This Selfish Love of Mine

Living and dying are part of human life, no one can avoid it, and no one can certainly choose if they wanted to live or die. One thing I learned 7 years ago was that saying sorry could never bring a person back from the dead. It was raining at that time, I could vividly remember his gaze which was traumatized from what happened, that one accident changed everything. And yet I, the one who caused everything, was standing there right next to the dead body, soaked from the rain with blood on my clothes and hands. Human life is precious, you won't be able to tell when it'll die which makes it more frightening than ever. Once they die, they could no longer wake up and rise. "Violet, are you alright inside there?" I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, and I certainly couldn't stop thinking about them after the accident. For months, I starved myself and couldn't move on, I was only 16 years old at that time and I was already a sinner. If I had the chance to meet him again, would he forgive me? If I could see her one more time, what would she tell me? If I could just die, I wouldn't be living with guilt for years. And who would've thought that I'd see him again after 7 years? It was like a blessing and yet a curse at the same time. "Would you forgive me if I died?" I glanced at him who had a disgusted expression on his face as he looked at me. At that moment, I knew, I couldn't even be forgiven by him after seeing his face like that.