A Silent Little Secret

I've been wanting to share these adult thoughts for a long time. I didn't think I would ever see him again, but there he is at the door, brought by fate and fate alone- my favorite delivery driver. I always receive a message of their ETA. I didn't know it was him this time, though- he told me he switched jobs and wouldn't be able to see me again. The ETA came up on a different number today. It seems like he changed his number, and I can't be sure if it was because of me.  I want his mystery and unfair secrecy, which most people would see as a red flag, but I still want more the second I see him. I feel the southern spark in my jeans. My best friend told me that even though we almost made love, he was probably cheating on some girlfriend he wouldn't talk about. I thought angrily, I would hope that he would have told me about any girlfriends in the picture! We had such friendly exchanges, and guys aren't usually shy about telling people they're committed.  I had no idea it would be him delivering my order and I'm shocked to see him. He cut off our relationship before anything at all started, but I greet him in the same way I would greet an old friend along with an awkward hug he seems a little stiff in. He's friendly with me, but doesn't say anything about wanting to see me again. I'm sure he's delivering it to my place against his will.  I delete that number again so I can't be tempted to message him.  A week later, I order my c******s again. I dress up dramatically, thinking he probably won't be there again, but yet again, he's here. His eyes express that he's taken aback by me. He left it all on me when we had our handful of dates, and I don't play that way. It's not that I mean to be difficult- my body just won't let me do what's against my nature.  We went on a couple of dates and nearly made love with so much hotness, but he backed away just because I told him he needed to try harder to relax me.  I play it a little more distant. I don't gaze at him like a happy puppy. He asks me if I have plans. "Not really, no. I worked on my backyard more. It's a lot more comfortable now from what you remember." He hurried up the exchange and left, afraid that I'll invite him back into my spider web. I think he knows damn well that I just want him to let me be his sexiest customer. I wish he would have taken charge. He told me he's not the type to take charge, and I thought he was dumb for that. He thinks he's too naughty for me. I disagree. I think he's too slow for me. He thinks I'm inexperienced and I think he is too.  Should I text him and ask him if he can do some playful stuff with me in those 5-minute exchanges? Why can't I just be his sexy customer? Why is he not cooperating when we're so hot for each other? I think he's trying not to want me. I had an old boss who set a wonderful example for a sheltered, inexperienced girl like I used to be. I remember the boss telling me, "My wife swims naked." I wasn't sure I heard him right, so he repeated it again, "She swims naked- I'm telling you so you're not surprised." And I looked outside at her beautiful glistening figure in her built in pool.  He had sexy photos all over the spacious house. If that wasn't enough, him and his wife dressed sexy as anything in front of me, to the point where I never knew I could be slightly attracted to couples. I was a shy nerdy student and they changed me for the better. I wanted a relationship where I could swim naked and constantly be reminded of our love all over our walls. Here's what I wish would happen: I wish I could tell him about my secret modeling career. Maybe that would turn him on to the idea that I'm not such a goodie-two-shoes; he told me he was "getting that vibe." I want to see myself all over my delivery guy. Should I surprise him by slipping him a special sticker with my sexy pictures on them? Does he need a full poster? I like giving him surprises in his cash flow. What if I still never see him again? I want my pictures all over his life. I want him to think of me when he looks at the clock. I want him to get lost in my chest when he would like a drink from his fancy home bar area by the beautiful piano.  I'm going to name some of the places in my house where my future lover and I will hang our best sexiest photos for each other.  Together, we would host the sexiest and classiest parties around. I get really excited when I think about everyone's visual experience.  They're not just pictures- they're art. I dream about it- about him being so in love with me that he wants to look at various special photos of me. One is of the squash I grew in my garden. I'd love watching him smile a little at it while he was cooking in my kitchen.  I would consider taking more suggestive photos for foodies who need a little kitchen-proof-photo-inspiration- the metal prints are exactly what a kitchen needs because they're able to be wiped clean, so he could actually have a real picture in there.  What would happen if I showed him? Where would his favorite places be to put my photos? How would it look in the living room, master bedroom, bathroom, or outdoors? If my photo was on a coffee cup, he'd be sipping from my body, and if it was on a bathmat, he'd be stepping on it.  But the truth of the matter is, he never would be so enthusiastic. He's going to leave me in my single life where I like people who don't like me because it gives me more time to decide that I like them. And no, he never comes to my parties when I invite him, so he won't be there for my mansion party on the 4th of July.