"FOREVER AMEN - CHUI..."

NOT YET READY

Nilla had made new friends at her workplace. One was from the same company and the other was from a different company but from the Orange Plaza. After Sarah left, she grew closer to Robert and later, she met Julia and Wambo. Wambo worked with her at Plutex, though different departments, and Julia worked for a nearby firm whose offices also sat on the same complex. Nilla had grown lonely, especially on weekends, since she moved from an overpopulated plot where everyone knew everybody, to a gated community where one would take even months without knowing their neighbor. Robert had also been away for two months now, and they would only talk once in a while on the phone. Her good friend Sarah, on the other hand, was expectant and her transition into motherhood also meant that they would not be having long video calls as the pregnancy also came with complications and, most of the time, Nilla knew that she needed rest. Nilla had no choice but to make new friends if at all she wanted to enjoy life in the city.

Every weekend, Nilla, Julia and Wambo would always go to the Heart-of-Mama mall to spend time together. They shared about their lives and they would also talk about other people's lives as well. Wambo would always finish with "Who are we to judge anyway?" After making sure she had talked about how messed up a person was, and that there was nothing more to add, as she had spread the person's business like someone spreading wet grass in the sun to dry. It is a practice to spread wet grass in the sun to dry, since only dry grass can be used as roof thatching in the traditional Luo culture. One unique Friday evening, the girls decided to have a rather unique chitchat. They decided to talk about their men, and romantic lives in general. Nilla did not have anything to add, her nights were always as cold as a farmer's machete forgotten outside over the night. What would she know about men? A bigger part of her life was always about survival, that was the truth. Nilla had never caught a break and given dating a thought. On the other hand, she was still scared to be involved with any man, especially since her ex-husband almost made her surprise the gods with a visitor the night he beat her expectant self black and blue. After her ex-husband, the only time Nilla was sure she would share a bed with a man was when Robert had decided to spend the night at her small place after Brian went back to school. She was somewhat mentally prepared to pay Robert's debt for getting her a job and taking good care of Brian during his term break and, of course, a beautiful man like him would never keep her around without wanting something - so she thought. Robert had proven her wrong in his pure intention of wanting to spend the night at her place. Nilla had never known that men could be kind and that they could help women, without expecting their sacks to be made light. She was left with many questions in her head when Robert seemed not to have any debt to collect. She later came to like him because of how different he was, or, maybe it was all about culture? She had no problem paying him at all, strange girl. She had been let down, a little bit lower to the earth’s crust, by the men in her life, the same people who should have been making sure that her heart didn’t have to race because of the cruelty of this world, the same people who we’re supposed to make sure that nights were for rest and not restlessness ,the same people who were to ensure that during the day, rain did not hit hard, and sun did not scorch harshly. Her own father led the legion of the demons who tormented her, followed closely by her uncles. To them, she was just a tool to be used, nothing more.

“ By the way, Nini, do you remember Nick? My husband’s best friend?” Wambo asked. “ Nick, the tall dark guy with red lips?” Of course, I do. What about him?” Nilla asked. “ He asked me for your number. Should a strange number text you, please be nice.” Wambo dropped that line and in her head, it was not a big deal to give out Nilla’s number without first asking her. Nilla was not amused. “ I believe you should have asked me if at all it is okay by me for you to give out my number", Nilla said.

“ Why? I know for a fact that you do not have a boyfriend."

“ Still, you should have asked before giving out my number. I am not even sure whether I am interested in seeing anyone right now.”

“It’s not a big deal, relax Mamana."

Julia had seen the direction their engagement was headed in, and it was not anywhere near peace. She decided to intervene.

“ The truth is, Wambo, what you did was wrong. You should have asked Nini first, Nini, I know you are mad right now, but think of it like this, you do not have anyone right now. How about you get to know him and maybe see if you could like him?” Julia said.

“ Exactly! He’s a nice person, and you’re great, Nini, you two should definitely get to know each other." Wambo said, not caring that her friend was disappointed in her and was still having a hard time processing what she had done. After pleading with Nilla, she finally agreed that she would get to know Nick. Nilla had not thought of dating anyone for long. In fact, the truth is, even when she said yes to her friends, she still did not feel like she was ready to date. She really wanted to heal from the last tough phase of life first. She believed that it was important for her to shed off the skin of her hurt in order for her to get a healthy one.

After the girls had spent time together, they decided to go back to their houses. Shortly before they left, Wambo pestered Nilla to promise her that she would respond to Nick’s calls and text. Nilla agreed. That night, she got a text from Nick. He had properly introduced himself and was asking if they could meet the following day for a lunch date. Nilla accepted. Her responses to him were very straight forward and could only be likened to those of leading questions during a police interrogation. She was tired and the main reason why she agreed to meet with him was because she had promised her friends that she would not let them down. She took a bath then went to bed.

The following day was a Saturday and even though Nilla still reported to work on Saturdays, she would leave work by twelve noon. It was after work that she decided she would meet up with Nick. Nilla got to the restaurant where Nick was already waiting for her. He made as if to hug Nilla. She took three steps back. “ I’m so sorry, I didn’t know you don’t like hugging! I’m such a hugger, please pardon my manners.” He said. “ Yeah.” Is what Nilla said.

Nilla only agreed to meet with him just so her friends would hop off her back. Nick turned out to be as pushy as his friend Wambo. Nilla did not want to waste his time. She had decided to tell him the truth, that she was not looking for a boyfriend. Nick, however, was very quick to tell her that they could take it slow and see where things would go. He was so persuasive, and Nilla only agreed to give it a try so that she could push the time with him forward quickly, then leave for home.

Getting home, Nilla received a good night text from Nick. She genuinely did not know what to respond to him as soon as she saw his text full of love nonsense. She deliberately chose not to reply to it. Nick started the relationship off at a speed that could only be likened to that of a young boy sliding down a hill while seated on a sack. That kind of speed was so fast that if the boy found you standing on his way down the hill, and if you did not move away in time, you both would find yourselves kissing the ground in a manner that none of you would appreciate. It was eight thirty in the evening, and she always went to bed around that time. She put her phone on airplane mode and dived in her bed. A strange day it had been. She needed to recollect every bit of her power which had been scattered throughout the different parts of that boring Saturday.

Nilla had just closed her eyes when she heard her phone beep continuously. She first thought it was Nick. She did not bother. She quickly remembered that airplane mode did not mean that the Wi-Fi data was off. The beeping could not stop, and she got up, annoyed and sleepy. She went for her phone. Her main aim was to switch the whole thing off. The following day was a Sunday and that meant she would sleep until midday. A video call came in immediately she held her phone. It was Robert. He had been out of touch with Nilla for almost two months now. The last time he was in the country they both had a great time as friends. There were times when Nilla wished he was around, but again, looking at the kind of life Robert lived, Nilla knew for sure, he was a very busy man. Only being busy could ever make a man so successful. She also managed to get other friends and as such, she was not complaining at all. Life had gifted her 'wild purple flowers' as she always said. Whenever Nilla experienced something great in her life, she would liken it to life giving her wild purple flowers. This is something she witnessed at one point growing up. There was a day when her stepmother had told her that she was not going to feed another woman's children and that they were responsible for getting their own food. She and her little brother had not had a proper meal three days in a row. As such, young Nilla decided to rush to the only place she could think of at that moment, behind her father's hut, where her mother slept. She had cried to her, while holding her little Brian in her arms. The wind suddenly blew strongly, the nearby Jackaranda tree splashed its flowers towards their direction, the wild flowers which she would always reference whenever anything good happened to her after an episode of distress. An old woman who happened to be passing by was touched by what she had just heard the little girl say. In her distress, little Nilla had said "Mama, it keeps getting hard without you here. I feel like maybe sleeping forever, like you would also give us rest. Rest from hunger, rest from fear, rest from the weight this world keeps placing on our shoulders. Mama, I am only but a child, yet what I have been through tells tales of your mothers and their mothers before them. I am tired. This child has not eaten any good food in a very long time. Did some children come into this life by mistake? It seems like the gods had it wrong at our coming into this realm." The old woman told the children to follow her to her home, which was in the next village, not so far from where Nilla lived. She fed them. Brian slept a long peaceful sleep. It was late by the time he woke up, and the old lady had to take them home the following day. They were beaten like rabid dogs for sleeping out. Nilla did not care. She was full, little Brian was full and Dani, which means grandma in Luo language, had told them that they could always go to her place to eat. Dani was an old widow who was not blessed with children. Her other co-wives had children and always had company. Nilla and Brian were the only children who had slept in her house in a very long time. She wondered why anyone would mistreat children to a point where they had to go to where their mother rested just to seek answers. She really found it very unfair.

Nilla quickly picked up her phone. "Hey you! How are you? How have you been?" Robert said.

"I am okay Robert. I was about to sleep, then I heard my phone beeping. How have you been my good friend?"

"I am fine, just missed you. Been thinking of you for the better part of today and being a weekend, I promised to give you a phone call."

Nilla did not know how to respond to the 'I miss you' part of what Robert had said. She had never been told that she was missed by anyone, let alone a man.

"It has been long indeed, my good friend, I am okay, and I can also see that you are doing great too."

"I might be coming to Kenya on Monday. I thought I should let you know."

"Wow! That's good news! At least Nairobi will not be so boring with you here."

"We could start making a list of what we will do once I get there, you know, besides throwing rats off the balcony, you know."

They burst out laughing. Nilla always made a wheezing sound when laughing. One might always think she was running out of breath, yet that was just her special way of showing that the joke pierced through to the deepest parts of her heart.

"Robert, you will be shocked at the tremendous improvement I have made. In fact, I will let you come see for yourself, child"

"Child? I see... I can see your house looks somewhat different, Nini. I really cannot wait to come have fun with you. When will Brian be home? I miss him too."

Brian would not be home until after a month. Nilla was excited that, at long last, the one person whose company she enjoyed would be home in a day's time.

Nilla had finished the call with Robert when she saw Nick's text. "So you are still online but ignoring my texts? Anyway, sweet dreams angel."

Nilla quickly switched off her phone as she jumped into her warm bed. She was not in the spirit of mixing her excitement over Robert's coming and tolerating text messages from a pseudo-boyfriend. It was about to rain and nothing in this world could ever beat a moment of good sleep on a rainy night.