Why Not Me?

Chapter 7

Kelly'sPOV

It has been five days since we left for Atlanta and I already miss Harry like crazy.

It scares the s**t out of me. I always guard my heart by never getting attached but with Harry it was happening spontaneously.

I took him home to introduce him to my mum which is something I never do. I was giving him power over me, power to destroy me whenever he wanted. I sighed frustratedly, I've been avoiding him since I left and the more I did was the more I couldn't handle it.

Fear washed over me when I remembered what Benjamin did to me. I was young and naive but I refuse to return back to that state of mind and such a dark place.

I stared at my phone screen. I needed to end things before it got out of hands. My mental health was at risk here and even though I like Harry an awful lot, I love me and needed to do what's best for me.

Harry: Okay... are you avoiding me?

I stared at the screen contemplating on what to do. I was going to put an end to everything.

Kelly: We need to talk...

I sent the typical 'i want to break up with you text' in a subtle way.

Harry: Babe. Finally you replied. I miss you x

He wasn't making it easy for me but I needed to be strong and stand my grounds. I can't fall for charms and fake words again... I wanted to believe Harry really does like me but he is known for sleeping around and changing women like clothes. I can't trust him with my heart.

Kelly: Harry! We can't be together anymore.

I sent it quickly before I could stop myself. I sat there waiting for his reply. Tears begun to roll down my face, I wish I wouldn't have resorted to this but I had to and me crying alone was a sign that I needed to detach myself from Harry and fast.

Harry: What? Baby what are you talking about?

I stared at the screen. I wanted to tell him I was just joking but I didn't.

Kelly: I'm breaking up with you...

I switched off my phone and laid down in misery. I couldn't continue to text else I would have changed my mind.

Harry's POV

I was laying down on my bed exhausted for no apparent reason. It has been three days since I last hung out with the lads. Zayn's car was always outside of May's house, for some reason I took it upon myself to always spy on May. I thought of all the things she and Zayn could be doing and for some weird reason it made me feel sick. My phone beeped.

Kelly: We need to talk...

It was a text from Kelly. I wanted to smile but the text wasn't looking good. 'We need to talk'? I know that line all too well.

I've used it countless times.

Harry: Babe. Finally you replied. I miss you x

I decided to play dumb but I trully did miss her. A lump formed in my throat just thinking of what she might say next. I couldn't lose her.

I really did like Kelly. I may have raging hormones and lusted over tons of girls but with Kelly it was diferent...

Kelly: Harry! We can't be together anymore

I blinked as I read the screen. What the f**k? I inhaled a sharp breath. She was ending things? I couldn't believe it, I knew for a fact that she had to be joking. Maybe she was pulling my legs to see how I'd react.

Harry: What? Baby what are you talking about?

I became furious. This was it? Was that how things were going to end? I couldn't lose her. I was sweating by then. Everything around me was fuzzy. Why was she doing this?

Kelly: I'm breaking up with you...

That was all it took for me to lose my s**t. If anyone would have told me that I would be this heartbroken if a girl ever broke up with me I would have laughed in their face.

Fuck texting.

I dialed her number but it said her phone as switched off. I cursed losing all my s**t. The first person I thought to call was Mariana.

I paced back and forth in my room. I waited for her to pick up but the line went dead. I tried calling Kelly several times again but she wasn't reachable.

I did the only thing I knew best, I reached for a bottle of alcohol at my bedside table. I hate drinking at home because it scared my mum, she says I'd get addicted but I couldn't handle it. I just needed something to numb the pain. I've never been broken hearted before so every feeling I felt was new to me and I didn't know how to deal with it.

I sent her a couple of messages begging her to reconsider her decision and not to rush into things. I tried reasoning with her to wait until she came home so we could talk face to face but I still got no reply.

I sat in a particular spot totally emotionless. I still couldn't understand why she was doing all this. I was tipsy at that point and my legs carried me towards my door and the next thing I know I'm walking over to Mariana's house. Her car is outside so she must be home. I pressed the bell and waited impatiently. I needed some explanation and her friends might know something. At that point I was mortified.

What if she doesn't come to her senses and indeed pushes me away for good? The thought alone killed me.

Before me stood Mrs Duapez. She smiled warmly but honestly speaking I wasn't in need of that, I needed Kelly.

"Hello Harry" She said

"Hello. Can I speak to Mariana please?" I went straight to the point. She furrowed her brows "Are you okay son?" She asked and I nodded.

"Yeah I am" I spoke. I stood a little bit far from her because I didn't want her smelling the alcohol on my breath.

She nodded but she definitely didn't believe I was okay. "She stepped out with Liam not long ago" She informed me.

Fuck.

I thanked her and left. I was beyond frustrated at that point, I called Liam but he didn't answer as well. The actual time I really needed them and none I them are f*****g reachable.

My heart was beating faster than it has ever before. I found myself walking towards May's house. If Mariana can't be reached, May can.

I rang her bell....

May's POV

I was in my sitting room watching Overboard with a huge bowl of popcorn between my thighs when I heard the bell ring. I furrowed my brows wondering who it could be considering the time as well. No one ever visited me apart from my friends and they have keys. I rose to my feet and headed for the door. Without peeping through the whole I swung the door open.

I should probably stop doing that...

My eyes widened when I saw the curly haired guy stare at me with his perfect green eyes. He looked worn out and sad. My face dropped, we just stood there looking at each other. He had never ever come to my house before so I was very surprised.

... and beyond concerned.

"Can I come in?" He asked but his eyes begged, giving him away.

I couldn't refuse him in such a state besides we were kind of cool? I didn't know what to make of it cause I've never seen him like this before.

He made his way in and towards my couch, making himself comfortable. I closed the door and followed behind him.

I didn't know what to say or what to ask him. I needed answers as to why he was here but I didn't know how to start.

I sat on the couch opposite him. It was awkward. I wanted to speak but I didn't know what to say to him. He looked like he could use some silence. Decided to wait it out for him to speak but he didn't either.

"Are you okay?" I got worried. He looked up at me. His beautiful eyes that always had life just looked dead and emotionless. It was almost like I could feel his pain.

"Kelly broke up with me" He paused as though hesitating.

"Through a text" He added. My heart stopped. They hadn't been dating for even a month and now this. He looked so heartbroken and torn apart. She really took a toll on him. I snapped out of my state of shock. Old me would have been jumping for joy but seeing him hurt me. I wish I could take away his pain and cause him happiness but I knew it wasn't me he wanted, it was Kelly.

"She wouldn't pick my calls or reply my texts. I have no idea where I went wrong" He stated.

The sight of him in that state broke me more than I had expected. It's like I could feel it too. My heart begun to ache as well. My feet carried me before I could stop it. I sat next to him and wrapped my arms around him embracing him into a hug I thought he needed. He didnt reject my touch either.

"I'm in love with her, I can't lose her" He told me. My entire body froze. I immediately pulled away coming back to my senses. He was only here because he needed me and it was convenient for him. He wouldn't have been here if he didn't need my help.

My throat became dry and my emotions tried to betray me but I pulled it back together quickly.

"I tried to deny it but it's all clear now" He said more to himself but I heard it. I couldn't stand hearing him say those words to my face. He loves her, he loves Kelly.

"So what do I have to do with this?" I asked dryly. He looked at me through his lashes. He looked soo vulnerable. I wanted to hug him again but I'd just be doing more harm to myself than good. Harry is dangerous for my health and I found myself wishing things could go back to how they were.

When we never spoke to each other... I could live through it then but now it's just messing with my head. The way he looked at me days ago at the beach had me thinking that maybe, just maybe I was someone he could want. I know thoughts like that shouldn't have consumed my mind but what can I say? I love him, way before I knew it. I always have.... and always will.

"I need your help" He said. I shook my head. Standing to my feet and moving back to my previous seat. Not to be selfish but there was no way I was going to help him, the little strength I had left couldn't handle it.

"Mariana could help you" I said.

He nodded his head.

"Can you just call her and hear what she'd say?" He sounded desperate. I couldn't say no to him. I reached for my phone on the carpet before I could stop myself and dialed her number.

She picked on the second ring.

"Hey babe" she sounded like nothing had happened at all but I know Kelly soo well, she was hiding her emotions. After Benjamin, she became darn good at it.

"Hey bish" I said trying to sound normal. We spoke for a bit as I waited for her to bring up the break up but she didn't so I just cut to the chase.

"So you and Harry" Was all I said. I could see Harry's sit up straight. I put the phone on speaker so he could hear her.

"Yeah what about us?" She played dumb but I noticed the slight crack in her voice.

"I know you broke up with him" I heard her chuckle on the other side of the line.

"Yeah I got bored of him honestly" She said but I could tell she was lying. That was a blow to me because this is the guy I'd give anything to hold in my arms and there he was dying over her and she was there saying she got bored of him?

Sadness was evident on Harry's face. I was totally speechless and didn't know what to say anymore. It would have been awkward to continue the conversation so I just hung up immediately she spoke those words. I wish I didn't put the phone on speaker...

There was silence in the air. Neither of us knew what to say.

"Do you have any alcohol?" Harry asked. I wanted to lie that I didn't but I knew he needed it as I usually do when I feel like s**t.

Sometimes things that are bad for us becomes what is good for us when there is no other escape.

I nodded and excused myself to go get him something to gulp down. A minute later I returned with two red plastic cups, a bottle of vodka and a small bottle of coke.

He smiled as I placed them on the table and sat Indian style next to it on the floor. Thankfully he was wearing sweatpants and mimicked my actions. We were both seated comfortably on my carpet. I opened the bottle of vodka and poured a fair amount into our glasses. I did the same with the coke but poured just a little compared to the vodka. There was a questioning look on his face and I knew what he was thinking.

"I can't let a heartbroken man drink all alone now can I?" He chuckled as the words fell out of my mouth. I was trying so desperately to cheer him up. I needed to see those eyes full of life again.

"Now cheers" I say raising my cup up waiting for him to smash his cup against mine. He did shortly and we took large sips from our cups. Silence fell upon us again but it wasn't awkward this time. I understood that he was going through a phase, probably something he hasn't gone through before so to me he was taking it quite well. He looked lost in thoughts and confused.

He was probably beating himself trying to figure out what he did wrong.

The warm tingly feeling sprawled throughout my body and I knew he was feeling the same thing. My body became a little lighter after our second cup which we drank in silence yet again.

"Have you tried counting the stars" Harry asked out of no where.

Well yeah only a thousand times. I smiled as he looked at me expectantly.

"Only a thousand times" I confessed to him. He chuckled. "Do you want to go count some now?" He said pleadingly. Really? This was a soft side of him I didn't know he possessed.

Again I nodded as I tried standing on my feet. I felt a great rush almost losing my balance but I steadied myself instantly and helped Harry up as well. It was the first time I actually touched him and even in my state of being tipsy I still felt a million butterflies erupt in my stomach. I scolded myself mentally because I shouldn't be having such thoughts at a time like that. He held unto me as I helped him up. I started to lead him towards the back door to my garden but he stopped me.

"Wait aren't we forgetting something?" He stiffled a laughter and I knew he was on the verge of getting drunk. Before I could think he walked back and packed our cups and also took the bottles as well.

"We can't leave this behind" He walked pass me towards the direction I was leading him. Soon we were in the backyard which was pretty dark but I didn't bother to switch on the lights.

Harry overlooked the chairs and sat down on the grass not so far from the swimming pool. I rushed and sat facing him as well. Memories of Zayn came to mind and I smiled.

He noticed because I saw him roll his eyes at the stupid smile on my face. By then I had no idea where I had dropped my phone and honestly I couldn't be bothered. This was literally my first night with Harry alone and having fun even though we weren't saying much to each other and he was in pain.

I wanted to enjoy it as much as I could because I know for sure he would regret coming the next morning.

He looked up into the night sky probably trying to count the stars but I kept my eyes glued to his face. His jawline on full display. I was perfectly fine days ago with Zayn helping me to get my mind off him but now here he was sitting before me and I couldn't have wished for anything else. Why did he have to come put me through this again? Why can't I just really dislike him?

He looked back down directly at me but I was quick enough to divert my attention pretending as though I was doing something else. Also thanks be to God that the backyard was fairly dark as well.

Seconds later I looked at him as he still watched me. His blood shot eyes pierced into mine. My eyes couldn't help but look at his lips.

God I want to kiss him so bad....

Stop it May.. I kept battling with my mind until he spoke up for the first time since we came to the backyard.

"Why are you being nice to me?" I was taken aback by his question. Was there some reason why I shouldn't? Well considering the fact that he has been a jerk towards me since I can remember but there was no apparent reason to be a b***h to him. I know I was a b***h to him ever since he started trying to make our friendship work but that didn't mean I would kick him out of my house. Not when I have strong feelings for him.

"Well cause the last time I tried talking to you, you almost r-" He slurred whiles talking but I interrupted.

"I can be a bitter b***h sometimes" I said flatly. Even though we were tipsy, I could tell we were both still in our normal senses and knew exactly what we were talking about. There was no way to blame it on the alcohol.

He chuckled at my choice of words. Shortly after he smirked to my surprise. What the f**k was he smirking to anyways?

"Well I can't disagree" He joked. I rolled my eyes and pinched his sides. That was only when I noticed how close we were to each other.

"Ouch" He faked hurt but laughed after. It was just magical to see him act normal around me for once in his damn life. I laughed as well but it fell silent shortly after.

"Just to make something clear. I didn't try talking you because you are Kelly's best friend" He stated not once glancing at me. I just nodded, completely unable to speak.

"I did because I realized Mariana was right" He smiled finally looking at me.

Mariana? What did she say to him? I internally prayed that she didn't mention anything about my feelings for him.

"Right about what?" I sounded way to curious for my own good.

"About you being a nice person. I would have literally kicked me off your front door if I were you" He stated and I laughed agreeing with him. He is quite the jerk.

"I would have if I were strong" I joked and he chuckled.

"Sorry for being a jerk to you all these years and making you feel left out" He apologized.

Oh so he did know I was feeling left out all these years? Cause I really did feel left out. I couldn't be mad, he was sitting right before me apologizing which I never thought he'd do. I smiled and nodded. It was then that I knew it didn't really matter, it never did because my feelings for him surpasses every other thing.

"Now lets kill this awkwardness and get f****d up!" I changed to topic to a better one because I didn't want to dwell on the past. We were having a blast but I could still see he wasn't totally happy.

He was sad and couldn't hide it even though he tried. I made it my mission to cheer him up and I was quite successful. I told him several jokes to which he didn't laugh saying they were not funny and I had to argue about how funny they were which made him laugh. Not to mention I even forced him to laugh at a few. The bottle of vodka was almost finished and the coke did a long time ago so we were just drinking it plain like that.

"Okay okay this one.... knock knock" I said between laughs. Harry folded his arms which to him was getting himself ready not to laugh. He was fighting the small smile that was threatening to appear on his face.

"Who's there?" He said with his thick British accent. I giggled.

"Anna"

"Anna who?" He quirked his brows.

"Annabella" I said bursting into laughter. I sucked at jokes. He followed later into a fit of laughter as well.

"What the f**k?" He asked trying to stop his laughter. "That wasn't funny, probably the worst you've told tonight"

"Yeah right, says the person that's laughing their ass off" I faked hurt.

"Yeah laughing at how pointless it was" He retorted.

"Oh like you can do any better" I challenged him.

"Knock knock" He said like it was going to be the best joke ever.

"Who's there?" I rolled my eyes.

"Daisy"

"Daisy who"

"Daisy me rolling" He said in a singsong voice and I burst out laughing and so did he.

"I swear that wasn't funny" I said as I gained composure.

We kept going on and on. He looked like he was genuinely having a good time and I couldn't see any hidden pain in his eyes. We soon laid down on the grass with our fronts facing the sky. We had finished all the vodka by then and I refused to go get more. One because we were extremely wasted by then and two because I was feeling lazy as f**k.

We attempted counting the stars but stopped after we kept trying to distract one another. For the first time after a long time silent took over once more but this time it wasn't like the others.

At least not to me. I stared at the stars a little longer and turned my head towards him to probably tease him but he was fast asleep. His arms were resting peacefully on his chest as his hair was dispersed on the grass. His mouth was slightly opened and he looked breath taking. I stared at him longer than I should have because I couldn't get caught. There was no way in hell I was ever going to get over him and I knew that immediately I looked at him. Now I get why we never spoke. I take it as God was trying to save my poor heart from getting torn apart when I was weak and vulnerable. I used to think maybe if I spoke to Harry earlier I would have gotten over him.

Fuck was I lying to myself. There was simply no way that could ever happen.

I smiled at the sight before me and closed my eyes as well. I was tired as f**k. My mind went back to how I saw him earlier and my heart ached all over again. I would give anything to be in Kelly's position to have Harry's heart.

There and then I knew exactly how Mariana felt. It was always a different feeling knowing Harry was dating other girls but knowing he actually loves someone tears me apart, it's the worst feeling ever and nothing can prepare you for it. Knowing it's Kelly makes me want to drown myself.

I'd never thought the guy I cherish with all my being would ever be madly in love with my best friend.

"Goodnight Harry" Was the last thing I said before I drifted into sleep next to him in my backyard.

God help me please!