Living Two Lies

What could be worse?

    CJ finally pulls away. He looks at me, "aren't you going to say anything?"

I don't know what I'm supposed to say...

"I don't know where you could have gotten the idea that I would be leaving you."

"I can just tell, who would want to be with me? I'm an ugly, disgusting, fat loser," he told me. 

"Nobody calls you those things. Where did you even get that from?"

"Why don't you love me, anymore?"

This is my chance to be completely honest with him, and myself. I take a deep breath, look out my bedroom window, and I notice he started to pace. When he starts pacing, s**t gets ugly. Fast. 

"CJ, I don't love you anymore. I can't handle the way things have been, and how you are. I miss who I used to be before you came into my life." He stopped pacing, and was looking directly into my soul. His eyes were so piercing, I wasn't sure about what was going to happen next. He starts to cry, "Why, what did I ever do to you? I've done nothing but love you, Lydia! How could you do this to me?" He starts breathing heavier, faster. I stand up, I don't want to be caught off guard. I brace myself for his next move. 

    Next thing I know, there's a knock at my door. "Lydia? CJ?" Thank god, mom to the rescue. I open the door, and let her in. "What's going on? I heard shouting," she asked. She looks at CJ, then at me again with concern all over her face. "It's nothing I can't handle, mom." She's says a hesitant "okay," and closes the door. "I just don't understand, is there someone else?" he asked me, tears streaming down his face. "No, look at the way you act. Who would want to deal with that? It's non stop everyday. You stalk me all the time, you blow my phone up when you know I'm in class. You freak the hell out and hurt yourself. I've had to attempt to stop you many of times, and got hurt in the process. I think it's best we just go our separate ways," I didn't know how else to break it down to him. This has been the longest three years of my life, I just wanted out. Emotionally, I was tired. 

    "I think it's best you pack your things and head to your grandfathers house, CJ." I felt my phone vibrate in my back pocket, I ignore it. My adrenaline is pumping and this time, I'm the one who's ready to freak the hell out. "I'm not leaving," he says with the blankest look on his face. I was honestly a little scared. All the times he's physically hurt me wasn't on purpose. The look on his face is one I had never seen before. "If you won't leave, I will." I said. I grabbed my things, and left my own house. I started to walk down the long dirt road. I pull out my phone and saw Sammie's text, that I was hoping was Eli . 

Hey girl, Duncan, Josh, Becky and I were wondering if you and CJ would like to tag along to go shopping at the mall. CJ told Duncan he was off work today!

I stopped walking, wondering how I should respond to that. Honesty is the best policy after all. Sammie knows all my secrets. 

I text her back: CJ won't be coming, I can explain later. Can you guys pick me up? I'll be near my bus stop.

Not even a second later. Yeah! We will be there in five!

Perfect, I can escape this hell hole. I'll ask Sammie if I can crash at her place tonight. I want to be no where near my house, or CJ. 

    I get to the bus stop and they're there waiting for me. "Get in guys!" Sammie said while looking at me funny. What does she mean guys? It's just me. I turn around to see what she's talking about. CJ followed me to the bus stop. How am I not surprised. I grit my teeth and shot Sammie the meanest look I can summon. We get in the car, and buckle up. CJ puts his arm around me. I look at him, grab his arm, and take if off of me. "I forgot to mention, Eli said he wanted to join us. We're going to pick him up and then go to the mall. Hope that's okay?" Duncan asked. Great, this will be awkward. 

    For twenty minutes we all sat in silence. Sammie occasionally looked at me, I ignore her and continue staring out the window. We pull into a dirt road, and arrive at Eli's house. He was sitting on his porch ready to go. He comes to the door where I was sitting and says, "make some room guys!" With a laugh, I scooted over and sat in the middle. I was highly uncomfortable with Eli on my left, and CJ on my right. I wanted nothing more than to jump out of this car. Eli nudged me to get my attention, "sorry I forgot to text you back, I was helping my little sister with a school project." I could feel CJ's glare on the back of my head, we could cut the tension with a knife. "No worries, I got wrapped up in other things, " I responded. CJ scoffed. I look at him with a "really?" expression on my face. I look to the front of the car, where I noticed Sammie look at me with a weird look. 

    I shot her a forced smile, and pulled out my phone to scroll f*******:.

"So, CJ, heard you scored a job at a grocery store." Eli said. The last thing I need is for them to become better friends. 

"Yeah, pay is good. I needed it so I could support my future wife, right Lyd?"

I looked at him with a "hell no look." I blandly say, "yep." Who the hell does this guy think he is? I just broke up with him, and now he thinks I'm his future wife?

    We pulled into the mall parking lot, Eli was out of the car faster than CJ so I followed him to get out. CJ was watching my every move like a hawk. No way was I going to be able to talk to Sam, let alone ask to crash at her house.  This evening, was not going to be fun.