I Learned to Cheat Like My Husband and Now He's Begging Me to Stop

In the seventh year of our marriage, I finally admitted that Finn Ford was never going to change. Finn stood in front of the entryway mirror, straightening his collar. He had even sprayed on the cologne I had given him for his birthday the year before. It had taken me 3 months to save enough for it, and he usually claimed it was too precious to use. Yet that night, he had put it on before going upstairs to see Shay Wood, the recent graduate who lived above us. "Zoe's pipes are leaking. I'm going upstairs to take a look." Finn tied his shoes without looking at me. He said it as if he were merely heading downstairs for a pack of cigarettes. It was already the fifth time that month. I sat on the couch, staring at the apple cider I had reheated over and over. My throat tightened, and I no longer had the strength to question him. I first discovered his cheating 3 years earlier, when I found a lipstick mark I didn't recognize on his collar. I confronted him in tears, but he pulled me into his arms and claimed he had gotten drunk at a business dinner and that the woman was someone a client had brought along. He swore I was the only one he loved. I believed him. The second time, I found a pair of movie tickets for side-by-side seats in his pocket. The date printed on them was our wedding anniversary. He claimed he had gone with a client, and I believed him again. Then Shay sent me photos of them in bed on w******p. My hand trembled as I held the phone, but Finn merely glanced at the screen, leaned back on the couch, and lit a cigarette. "We're all adults. It was just a little fun. Why are you making such a big deal out of it? You're the one I married, and you control the household finances. What more do you want? Honestly, if it bothers you that much, go find someone yourself. I'm not stopping you." Finn had always been certain I would stay. He was certain I loved him more than life itself. He was certain no one else would want me because I had been with him since I was 17. Most of all, he was certain that even if he flaunted another woman in front of me, I would never leave. For 7 years, he had used the same words whenever he wanted to put me in my place. "If I hadn't taken you in, you would've died in the rain. Who else would want a woman even her own family threw away?" He repeated those words for 7 years, and for 7 years, I believed him. I even convinced myself that I wasn't good enough, that I was too sensitive, and that I simply couldn't make him stay faithful. In my mind, that was why he kept turning to other women. "I'm leaving." Finn finished tying his shoes, rested one hand on the doorknob, and finally looked back at me. "Don't wait up tonight. Just go to bed." I only said, "Okay." I didn't follow him to the door and ask when he would be home, and I didn't stay awake until 3 a.m. the way I used to. The door shut behind him. I looked at our wedding photo. In the picture, his eyes shone as he gazed at me. That was when I remembered it was my birthday. 'He actually forgot my birthday.' My phone buzzed. Seth Hale had sent me a message 30 minutes earlier. Seth: Happy birthday, Enya. I'm downstairs. I've been waiting for you. I had met Seth 6 months earlier when our companies worked together on a project. He was 6 years younger than me, handsome, bright, and outgoing. Even after the project wrapped, he kept messaging me and inviting me to dinner or the movies. I never replied. 'I'm married. I need to keep my distance from other men.' Yet that night, rain tapped against the windows as I stared at the silent apartment and the hot apple cider growing cold on the table. For the first time, I was tired of following rules about what a good wife was supposed to be. I grabbed my coat and stumbled downstairs. 'I just hurt so much. I need someone to talk to. That's all.'