Living in my own fantasy

 I wonder how does it feels like to be free. To do anything I like and to satisfy my desires. Without inhibitions... Without limitations. I snatched a look at my window when a sudden roar of thunder filled my ears. It was dark, and I didn't notice that. The last thing I could remember is that I woke up at eight and now it is already eleven in the evening. My head hurts so much and my stomach is aching for food. Not the best feeling I know. This is just a one day of my life, sad and boring right? Seems so useless if you'll turn this into a book. Who would like to read this kind of story? So I suggest, someone should stop flipping the pages so they could save some of their precious hours. Like, hell yeah I know that everybody hates me and I still care for them. I turned my back as I walk to my bed, hugging myself till the chills went off. As moments passed by, I could feel my tears slipping down my face. They fell yes, but the hot feeling of that liquid lingered still. Could someone please help me refrain these tears to commit perfidy? I don't wanna cry but look... I just can't control it. Feeling so anxious and guilty or even betrayed, I don't know anything anymore. Why does it have to be this painful? I think this pain inside cost hundreds of knives stabbing right infront of me. Currently in a four cornered room, specifically my bedroom. The curtains are dancing due to the mild blow of wind outdoor. No lights were turned on. No one stays inside except for me. So is this really the way reality wants to slap me? By making me feel alone and far from the crowd? Sea of questions yet the answers cannot be found. Maybe it's corrupted... ...or I just don't know where to look for it.