Tales of A Single Mum

Episode Four

...I have met someone in the wrong place, at the wrong time and it hurts. I look forward to his calls even though I can barely understand what he is saying. He seems so excited when he sees me online. His face lights up, those eyes twinkling as he says my name. His bubbly nature is contagious. He would write short sentences on the screen and I would translate them and write back. He calls me redek cvet which means rare flower in Slovenian. I am humbled to be thought of as rare. In such a short time, he has become my distraction from the turmoil inside, from my daily struggles. I look forward to the time I can see him smile at me, laugh with me worry about me from miles away. I would call, and he would answer and he would listen silently while I rambled on about the stresses of the day. The fact that he cannot comprehend what I’m saying becomes irrelevant when I see the look of gentle understanding on his face.

I cannot explain the loneliness I feel when he is not online. When I call and there is no response, I’m empty inside, fidgety. I feel so helpless. I can do nothing but wait…. And it drives me crazy. I always wonder if he’ll get tired and stop communicating altogether, with the lady miles away that he cannot see or touch or hold hands or go on walks with. My friend Yomi Shaolin is over the moon. She is happy that we have connected. Kristof has become part of my world and I part of his.

But I have decided to end this illusion. You see Kristof and I can never be. It will take me years to be in a good place mentally, emotionally and most especially financially, to take such a leap as moving abroad. I do not see him leaving his life in Slovenia to come to my one-bedroom apartment with no power, no view and a host of amphibian companions. I would want nothing more than to bask in this dream for a while longer but the more I do, the less in tune with reality I would be.

I never knew that I could still feel something for someone let alone for someone so different from me and so far away. It has opened my eyes to the many unexpected twists and turns of this thing called life. So I have made a vow to myself that I would tell him not to call anymore.

There I was sitting on my sofa after a hard day, staring at my phone. One part of me was willing it to ring so that I could say goodbye to Kristof once and for all. The other part was willing it to ring so that I could hear him speak and see those eyes look at me as if was the most important thing in the world. I missed him. I missed him badly. But It was better to say goodbye to something that could never Bethan encourage it.

My phone rang, jolting me out of my reverie. I snatch it up cursing myself under my breath for the excitement I felt inside. It was my mom calling me from Enugu. I heaved a sigh of disappointment and picked up the call.

“Ehn what is wrong with you? Did somebody die? How are the children?” she sounded terrified.

‘’ I’m fine mummy, I just woke up.” I lied.

“Ha! don’t do this to me biko. My heart is fragile. You know I am taking BP drugs. You sounded so miserable when you picked up the phone ogini?” I listened to my mother without interrupting.

“I think a lot. I inherited it from your grandmother and you know that Mags…” she continued. Suddenly, I heard a beeping sound in my ear. I looked at the phone and my heart leaped, beating so fast like a traitor that it was. Kristof was calling!

“Mummy I’m sorry I have to cut you off. My battery needs charging”. I lied again.

“Why hasn’t Nwando put light in that your room sef……”” I ended my mum’s call before she could finish and took a few seconds to comport myself before I picked up Kristof’s call.

The phone tried to connect for a few seconds and there he was! Staring at me once again with those unapologetically besotted eyes. His lips curved in a smile, his dimples digging two deep holes in his beautiful face. He said nothing for a long while he just stared at me. And then he typed. “Hello my rare flower. I did everything I could to keep a straight face in preparation for what I would say but I failed. Oh how I failed woefully. Smiling back at him tears suddenly welling up in my eyes and falling to my cheeks. I wiped my face and typed back. He stared at me, those eyes immediately alert, frowning in concern, asking what was wrong. I smile amidst my tears and told him nothing was wrong, everything was perfect. He wiped his brows comically to show he was relieved and I laughed. Yes, for one more day I would enjoy the feeling of being part of this world. Of being Kristof’s redek cvet.

Just for one more day.

Namaste!