Married till Forever

He was unusually quiet this morning, not that it mattered or I even cared, I looked up at him and there he sat, eyes squinting through his glasses which I feel are too small for his face, peering down into his phone like he was staring into an abyss. He's usually quite obnoxiously loud and chatty (which infuriated me to the high heavens) but today he just sat there; mute.  I was pulled back into consciousness by my phone buzzing annoyingly, it was our therapist!. Remembering that today was our weekly appointment where I had to bear another painfully exhausting session with Daniel just made me a tad bit even more annoyed. But I wasn't going to let that ruin my birthday (now you realize why I noticed he was being unusually quiet). I sat up on our ridiculously extra-large bed and scanned the room, Daniel sitting lazily on the couch across the room was the only sore thing in sight, well I guess that's the price i have to pay for being a woman.  I stood up and silently walked across the room into the shower, I noticed he didn't even say good morning or happy birthday, not that I cared or would even reply him but it felt weird, I guess I got used to him being the annoying voice in my head I couldn't get rid of.  Daniel and I have been married for a little over 3 years now, I stared down at the gigantic diamond on my finger. You know, I didn't always hate Daniel. Hell, I loved him more than anything in the world at one point but as they say, things change or people change and in this case maybe I just grew up. Getting married to a man as rich and affluent as Daniel was one of my dreams growing up, I guess teenage hormones contributed to that, but now nothing I wouldn't give to wake up and he's not lying by my side staring down at me like a puppy who's found its long lost owner. Daniel is the kind of guy to say "Thank you" after a passionate night of sub-par s*x, He's rich and really nice; maybe a little bit too nice. As we got married I realized this wasn't the kind of man I needed and would want to spend the rest of my life with. He's never in control of anything and just has all the traits I hate in men: he talks a whole lot, he's indecisive as heck and just assumes I want to be treated as a Disney princess.  "Get dressed" he spoke so quickly I was jolted from my ruminations.   "Why?" I asked, not evening turning to look at him.   "We're going out, it's your birthday remember?   What the hell did he mean by 'remember?', was I supposed to forget my own birthday?   "We have an appointment with Dr. Grey today, remember?" I added sarcastically. I'm not quite sure he got the sarcasm as he walked away smiling sheepishly, I felt like ripping that smile off his perfectly shaped face. I realized I had been in the bathroom without actually doing anything tangible, I slowly brushed my teeth while staring at my face in the mirror and took a quick cold shower, I didn't want to get in the bath as that would take a while.  By the time I was done, he was already dressed in a suit, he looked nice as always but I'll never be caught dead telling him that. He reached to hold my hands and walk me out the room, I ignored him and gave myself one final look in the mirror, my hair was wrapped in a cute little messy bun, which I loved. It's colour has been changing a lot lately like my mood, today it a really dark shade of brown.  As I stood there assessing myself, I couldn't stop thinking about how it all went south, I met Daniel 4 years ago on this exact date, so my birthday always doubled up as our anniversary which was cute at first but now it's just another memory I've turned into a sad Polaroid tossed into the deepest parts of my subconscious. We used to always have a candle lit dinner every year at my favourite restaurant, it all stopped sometime last year.  If we're being honest, I do realize it's all my fault I'm trapped in this marriage which doubled up as a partnership between our family businesses, Daniel was the heir to the biggest construction firm in America, I was the only surviving child of Michael & Cherry Hart; America's major Producers of Raw steel. In hindsight, I realize dreaming of being married to a rich man was clearly ironic seeing as I was born into one of the richest families in America, maybe I just never got over that fantasy because the first time I met Daniel, it was like my entire world stopped for a second as I looked at this Towering masterpiece of a man, His eyes were like staring into the ocean on a night filled with the brightest stars, his face was perfectly structured with just the right amount of facial hair, his head was cleanly shaved. His shoulders looked like I could rest all my problems on them and there would still be room to lay my head, his abs till this day still feel unreal to me (might I add the first time we met was at a pool party organized by my parent's company for my birthday). In totality everything about him felt like it was the perfect ending to my love fantasy. I had never been one to make my feelings known to a man but with Daniel, I felt like I was wasting time just staring at him without taking action, maybe he noticed I was staring or maybe it was just fate but he walked over to me beaming like the sun.  "Hey there, beautiful!" his voice sounded like a lullaby but for adults, it clouded the fact that he had used probably the worst pickup line I had ever heard in my life.   "Hey, handsome" the words had already left my mouth before I could realize I sounded way too excited for a first time conversation.   "I noticed you staring from across the pool and decided to come say Hi" he said still beaming   "I'm really sorry, I guess I must have been distracted by something in the water"   "Oh, you mean these?" he asked pointing at his perfectly toned abs still smiling so wildly.   "Definitely not!, they're average at best"   "oh you got jokes, huh?" he laughed, and his laugh sounded like a symphony, perfectly pitched and husky enough to make me swoon.   "Not really, just stating facts"   "Well, I'm Daniel, Daniel Brown.   "it's Joan to you, Joan Hart" I tried to sound as cool as possible, but it just turned into a corny mess.   "Hart as in…" He pointed around as if indicating my name was literally on the walls and grasses.   "Yep!, that's the one"   "it's such a pleasure to meet you" he replied bowing awkwardly, but that still didn't turn me off from him, it just seemed funny to me.   "Can I buy you a drink sometime?, not that I mean you can't afford it or something, it's just… You know… I feel.." he rambled on and I could tell he was beginning to sweat just a little bit.   "You absolutely can, I don't mind" I laughed not because what I said was funny but something about him thinking it was rude to offer to buy me a drink because I was rich just tickled me a bit.  A lot of drinks later and here we were years later and I literally can't stand the sight of him anymore, I still can't explain what went wrong but I guess it boils down to the fact that I realized quite a while into the marriage that I didn't want to be married just because it was something women needed to do or because our companies needed a highly successful merger. The s*x was good, at times. He was the most caring husband anyone could ask for but sometimes I wonder if he was being too nice to me to make up for probably cheating on me. I had never really had any evidence or suspicions but I just never really trusted men, they could buy you a Lamborghini just to hide the fact that they had just bought their mistress a jet!. I guess this all originated from insecurities I had inherited from my past relationships. Maybe Daniel was different but was I going to give him that benefit of doubt? not really. Was I going to keep detesting him for something he probably isn't guilty of?, well yes!. Nobody is perfect and I sure am no Disney princess.  "Babe we're gonna be late if we don't leave in 5 minutes!" his voice brought me back to the present and I just calmly put one final touch of lipstick on and walked out the door, once again ignoring him.   We drove in silence to what I could tell from a distance was a familiar sight, he was bringing me to the hotel which housed the pool where we first met. A barrage of thoughts flashed through my mind; why was he taking me to a hotel? Who are we meeting? Why Choose here of all places he could have brought me to?. It made me slightly annoyed that he didn't even consult me before bringing me here, I looked over at him and he just sat there, eyes focused on the road with such seriousness, he looked a bit… worried. Well I didn't care what was going on in his head and I just stared off into the distance. We got to the hotel and he looked around so nervously, I could tell there was something on his mind. We got into the lobby and immediately the staff all gathered round to sing me a happy birthday, I just stood there visibly irritated at everything that was going on, I look over at Daniel and he stood there singing louder than everyone else and giggling like a little kid. From there, the porters led us out into the pool area and my heart probably stopped for a moment.  It was the most beautiful decor I had ever seen in my entire life, I couldn't even try to hide my admiration for the set. The huge towers made of balloons, an amazing gourmet setup that smelled heavenly, there were probably a million roses to match it all if we're being modest. And to top it all, every single one of my friends and family were all screaming happy birthday to me. I stood there smiling so wildly, it was probably the first time I had been impressed by something Daniel did in a very long time. I tried to gather myself and go say hi to everyone who were definitely expecting me to have jumped into Daniels arms at this point. I guess they would have to wait a long while. I walked over to my Mom and she pulled me in for the tightest hug, it felt… Nice. I realized how much I had missed intimacy, I hadn't even done anything remotely close to a hug with Daniel for the last 8 months.  "You look good my princess, I can see Daniel has been taking good care of you" she smiled while twirling me like a little kid   "Whatever, who planned all this?" I asked trying to convince myself this wasn't all Daniel's idea.   "It was all Daniel's idea, he planned the perfect fairytale birthday for you, aren't you just one lucky princess"   "Mom, we've been over this, stop calling me princess and I'm not lucky. If anyone is lucky it's Daniel" I rolled my eyes at her, hoping that would shut her up   "I know baby, but he's really the perfect man for every lady. You must be so happy and proud of him" she replied, pulling my cheeks like a chubby toddler. If only she knew how much I hated every bit of living with him.   "I'm not every lady!" I muttered under my breath and walked away to say hi to a few friends who were all more interested in throwing themselves at Daniel than celebrating my birthday, It all just seemed exhausting.   After a few hours of talking, faking excitement at seeing some friends, eating, drinking and trying the hardest to avoid contact with Daniel, He found me sitting alone at a table sipping a deliciously good cocktail. I realized too late he was approaching me or I would have faked another excited hello at a random friend. "Hey! Enjoying the party?"   "Yeah it's ok, thanks" I replied looking away   "Do you know that's the first time you've said something that wasn't a question to me in days?   "Look Daniel, I'm not even in the mood for that right now" I hissed   "No, don't take it negatively, I mean I'm happy you talked to me, we don't do that often these days" he added, stretching his hands to touch mine which were on the table, I instantly picked my drink with both hands and took a sip, he retracted his hands and continued, "Babe, I've asked a thousand times, what's going on? You've been super cold to me for a while now and barely even look at me not to talk of even letting me touch you, is it something I did?  "Daniel, I would very much like to enjoy MY birthday party if that's ok with you" I stood up to leave and he held my hands. It took everything within me not to slap his hands of me as there were people watching. I slowly sat back down and looked straight into his eyes. "You are one manipulative son of a b***h! You know that right? I mean tell me, did you really do all these for my birthday or just planned a hoax to get me to talk to you? Are you that selfish?" "Babe, come on, you really think I would forget your birthday or do anything less than giving you an amazing celebration? It just coincidentally turned out to be the only place I could talk to you without you throwing a tantrum" he replied nervously  "There! You just said it! You did throw this party so you could talk to me, well your plan worked, what do you want to talk about?" I was getting visibly angry at this point and my voice was slightly louder than usual.  "Babe, you need to calm down, it's a long night and I have a few more surprises planned" he said calmly and stood up to walk away "Well, you can take all your plans and swallow them, I'm going home and don't even try to come after me" I retorted and stormed out to a few shocked looks and murmurs. It was 2am and I heard the doors click open, Daniel walked in looking confused and a bit dejected. He walked straight into the shower and a few seconds later I heard the water running. For some reason I couldn't go back to sleep and after a while he walked out of the bathroom and into the closet, a few minutes later, he was in bed quietly sleeping. At this point I had seen enough and I turned over and closed my eyes.  The next morning, I was woken up by the sound of my alarm going off, I looked over and it was 9am. It was a Saturday so I didn't need to be anywhere important. I looked over and Daniel wasn't anywhere in the room, at least a morning without seeing his annoying face. I giddily jumped out of bed and went to set the bath, I turned on my favourite Beyoncé playlist and took a glass of my favorite champagne from our mini bar. As 'single ladies' blasted through the room from my speakers, I felt reinvigorated, it felt like for that short period of time, I was free. I did a little choreography before getting into the tub - wine glass in hand. I slowly let the waters cover my entire body as I soaked up, I closed my eyes and imagined for a moment just being this free and happy. I guess I could never be too happy because not even 20 minutes into my bath, I heard his annoying voice. "Can I join you" "Obviously not, I want to be alone" I replied, eyes still fully closed.  "Can I at least keep you company?" "Can you just go aw-" The words left my mouth as soon as I opened my eyes to see that he was fully n***d, just casually standing there. I had forgotten a bit how magnificent his body was, maybe I stared for an awkwardly long amount of time.  "Why in the world are you n***d?" I asked, still trying to get my thoughts together. "I heard you in here and decided to come join you, so can I come in?  "Absolutely not! When I'm done you can come have it all to yourself. I'm n***d in here" I replied and then immediately realized the last part didn't make any sense.  "You're my wife remember? we've definitely gone past the stage where we can't take a bath together" "You know what? I'm done, I'm just gonna go take a shower if that's ok by you!" I added sarcastically.  As I tried to get out forgetting that I was soaking wet, I slipped on the tiles and for a second there, my life flashed before my eyes. Was this how I was going to die? n***d and alone because I was too proud to let my husband into the bathtub? Maybe I forgot that he was there or wasn't expecting him to save me as I was his life's greatest thorn in the flesh but his hands quickly wrapping around my waist and holding me back from falling felt a little too good for me. He pulled me into a hug and normally I would squirm and push him away but the fear of just almost dying had rendered me completely powerless coupled with the fact the his body felt like the warmest blanket. I was slowly loosing into his grip until my inner demons activated again and reminded me just who was holding me.  "um, thanks. You can let go of me now" I said calmly. "oh sorry, are you OK babe?" He asked a little worriedly "yeah thanks" I asked and gently pushed his arms off my body.  As I walked away, I couldn't help but imagine just how much t*****e I was putting him through for no valid reason but for the fact that I just made up assumptions in my head. I wanted to turn around and take one last look at him but thought against it and just walked away.