Keep Holding On

"Hurry up, the party started like an hour ago!" My cousin, April, whines as she pulls me up the driveway towards the largest house I've ever seen. I'm not even sure if house is the right title, maybe mansion would suit it better. I mean, there are even pillars holding a second floor balcony above the front door. Not bothering to knock, April turns the knob and opens the door for me to see that the place is crowded with students around my age. I'm spending a few days with my aunt and uncle while my parents are out of town visiting my older sister at her college. I don't know any of these people but, try as I might, April wouldn't let me stay behind. She said that it wouldn't be a party if she knew I was at home without her. I'm really not much of a party girl. Sure, there are times when I enjoy hanging out with my friends at one, but my goal is never to drink or dance the night away... especially with strangers. April pulls us into the kitchen and hands me a red plastic cup filled with what I assume is beer. "Seriously? Just hand me a water or something." I protest, trying to hand the cup back to her. She shakes her head and refuses to grab it, "You don't even need to drink it. Just hold it and people won't start calling you Virgin Mary." I frown, "Well I am a virgin, and I don't care if people know it. Besides, why would they assume something like that based off of a cup in my hand?" She rolls her eyes, "Ellie, I know you don't get out much, but there are certain rules that one must follow at a party in order to fit in." "What if I don't want to fit in?" I ask, pausing for a moment. "And I get out plenty!" "Yeah, okay." She says, clearly ignoring me as she looks around the room. "Ooh, there they are, come on!" She takes my hand again and pulls me through the crowd until we reach a group of people. "Ellie, these are some of my friends, you already know Maya." She says, pointing at a girl with dark brown hair that's wavy and reaches the middle of her neck. "I'm Pete." I look to the guy who waves. He's got light brown hair and bright green eyes. He's not much taller than me though, which is a bummer since he'd be gorgeous otherwise. "Alec." Another guy says. He's tall, like basketball player tall, with blonde hair and brown eyes. "Corrine." Says a girl with nearly black hair and bright blue eyes. "So, you're April's cousin?" She asks, looking me over carefully. I start feeling self conscious, wondering if I look okay. April dressed me, so I must. I've got on a pair of black tights, a floral dress that goes to mid thigh, flat booties, and a black leather jacket. My hair is in curls that took April an hour to make, falling freely past my shoulders. April insisted that I needed makeup, even though I prefer not to wear any, so she dolled me up with dark brown eyeliner, a brown smokey eye, and some red lipstick. I'm not sure if I actually look good or not, but April usually knows what she's doing. "Yeah." I say, also nodding since I can hardly hear my own voice over the music. I raise my voice before saying, "We're about four months apart." "That's cool." Peter says with a genuine smile. I nod and blush a little, not used to talking to boys. I go to an all girls' school; not because my parents chose it, but because that's the closest school to my house. I haven't had many chances to make guy friends in the past. "Oooh, I love this song!" April shouts over the music as the song changes. She grabs my wrist before she takes my cup and sets it on the table, yanking me towards the group of people dancing, "Come dance with me!" "April, no!" I whine, pulling on my hand. She doesn't let go though and soon we're in the middle of the dance floor with her moving her hips seductively to the music. I frown and look around me for a moment, not sure what to do. I always get uncomfortable when I have to dance. It feels like everybody is going to be watching me or something. "Move." She demands, putting her hands on my hips and forcing me to sway them from side to side to the music. After a minute or so, I get used to it and start dancing on my own. Pretty soon we're giggling together, enjoying the atmosphere. A few songs pass before we're thirsty and step away to get new drinks. My nerves seem to disappear by the time I'm done with my first beer, and when the second one's gone, I'm on top of the world. It's my first time drinking alcohol, so I'm sure that has something to do with how much of a lightweight I seem to be. "Let's dance!" I shout, pulling Maya and Corrine with me since April's hitting on somebody in the corner. To my surprise, instead of dancing like April and I did before, Maya and Corrine instantly attach lips and begin grinding their bodies together. My jaw drops and I watch in amazement as they make out right in front of me. Eventually, I start giggling and dance by myself. I close my eyes and let the beat of the music take me to places I'm usually too scared to be. The song No One by Alicia Keys comes on and I smile to myself, thinking about how old this song must be now. Age doesn't change that it's incredible though. My body falls into a rhythm easily and the rest of the world slips away... until I feel a pair of hands on my hips and a warm body presses against my back. I freeze, startled by the contact, and try to turn around to see who's behind me. "Shh," I hear in my left ear, "Just dance." He says. I nod, feeling oddly calmed by the voice. Nearly instantly, we begin moving in sync with each other. When he goes forward, I follow him and go forward too. When I push back, he either goes back too or pushes his groin against me so I get flustered and blush deeply. Too soon, the song changes to My Body by Young The Giant. I turn around and see one of the most handsome guys I've ever seen in my life. He's about six inches taller than my 5'8'', with dark brown hair that looks almost black styled so it seems like he didn't put any effort into it at all. He's got a cocky grin on his lips that I feel a little intimidated by. He leans forward and whispers in my ear, "You're a good dancer, Baby." I feel my cheeks heat up as I squeak, "Thanks." A wide smile takes over his face as he pulls me tighter to him. Even though the music is kind of fast, we stay glued to each other, moving easily from song to song. When California King Bed by Rihanna comes on, we've been dancing for about an hour. I can't help looking up in his eyes, it's like he can see my soul when he looks at me like that, and I'm not sure I like it much. Willing to do anything to make him stop staring into my heart, I go up on my toes and pull his head closer to me, latching our lips together. I'm not even sure why I did that; it's my first kiss and I don't know what I'm doing. I read a lot though, so I do what I've always assumed you're supposed to do. I open my lips slightly, moving my mouth against his in what I hope is the right way. His lips vibrate against mine before he pushes closer and I feel his tongue rub my top lip. I gasp, opening my mouth wide enough for him to slip in, nudging mine in the process. I flick the tip of my tongue against his experimentally, shocked by the feeling. I don't know what I thought kissing would feel like but it was never this. This is... gross in a beautiful way. Plus, how his hands are squeezing my hips to keep me against him makes it even better. Pulling away from the kiss, he grins and pulls on my hand, "Come here." He says, leading me to the staircase. I feel people staring at us, but I'm sure it's just my imagination. I trip up the steps and giggle as he bends to pick me up bridal style into his arms, chuckling at my intoxicated state. When we get to the room, I look around and see that it was probably decorated by somebody who knew a lot about home décor. All of the wood is white, with the same detailing. The walls are a deep blue and the carpet is a beige. He sets me down onto a cloud. Well, not quite, but the bed is soft enough to feel like one. I scoot up the bed then clumsily slip off my dress and lay back until my head is cushioned by pillows, keeping eye contact the whole time. He's watching me with a lopsided grin. I smile and beckon him to me with my index finger. He takes his time, unbuttoning his plaid shirt, before climbing onto the bed and settling over me. "I've been watching you all night, you know." He whispers, placing small kisses down my neck and sucking on the soft skin behind my ear. "You have?" I ask breathlessly, closing my eyes as my hands run through his hair. It's surprisingly soft, since I assumed he'd used gel to make it stay like that. Maybe he really did just get out of bed and go this morning. That would be cool. It makes him even hotter to me. I hate it when people are superficial about their hair. He nods, "Hell yeah. The second you walked in the door I could tell you were different." I frown, "I'm not different." Why do people always think that I don't fit in? He nods again, humming against my neck, "Yes you are. You didn't care what people saw when they looked at you. Most girls walk in and scope out the people they have to intimidate; you were just oblivious to it all." I blush, "Well why would I care about what a bunch of strangers think?" Before responding, he bites the skin close to my breast, making me gasp. "Exactly. You're just different." His mouth moves down, creating a path of kisses and nibbles until he gets to more erogenous places. My hands tighten in his hair and I push my head back into the pillow, squeezing my eyes shut. With my last shred of focus, I warn him, "Well I'm also a virgin, so maybe I'm more different than you realized." He stops and I look down at him warily, only to see him looking up at me thoughtfully. "And are you sure you're okay with this?" He asks, placing a soft kiss between my breasts. I sigh and nod my head, "Yes, definitely." He grins and I gasp as he goes back to work. *** The obnoxious ringing of my phone pulls me from my sleeping state. It takes me a minute of digging through the clothes by my bed to find it, but I eventually do. "Hello?" I groan. "Ellie, where are you?" April's voice shouts through the line as she talks over some music. I frown, feeling really confused. "I'm in bed, April, where are you?" I ask. "You're where?!" She asks in disbelief. "What time is it?" I ask, turning to look at my bedside clock. Instead of my glistening silver clock with hands pointing to each number, I see glowing green numbers. "What the f**k?" I whisper, quickly sitting up and looking around the room. Nothing is mine. That's not my dresser, that's not my desk, this most definitely isn't my bedspread. "April?!" I shout into the phone. "Baby, shh." I hear beside me and I scream, turning to look at whoever just spoke to me. His eyes shoot open and the night comes back to me as I remember dancing with this green eyed guy who took me up to a room and... well, you know. "Oh god." I whimper, looking under the sheets to see that I'm naked. "What did I do?" I ask out loud. He makes a growling noise as he stretches his arm out and tries pulling me down to him, "If you have to ask, I clearly haven't done a good enough job... yet." He's got a wolfish grin on his face as he leans up to kiss me. I push back as fast as possible and end up falling off of the bed with the sheet. "Don't look at me!" I screech. "What's your issue?" He asks, chuckling as I watch his face peek over the edge. "I can't believe I did this!" I say, standing as I begin the search for my clothes, "I've gotta go." I say, spinning around as I look for my bra. "What's the hurry, Cinderella, trying to make it back to your carriage before it turns into a pumpkin? If that's the case, shouldn't there be a memento left behind?" He asks. "I think that, since you clearly don't have a glass slipper, I should get to keep this." I snap my head towards him to see my bra hanging from his finger tips. "Please give me that." I say softly, feeling humiliated. His face softens, looking a little less cocky. "You really don't need to leave yet." He says, standing to bring it over to me. I focus on the tiny dot on the ceiling instead of his naked body, even though it's difficult. "Um yeah, actually I really do." I say, snatching it from his grasp and dashing to the en suite bathroom. I change as quickly as possible before running a hand through my unruly curls. Stepping out the bathroom, I immediately notice that he's put on a pair of boxers, which is a huge relief to my wandering eyes. I pick my jacket up from off of the ground and head towards the door. As I twist the knob, I turn to look at him one last time, "Goodbye..." I pause. I never even bothered asking his name, much to my horror. His grin looks a little off, "Tyson." "Great, well... bye." I say quickly, turning to leave. "Wait!" He says, jumping off the bed. I freeze, staring at the empty hallway before me. "You didn't tell me yours." His voice comes from right behind me. "Ellie. My name's Ellie." I say softly before running down the hall and stairs until I reach the front door. April is waiting for me there and I take her hand, making us race to the car. "What the hell happened, Elle?" She asks, staring at me with wide eyes. As soon as the words leave her mouth, I break down in tears, sobs moving my whole body. I just lost my virginity to a guy whom I'll never meet again. "I'm such an i***t!" I cry, putting my head between my knees, trying to get a deep breath. April is slowly rubbing my back, trying to soothe me, but it's not working. I'm so disappointed in myself for letting this happen. I've been responsible my entire life. I've got nearly perfect grades, I've never been drunk before tonight, and I've most definitely never had s*x until I met Tyson. God, I don't even know his last name. "Take me home?" I ask softly, my voice cracking as I look at April pleadingly. She nods, clearly concerned, as she pulls out from the side of the road and drives us to her house. I tip toe inside, not wanting my aunt or uncle to see me like this. Luckily, I'm able to get to the guest room without any troubles and I'm quickly lying in bed, wishing that I could start this night over again... Only if that could happen I'm not sure I'd actually change anything.