"FOREVER AMEN - CHUI..."

STANDING ON BIASHARA.

Nilla was in high spirits. It was a beautiful Sunday. Over the past few months, she had taught herself the art of shopping,and really loved it. Shopping meant food in abundance, toiletries in abundance. Sometimes, she came back with new clothes and shoes. She loved this whole new realm of possibilities and ownership. What made her so happy was the fact that Robert was coming home. She always loved how he exclaimed every time he ate her food. The best way Nilla could show love was by cooking and serving others. A response she gave to her upbringing, for when she was always deemed unfit to eat with the others. Food was something she longed for when she was a girl and into her early adulthood. She was now a young woman, and life had chosen her to be the stage upon which it would spread its warm rays of sunshine. She was pleased.

Nilla dressed up and was ready to leave for shopping when her friend Wambo called. Wambo wanted to know every detail of where Nilla and Nick had gotten in their relationship. “ Girl, how did the date go? How did you find him? He tells me you are very shy, but he is willing to take things at your pace.” Wambo said.

“Well, I don’t know… what I’m sure of is I really don’t like him and, I do not want a relationship right now.” Nilla answered.

“ Of course this is exactly how relationships begin! Remember you did not know this person three days ago. Don’t worry, you are a woman, you have the ability to grow in love…”

“ I’m not sure about that though. This whole thing just came when I am still not ready to invite a man into my season of rest. I really want to be just me and the things I always wanted. Time alone is one of those. Also, I think he is too old for me. I just turned twenty-two, and he is thirty-five. That’s a very huge age gap for me. I want to experience puppy love with someone as young as I am.”

“Nilla, listen to me, most of your age mates are not financially stable yet. They are also not emotionally stable , they will just toy with your feelings and dump you. Take this from someone who has been where you are; the older the man, the better he is for you as a woman.”

Nilla just gave a sigh and said bye to her friend. She knew what she wanted, yet she felt like Wambo was really trying so hard to dump Nick on her for whatever reason. According to Nilla, she hadn’t rested enough. She hadn’t had time to grow. She was just a woman whose hands were held by two strangers and whose kindness she stood on. She never forgot what Sarah had told her before about being extra careful when it came to choosing a romantic partner. She was too scared to mess up her life again, like she did when she decided to get married for every wrong reason when she was seventeen years of age. This new chapter of her life was going to be different in every way. She could feel that she was rising with the sun every day. She was sure that the heavens had affirmed her, and hell had also heard of her grand victory, she was unstoppable through every wing of life.

Nilla shut her door and off to the market she went. She always loved getting her vegetables and fruits from the market. They were always very fresh and super affordable. At the Pambo market, she was also able to get vegetables like Chinese cabbage, lettuce, French beans, and many more She always called them ‘ cool kid veggies’ since it was Robert who had introduced her to them. Growing up, the type of vegetables people consumed in the village were basically weeds. They did not need anyone to take care of them in terms of watering or adding fertilizer, they just grew, anywhere. Yet, they were very delicious. These veggies would only be likened to the Africanis dog breed, very low maintenance but with maximum value. Nilla had come to learn that there are totally different and very many other vegetables on this green earth. She loved them and that was the sweeter part of it.

After a long day of visiting the market, stalls and supermarkets, Nilla was finally home. One thing about Nilla is that she was never too fond of her phone. Turns out she had left it at home. As expected, there were fifteen missed calls from Nick. Nilla felt like her head would explode. She almost missed Robert’s missed call in the midst of the chaos Nick had caused on her phone. Robert had also left a message; Hey short one, please call me back as soon as you see this.

“ Hey you! I’m sorry I missed your call. I went shopping, you know, I have a friend who’s supposed to come to the country and, as always, he eats my food for free. I didn’t want to disappoint him for when he gets here,” Nilla said while laughing.

“ What a good friend you are! And who’s that mannerless friend of yours who takes pride in eating your food for free? Robert’s selective amnesia was cute.

“ Chui, is everything okay?”

“ Yes, I just missed you and wanted to ask you what you’d want me to get you.”

“ You scared me with that text, big head”

In Kenya, you know you are officially a close friend when your name changes to kichwa kubwa, Swahili for big head. Robert knew this, he felt good being called a big head. They had a three-hour call during which Nilla kept seeing text messages from Nick yet those did not bother her a bit. She got off the call and did not bother calling or texting back.

It was Monday and Nilla had arrived at the office. Her plan was to leave work early, so she could prepare a meal for Robert. She had always believed in food being served hot. That day, she left work at eleven in the morning hoping that she would not come face to face with her friend Wambo, whose office was two doors next to hers and who she had been avoiding after feeding Nick, ignored texts and calls.

On her way out, she met Julia. “ Where are you going, Nini? And you look so happy today...” Julia said.

“ Happiness is free my good friend, why are you not at work? “ Nilla quickly responded, hoping this would trick her friend into forgetting about asking her where she was headed. “ I’m on my way to work, I had a small issue to handle at home.” Nilla noticed the bruises on her face. She quickly new that the little issue Julia had at home was with her drunkard husband. She did not want to get into her personal life at that moment and told her to hurry up to work as they would catch up later.

Nilla had finished her cooking when her phone rang. It was Robert. The call was from the local service provider, so she knew that Robert had landed. He had just dropped his bag at his place and wanted the direction to Nilla’s new place. Her place was at a place called Park One, Second gate-Court B. Going by the name, Robert knew that it was a way better place compared to her previous place where rats competed for oxygen with humans. He was right. Immediately he arrived where Nilla lived, he rushed to hug her. Nilla did not know what to do as she was not the type to hug anyone. She only countable times held Brian when things got tough. She also hugged Sarah goodbye, but that was after Sarah spread out her arms towards her at the airport, and when Robert first hugged her, he was comforting her in her office. Her body was rather stiff. A bamboo tree near a river bank was better because, at least, they moved at the blow of wind. Robert noticed how uneasy the hug made her. He gently stroked her hair and let her go. “ You look very beautiful, short one, and I really want to know the whole story of this beautiful place.” Robert had an excitement in his eyes. He wanted the whole story of what he had missed in almost three months. He signaled the driver to get the package in the car. He had brought Nilla gifts just as he had promised.

Nilla and Robert were having a meal when Nick called. After three missed calls, Nilla decided to pick up. He had called to ask where Nilla had gone, why she hadn’t picked up his calls nor replied to his messages from the day before and why Wambo was not told that Nilla had left the office. Nilla just hung up and switched off her phone. She did not like him, everything about him gave her the same feeling she would have walking on the morning dew barefoot when she was young- a feeling of loathe and discomfort that she got whenever the dew made her feet itch after walking on it just because she was unable to afford shoes. He reminded her of her ex-husband, another thing she loathed and caused her discomfort due to being extra pushy and abusive. He was not going to ruin her day and Nilla had decided that it would be up to him to figure out that she did not like him.

“ I deserve a house tour, you know“ Robert said after they were done with their meal. Nilla had turned her house into a home. It was very beautiful. She had previously, without thinking, taken a loan to furnish her house. The loan was huge and Sarah had previously, harshly called her out on it. She had, however, shown mercy on Nilla by saying she was young and also, making her home a beautiful place was also a type of mental and emotional investment-this made Nilla feel better while at the same time promising never to repeat the same mistake again. It was a two-bedroom house with a big kitchen and a balcony. Nilla would only see such in magazines. Robert was genuinely intrigued by what she had done with the place. Brian’s bedroom was well decorated. Nilla had also placed a study table and a snack cabinet for him. She wanted him to experience everything they did not growing up. Nilla’s room was also great. It was a master en-suite. The bunk bed they shared previously now belonged to Brian. She had bought herself a beautiful queen-sized bed with a spring mattress. She also had a snack basket for herself. Nilla never forgot to let Robert know that were it not for him, darkness would still have followed her. She turned to Robert and said: Chui, forever I will thank you. Because of your beautiful friendship, I will never forget that when I was sure that I would fall, you held me and when I knew my dreams were just dreams, you made them a reality. I talk to the gods about you, Chui. I talk about you a lot. Thank you so much.

“ I really enjoy your friendship too, Nini, I’m sorry I have been busy in the past almost three months. I really missed you, you know,” Robert said.

Nilla slowly opened her gift. Robert had bought her five different types of perfumes. Nilla was very happy, she made a funny dance, then immediately stopped. “ Chui, what can a girl get a boy who has got the whole world?” She felt so bad to be the only one who was receiving gifts. “ Just keep being my friend, that’s more than enough.” Robert was always so humble. He never made Nilla prove anything to him. Her friendship was enough. Since the Plutex Global Company was joining most of its branches, he had been so busy. He had missed Nilla so much.

Later in the day, Nilla and Robert went to watch a movie at the Nairobi theater, then skating. Nilla was attempting skating for the first time and Robert was a pro. After a long evening together, they both decided to go home. In the car, Robert received a phone call. It was one of his friends. “ Hey Bob, you promised to call immediately you landed, you son of a gun. We will be waiting for you. If you do not come, then you’ll have yourself to blame. Sam is also with us, and he is the one who asked us to look for beautiful Kenyan women for tonight’s party. Plenty of them are exactly what you love.” Robert quickly responded that he would give his friend a call and that he would attend the party that night. “ Exactly how you love them Chui! Who would have thought that you are such a lethal weapon…” Nilla said as she laughed and made silly faces. “ Shhhh! Short one, this world is not our home and nobody knows the day nor the hour..” Robert had mastered the art of responding to questions with nonsense just like Nilla had taught him over the past months. Robert’s place was the closest from the skating park. Although he wanted Nilla to wait for him to come back from the party, she did not think it was a good idea as his house was too big for her and she also had to work the following day. Nilla decided to hail a taxi. Robert thought it wasn’t a good idea since they already had a driver, and it was better if he dropped her, then went back to take him to his friend’s party. “ Thank you so much for today, Chui. I had fun.” Nilla said as she canceled her ride and got inside Robert’s car.

Nilla had gotten home and, to her surprise, her two friends were standing outside her door. Wambo had pushed Julia to take her to Nilla’s place. As obvious, she had come to push Nilla and pester her into accepting Nick. For some strange reason, Wambo always felt like she was the boss of the group. She was twenty-nine years old, Julia was twenty-eight. Both of them had nothing great to write home about marriage yet, somehow, they were pushing Nilla to date a man she did not want. Nilla opened the door to let them in.

“ Young woman, where are you from? Why are you not answering calls?” Julia asked.

“ A friend came into the country, and we went out for fun,” Nilla responded.

“ Which friend is this? How come we have never heard of this friend? Is it a girl or a boy?” Wambo asked.

“ Just know I have a friend” Nilla said as she went to the kitchen to prepare a drink for her friends who were also right behind her. They stood at the kitchen counter as they talked about their lives.

“ What is going on back at home?” Nilla asked Julia, pointing at her bruised face.

“ My dear, every marriage has got its ups and downs. My husband and I entertained the neighbors yesterday. I will not just be quiet and watch him cheat on me left, right and even center, nooo! I will not let another woman break what I have built so hard for years." Nilla was shocked at what came from Julia’s mouth. Her husband had beaten her after she went to tell his 'side plan' to leave her husband alone. Julia’s marriage life reminded Nilla of her teenage marriage which was full of violence. She did not want to hear more. It triggered her. She immediately, without being asked, brought up the Nick’s topic.

“ Nick can really be annoying, you know, he can call a hundred times and keep texting even after seeing I’m not in the mood to respond…”

“ That means he really likes you, Nini, enjoy the attention he’s giving you when the relationship is still new.” Wambo said.

“Yes Nini, they are only good when they are starting to date you. Please enjoy every moment of it.” Julia added. Nilla knew there was nowhere she was headed to with Nick. Her friends were being delusional, and she knew that for sure, Nick would break his own heart. She would not bend, she would not betray herself and the peace she had, by dating for her friends. Deep down, she felt that her friendship with Julia and Wambo was not good for her, she had experienced healthy friendships from Sarah and Robert, and her friendship with Wambo and Julia was the direct opposite of those. Sarah had been married to a good man and had always given a strong emphasis on marrying right. She had previously told Nilla that repeating patterns were always very easy, especially where she did not choose to intentionally cancel out the toxic traits from the partners she was yet to meet. Sarah’s teachings spoke to Nilla’s heart, yet those of Wambo and Julia never went anywhere past the earlobes.

Immediately her friends left, she called Sarah. She was six months carrying. In fact, she was already carrying before she left Kenya. It wasn’t just showing. She was very happy to see Nilla. “ Heavy girl, how’s the baby?” Nilla started off the conversation.

“ Wow, now, since there’s another person coming, I’ve already been canceled? How sweet of you, Nini.”

“ Believe me, I try.”

“ How is Nairobi? How’s work, and how’s Brian and Robert? By the way, did Robert come back to Kenya?”

“ Yes he did come back this morning. I made him a meal, we later went out, and he’s out to meet his friends."

“ What a strange fellow! So he only came to your place to eat, didn’t even spend enough time with you, and now he’s off to meet his friends? “

“What’s wrong with that? Explain to me like a two-year-old.”

“ Nothing…. Nothing at all, Nini.”

“ He is not my boyfriend Sarah, we are just good friends. Also, have you ever heard of the milk chain?”

“ Milk chain?”

“ It is more like a term Robert and his friends use to refer to a s*x party or something like that."

“ What?”

“ Yeah, they have these s*x parties in almost every country they go to. None of my biashara, you know.”

Nilla said, as Sarah was becoming more invested in the gossip.

“ In truth, you two have got a strange friendship, you know. I was so sure that he would try hitting on you. Now here you are making me know how wrong I have been.” Sarah said.

“ I have never seen him like that, and he has never seen me like that either. His friendship is as great as the one I have with you. You two make life so much better, and I always get to learn a lot from you. I should introduce you two, you know…”

“ I would love to meet him too. First of all, send a picture of him. This conversation must be lit.”

“ There you go. He’s a beautiful man, I have to say.”

“ Nini, this picture itself smells like money! I can smell him through the phone!”

Nilla and Sarah became so silly for a greater part of that evening.

Nilla had wished Sarah a good night since there wasn’t any much difference in their time zones, with Kenya being only two hours ahead of Denmark. As soon as she was done speaking to Sarah, it was Nick, the one who refused to give up, giving her a call. Nilla was in a good mood and decided to pick up the call.

“ Finally! For once, my call has been picked on time! I can see you will make a good wife.” That was his opening statement.

“ What’s up?” Nilla asked as she frowned at his statement.

“ You don’t even want to know how your boyfriend has been, huh?”

“ Yeah, about that, I don’t think lying to you is a good thing. I really don’t want this relationship, Nick. I thought saying yes to get my friends off my back was noble, yet it isn’t. Pole sana, I can’t do this.”

“ I know I have been annoying with the many texts and calls. Please, give me a chance and you won’t regret it. I’m willing to take it slow, just the way you want it.”

“ No amount of slow will make me change my mind, pole sana .”

Nilla was brutally honest with Nick. The thing about being raised by the dead is that they can never lie. Nick was still begging to be re-accepted. Nilla hang up on him, put her phone on silent mode and went to bed. She was adamant on standing on biashara.

*pole sana - Swahili for 'so sorry'

*Biashara - Swahili for business