My Slave

Confession

The time passes by so fast, sometimes it feels like it was very slow but then, when you realized it was just short and quick. There's nothing much to do but I feel like we have a lot of things to do and we don't have much time to do it.

I'm just thinking non-sense, I guess.

I'm helping Jessica in her clinic, assisting her when she has patients.

I feel like I have nothing to do with my life, I don't have direction or any plan. I feel lost even if Jessica is helping me here. I'm thankful to have her as my friend but why do I feel like this? I'm lost again and I'm stressed with my life.

Sometimes, I just want to cry but I don't know why. I feel worthless but I want to do more with my life. I want to be happy and do the things I want. I want to start but I don't know how.

Why do I always experience this? I can't get what I want and I'm tired of trying. I also asked myself, why am I so normal? I'm not smart enough to get a better job, I'm just average. My works are just normal and I'm not that talented to excel in my career.

I don't hate myself but sometimes, I think about this matter. Maybe if I didn't do what I did, things would be better than this.

Obviously, I'm stressed cogitating these matters.

Learn from your mistakes. Improve yourself and work harder. Easy to say but hard to do.

I sighed. I'm hopeless.

Anyway, Jessica never mention her feelings again for me, neither I am. I mean, maybe she just wanted to piss Tiffany off that's why she said those things. It meant nothing.

And speaking of Tiffany, I haven't seen her for days. She never come back here and I'm worried about her even if she doesn't love me. Well, she never told me anything about that but she wants to hurt me so it's obvious what she feels for me. Hatred.

She's vindictive.

But she wants to explain something to me? What if it's important? Now I'm regretting that I didn't listen to her.

I want to see her so badly.

Should I go to her house and listen to her explanation? That's a dumb thing to do.

I can swallow my pride for her. Damn it. I'm so pathetic to feel this way but my heart says I should at least, hear her out.

Lies. She will just deceive you. No! Tiffany didn't lie to me, she never did. Even if she hurt me, she always say what she feels and she never break her promise.

And I miss her antics when she's being territorial.

Tiffany changed after she promised not to hurt me anymore. What if she has a slight feelings for me?

Nah. But she cried when I pushed her away. Geez I'm curious of what she wants to say.

I slapped my head few times to wake myself from my trance, I will ask Jessica about this matter but she acts really mad at Tiffany. She's being over protective.

I need a cold shower, I shouldn't think about her.

It's already 9:30 in the morning and I went straight to the bathroom next to the kitchen.

Maybe Jessica is already at her clinic, she didn't wake up.

I entered the bathroom and locked the door. I was about to strip when I saw Jessica staring at me! She was just wearing a pair of her undergarments.

My mouth agape at the sight of her, I was embarrassed that I couldn't move. My eyes wandered her body, she's so slim. Her skin is white and smooth. No sign of scratches or marks.

Perfect body.

I haven't seen Tiffany's body yet but I bet, she's also sexy with those healthy mounds of her. I drooled just imagining it.

"Like what you see?" Jessica smirked.

I closed my mouth and unconsciously licked my lips "Ah... um... I... I'm sorry," I bashfully said. I'm glad I managed to say that.

Jessica giggled "You're so cute Erika," then she walked closer to me.

My heart was beating fast, I could feel the sweats began to form on my forehead.

"You look nervous," Jessica held my shoulder as she stared at my lips.

"Um... I'm really sorry. I... I thought you're already at your clinic," I justified myself. I'm not pervert. Well... only to Tiffany.

"No worries, it's fine," Jessica said as she leaned very close to me.

"I should go outside," I hurriedly said and was about to go out but she held my wrist.

"I love you. I love you since we were in college," Jessica confessed.

It caught me off guard.

I felt bad for her.

"You're thinking that I just said that because I needed to but..." Jessica took a deep breath "It's true. I love you since college. I never had a chance to tell you because you're always with Tiffany and it also surprised me that you dated Nick," she stared at my eyes then glanced back to my lips. Back and forth.

"I just... I just did that because of Tiffany. Nick was just playing around that time. I don't want Tiffany to get hurt," I remained to my position and didn't dare to move.

Jessica laughed bitterly "Tiffany, it's always her. Why don't you give yourself a chance to love others? She doesn't deserve your love Erika," then she held my cheek and fondled it. I admit I enjoy her touch, she's warm and I feel comfortable.

"I'm sorry," that's all I could say.

"You don't have to be," Jessica leaned her body to me. She was making it hard for me.

"I understand and I can wait, Tiffany doesn't love you. I'm sorry to say that but you have to hear and realize it so you can move on, I'm willing to help you," she cooed.

I didn't know how to respond, I was speechless.

"And you don't have to answer, just feel this," Jessica held the nape of my neck and pulled me.

She crashed her soft lips to me, she was a little bit aggressive with her moves.

I tried to respond but I feel like I'm cheating. It's not like me and Tiffany are together but I feel like I'm betraying her.

Besides, I don't feel anything for Jessica. She's just my friend and it was like I'm kissing my sister, it's really uncomfortable.

I couldn't stop comparing this kiss to Tiffany's. It's totally different.

I feel really bad with this.

Why can't I just love this girl? She loves me and I can feel it. Her lips moved from side to side but I just stayed still.

I don't want to give her false hope, I need to be honest with her even if it'll hurt her.

I don't want her to feel the same like I do right now. She doesn't deserve to be hurt but there's no way I will give her a chance. I can't assure her that I will forget Tiffany and she deserve someone better than me.

I just want to maintain my platonic relationship with her so I should stop this.

I held her both shoulders and gently pushed her breaking the kiss.

"I'm sorry but I can't do this. I don't want to hurt you Jessica but there's no way I will give this a chance," I softly said.

"But why? Why won't you?" Her voice cracked and her eyes were teary.

Shit. I don't like this. I feel sorry for her.

"I'm sorry Jessica, and I want to go back to Tiffany's house. I want to hear her explanation," after that I rushed out leaving her in a huff.

I f****d up, I know that. I always do.

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