Why Not Me?

Chapter 3

May's POV

"Wake up already" I heard a familiar voice. I chose to ignore Mariana.

"It's almost 4:00pm" She stated again and I shot up, immediately regretting my actions as I felt a massive headache.

I drank up the whole party? Gosh.

"Take it easy tiger" She laughed. I groaned relaxing back on my pillow. Mariana took it upon herself to bring me to my house and spent the night as well.

Isn't she the best? Where is Kelly though? She usually speands the night at mine's after - stop it May! You know where she is..

Thoughts of what happened yesterday clouded my mind. I wish I couldn't remember which was the point of my excessive drinking but damn I remember every single thing that happened.

Just f*****g great.. just my damn luck.

I couldn't stop myself when I saw Kelly taking Harry upstairs. I knew it was going to happen sooner or later if it hadn't already happened but that still didn't prepare me for the knot that formed in my throat and the heartache I felt. I wanted more than anything to just get over it immediately and that was exactly what I did. I turned around immediately, with Zayn wrapping his arms around me and planted a kiss to his lips.

I always surprise myself at how stupid I can be.

I know it was totally wrong for me to be using Zayn the way I was doing but gosh did the kiss feel good. I totally forgot about Harry instantly.

Wasn't that the point after all?

Thank God I wasn't so drunk to let it go out of hands. Because if I were, I was probably going to throw myself at Zayn even further cause damn that specimen of a man can kiss. His arms tightened around my waist as I clung on to him like there was no tomorrow.

"Do you want to get out of here and go do anything?" Mariana asked and I snapped back to reality. She was sitting by the window, the one I use to spy on Harry.

She smiled knowingly and I nodded. The last place I like to be is in my own home. I'm a stay at home and chill person but only when it isn't my home I'm staying in.

What's the point when both your parents gladly left you in the hands of a nanny who doesn't give a s**t about you and left immediately you were of age?

I hate this house and all the days I spent wondering why my parents would rather be far away from me. I'm left home alone because I am of age now. Did they ever stop to think that I don't want to be alone?

That maybe, just maybe I needed them more than the money they sent occasionally?

"I can't wait to leave this God forsaken place" I said to Mariana. This place has been my cage. Constantly reminding me that I'm all alone and not wanted, living on my own, only receiving cheques every now and then.

They are so full of crap, my parents. I would tear the cheques if only I didn't need them. Tsk

Mariana remained silent. She must be thinking of how to cut the tension with a joke I guess but for some reason I couldn't shut up.

I couldn't hold back my thoughts

"I know I belong somewhere but it can't be here" I whispered to myself but she heard it.

"Even though you don't want to be here" She paused for a bit but I didn't speak. "I'm glad you are because it would've killed me to know I didn't get to know someone like you"

From the corner of my eyes I could see her looking at me but I didn't dare look back. I'm soo pathetic, I can't even love myself so how can anyone else love me? Especially Harry.

"I know you hate to hear this but you are more than what you think" Was all she said and walked towards my bathroom.

Yes I am Mariana. More sorrowful than I think.

I rolled my eyes and searched for my phone. There were only two messages, one from Zayn and the other from Kelly.

I contemplated on replying because the last thing I wanted was for Kelly to start telling me how good Harry is at s*x.

Truss I know everything there is to know about her s*x life. She isn't exactly secretive about it.

Kelly: Are you up babe?

What would I do without my girls? I smiled at the screen. It amazes me how much they care, even more than my parents ever did. There was no way in hell I was going to wish bad for any of them and I was willing to watch her be happy with Harry because she deserved it. I wanted it for her.

Me: Yeah babes. Minutes ago. Want to hang out?

I continued on to check the message I got from Zayn. I smiled when I saw how he saved his contact in my phone.

Zayn Hey sleeping beauty

Cute.

Me: Hey Prince charming lol

That was the lamest thing I could come up with. Now he probably thinks I want to get into his pants too.

Zayn It was about time you replied babe. What's up for today?

Babe? Hmmm.

Me: Mar and I are still thinking of how to go about the day. You?

Zayn come over?

There was just something about how he said it - wrote it... but it had me thinking things he probably didn't mean.

Stop tripping! Don't push him away!

Me: Errm sure but only if you promise to make me pancakes

I can be very silly sometimes but I really needed pancakes considering the fact that I keep forgeting to go groceries shopping.

Zayn Sure thing babe x.

_____

"Zayn said we should come over" I told Mariana as soon as she stepped out of my bathroom. She had a towel wrapped around her small frame and her long hair all wet.

She smirked as the words left my mouth.

Ughhh.

"So you and Zayn huh?" She grinned. I saw that coming. I rolled my eyes

"Me and Zayn what?" I played dumb. I knew exactly what she was hinting at.

"It's obvious he's into you" she shrugged.

"What I want to know is if you like him too, even a tiny bit" She quirked her brow playfully. Truth is I don't know. I've seen him around for years but we never spoke and now that we have I feel like we should have spoken years ago cause it feels like it was meant to be. But then again it's just a normal like. I've only had eyes for Harry even though I've been in countless relationships, the only one I've ever wanted is Harry. He is the reason why it never worked out with anyone else. I wish I could change that, especially now that he's forbidden.

"Well yeah, he's a good friend" I shrugged. She rolled her eyes at me.

"You know what I meant but whatever" She waved off as she begun to rummage through my closet checking for what to wear.

"Speaking of which, I saw you chewing Liam's face off" I wiggled my eyebrows suggestively. She blushed.

Awww.

"And you claimed not to like him" I added teasingly reaching to pinch her side.

"Ugh it was in the heat of the moment" She tried to come up with an excuse even though there was no need but I didn't believe her anyway.

I rolled my eyes at her discomfort and made my way to the bathroom and took a well needed and deserved shower. I dried myself up and made my way back out.

Mariana was already dressed in my black skinny jeans and navy tank top.

Her hair in her usual messy bun. With black nike snickers. I rummaged through my closet and settled for a black short jeans and a white tank top and white snickers as well. I left my shoulder length curly hair to hang freely. I reached for my phone and kept it in my pocket. Mariana was doing her makeup and I on the other hand just combed my brows and put on lip balm. After a few minutes she was all set and ready.

I sent Zayn a text saying we were on our way before setting off.

I drove off in my car and within no time we were at his house. I could see a few familiar cars around. Immediately I knew their whole squad was present including Kelly.

Ugh couldn't he have alerted me?

The good side was that I was going to get to give him a kiss-

Wait what? I needed to get my head out of my ass.

We made our way to the front door. Mariana pressed the bell and within no time Zayn opened the door.

Damn he looked soo.... hot? His skinny body was graced by a well fitting black jeans and a plain white t-shirt. He is a stunning specimen of a man.

"Hey" He said as soon as he saw us. Mariana made her way in after saying a curt hello followed by a not so discreet tap on his butt and winked at me when He wasn't looking. God. He didnt even flinch, he was probably used to her butt hitting fetish. I giggled.

He pulled me in for a tight hug which I didn't reject.

He smelled soo nice.

He lead us into his basement which he had turned into a man cave. It looked amazing, a huge pool table graced it with video games and other stuff. There was also a mini bar graced with barstools, He definitely put a lot of thought into this and money.

"Hey guys" I said as I approached everyone. Iola and Bella where not present. Mariana proceeded to sit on Liam's laps. They are fast aren't they? But heck they looked f*****g cute. I always secretly shipped them but never dared voice it cause Mariana was just going to cut it straight out of my mouth. They all replied offhandedly with Louis and Niall too busy with their game.

Kelly was sitting next to Harry and the rest were just dispersed.

I made my way to Kelly and plopped down making myself comfortable on her laps as well. Her hands immediately rested on my hips and Harry pulled back slightly to give us room.

"Babeeeee" I made sure to stretch the e in a loud voice. She giggled as she wrapped her arms around my waist.

"My Nutella" She said and Harry chuckled.

He probably thinks she's the funniest girl on the planet.

"If anyone told me you were the loud type I wouldn't have believed them" Louis said as he walked towards us.

"Oh but I'm not" I faked hurt and innocence.

I started to play with Kelly's blonde hair totally stealing her attention from Harry.

"There are soo many things you don't know about me" I told him, Louis. He smiled

"But at least we know you can grind as f**k" Niall joked and I could see Zayn's face turn crimson. How cute, I wasn't even that affected like him. That's just how I am, I don't blush or feel awkward for just any reason.

Everyone laughed including myself.

I started grinding my ass on Kelly's laps to change the topic off of Zayn and I and it totally worked. Kelly played along by tapping on it. The guys cheered us on in a very enthusiastic way. I chuckled and slid off her.

Boys will always be boys after all what's better than two girls grinding right?

"I don't know why I didn't speak to you earlier" Louis said and I could see Niall, Liam and Zayn nodding their heads in agreement.

It got awkward real fast cause I didn't want to talk about that.

"What can I say? I'm unapproachable" I joked and they chuckled. Let's just say I also know how to cut the tension with a joke as well.

We all kept talking back and forth. Even Harry contributed to the conversation this time but I never spoke to him. I was fine that the others didn't talk to me but when it came to Harry, it really got to me. I kept asking myself why now? That made me even more angry that I wanted to keep things the way they were. I didn't want to talk to him, not when he was only talking to me because he was dating my best friend.

"So what are you looking up to this summer?" Liam asked me.

"Nothing, I can't wait for it to be over" I said. They all looked a little bit shocked.

"You hate summer?" Niall asked. I shook my head no.

"I just want to get out of here" Was all I said and they all went quiet.

Mariana please cut the tension with a joke. Pleaseee.

I have no idea why I brought that up. I have such a big mouth and a hard time keeping it shut.

But nope, no one ever said a single thing. Awkward.

"I haven't seen your mother in ages" Harry said to me changing the topic because it got awkward. I was glad he changed the topic but unfortunately he didn't pick a better topic either. It took every bone in my body not to roll my eyes.

"Melissa isn't my mum she's my nanny" I said, not once looking at him. If anything I wanted him to shut up. I didn't want him talking to me.

Control your anger May. Don't make a fool of yourself by giving him a b***h ass slap.

"Then I've never seen your parents then" Liam said. It was a delicate topic but I had gotten used to talking about it with no emotions. They were always at each other's houses so that statement was expected.

"Well honestly I've only seen them a few times myself" I said bluntly. I was emotionless. My mind was blank, empty.

"They are divorced and married to different people. I guess there was no space with either of them but at least they got me a home and a nanny till the age of 18" I summarized everything for them with a blank expression and a smile at the end of my sentence. They probably thought I was more pathetic than they had originally thought.

Everyone was silent. Nobody dared to speak.

"I'm sorry about that" Zayn finally spoke. I smiled

"Don't mention. It's nothing. It's actually good cause... erm cause I get to live on my own and.. and I'm fine" I stood up and walked away before I could break down in front of them.

Just f*****g great May. Everyone thinks you are a pathetic crybaby.

I keep saying it doesn't hurt but it does. It really hurts. It won't let me live, it has been my biggest insecurity, knowing that even my parents didn't need me. It made me feel worthless, ugly, stupid and pathetic. It made me feel like I only deserved what no one deserved. I didn't deserve love. That's why I couldn't blame Harry for not wanting me either.

I made my way to his garden and sat on the grass trying to calm down.

"You are strong. You are strong" I chanted because I really needed the pep talk at that moment. I expected Mariana or Kelly to come through any moment but instead Zayn did.

"May?" I heard Zayn's voice. I immediately wiped my tears. He sat next to me on the grass and didn't say a single word.

"If they didn't want me why would anyone else want me?" I asked Zayn as I turned to face him. The look of pity wasn't on his face. He just looked sad and concerned.

Thankfully he didn't speak because I didn't want an answer. I knew he didn't know the answer.

"I just wish I knew why they did it. Do they not love me? Maybe I'm not their child and my parents are dead or something but I feel like I need to know why and it has haunted me my entire life and I... I-" I was cut off by Zayn.

"Shhhhh" He held his finger to my lips.

"You are amazing. I barely know you but I could know that in just a few hours of being around you and that made me know how stupid I've been. I missed out on everything, being around you, laughing with you, hugging you and everything else that could have happened" He paused and there was silence as he looked directly into my eyes.

"Who the hell is this boy?"

"I'm sorry. Just don't let it beat you down, you have me now" He continued. No one has ever said anything like that to me apart from my friends and that melted my heart. I nodded leaning in closer to him. I didn't know what I was doing but I couldn't stop myself. It was like a magnetic force drawing me closer to him. He slowly leaned in too. We paused with our lips inches away from each other. I could feel his warm breath close to my face. Our noses touching. Slowly our lips touched, I wasn't drunk and it was different from what I remember. It was different from all the kisses I've had. It felt special. I pulled back but our noses still touching

"Thank you" I whispered. He smiled.

"Th-" He got interrupted by Harry.

"Where is the-..." Zayn and I created space between us but Harry saw our previous position.

"Erm never mind" He turned to leave but Zayn stopped him.

"Nah mate it's fine, what do you want?"

"Was looking for where you kept the liquor" He said. Zayn chuckled standing to his feet. He reached his hand out to me and I held onto it as he pulled me to my feet. He lead the way past Harry and he walked behind us. He lead us to the kitchen with my hand still in his. Finally he let go of me, I wish he didn't. He tried opening a door but it was locked so he excused himself to go find the key leaving Harry and I alone.

It got awkward really quick.

"Erm... you good?" Harry asked

Harry's POV

After May ran off Zayn immediately rose to his feet following her making Kelly and Mariana halt. I could see he had grown to really care for her within a short period. Hearing what she said made me sad.

I can't believe her parents abandoned her like that. That immediately explained why I never saw her father around. I could just imagine how lonely she felt sometimes and I felt bad for treating her like some invisible being. God knew if I were the one in her shoes I wouldn't live through it. She is doing better than she thinks. She's a strong person.

"She'd be fine" Mariana said aloud but I could tell she was talking to her self. She really cared about May and it showed. Everyone remained silent, probably thinking about her. Kelly on the other hand looked worried.

"We are out of alcohol" Louis said as he searched the mini bar in the corner of the room. They all looked at me cause I was the only one Zayn showed his secret hiding place of his beloved liquor. I rose to my feet and made my way there but there were no alcohol. I scrunched my nose. I went looking for him to ask where he had transferred it to.

"Where is th-" I stopped mid sentence as I saw their sitting position. They were sitting Indian style facing each other and their noses were touching each other's. I walked in a wrong time. They immediately created space between them.

Way to go.

"Erm never mind" I immediately turned to leave but Zayn stopped me.

"Nah it's fine mate. What do you want?" He asked

"Was looking for where you kept the liquor" I said. He chuckled rising to his feet. He stretched his hand out to May and she held onto it as he pulled her up. He held it in place and lead her pass me obviously to where he hid the alcohol. He lead us to the kitchen with me behind them. He attempted to open the storage room but it was locked.

"Be right back" Was all he said as he jogged away leaving May standing awkwardly by the counter. She looked soo uncomfortable being in a room alone with me. Probably thinking I'm a jerk. And she was right. I was a big jerk towards her.

I cleared my throat.

"Erm... you good?" I asked her. She looked at me blankly. There was no expression on her face.

"Yeah" Was all she said. "I know it's been years and we never spok-" she cut me off

"Yeah so why start now?" She looked angry and honestly I can't blame her for being that way. I didn't know what to say to her.

"We could change that?" I said hesitantly.

We could change that? really? She looked enraged. I guess I might have pushed it.

"No Harry. Just because you are dating my best friend now so it's convenient for us to be friends?" She asked bitterly.

Ouch. I can't blame her but it did sting. What did I expect anyways?

I wanted to defend myself but that hurt and I knew she had every right to think that way. She tried being friends countless times but I just ignored her.

"That's not why I-" she cut me off again.

"I don't want to talk to you. Let's leave things the way they are" She spat and walked away bumping into Zayn on her way out. Confusion was sprawled across his face.

"What did you say to her" He growled at me. I shrugged and he turned to open the door still giving me a 'you better not be lying' look. She considered it late to establish a relationship now and I totally understood her. I've been a jerk all these years and now that everyone was about to leave for uni I decide to establish a friendship? I would have slapped me if I were her.

Zayn came back with two big bottles of vodka, Hennessy and a bottle of coke.

I helped him out as we made our way back to the basement. May had joined the rest and everyone was talking from one to another. They got excited when we approached with the alcohol. We placed them on the center table next to the plastic cups. Zayn took his previous seat, May rose to her feet and made her way next to him where he sat.

The smile on his face broadened. Mariana and Liam were clinging onto each other. Louis and Niall were playing a video game again.

That's all we ever do.

I took my seat next to Kelly pecking her on the lips. She had been a bit distant the whole day but I didn't want to put meaning to it. I mean what could possibly go wrong after what happened between us last night?

Everyone conversed separately, May and Zayn, Mariana and Liam and Louis and Niall but Kelly was just on her phone. We had already eaten pizza but Zayn made pancakes for May which the other girls thought were cute.

"Y'all are soo boring" Mariana said out loud calling everyone's attention.

"Like you wouldn't rather chew off Liam's lips" May teased and Mariana blushed. To be honest I never pictured May as the fun type, I saw her as a boring and weird person especially because of the way she looked at me and stuff but she is actually very cool.

Everyone chuckled including me even though I knew she was irritated by me.

"Oh shut up like you wouldn't rather bite Zayn's face off" Mariana snorted and May rolled her eyes. Zayn just looked extremely happy. Louis and Niall paused their game. They were probably amused by the situation that was unfolding.

"Why would I want to ruin his gorgeous face?" May asked and Zayn's eyes widened. Everyone cheered excluding me. Mariana smirked. Everyone just kept talking back and forth, even Kelly contributed to the conversation.

Zayn just had that foolish smile on his face the entire time. Probably very happy that May thinks he has a gorgeous face.

"So what university did you apply to?" Niall asked May.

"Erm Newcastle" She answered. The smile on Zayn's face immediately dropped.

"Why so far?" Zayn asked before anyone else could.

She shrugged "I just want to go far away and start over"

"What other universities did you apply to?" Zayn asked, silently praying she applied to ones in America.

"None." She shrugged again. His face dropped completely. To everyone he looked expressionless but to me he looked angry, sad, hurt and other emotions I couldn't point out.

"What about you though" She asked him.

"Ucla. We all literally applied to it." He said and Liam nodded.

"Oh Mar and I applied to ucla as well" Kelly said. I did black flips inwardly. I was so happy cause it had been bothering me, I was just waiting for the right time to ask.

May's POV

I could tell Zayn's face dropped when I told him I applied to only Newcastle. I wish I had known him earlier before applying but I didn't and now I had to leave. Just a day with him and I was starting to develop tiny feelings for him but I knew deep down that Harry still had a place in my heart but I was also sure he wouldn't be in it for long. I was mentally prepared to forget him and Zayn was making it easy already.

"Are you okay?" I asked him because he wasn't talking.

He nodded his head faking a smile but I didn't buy it.

"I don't believe you" I said, observing his features.

"We don't have enough time together" He said shortly. I turned away to look around. I could feel his eyes on me.

"I know" Was all I said still not looking at him.

Finally I tried to face him "We have to make the most of the time we have together then" I smiled but he didn't.

"I don't want it to come to an end" He brought his hand to my face and caressed my cheek. His eyes just made me freeze. No one had ever looked at me that way and I had been in a good amount of relationships.

"Can I kiss you?" He asked. No one had ever asked to kiss me before and that just melted my heart. I nodded before I could stop myself. There was just something about the way the words left his mouth.

He leaned in and locked lips with mine. Eyes were on us but I couldn't be bothered.

My hands flew to the back of his hair and I played with it. He kissed me like he was scared I'd disappear and I kissed him like I wanted to forget.

To forget Harry.

I pulled back. A smile played at his lips.

"Mhmmmm" Mariana cleared her throat. I rolled my eyes frowning at her playfully. I laid on his shoulder and he wrapped his arms around me. Kissing my hair.

The day was going very nice except for the fact that Harry kept stealing glances at me every now and then but I totally ignored him. He still played on my mind. Everything was getting to me, the fact that once summer was over I'd never see him again and Zayn and most people I've seen my entire life.

We all drank and conversed back and forth. A while later I told them my good bye and set off home leaving Mariana and Kelly behind. Zayn insisted on driving me home but he was more drunk compared to me so I declined his offer. He gave me a long kiss goodbye.

I drove home in peace. It was about 9:00pm. I took a quick shower and changed into my pajamas. I fixed a quick dinner and laid in bed. I sent a text to Zayn to let him know I was home in peace.

Me: Hey I'm home.

He was probably very drunk by then and wouldn't reply so I placed my phone down and tried to sleep but it beeped seconds later.

Zayn I miss you already.

I smiled widely.

Me: I know you do x

Zayn What are we doing tomorrow? Just you and I

Me: come over?

Zayn Are you using the line guys use to get into girls pants on me? •_*

I grinned widely. Just something about him I can't pinpoint but I like it..

Me: lol well maybe I am.

Zayn Then maybe, just maybe I will show up.

Me: Oh please like you wouldn't want me to try and get into your pants.

Zayn Lol do you?

Me: Lol do you want me to want to?"

Zayn lol f**k yes.

We spent the whole night texting back and forth... and with every text, I was getting my tangled in his web.