Losing Myself In His Love

*Alarm Blaring* I sleepily open my eyes as the alarm loudly beeps. I hear my son starting to fuss as I wipe the sleep from my eyes. I look at the clock it reads 6:01. I start school today and I have to get myself and my son ready. I pick him up from the crib and walked him over to his changing table, changing him and cleaning his face and body, lotion and dressing him in his new 2-piece outfit-jean shorts and the cutest blue and white polo with airplane printed on the back. I grab my uniform for school and head to the bathroom to do my business. I start my morning routine and shower. I begin to dress myself, check that my hair looks okay then add the cap to finish the look. It's 7 am. I have to drop my son off and head to school. Fortunately for me, the mom and child program I reside in had a daycare downstairs, I drop him off , kiss him goodbye and head to the bus. The school is in the next town over from me so It's about a 25-minute ride, I jam out to some upbeat music. It's not too crowded, so I find a seat quickly and let my mind drift. * Flash back -conception * I went through a dramatic situation one night while out partying with some so-called friends. My drink was spiked and I was drugged, feeling disoriented and out of it. I tried to get the people I was with to help me, but they were enjoying their time and intoxicated, so they told me i just drank too much and to go sit down. Making my way to the table, I felt the room spinning, my hands and feet shaky, and it was difficult to catch my breath. There was this guy that offered me help. He seemed sweet, and we did have a nice conversation before I started to feel this way, so I accepted his help. He got me in his car and told me he would get me home to give him my phone and wallet, so he could get my address and call someone to come stay with me. He was so attentive and made me feel safe. I passed out in his seat, I don't know at what point we made it to this room. I woke up to him forcing himself on me, I kicked and screamed, but he wouldn't stop. I said no and begged him to stop over and over to stop as I cried, but he didn't care and did not stop. The drugs still in my system, all the stress of this current situation, the pain from the force he used and his weight on my body and the lack of oxygen due to his hand over my mouth stopping me from screaming, I passed out again. When i woke up, I was still in this room i hurt between my legs and bottom.I looked around the room and there is no trace of him other than a little note on the night stand that read "thanks for last night". I still felt a little dizzy and my head hurt, flashes of what happened to me last night came fuddling back. I cried and tried my hardest to make it to the bathroom. My blood, his semen and what smelled like alcohol stained my legs and lower regions. I got to the shower and turned on the tap, stepping in the water as hot as I could get it and scrubbed my body until it was raw. The only thought in my head was that I was grateful he didn't finish inside me, or so I thought the semen on my thigh and stomach seemed to lead me to that conclusion, but clearly i was wrong. I thought of going to the police prior to my shower but i didn't think they would believe me, I mean i was drinking heavily before being drugged. I willingly got in his car, and the note he left me could have made it look like I had made a drunk choice and regretted it the next morning, although in reality I never wanted this but they wouldn't believe me. So I decided to spare myself the humiliation. 2 months later I was heading to work and started vomiting, I had thought It was the bagel and coffee not agreeing with me, the sensitivity to smells and the head aches, the vomiting randomly and especially after I had ate caused my friend and co worker Janet to ask me point blank " Are You Pregnant?" Those words felt like a bullet in my chest and felt like an ice cold bucket of water had been poured on me, I denied it to her but through the rest of my shift it kept playing in my head and i couldn't shake the thought. On my way home from work I picked up a pregnancy test, well I picked up 3, once I got home I went straight for the bathroom, I peed on the 2 sticks and once the 5 minute timer went off I cautiously looked to see 2 bright lines displayed on the first stick. I checked the other test which was a little more advanced and the words PREGNANT clearly printed on the little screen, I couldn't believe it, that night replayed in my head and my breathe got stuck in my throat. I had no idea what i was going to do but i knew that what ever i chose was going to ultimately change my life forever. I made a choice not to end this little baby's life. It wasn't the baby's fault this monster did this to me and I swore to myself I would raise this child with peace and love and create a wonderful life from it, protecting this innocent soul with my life. Easier said than done but I will do whatever it takes. This baby will be a kind soul and never hurt anyone. *END FLASHBACK* The bus stops across the street from the school, I ascend the stairs and exit the bus, i look at the building mentally preparing myself for what is to come. STAR ACADEMY here I come. I enter the building and head to the elevators. Once it opens, I press the 18th floor button, the doors start to close with me alone in this elevator, until a hand stops the door and a delicious looking man enters the lift. We made brief eye contact, and he smiled at me, I noticed his uniform and saw he was in the chefs program as well. I smiled back at him, and it's quite the only sound heard are the dinging of the elevator signaling each floor and us breathing. He glances over at me a few times and I do the same. I feel the need to say something, but I have no idea what to say to get his attention. I tap his shoulder, bite my lip and when he looks over at me, I walk a little closer and whisper in his ear the first thing that came to mind, slowly and seductively whisper "I Want To Suck Your Dick." his eyes go wide, and he looks at me surprised. But then his shocked expression turns to this sexy, yet dangerous smirk, and he said "Then do it, it felt like he was daring me, challenging me even, and that had my heart racing. I can visibly see his long print against his uniform pants stared at each other for a minute. When the doors finally open we break eye contact. He looks back at me after exiting and says" I look forward to getting to know you huh..? Tianna, I say with a smile. He repeats my name and winks at me, "Christian" he says, before turning to walk away. My name sounds sexy coming from his lips and I bite my lip, I shake my head to clear all the intrusive thoughts going through my mind and breathe and head towards my class. I walk in and take my seat and waited for the instructor to start. The instructor begins to welcome us and introduces himself and this program, he explains what this semester will consist of and takes us on a tour of the kitchens and explains what most of the machines are used for. We are assigned a locker and break for lunch. I head to the pizza shop and grab 2 slices and a soda, I head back to the school, & head to the dining area and i see him sitting there, eating his lurch, making a bold decision to go sit next to him, he looks at me with this un-explainable look that makes my heart race and makes me clamp my legs together in an attempt to stop the feeling I get from him down below