Lover

Chapter 9 – I am Leaving

His hands slowly retreating from my face, his own eye contained an expression I could not even hope to understand. What was he thinking? What was he feeling? Turned around by his hands that had moved to my shoulders he placed his own keys in my hands before giving me a light shove towards the house. “Off you go, I’ll see you in a minute.” His tone setting my anxiety on fire, unease blossomed within my stomach. Turning back to take one last look at his form, my chest tightened as I watched him look around down the street. It was almost as if he was looking for someone, as if he thought someone was watching us.

My fingers tightening around the warm keys, I felt Heath’s warmth travel through the warmed metal into my hand before I shoved them into the pouch of my apron. Was he frightened? Ashamed to be seen with me? Or was he just worried my mother would find out? I felt annoyed, irritated even, but how could I? What right did I have to be angry with him? He asked me if I want him and I said no, I rejected him. God I had nearly just ran him over, he was not even mad, he did not even seem angry at me.

His gaze revolving back, catching my own. I almost flinched in fright turning back towards the house in an instant, it was as if I was a school girl getting caught peeking at her crush. Eyes set forward, my hands came together over my apron, gripping tightly at one another. I did not need to look to know my skin would be white, pulled tight over my knuckles. Sucking in a shaky breath, I started moving, walking towards the house as instructed. Whenever he asked me to doing something, I always felt the need, the pull to obey. No more turning back, no more looking, just moving forward.

I needed to get inside, I needed time to think, time to clear my head. I should not have let what Scott said get to me. I should have known Eric would have started rumours. I should have expected it, I should have prepared myself, but all I could damn well think about was Heath. Reaching the front door, I shoved a hand back into my apron pulling out the keys. Unlocking the door, I almost ran to my room and adjoining bathroom.

Slamming the door behind me, I locked it as my hands fisted at my clothing. Ripping them from my body, all I could feel was irritation and frustration. What had I done? What was I going to do next? I was a mess, I just needed time, time to think, time to decide what to do. Reaching for the knob I turned on the taps, water cascading down like rain to the tiles I stepped into the flow.

The wetness warming my skin, I let down my hair. Washing the invisible grime of my emotional wreckage from my skin, I opened the bottle of body wash. Dousing my skin, I scrubbed and scrubbed till it was raw. Standing there under the water flow, I had heard the front door open. It was a while ago, I knew I was out of time, I could not hide in here forever. God I just had to make a simple choice, either yes or no to Heath. Either move out even though I no longer had a job. Or stay here living with the stigma of my mother, living in her wide cast shadow.

Stepping out of the shower, I wrapped a towel around myself. Droplets still running down my skin, I hesitated sucking in a deep breath trying to somehow inhale confidence and courage. Releasing the breath I had been holding, I moved forward. Moving to the door, I turned the lock with a click. Stepping into my bedroom holding up my towel up with an arm I headed to my cupboard. Grabbing out a dress, I could feel the unease building once again in my stomach. I knew what I wanted to do. I knew what I needed to do.

Hearing a noise, I jumped twirling in an instant on the sound. Of course, me here in nothing but a towel. Heath stood in my doorway. His six foot four mountain of muscle watching me with his arms crossed over his broad chest. His eyes lingering on my towel, they snapped upwards to meet my own eyes. Taking steps forwards with no ounce of hesitation, Heath went to the bathroom taking out a fresh towel before moving in front of me.

Still not speaking, I just watched as he brought the towel down around my head. “You need to dry your hair or you will catch a cold Alice.” As usual his tone was familiar, kind and caring. His hands moved the towel back and forth across my head as he gave me a light push to sit on the bed. Kneeling in front of me, he pulled off the towel after taking away most the wetness. His blue eyes raking over my body, I could see him processing, deciding what to say. I knew what he was feeling, I was feeling it too. I wanted him, I wanted his arms around me, his flesh against mine, his warmth completely surrounding me.

Placing a hand on my knee, his voice came out strained. “Alice…” He hesitated, he never hesitated, not unless it was intentional. He was always sure, sure of himself, sure of his actions. “Alice… I’m leaving, I’m leaving tonight. I’ll talk to your mother when she gets back, I can’t stay here anymore.” Looking into his eyes, I felt panic run through me. His jaw stiffening, “I was only staying here for you, but now I… I just can’t stay here Alice.” It was as if my heart stopped, even when he stood up off the ground and retreated from my bedroom. I just sat, my body freezing as goosebumps gripped my skin.

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