R.E.D.

VII

"Are you alright?"

Huminga si Rose nang malalim pagtapos marinig ang tanong na yon. Hindi pa niya masagot si Buds. Nakatitig lang siya sa kisame at di makagalaw. Masakit pa ang buong katawan.

She's sore. Really really, sore.

Hindi siya makakalakad nang maayos, sigurado siya. Kailangan niyang tumawag sa sa trabaho na di siya makakapasok bukas. O baka nga ng ilang araw pa.

"Rose?"

"I am." Sagot na niya paglingon kay Buds.

Nakatalikod ito sa kanya at may hawak na sigarilyo. Kitang-kita niya ang malaking tattoo nito sa likod.

It's an elaborate tree with branches spreading along his shoulders. Cover up lang ng sari-saring tattoo nito iyon dati,

pinagawa noong namatay ang mga magulang nito. When she asked the meaning of it, he just said, it looks nice.

Bahagya pa siyang natawa noon, it was weird for him to say that. Alam niya napakalalim na tao nito para sa ganoong mababaw na dahilan.

He may look cool on the outside pero alam niya ang lahat nang pinagdadaanan nito.

"Does it hurt?" He asked again. Bumuga pa ito ng usok bago pinatay ang sigarilyo sa ashtray. "Does it, Rose?"

"Buds, magrereklamo ako kung hindi." Sabi niya sabay tawa dahil sa kakulitan nito. But she felt the sting again, napatigil tuloy siya.

She bled a little. Pakiramdam niya niya rin may maliliit na hiwa sa loob.

She didn't feel it right away though. Masyado siyang engrossed sa mga nangyayari at di na niya naisip ang magiging resulta.

"I'm serious. Are you OK with that?" Tanong nito.

"Uhuh."

"I did go overboard, I know. I'm sorry."

A bit. Yes. "I'm just surprised, that's all."

Marahan siyang umupo at hinayaang mahulog ang kumot na nakapatong sa hubad na katawan. Humilig siya sa likod nito.

Hindi naman bawal yon. As their agreement, cuddling is OK. Just no kissing. It feels too intimate for them. All of these should be purely physical. Walang emotions na involved.

Kaya medyo nagulat din siya sa ginawa nito kanina. It looks like the call from Xavier triggered him. Parang naging totohanan na.

"I don't mind a little bleeding. I had worse." She felt him flinch when she said that.

Hindi naman niya tinatago yon kay Buds. He knew everything she'd been through. At ang totoo, ito lang talaga ang nakakaalam ng lahat.

"Saka doktor ako. More than ten years akong nag-aral, ano ka ba? I can take care of my own kiffy."

Akala niya tatawa si Buds sa mga pinagsasabi pero buntong-hininga lang ang sagot nito.

"We have a safeword. Kung ayaw mo na, titigil naman ako." Sabi din nito.

As if kaya niya.

Ngumiti siya dito at pinaharap ang mukha. His face inches away from her. He smells like expensive cologne with a hint of cigarettes.

"I'm ok. Ok? Stop it."

She traced his face with his fingers. He had scars on his cheeks and on his forehead. Pero mas prominent yung hati ng eyebrows nito. It just added to his appeal though.

Still looks perfect.

Damn. Why does he look so perfect to her?

"I didn't say the safe word that means I'm cool with it." Tuloy niya "I love it, actually. We can try it again sometime. Wag mo lang ako masyadong bibiglain."

Kaya pa niyang itago ang mga marka ng posas sa kamay. All these bruises and cuts, hindi naman mapapansin.

"Rose."

He then smiled with such tenderness. Ibang-iba sa katauhan nito kapag nag-se-s*x sila.

"I trust you, Buds."

"Why do you trust me, then?"

Bahagyang napaawang ang bibig niya sa tanong na yon. Why does she trust him this much?

"I know you will not hurt me," She answered.

"But I did."

"Not in that kind." Napakagat siya ng labi. "I love the kind of hurt you're giving me."

And she knew he's enjoying it too.

Gumalaw si Buds at humarap sa kanya. Marahan nitong pinaikot ang naligaw na buhok mukha sa pagitan ng mga daliri nito.

"Rose?"

"Hmm?"

"You really don't want to take this further?"

What? Napakunot ang noo niya.

"How far?" May ilalayo pa ba ang ginagawa nila ngayon?

Kinuha nito ang kamay at marahang pinagsiklop yon.

"This."

Then she got it. She got what he was trying to say. Kinalas niya ang kamay dito at umiwas nang tingin.

"Salvador, no."

"Rosaria, we've been doing this for years and..."

"No." Mas madiin ang pagkakasambit noon.

She didn't expect that. Akala niya ay ok lang ito sa estado nila.

She knew they were exclusive, busy siya sa hospital at wala siyang panahon sa isang matinong relasyon. At si Buds, alam niyang hindi parin ito nakaka move-on kay Carrie, alam niyang kahit huli na ang lahat ay naghihintay parin ito.

Pero di naman sapat yon, kuntento na siya kung anong meron sila ngayon.

Nakita niyang yumuko si Buds at tumango. "I was just asking if we could try. There's nothing wrong with that," he calmly said.

"You know what I am. I'm not fit for that kind of relationship." Sabi niya. "I'm busy. And besides...why would you like a person.....like me? You know me."

"You think I would care about that?"

"Buds..." Sabi niya sabay buntong hininga. Naalala nga pala niya, magdadalawang taon nang kasal si Carrie. Maybe he missed her.

"I'm not her, Salvador. I'm not Carrie." Sabi niya.

"It's not about her. I moved on. Matagal na."

But then she saw him flinch when he heard her name. Hinding-hindi nito maitatago yon.

"No, please. Let's just stop this conversation. Ok?" Sabi niya. Baka masira lang non ang meron sila ngayon.

She never thought she would hear that, actually. Hindi niya rin akalaing pag-uusapan nila ito ngayon. Hindi siya handa.

"Naiintindihan ko na." Sabi lang ni Buds sabay hinga nang malalim. Tumayo na ito sa kama at lumakad na palalayo.

What?

"Stay here for the night."

"Saan ka pupunta?" Tanong niya nang makitang papalabas na si Buds ng kwarto. Tipid lang na ngiti ang sagot nito sa kanya bago tuluyang isinara ang pinto. Iniwan na siya nitong mag-isa.

Damn..

"Please, stay here...please.." Mahina niyang bulong.