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Funeral homes all smell the same. The air conditioner scrubs every drop of moisture and aroma from the air and replaces it with a carefully synthesized perfume designed to overwhelm mediocre embalming. They use dark carpeting so nothing shows, and it’s stain-resistant so nothing stays. It’s got good traction, though, so I won’t slide if (when) I decide to run. I don’t know where they get those awful chaises and chairs, but they’re clearly designed to remain pristine by being so uncomfortable nobody can sit in them for long. The somber stripe-and-flower wallpaper looks painted on, but it’s so glossy it’s probably washable.
It’s probably in Funeral Homes for Dummies: People have all sorts of drama at visitations, so remember you’ll need to regularly hose the snot off the wall.
A massiv
