Sleepwell Mr. Sungit

Chapter 18

Tahimik lang kaming nakatayo dito sa garden. Wala ni isang umiimik. Nakatingin ako sa kanya habang siya'y nagmamasid sa paligid.

Hindi ko alam kung paano sisimulan.

Hindi ko alam kung aamin ba ako sa nararamdaman o itatago nalang muna.

Huminga ako ng malalim, napatingin sakin si keiro.

"What do you wanna talk about?" blanko ang emosyon na tanong niya.

Napatitig ako sa kanya. Bumuka yung labi ko pero walang salita na lumalabas.

Ang pakiramdam na gustong-gusto an umamin ng puso mo pero ayaw pagalawin ng isip mo yung katawan mo.

Parang gusto ko nalang siyang yakapin habang nagsasalita, ayaw kong makita yung magiging reaction niya sa sasabihin ko.

Baka lalo siyang mailang at hindi ako pansinin. Or worst mas maging suplado siya sakin.

"I'm sorry." Yun lang yung lumabas sa bibig ko. Ni hindi ko alam kung bakit. Parang tanga triana.

Kunot-noong nakatingin lang siya sakin. Pati siya ay lito na rin dahil sa paghingi ko ng tawad.

"Sorry? For what?" takang tanong niya.

Nag-aalangan tumingin ako sa kanya. Yumuko ako at huminga ng malalim bago sinalubong yung tingin niya.

Seryoso lang siyang nakatingin sakin na nagpadagdag ng kaba na nararamdaman ko.

"Alam kong napipilitan kalang na sumali sa pageant. I'm sorry. It's my fault, i dragged you here. I'm just confused, and i thought making you join the pageant will push us closer, that it'll answer my confusion." pinalakas ko yung loob ko para sabihin yun pero hindi ko talagang magawang tumingin sa mga mata niya.

"What do you mean?" he looked at me puzzled. I know he already had an idea what i'm trying to say or maybe he's just innocent?

Napatingin ako sa kanya. I don't know if i'm just delusional or what but i saw an encouragement in his eyes. Like he's telling me through his eyes that no matter what happened he got me. Yun ang nagpalakas ng loob ko.

I sighed deeply then looked straightly in to his eyes trying to search for his soul. And when i think i found it, that's my cue to say what my heart wants to.

"I like you."

All my hopes turn down because of his expression. Emotionless and coldness. That's the only expression his face is shouting.

Yeah, i'm just being delusional. Those emotions that i saw in his eyes a while ago are all fjust my imagination. What's new, right?

What would i expect? His like my walking negativity in life. From the very first time all i got from him is rejection.

Never thought rejection hurts. Maybe this is also the reason why my conscience always telling me not to reject anyone, if possible be kind and stay acquianted with them.

I don't know but looking at the expression his showing brought pain to my heart. I can already taste the bitterness of another rejection. It makes my heart shuddered.

He's confusing me. The emotions on his face scream ignorance but his eyes speaks oppositely. My little hope telling me to sta positive. He still didn't say anything, he didn't reject me yet.

I looked at him with a little hope on my expression, i was about to speak when a phone rings. It's his.

He pulled it out of his jeans then looked me before answering it.

"Mom" his answered with his deep voice.

"What about athena?" my forehead creased from the mention of a women's name.

"Why so sudden? She didn't even text me." slightly irritated his brows met. "'kay, i'll pick her up now. Okay...yeah.. Bye."

After putting down his phone without looking at me he turn his back at nagmamadaling umalis.

I was shocked. Did he just reject me by turning his back? Wow. That hurts.

Tulalang napaupo ako sa malapit na bench, hindi parin makapaniwala.

He's just too good in rejecting people, or should i say too good in rejecting ME.

I couldn't take it anymore, i don't know if i'm just being shallow but the feeling of rejection hurts me so much.

Pero mababaw pa bang rason yun? Someone rejects my first confession, i could tell it's not my pride or ego that's hurting.

Tulalang hindi ko namalayan na lumuluha na pala ako. He's making me cry again. I'm not a cry baby, kahit na mababaw yung luha ko i never cried just for someone na hindi ko naman ka ano-ano.

I just cried while hoping na walang makakakita sakin dito. Nakakahiya siguro yung itsura ko.

Should i continue pursuing him? It's not a bad idea right? I just can't give up because of one rejection. Maybe if i'm going to continue on pursuing him his coldness will melt soon. Makukuha ko rin yung loob.

I build my hope and confidence higher. We will never give up triana! Ano pa't pinilit mo siyang sumali rito sa pageant? Make use of it.

Inayos kona yung sarili ko, i look at my face in the small mirror that i have. Mabuti nalang at hindi ako masyadong umiyak kaya hindi namaga yung mata ko medyo namumula nalang.

Pumasok ako sa malapit na CR at naghilamos. I stared at my face in the mirror.

Am i pangit? Hindi naman siguro diba?

I pouted because of my thoughts. Erase, erase. You shouldn't be feel conscious and insecure about yourself.

If i can't boast my confidence, i won't be able to be with him. Baka lamangan lang ako ng hiya ko, kaya kailangan ko ng marami-raming confidence sa katawan.

Sunday morning i'm getting ready for church with my family. It's our usual routine, we can get busy the whole week but sunday is for family.

I wear my formal white puff sleeves dress and pair it with my white 3 inch heels. I just put my hair down and put a small hairpin on the side.

After preparing i made my way to the entertainment room where i saw my mom fixing dads neck tie. Sweet.

"Goodmorning mom, dad." napatingin naman sila sakin. I kissed them both sa cheeks at lumabas na kami.

When sunday we are using our family car where daddy is our driver, mommy's sitting at the passenger seat and I, at the backseat.

Because church is not that i far, after 15minutes naka rating na kami. Marami ng tao pero hindi pa nagsisimula yung mass, and looks like kakatapos lang ng mesa.

Sa unahan kami usually naka upo kaya habang naglalakad papunta sa harapan nililibot ko yung tingin ko. Minsan kasi nagkakasabay kami ni keisha.

When we got to the front, my eyes widen when i saw keiro. Sitting at the third row on the right side. Nasa left side kami at nasa harap talaga. Iniwas ko yung tingin ko, tumingin ako sa tabi niya i saw her mom, talking to maybe his dad? On his right side. Napatingin ako sa girl sa left side niya, she's also looking at me. I saw keiro whispered something that made her look away.

Siya ba yung babae na pinuntahan niya kahapon? The reason why he rejected me?

She's beautiful and classy, though i'm not sure but she looks matured?

Pasulyap-sulyap ang babae sakin. Everytime our eyes met, bumubulong siya kay keiro at tumatawa, keiro is just smirking while looking at her. Wow. It hurts.

Binalik ko na yung tingin ko sa harapan. That must be his girlfriend. They looked sweet. Agad kong pinunasan yung traidor kong luha na tumakas sa mga mata ko.

"Sweetie, are you, okay?" napatingin ako kay mommy.

"Yes mom, napuweng lang po." tumango naman si mommy pero hindi parin kumbinsido. I glance at them and saw them laughing together. The girl even poking keiro sides.

I smiled bitterly.

"Who are they? Do you know them? They look cute and sweet." i looked away. Trying hard to keep my bitterness. Whatever.

"I don't know them, mom." sagot ko ng hindi inaalis yung tingin sa harapan.

Cute and sweet? Whatever.