Episode Three
1035 Words
Yomi Shaolin calls me on the phone from Slovenia.
“Yo Mags.”
“Hey gurl.”
“How’s it going. So there’s this guy here in Slo yeah” She continued without pausing for me to answer her question. “he’s called Kristofer with a K. we just call him Kristof. He’s looking to meet a black hot chick like me. Hehe! He’s Ditto’s friend o. So I told him I’d hook him up. I told him I’ve got lots of hotties in different area codes.”
“Oh okay and who do you have in mind?”
“Don’t tell me you’re this slow. You of course!”
“Me? Really Shaolin? I’m neck deep in my divorce; I was in court yesterday. I’ve got bills up to my eyeballs that I can’t pay trying to feed and clothe the kids as well as pay for school, I don’t have the time or interest to meet anyone down here much less a Slovak, thousands of miles away. “
“A Slovene.”
“Huh?”
“You said Slovak but it’s actually ……”
“I don’t care.”
“Christ Mags! Chill out. I just want to help. Don’t bite my bloody head off.” I took a deep breath, closed my eyes and apologized to my friend.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry it’s just all so overwhelming that sometimes if feel I’m going crazy. Yomi I can’t keep up. Yomi was silent for a while then she said.
“Excuse my bleeding French but where the hell is the animal that fertilized your eggs huh? He just going to leave you to handle everything. “
“Babes that’s the Nigerian way most of the time.”
“He should be made to play his part.” She yelled barely listening to me. “Here yeah you can’t just do that nonsense. You will be made to pay shuo! kini gbogbo radarada nonsense ni eleyi jor tori olohun?” Shouted Yomi in my ear seemingly getting angrier by the minute. “Wobi Mags! You’re the one pitying that nigga o. I still know some guys in Eko. They will tidy him up no trace. Don’t think I can’t do it because I married a white guy. Omo I’m still a confirmed Lagos tout!”
“I can see that, Oyibo land has done nothing to soften you.” Yomi laughed.
“Look hun. I can’t even begin to fathom what you’re going through. Everything will be alright in the end Mags, you’ll see. You know you’ve got me if you need anything right?”
“Thanks, I know” I said smiling.
‘’How was court by the way?”
“Scary as hell. I almost ran out.”
“Pele! Hope you’ve got a kickass lawyer.”
“Yeah he’s okay.”
“You know what, just talk to Kristof for my sake, at least help me keep P.I.M.P reputation.”
“Yomi Shaolin quit with it” I said laughing.
“Na you sabi. I’ve given him your number so come and beat me. Oh and you have to download Skype so you can video call with him. What’s with those bloody frogs?”
“You should be used to the sound when you call me”
“Olorun ma je! I cannot be used to bad things for my friend. You will get out of that place, or my name is not Oriyomi! Okay gat to go. I call distances with the office phone. Laterz gaterz.”
Chicken deli was a fast food restaurant in a gas station not too far from my house. I had become a regular there for two reasons. The restaurant always had their generators turned on so I was always sure I could charge my phone and they made damn good moimoi. Whenever I wasn’t at work I could be found at chicken deli, sitting at my favourite corner, charging my phone and slowly chewing on a plate of moimoi while looking around. The patron of the restaurant Samuel, a short chubby man with a ruddy complexion who was always smiling, would go so far as to move people who were seated at my seat whenever I arrived. I never asked him to but it felt good to be a superstar in a local restaurant.
“Our Aunty Margaret of Chicken deli Eku joko!” he would always say. Whenever he pronounced chicken, it sounded like sheeken. My phone had gone dead after Yomi Shaolin’s call so I dressed up, took my kids to aunty Nwando’s house and walked to chicken delight. When I got there my seat was vacant or maybe Samuel had just kicked someone out of it. I bought a plate of moimoi, plugged my phone to charge and looked around. The place was quite empty for a weekend.
There was a couple seated close to the door, they were lost in each other’s company. I felt a veil of loneliness cover me as I stared at the couple. When the woman saw me I averted my eyes and looked down at my plate. ‘’Hmmm’’ I thought. ‘’’Talk to Kristof.’’ I downloaded skype and before I could create a profile, I got a text message on my phone in what seemed to be Slovenian. The only thing I could read was “Hello” at the top of the text. I saved the number and replied the greeting. Five minutes later, Kristof sent his Skype ID. I sent him a Skype request and he called me immediately. I let it ring for a while like a true Nigerian before I answered. Kristof was a handsome ginger-haired man with blue eyes and deep-set dimples.
“ Hallo,” He said, his voice echoing because of the connection.
“ Hallo Kristoff” I replied with a smile feeling self-conscious. I thought of Yomi Shaolin and her reaction to the first call between Kristoff and I. It didn’t matter that we were lost in translation, it just felt so good to be speaking with someone new. He waved and I waved back wondering what I could say that he would understand.
Namaste!!
- Writer
