shadow of soulmate

gasping breathe

I was good going till 2 am in morning that my inner self craved for sleep. I was in dreams by 2 45 am. Next day I woke up next to books which I had slept on. This is the life I gifted myself with handwork , heartbreak ,and hard work. I pop out of bed and ran towards shower and get ready in minutes. I keep reminding the things I learnt and thoroughly go through them. I run towards lift and go to my destination. Climjng6 stairs of school I recall the formulas and equations. I reached the floor and started walking in right direction. Suddenly I see him standing outside his class and when he see me ,he has a smile and waves his hand towards me. I look at him but I ignore his sight and didn’t respond back. At the door of my class, I give him a slight smile which gives relief to him. The expression was clear on his face..

He took a sigh if relief. I kept the bag and automatically started walking towards the door . I went outside at looked at him. He was waiting for me to talk or ask. I went straight and started observing students coming to school .he asked ,”are you okay?”

Me -Really this was the thing u want ask. Then please leave.

He felt bad , I know but I cant help. He said again ,”sorry for yesterday,” I just said what I felt like and that was truth.

I was quite impressed with honesty . Honest is very important for me and I liked that about him. I said,”u told her?”

A sadness came across his face and then across mine. I knew he couldn’t tell her. Some friends of mine came over and started talking to us. We immediately changed the expression of our faces. We all were chilling and talking about out student life challenges. One friend of mine popped a intruding question to him.

“ how is she? U will not go to her. She is waiting for you down. I know who were they referring to .

My best friend of class added,” we saw the valentines gift u gave to her. The ring also. She shared with us on f*******:. How cute.

My mood got turned off. My heart started beating fast . I think I felt jealous that very moment. I mean he said he is not happy in his relationship then what all is this. I got very angry and excused myself from that group talk. He was staring at me knowing what I felt.

I opened my book and sat trying very hard to ignore that feeling. My heart was pounding the whole time . The thought was very hard to erase. Finally, the bell rang and it was class time. I was into the studies as exams were quite near and didn’t want to get disturbed by the recent chaos in my life . Mam was solving the sum on the board when she asked me to answer it. I was not in any mood to answer it but I had to so that I keep myself involved with the class. It was lunchtime and I went outside in the veranda and started looking what every student was doing. Someone eating food some people gossiping with friends. I wanted some alone time and stood by the railing. The breeze blew my hair the left direction forcing myself to look away from it. I was enjoying this moment when I see him walking towards stairs. He goes to the 1st floor probably.

Some of my friends walk towards me and we discuss about the coming exam and syllabus . Me and my best friend also have some fun talk which lightness my mood . I feel good that time. Automatically when I see him returning , hate thoughts come back. My friends call him to talk. He come to talk to us in a very good mood.

Two of my friends pull his leg by saying,” what were doing with her for so long? So how are u both?”

I was adding yes to whatever they were asking so that they don’t doubt my behavior towards him. He blushed that too so much that he could even speak the words. Wow means you are having a good time

You were fooling me!!

I couldn’t digest that thought . Talk of them continued as I walked to the class .

Chapter 5

Sudden touch

Valley school got over at 1:45 PM. As usual I ran back to whom and then finally had a bath. Add 3:00 PM I took that heart failure device in my hand and opened it. There was no message from him this time so, I decided to text him. I wrote to him,

“good afternoon .what are you doing?” . It was almost 6 30 still I was waiting for his reply.

At 7 a text arrived from him,

“ I was in tuition classes.

Can u send me your pictures?”

I was confused with his question. I have to send him my pictures .really!! Then I need to send only good ones. I open gallery select the most hot ones and forward it to him.

All had tick marks. I knew he had seen those what he was thinking I wanted to know.

He wrote ,”very appealing and sexy! “ with some emoticons.

I was surprised at his reactions. He liked my pictures. That’s okay but I need to delete them . I deleted them after he has seen. He asked,” why did u delete them? “

I wrote back ,”sending my pictures to someone’s else bf is not good. Is it?

He waited for sometime before typing the message. I know he was not happy to hear that statement but it was truth. The kind of feelings he had for me was wrong at that point. I don’t think that he was being true to his girlfriend. How can I be with this kind of guy. I threw my phone in the bed walked out of the room.

It was evening , I had done a hell lot of cardio and my anger is no more but the thoughts are still the same. I gave some time to thinking that, are feelings judgmental ? Can u really judge feelings,? All these questions were revolving in my mind. Studying was only option as stress breaker . I wanted to engrossed into books so much that I couldn’t feel the world around, the heart and him. It had been weeks we were talking . Now one thing was clear that feelings need not be wrong or right . They just happen. We connect together so well that sometimes he overjoy it. I know that telling it to her girlfriend was important but I was flown away by time him.

It was the exam week, and Everyone walked with books on their hand. I was climbing the stairs recalling all the questions, book pages , methods everything. I’ve stopped to see my examination venue when he came and stand beside me. He was also inquiring further and in a soft voice said “all the best” . He was standing so close that I could hear his breathe.

He extended his hand and I did the same. It It was the first time that we had felt attached together. It was a spark that had originated from that handshake and given us hint of feelings between us. Actually remove my hand from his and walked towards the examination venue. The Bell Rang remarking beginning of examination. Giving full concentration to the paper and wrote all out and gave my hundred percent. That moment of getting it all done was very important.

The examination ended and all our papers got collected. Everyone started discussing the paper. I wanted to get involved in it too but something else was going on my mind. The second thought was to talk to him but I knew it wouldn’t help. The first thought was as dangerous as going into a haunted house at night. Well, showing my bravery I went for option 1 which was talking to his girlfriend. Not directly but yes knowing her feelings regarding him

It was lunch time when the bell rang and all students rushed out of classroom. My plan was to go to the second floor and talk to her. I stepped out of classroom and first thing I saw was him. Well I decided to go strongly my decision . Well. Planned strategy was unbound. I went down a d walked towards her classroom. I heard her giggle and followed it. There she was , standing with her lunch box in hand and taking to her friends.

I shouted, ”hi!”

She looked at me and her was Filled with smile and she walked towards me.