Dandelions || Original Book || BL

Love… There are a lot of words to describe it, but the one I prefer the most is "bittersweet." When you first experience love, it feels as if you gained wings and you flew to cloud 9. Your heart starts beating a lot whenever you're near that person, you can't help but stare deeply into their eyes as they talk about their interest, you always wonder what they're doing everyday. Basically, you just want to be with them 24/7. This is where the word "sweet" comes from. But then the negative side comes in. You feel as if you're the only one making an effort to keep your relationship strong or you're the problem. There is no escaping the everyday argument between you two, you couldn't even look into their eyes anymore when you find out they betrayed you or that you betrayed them. Your own eyes would be flooded with tears, you couldn't help but feel regret, anger, and sadness. This is where the word "bitter" comes to play. There are some people who are willing to fall in love, but there are also some people who are afraid. Maybe it's because they don't like serious relationships, or maybe they're just afraid to get hurt. I am that person, the person who doesn't want to get hurt. Which is why I tend to avoid getting myself into relationships. I've seen my friends falling in love, but in the end, they still get hurt. I see how devastated they looked, I see how they couldn't even smile for once. They did survive the heartbreak, but I couldn't help but wonder if I can even survive that myself. I knew I couldn't. So whoever falls in love with me, they always get rejected. First reason is because I don't feel the same, second reason is I wouldn't want to hurt the both of us. I'd rather be the single friend who gives love advice and comforts everyone rather than the other way around. Yes, I'm scared of love. I am aware that you have to feel pain in order to learn, but I can't just bring myself to open the door to pain and let it freely punch me over and over again, hoping for that new start to come to save me. Call me whatever you want, but all that matters to me is the safety of my own feelings. So for now, my goal in life is to avoid the bittersweet word called..."love."