Asmo's Love

Encrypted

WHETHER YOU LIKE IT or not, life will always be unpredictable. It's an ongoing enigma of possible outcomes and erratic decisions. Sometimes things would go the way you want it, sometimes it won't. Good and bad, that's the cycle. And I've seen this pattern played on for years in an inconsistent manner.

Growing up in an environment that had taught me to beg and incessantly ask for attention, I learned that being likable can also be demandingly exhausting. It's like a trial-and-error game. I tried to persistently seduce and attract people around me but then grew restless when they started coming at me like moths to a flame. It consumed time and effort especially when it's not even really worth it. I was just obsessed with making everyone liked me. And yes, it made me feel so dumb but it fed my satisfaction. And as it poisoned my very soul and wrecked my sanity so bad, it eventually led me to an all-consuming rage. It was the dark era of my adolescence until Colin appeared and pulled me out of that hole.

Since then, I tried to free myself from that addiction. Colin helped me change my behavior and I got better. Though I still occasionally feel the urge to be the center of attraction. I knew it would eventually come back again, and it really happened right after I've begun modeling. Whenever I'm in front of those people and I see them liking what they saw, I just can't stop this growing feeling of bliss inside of me and it will always get me excited. It's like I would always be drawn back to the intense need to be under the spotlight, be famous, be recognized and be liked. I've always thought that I was born for it. To be a star... that has been my biggest dream ever since and I really want it to make it real.

"Now, I want you to keep composed and avoid talking to unnecessary people. There'll be like a hundred of them on set and some of them will try to flirt with you," Margaux gave me a rundown of her rules as we waited inside her car before going to the set where I was supposed to start my acting job. "You have to turn down any s****l invitation, I'm kind of possessive when it comes to things that belong to me. And you belong to me, for this time being. That's the rule. People might also start asking questions about you but you have to deny that you know me. Just tell them your one of Leo's models. They'll eventually stop asking once his name is brought up."

The power of Leo... what can I say?

"You only have a minor role for this film with a couple of lines or so but your face will be zoomed in and focused on the screen so you have to do your best," she went on, babbling away as she took out her vanity mirror and lipstick from her Queen Margaret GG handle bag, "The director is a really close friend of mine so I can chip in your name and everything. He will take care of you. But anything else aside from being Leo's model will be discreetly kept a secret. You understand?"

I only nodded.

"I have to tell you, those people in there, they have a knack for sensing scandalous things like human radars. So if you don't wanna be labeled the w***e on tabloid papers and ruin any possibility to make it big, you have to strictly do your part and not get caught. I've had enough of dumb old lovers who ended up thrown out of scenes because of their carelessness. Now, I don't want the same thing happening to you. I don't think you'd want that too, do you?"

I shook my head as a response, still silent like a puppet.

"Good," Margaux grinned at me as she put down her lipstick and reach out to touch my cheek. "I would hate to end this too fast too, dear. You are the most, intensely and insanely beautiful little thing I've ever had in my life and I would really feel bad to lose you in such a tragic way."

For some reason, her ambiguous words and that uncanny smile pasted on her face sent shivers to my whole body and I silently gulped down the seeping fright growing inside my chest. I just nodded back, still gazing straight to those drowning blue eyes and let her finish the retouching. And as I watched her move, the strange feeling of anxiety in my chest was easily brushed off when she suddenly opened the car door beside her and turned to me.

"Now hop off, dear," she said, motioning with her head, "It's time for you to mark your first step."

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THE MOMENT WE ENDED PLAYING, I rushed a hasty greetings to the crowd and immediately went down the mini-stage to walk my way towards the table by the corner of the bistro where Tina's smiling face was waiting.

I don't know but for some reason, I was really in a good mood tonight.  Maybe it had something to do with the fact that I finally worked things out with Steve and was slowly letting myself be more receptive to my bandmates' ideas and feelings. Tonight was just really... just really happy.

"You did so well up there," Tina welcomed me into a hug and I turned to plant a friendly kiss on her cheek, grinning. "And you look really happy. Something must have happened, huh?"

I chuckled as I sat on the seat across her and drummed my fingers on the table. "Well, I'm just happy do I need to have any reason."

"Touche," Tina smirked and settled back on her seat as she cheekily laughed at me. "So how is it going? How's David?"

"David's working right now," I said, looking down on my watch. He actually sent me a message just before our band played on stage, saying he might get home late tonight because they were still not done yet. I hadn't really asked him what kind of project he was doing these past few days, he started getting home later than usual. And when I woke up the next day, he'd already left for work. To be honest, I'm really beginning to feel bothered. We're not even talking about things anymore.

"Working? That's great," Tina gleefully remarked as she beamed at me, "What does he do?"

"Modeling," I responded, smiling back, "He's doing commercial stuff and photoshoots. Those things in fashion and everything, I guess. I don't really have any idea about how it all works but it's what he's passionate about. So, I'm really happy for him."

"I could imagine," Tina noted, nodding, "I mean, David's really gorgeous."

"Gorgeous?! Really?" I teased back jokingly and Tina laughed at my incredulous frown as we both cackled in laughter. "He's not gorgeous. I'm gorgeous."

"But not in the David's kind of way," Tina disagreed, shaking her head at me, "David's definitely on a higher level of gorgeousness. I even couldn't resist from his charms. I used to have a big crush on him back in high school."

Tina chuckled as she reminisced her words but I slowly retreated back to seriousness as her words finally sank on me.

"What?" She paused and stared at the swift shift of my mood. "What's wrong?"

I bitterly chuckled, making her even more puzzled, and I leaned back on my chair to look straight at her. My eyes narrowed with a slight hint of jealousy on my face.

"What?" Tina asked again, looking anxious, and she stared back at mw with a bothered look.

"You used to have a crush on David?"

"Oh, c'mon!" Tina snorted and laughed again at my question, "That was like so many years ago. I've totally forgotten everything about it now. That's totally pasy. It's like a stupid childish crush... I mean, you were there! You'd seen David back in middle school and high school and you know how he's like the hottest thing next to Zac Efron to all the girls in school. I was no exception."

I briefly smirked, averting my gaze from her and smugly snickered. I knew it was just like that. I knew David was the hottest stuff back in high school. I knew all girls liked him, even some of the boys secretly did like him as well. I was even one of them, obviously. But...

I just can't shake this crazy feeling off of my chest, somehow. It's like I felt a little bit offended and hurt. I don't know if this is only brought up by immature jealousy because she used to have a secret crush on him when in fact, we were actually dating at that time before or was this just because she said it all of a sudden when I'm actually dating David now. I don't know... but I really feel annoyed.

"Believe me," Tina's voice meddled over my thoughts as I slowly returned back to my senses and met her eyes staring at me. "I'm in no way of getting myself in the middle of you and David. And I would even be much more willing to finally tell you that I am actually going to a date tomorrow."

That seriously took me off guard and my eyes widened as I try to process those words.

"A date?" I repeated, "As in with a possible candidate?"

"Duh," Tina only sneered back, grinning, "Yeah, it's actually going to be the very first in three years."

Three years? She never had gone to a date in three... I suddenly froze as I let that realization hit me.

"Guess, you've finally caught me," Tina begrudgingly remarked as she smiled down on her hands on the table, "I think it's better this way now."

I suddenly felt a tug in my chest and I paled as it finally dawned on me.

"I'm finally moving on, Colin."

I was feeling this craziness not because I was being possessive of David nor was it because I felt hurt for my ego... I was feeling this way because it was Tina...

The first and only girl I have ever loved in my life. 

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