Just a ghost girl

Scheme

It took a little bit more time for Klaus to answer me. I waited as patiently as I could. Not like I had a lot of choices but I didn't want him to think I was too eager to know the answer. My grandma had always said that it was better never to show how much you wanted something. If people saw how desperate you were they might try to take advantage of you.

"Would you wish me to hypnotise you so that you might remember whose funeral it was?" Klaus asked eventually.

"Well, it would be great too," I said, "But I'm more interest to know what were my reasons for trying to escape."

Klaus nodded slowly and wrote something in his notepad. Then he looked at me and asked:

"Don't you have any idea why did you try to run away?"

This one felt also to be a question that Klaus had wanted to ask all along. I started to feel annoyed. He had avoided answering my question about the hypnosis and yet waited for me to answers his. I started to like less of this idea of going to a shrink. 

"No," I answered, "All I can remember is that I was very scared but that is all. I don't think I have been that afraid before my life."

Of course, it was impossible to tell whether I had been afraid and that had lead to the escape or if I had got scared during the escape. There were so many holes in the story for me to c***k it open. If I and Matteo had just started dating and we were happy as I could remember so far. Why would I escape and he hadn't been there with me? It was probably the oddest part that had always bothered me. Why would I run away without my only friend, no without my boyfriend who I was madly in love with?

Maybe there was something that had happened between me and Matteo after the lovely-dovely time I now could remember. He was so awkward with me nowadays. It was just hard to come up with anything so bad that could have happened that it had broken our bond. Especially since our bond had just gotten deeper when we both had confessed our feelings. 

It really bothered me that nothing made sense at this point. Talking to this shrink didn't help at all. I just had more and more questions but I didn't want to ask them from him. Who knew who he might tell everything I said here. Or maybe there was mics and cameras everywhere and those interrogating people earlier were watching. 

I tried to calm myself down. My heartbeat would have been over the top if I had had a heart in this ghostly body. I needed to talk with Matteo. No matter what I would force it out of him. Maybe he hadn't said anything because doctors thought I was too weak to handle the truth. But the truth couldn't be worse than not knowing. 

Now I faced the original problem of mine, how to see Matteo? I had finally found him or maybe it was safer to say he had come to me. Then I got an idea. Matteo hadn't come to me because he wanted but because someone had ordered him to get me to see this shrink. There had to be a way I could use that link to see Matteo again. 

"Is there anything else that bothers you?" Klaus asked. "An odd feeling or part of memory you would like to remember better?"

He almost got me out of the track I had just found. It was hard not to think of an answer to his questions. Real ones and those I actually gave him. But as he had ignored my hypnosis request I was going to ignore this one. 

"Who was the one that thought that I need to see a therapist?" I asked.

Klaus took a pause by changing his position on the couch. 

"Why do you want to know?" he asked.

It was the moment that I almost lost it. How hard it was to get one simple answer from this guy?

"Just wondering who was considered of me."

Again there was a short pause, hesitation, but he answered:

"The doctor in charge of your treatments has been considered of your mental health already some time. This is quite unique situation you are in so there is no much previous knowledge."

Part of me had already forgotten that I was some sort of guineapig testing this new prototype of machine. Of course, they wanted to gather all kinds of data from me. I would have wanted to ask more about this project but I decided I would brother Nicolas with it later. It wasn't easy to get answers from him but easier than from Klaus. 

But if my wellbeing was important to them I might be able to use it to get what I wanted. I just needed to play this right. I sighed heavily and tried to look depressed. I had at least some kind of acting skills since Klaus took the bait:

"Did you wait for some kind of another answer?"

I opened my mouth like starting to answer and then closed it. I pretended to take a deep breath although I didn't need to breathe and then said:

"I kind of wished that Matteo would have been worried about me."

Tears and crying crossed my mind but that might have been too much. Klaus might know how this hologram life worked and became suspicious if I behaved too oddly.

"Why so?"

"Well... I don't have any other friends and I have been very lonely lately so just thought that he had been considered of me brightened my mind. But now that I know it wasn't the case..."

Dramatic pause. Tears would really have fitted in this part but I managed to control myself. 

"I just found out that my mom has dementia and then there was this scary thing with the rebels. Talking to a professional like you is probably good but I would also want some good times hanging around, going to movies and having fun. So that life wouldn't feel so heavy and there would be something to wait and things to be happy about."

I threw everything I had on the game, all in someone would say. This would probably bite me in the ankle and make this session last forever but it was my best shot to get some private time with Matteo so I was ready to face it. Now I just waited whether Klaus would take the bait.

"It is true that therapy is sometimes needed especially if there have been dramatic happenings on person's life. But everyone needs also a trusted friend that they can talk about things happening in their life. And of course, leisure time is needed to charge batteries that the heavy things feel lighter."

It felt like a victory but I tried not to celebrate too early.

"Have you contacted Matteo, your friend and told him of this?" he asked next.

Jackpot! It was hard not to smile and instead had to try to look very sad. But I managed to do it somehow.

"Well I have tried to contact him, but I cannot go to the floors where he is living and I don't have his cell phone number and his so busy these days..."

Klaus nodded looking like he understood my problem. It was still too early to celebrate. I hadn't yet seen Matteo. But I now had hope that we would meet and soon.

"Putting that aside for now would you like to talk about the "scary thing with the rebels" that you mentioned."

And there was the price to pay for this. Could there be any more ways for me to tell the story of rebels?  But I just took a fake deep breath and prepared myself for this. It was for Matteo. or more likely for me to see Matteo.