My Psycho Best Friend

Chapter 8

    1 Year Later….

    Not a lot has changed in the last year. I am still in the basement. I have not even had the chance to escape. Ian is so careful. He always locks the door. He put a thumbprint keypad on it. To make sure, that I had no chance of escaping. Everyday is hard. I just want to break down. But that will not help me. I try to be in good spirits. Most of the time I am fine. But occasionally, I just breakdown when he is not here. It feels good to cry and not be strong all the time.

    I have started feeling sick lately. I am nauseous all the time. I have a hard time keeping food down. I am also exhausted every night. I can hardly keep my eyes open once dinner is done. I think I could be pregnant. I do not have a pregnancy test, so I do not know for sure. I am going to have to ask Ian for one. I am nervous how he will react. It will be either good or bad.

    Later that night, Ian came down to the basement for dinner. I was not done by the time he came down and I told him it was going to be ready in a few minutes. I finish making dinner and I make him and myself a plate of food. I am trying to eat the best I can, but it is hard when I am nauseous. The longer I sat there, the stronger my nausea was getting. I had only taken a few bites when I knew I was not going to be able to hold it in any longer. I run over to the bathroom and get to the toilet just in time. I threw my guts up. Ian came in to check on me. He put his hand to my forehead to check for fever. I looked up at him and said, “I think I might be pregnant.”.

    He did not have much of a reaction. He just old me that he will go get a pregnancy test and be back in a little bit I am just so nervous. I do not want to bring a baby into this situation. A baby deserves parents who are in love and not keeping the other one locked in a basement. It feels like each minute that passes feels like hours. I am just pacing back and forth. Finally, Ian comes back with a couple pregnancy tests. I go to the bathroom and pee on the sticks. I lay them on the counter. As the tests are developing, I am just nervously biting my nails. I only had to wait 3 minutes for the results. I take a deep breath and look at the results. And all I can see is a positive sign.

    I just stare at the positive test. I am going to be a mother. I never thought I would be a mother this early in life. I walk out into my kitchen, where Ian is sitting at my tiny dining table. I hand him the tests. He stays quiet for a moment. He is not smiling so I am guessing this is bad. I am getting anxious. It is becoming hard to breathe. I am just staring at him till I know how he feels. Once he does start talking, he says, “It’s not what I wanted right now but it is not the worst thing to happen.”

    After processing what he said, I wanted to tell him how I felt. I said, “What did you think would happen? We never used a condom or anything. You never pulled out. I never had a choice in the matter. I am not even able to even have the choice if I want to be a mom right now or not. This is so unfair. I bet you got me pregnant on purpose. You want me to have a reason to stay with you. Well, even when I am pregnant with your child, I will still not be trying to escape. Why would I want a child who has a father like you? You will probably just trap them down here, just like me!”

    He just glared at me. I didn’t know if he was going to hit me or do something to hurt me like he always does when I make him mad. He didn’t say anything. He didn’t do anything to me. He acted like I had never said anything at all. I just kept waiting for him to do something, but he never did. I guess in a way this pregnancy will be my saving grace. He will not beat my anymore. With knowing that, I felt relief and safer than I had been in a long while.

    A week has gone by and my morning sickness is still here. I cannot wait till I will not be sick anymore. But strangely, this week has been the best week I have had in a while. Ian has not wanted to have s*x and even if I do something to piss him off, he just leaves instead of beating or yelling at me or forcing me to do anything I do not want.

2 weeks later….

    I woke up in the middle of the night. I had some light cramping. I would call a doctor to make sure everything was okay, but I do not have a phone. I have a bad feeling. I think something is wrong. I took a hot shower to try to help and make me feel better. But I started spotting, then a few hours later, it was like a steady stream. I knew I had lost my baby. I know these things happen all the time, but you never think it will happen to you.

    That night when Ian came down to the basement, I told him I had miscarried. He looked sad, but then a moment later that changed. He got angry. I am not talking about just his normal mad. He was livid. I got really scared so, I tried to run and lock myself in the bathroom. I did manage to get to the bathroom and lock the door. But Ian had kicked it down. He dragged me out of the bathroom and threw me on my bed and said, “You did something that would cause us to lose our baby. You did not want it from the start. I was so easy on you. Trying not to hurt you. But I should have kept a better eye on you. This is going to be so painful for you. This is what happens when you kill our baby!”

    He started punching me in the face. After he was satisfied that he hit me enough there, he started punching me in the stomach. He kicked me a few times too. After he felt that he beat me enough, he turned me onto my stomach. He went behind me. I knew he was wanting to force s*x on me. I tried fighting him. I had tried but failed. He kept his hand in the middle of my back preventing me from being able to get up. He told me to stop moving or it could get worse. I stayed still like he wanted me to. I thought he was going to just have normal s*x but, I started freaking when he was putting the tip of his d**k at my back entrance. He started pushing it in. I started screaming. I was begging him to stop. But to no avail, he did not listen.

    He kept thrusting hard. Going as deep as he could go. He had no mercy. He was so angry he could not see straight. I felt like I was being ripped apart. I had never done anal s*x before. It was so much worse than I thought it could be. He kept gripping his hand on my neck and squeezing a little. Not enough to make me pass out but enough to make it hard to breathe. I do not know how long it was but when he was done, he told me that is what I got for killing our baby and said I deserved every bit of it.

    I could not move for a while. It hurt too much. But I also knew that I needed to inspect the damage. I slowly got up and made my way to the bathroom. I looked in the mirror. All I saw was black and blue and cuts all over me. I could not recognize myself. I got in the shower. I made it as hot as I could handle. I just sat in there. I bet I was in the shower for at least an hour. I finally got up and washed my body and my hair. I got out and dried myself off. I was still bleeding so I put a tampon in. I was still having blood run down my leg. I turned around and looked in the mirror and I am bleeding from my ass. I had nothing I could use to help with that, so I just wrapped a towel around me and went and laid down in bed.

    I just laid there. I could not sleep. My life has become so pathetic. I have absolutely no control over it. I am not even allowed to make the smallest choices. I should have seen the red flags. Ian never let me make other friends. He always tried taking control. I bet he was planning on kidnapping and keeping me down here long before I provoked him. Meeting Ryder and becoming friends was just bullet that broke the camels back. I wish I could go back and make different choices. My life would be so different now.

    I laid there till I was too exhausted to move. I fell into a deep treacherous dream. Reliving the nightmare that has become my life.