. She's listening intently. She glanced at me. Seeing me staring at her, she immediately turned her head, with her cheeks blushing.

" That's the triggering point of my SPD. In that one month I started to withdraw from anyone. For me, human relationships suck. It even got worse when I learned that Gab was appointed to be the new captain of the basketball team and he and Louise are now dating. I felt betrayed. And a huge part of me think that I deserved it because I am a monster. "

I shifted on my seat and stared at the leaves of the trees gently swaying along the breeze. " I was... Diagnosed in Grade 10. Doctors said it developed when I was a kid especially that I don't usually receive attention from my parents because of our family's business and then that event triggered it. Every now and then I try to undergo talk therapies but I still find it hard to overcome it. You know, Aki... I just wanted to go back... And I could've made myself better and avoided everything from happening. "

I stared hard on the ground. Still emotionless. But there's a part of me that feels ashamed to Akiara. And maybe, ashamed of myself. Hindi umiimik si Akiara. Bigla na lang siyang tumayo at dahan-dahang lumapit sa akin. Tiningala ko siya. Walang anu-ano'y bigla niya akong niyakap.