Why Not Me?

Chapter 13

"We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love - Tom Robbins"

May’s POV

Several weeks had passed and I isolated myself from everyone except for Eli. I had just an entire day in town as summer was almost over but I had to be in Newcastle weeks earlier to sort out things with the university and to look for accommodation because I didn't apply for that early. Everything was already parked and I was selling my house. I still heard nothing from Harry. Which was what I tried to convince myself that I needed but I can only lie to myself to an extent, my subconcious mind must be thinking I'm a fool. I sat in my empty sitting room on the floor. I've always wanted to leave but now that I was leaving early the next day I realized how much I was going to miss this place. As much as this place brought me pain and sufferings, it brought me smiles and happiness as well. I've had several good times in this house and even though I always highlighted the bad, there were good times. I flipped through my photo album which had mostly pictures of Mariana, Kelly and I and a few of my parents. I sighed heavily. I've been seeing Mariana and Kelly around for a while but we never spoke to each other. Over the weeks I've become like the small girl I was- lonely. I wish Mariana could have made more efforts in talking to me but she never did so I guess I didn't mean that much to her. All it took was two times telling her off and boom she was gone. I would have never let her sleep if she didn't forgive me, that was how much I cared. It was just the Principle, I habour no hard feelings for her but the fact that she hadn't made another attempt just showed how replaceable I am to her. It made her act hurt even more.

I missed feeling cared for so much and before I could stop myself I dialled my mum's number. I bit my bottom lip in anticipation. I've tried calling her several times in the past and she never picked nor called back. I got her message pretty loud and clear and never bothered her again but at that moment I really needed to talk to her. Even though she didn't want me, I still really do love her.

"Hello" I heard her soft voice on the other side of the line and my heart stopped. I wanted to speak to her but I didn't expect her to pick up and now that she did, I didn't know what to say to her.

"Mum?" My voice broke as the word left my mouth. I wanted to be mad at her but for some reason I was just so thankful that she picked up. I've tried hating my parents over the years but never succeeded. The line remained silent for seconds but it felt like years because I was dying to hear her voice again. I haven't spoken to her since I was sixteen.

"Yes honey it's me" She replied through the phone. I couldn't stop myself, I broke down into tears. It wasn't subtle but more like a loud cry for help.

"Mum... I missed you soo much. You never called me, for two years mum.. your call would have mattered than the money" I said between tears with the little strength I had left to speak.

Once again she remained silent as I cried aloud. I wanted to be strong to prove to her that I didn't need her but I did, I really need her.

"Why don't you want me Mum? Why don't you and Dad love me?" I asked softly. I was suddenly drained. These were questions I've always wanted an answer to but never brave enough to ask.

"Don't say that May! We.. I love you" she spoke but I didn't believe her. A mother that loves their child will never abandon them.

I shook my head violently forgetting she couldn't see me. I was beginning to wish she never picked. She was lying to me all over again like when she told me she would always be there.

"Bye mum" I said and she tried to speak but I hung up. I couldn't take it. My phone begun to ring again but I just got fed up and switched it off. I sat there crying and drowning in self pity all over again. Over the weeks things haven't been easy but never once did I cry since the restaurant incident, I promised myself I wouldn't.....

I texted Niall, Louis and Liam to come over so I was currently waiting for them in my empty house. When I switched my phone on after weeks I saw tons of messages from Niall, Louis, Liam and even Zayn but I ignored some.

Zayn’s

I heard the bell and rushed over to see the three gorgeous guys standing before me. They had their usual playful tone as the hugged me. I missed being with them soo much. I was really grateful that they gave me space.

Their jaws dropped as they entered my house. I rolled my eyes, guys can be over dramatic sometimes but only girls are accused.

"Why is your house empty? Don't tell me you were rubbed!" Niall stated. I laughed for the first time in weeks. I was leaving them behind, I was leaving everything and everyone behind. Reality was sinking in as they stood before me.

They looked at me expectantly.

"You are leaving aren't you?" Liam asked and I nodded.

"I just wanted to see you guys before I left" I told them and they nodded. Sadness took over the atmosphere and was followed by an awkward silence.

"I never thought I'd be this affected by you leaving" Louis said running his hands through his hair frustratedly.

Niall and Liam were still speechless.

"I just want you guys to know that we might not have been friends for years but I had the best time of my life with you guys and I wouldn't change that for the world. And this isn't a goodbye cause I believe we'd meet again just maybe not anytime soon but eventually" I said to them as tears rolled down my cheeks. Niall was already tearing up and the rest sniffled back and forth trying to suppress their emotions.

I hugged each and everyone of them and they started cracking jokes to cheer me up. I thought leaving this place behind was going to be easy but it turned out otherwise.

"So then why exactly is your house empty?" Niall asked again and I chuckled rolling my eyes.

"I'm selling this b***h, I already sold everything in the house" I told him and he just nodded. Eli helped me in selling, he has been very helpful and comforting over these weeks and I couldn't be any more grateful. We spent he whole day together until around 6:00.

Everything was going fine until Liam decided it was an excellent idea to talk about Zayn, Mariana and Kelly.

"So are you going to say goodbye to Zayn?" He asked carefully. I snapped me head towards him. I have been thinking about this for weeks but I can't bring myself to make up my mind.

"I honestly don't know" I shrugged. I wished they would get the picture that I didn't want to talk about anything related to Zayn, Kelly nor Mariana but no they didn't.

"I know you want to avoid this conversation May but they really do miss you, Mariana, Kelly and Zayn" Niall said seriously. I heaved a sigh but what stuck out was the fact that no one mentioned Harry. He didn't care that much for anyone to notice that he missed me or anything.

They went on and on, bombarding me with questions and information that was too much to take in.

When they left. I was on my bed which was the only thing left in the house. I kept thinking and the more I thought the harder it was to convince myself to leave the next day. I laid in bed thinking and I couldn't leave without saying goodbye to Harry and the time I'd be leaving I couldn't wake him up. As much as everyone would agree with me that he didnt deserve my farewell, I desperately needed to see him. Thats what love does. It makes you crazy beyond reasonable thinking.

I stood to my feet and made my way towards his house for the first time ever since that night. I pressed their bell and waited patiently. Mrs Styles opened the door displaying her gorgeous pearlies immediately she saw me.

"Hey Mrs Styles" I greeted and she smiled. "Hey dear May. How have you been?" She asked stepping to the side for me to enter which I did thanking her. I was trying so hard not to allow my nerves get the best of me.

"I've been fine thank you" I smiled genuinely at her. I asked her the whereabouts of Harry and she furrowed her brows. It was expected, she didn't know Harry and I talked.

"He's upstairs dear just head up" She said and I thanked her and walked up as fast as I could before I changed my mind.

My heart was pounding in my chest as I stood before his door. My palm was sweaty and my throat was dry. I didn't know how he was going to react and that scared me even more. I knocked and seconds later the door swung open. He froze as he stared at me. He looked shocked and there was an emotion that flickered in his eyes but I couldn't tell what it was. I wanted to mentally slap myself for coming but I had to be strong. He moved away for me to enter and I did still not speaking a word to him.

I sat on his bed awkwardly fidgeting with my with my fingers.

"Uhh so how are you doing?" He said whiles scratching the back of his neck awkwardly.

"How do you think I'm doing?" I asked finally looking up at him. He had an expression I couldn't read and that made me very curious. He looked taken aback by my answer.

I chuckled "I'm great. I'm leaving tomorrow so I thought to come say bye" I said nonchalantly. I was trying my best not to seem affected.

"What?" He sounded shock..

"I said I'm leaving tomor-" He cut me off before I could finish.

"Yeah I heard what you said but why? There's at least three more weeks before summer ended"

"I can't wait till then to leave. I need to leave" I said flatly. Harry growled running his fingers through his hair. Why was he acting like me leaving was going to affect him. I wanted to slap him. He treated me like crap for weeks by not even having the decency to check up on me and now my going was suddenly affecting him?

"What or who exactly are you running away from?" He asked. He looked directly into my eyes. He stood directly opposite me in a fair distance.

"You" I blurted out before I could stop myself. His eyes widened as he watched me. I mentally slapped myself when the words left my mouth. I had no intention of saying anything about my feelings to Harry but I f****d up badly.

"What?" He asked. Confusion was written all over his face. He stepped back a little and I frowned.

"Nothing, I should get going" I rose to my feet but Harry walked towards his door and locked it taking off the keys.

"You aren't leaving until you tell me exactly what you meant" He said.

I wanted to slap him square in the face. This ass knew I was suffering but didn't even bother to check up on me after he kissed me and he was here demanding s**t from me. I chuckled clearly unamused.

"You have no right to be demanding s**t from me right now Harry" I spat out. I was beyond nervous at that point and I needed to get away before I made a fool of myself.

"Yes I am. You clearly said you were running away from me, why is that?" He said calmly compared to my outburst .

"Oh f**k you Harry. It took every bone in my body to come here and say farewell so don't make me slap you across the face" I threatened him because I wanted him to be aware of what I was going to do to him if he didn't leave me be.

He chuckled purposefully to annoy me.

He walked towards his study table ignoring my presence. There was nothing to lose now right? After all he would never see me again so what's the worse that could happen?

"Fine you wanna know?" He turned to face me immediately, watching me expectantly

"Do you remember when you moved here?" I smiled at the memory. I cursed myself mentally and wiped the silly smile off my face. He furrowed his brows probably wondering what it had to do with anything.

"5th August 2007" He creased his brows.

"I was just 8. The only s**t I was watching then were cartoons and stuff but immediately I saw you I felt something that was more like a strange feeling. Bottom line is that Harry I have loved you for more than I can remember and I need to get out of here because that's the only way I can live without you" He remained absolutely silent as he looked at me. He was probably speechless. He opened his mouth to speak several times but closed it. He was stunned. I sounded stupid and crazy but that was how I felt and I wasn't going to hold anything back.

"I tried to establish that friendship countless times, thinking that maybe it could help me get over you but you never gave me the chance and that was too much for me to handle. It even confused me because I hadn't spoken to you but there was just something about you that couldn't allow me to look away if you get what I mean. I soon came to terms that my parents abandoned me but with you I never lost hope. I kept saying you'd come around but a few years passed and I was around 11 and got used to the fact that it wasn't going to happen for us. Worst part is that I want to blame you but I can't." I paused swallowing hard as he watched me in complete silence. I tried to read his expression but he was expressionless.

"The worst part then was that I had no one to talk to. But then again I thought I'd get over you eventually but boy was I thinking wrong. I loved you more with every single passing day. A piece of my heart broke every f*****g time you dated new girls. I know I had no right to be but I couldn't help it. I soon lost hope but that didn't make it any less painful. I felt ugly, worthless and completely stupid for choosing you and not being chosen back. What I didn't get and still don't get is why you never saw me Harry. I was always right there Harry. You could see Kendall, Jess, Beth, Kelly and so on but never me. f**k you even kissed me and screwed me over. That whole night I wasn't answering calls but there was nothing I wanted more than for you to call me. The part that killed me was that I knew you wished it was Kelly you kissed instead and you would have turned back time if you could to stop yourself. But those kisses meant the world to me Harry, heck I wouldn't trade it for all the diamonds in the entire world. And that's what kills me because I'm so stupid. I always said I couldn't fall for Zayn because I was leaving but I couldn't fall for him because I am already madly in love with you. No guy could ever be compared to you and whenever I look at you, I see everything. It just hurts to know that when you look at me you see nothing. f**k I even got your initial under my ear because I felt closer to you that way. Oh and every time I saw your lips on Kelly's, I died a little inside. I felt like the worst when I internally prayed that you hurt her but you got hooked and when she did hurt you I wished I could go through the pain instead of you because I didn't want to live to see you sad. The point here Harry is that my life would be sooo much better if I were extremely far away from you so please give me those damn keys to get the f**k out of here right now" I held back the tears that were threatening to spill. He rose to his feet and placed the key in my hand still not uttering a single word to me. Tears rolled down my left cheek but I wiped it away quickly as I tried to open the door to literally ran out of there for dear life. I felt his eyes on me but I didn't dare turn back. I couldn't focus enough to get the key into the hole. I was mentally cursing and chastising myself.

I felt a presence behind me but didn't turn around still. He reached out and took the key away from me opening the door. I attempted to pull it open but he didn't budge.

"May" I heard his voice. He sounded different suddenly, his voice was husky and deep. My heart begun pounding harder. I wasn't prepared for what he was going to say. The last thing I wanted to hear was his undying love for Kelly.

I shook my head weakly turning back to look at him. I didn't care that my eyes were hooded. "You don't have to say anything Harry. It's okay" I said trying to smile. I realised that I couldn't hate Harry for not loving me. He never asked me to love him and it wasn't his fault but mine.

He stepped closer to me than he was already. I smelled his signature scent and I smiled internally. His eyes held my gaze, I wanted to look away but I couldn't. His hand reached out and caressed my face. I widened my eyes because I was taken aback by his action.

"What are you doing to me May?" He asked more to himself but I heard it. What was he talking about? I remained speechless the entire time. He leaned his forehead on mine and my breath hitched.

"Harry" I said trying to get out a coherent sentence but could only manage his name. He bit his bottom lip thinking. I reached out to caress his face as well and he squinted his eyes like it would help him get a better view of my face.

"Kiss me Harry" I begged and I didn't have to ask twice, Harry's lips found mine immediately the words left my mouth. The kiss was desperate. I wrapped my arms around his neck and he wrapped his arms around my waist pulling me into his chest.

His tongue was in my mouth instantly devouring every part of it. In that moment he kissed me like he really wanted me and even though I knew I couldn't replace Kelly, I was content.

Pathetic.

His fingers caressed the spot behind my ear where I had his initial tatted on me. He deepened our kiss and I didn't complain. I was pressed against his door. Our kiss became rough with Harry kissing me deeper and like he didn't have my permission. I pulled on his hair harder and he groaned into my mouth. I heard his key rattling and a click, he locked the door.

He swiftly lifted me up and I wrapped my legs around his waist. There was no space between us, my chest was pressed against his. His hands were on my butt supporting my weight as I wrapped my arms around his neck tighter as we continued to kiss.

I knew fully well that whatever that was going to happen between us was wrong but I wanted it more than anything. I wanted Harry to make me his even though it was just going to be s*x for him. I felt him walking towards his bed. He broke our kiss to look me dead in the eyes. He looked sexy, his lips were slightly swollen from our heated kissing session seconds ago.

He lowered us onto his bed still looking me dead in the eyes and I didn't look away either. His eyes were clouded with so much want and I couldn't believe it was because of me. This is the guy that never looked at me twice in the past and here he was admiring me like his life depended on it.

His lips found mine again but passionately this time. He kissed me like he desired me and I kissed back with fervour. He trailed off kissing my jaw towards the back of my ears. I turned my head to give him more access because I knew exactly what he was doing. He kissed my tattoo of his initial. I moaned softly into his ears. His hand came between us squeezing my breast softly as he assaulted my neck. He sunk his teeth into my flesh and I winced in pain and pleasure.

I wrapped my legs around his waist tighter to have him closer to me.

"Uhh Harry" I moaned immediately his big bare hand sneaked under my t-shirt and squeezed my breast over my bra. He was leaving marks all over my neck with the way He kept sinking his teeth into my flesh. He detached his lips from mine and tugged at my t-shirt. I lifted my body off the bed a little to assist him with taking off my t-shirt.

He stared down at my chest with lust. He bit his lips bringing his eyes back on mine. His fingers ghosted over my chest barely touching me the way I wanted. He reached under me and unclasped my bra. He pulled it away slowly and his eyes darkened even more when he saw my bare chest. He sucked in a breath, breathing heavily.

I reached out to caress his face bringing him down to kiss him. His soft lips were back on mine. I felt his big hand squeeze my breast. I moaned loving every part of his touch. His fingers rolled my n****e. His hand left my breast trailing down towards my sweatpants whiles his lips were still on mine. I tugged on his t-shirt and he pulled away to let me remove it which I gladly did.

His hand was back to my waistband instantly. His eyes were locked on my chest with his lips parted. If anyone would have told me I'd be beneath Harry as he prepared himself to have his way with me, I would have told them they liked me too much.

He pulled down my sweatpants and I lifted myself off the bed to assist yet again. I unwrapped my legs from his waist and pulled back to fully take it off me. My pink Mickey mouse panty was on display for him and he smiled running his fingers over it. He was tracing the characters on it but his touch was doing things to me. I closed my eyes tightly and his touch stopped.

"Look at me May! I want to see your eyes" He whispered, leaning forward. I obliged. His eyes were staring into my soul.

"I really want you May.. I needed to stay away from you baby" He told me. I opened my mouth to speak but closed it. I didn't understand what he was saying, I just wanted him to touch me.

I felt him touch me through my panty and I whimpered. His eyes were glued on my face and mine on his. My lips parted but not a single sound left it. He pressed harder and begun rubbing me through my underwear.

"You are so wet baby" His deep voice echoed in my ear. Soft moans were coming out of my lips as I enjoyed every touch I was receiving from him. He pulled my panty down from my skin, a shiver running through my body. I was completely naked beneath him, expecting him to look down at me but his eyes still remained on mine. He caressed between my thigh teasingly. I bit my lip in anticipation and he groaned. His hand found my v****a instantly. I gasped. He continued his sweet torture. I clutched his shoulders. His fingers on my bare centre was doing things to me. Apart from Olly I've never had anyone else pleasure me and with Olly it was quick but Harry was taking his time with me like he didn't want it to come to an end.

I felt his finger at my entrance. He entered me slowly and I threw my head back with my mouth opened but still no sound coming out. He begun to pull out and push back in. My eyes were shut tightly and this time he didn't ask me to open them. I felt his eyes on me. He begun to slam in and out of me and I was a moaning mess beneath him. His lips came in contact with my breast. I whimpered, my hands tightening in his hair.

He added another finger fingering me senselessly. He bit my n****e softly. There is no other feeling that could compare to what I was feeling. I felt my stomach tighten and I knew what was coming. I clenched my walls around his fingers and that encouraged him to increase his speed beyond humanly possible. I began to writhe as I came undone beneath him. He kept thrusting his fingers in and out, slowing down. He pulled out and my eyes opened for the first time since I closed it. I was breathing breathlessly. He brought his fingers into his mouth and sucked on them with his eyes glued on mine. He pulled them out and brought them to my lips. I opened my mouth and sucked on his fingers tasting myself faintly.

He stretched to his drawer pulling out a condom. His gaze landed back on mine. He leaned down to kiss me and I tasted myself, it was one of the sexiest thing ever. I moaned into the kiss. I reached down for his waistband. I pulled it down and he assisted me without breaking our kiss. He was left in his boxers only. I groped him through his boxers and my eyes widened. Even though I lack experience with sizes, I could tell his size was above average. He groaned as I stroked him. I stopped and tugged on his boxers and he pulled it down as he sunk his teeth into me neck again.

I grabbed his member immediately it sprung freely and he groaned "f**k". I moved my hand up and down on his shaft and he stopped kissing me with his mouth just opened on mine. I didn't stop though, I sucked on his lips and sunk my teeth into his bottom lip. He groaned engaging back in our kiss.

He pulled away tearing the pack as his eyes searched mine for doubts but there were none. I had come this far and would give anything to feel him inside me. I released him from my grasp to allow him put on the condom which he wasted no time in doing. I felt his member at my entrance and I gasped. He caressed my face leaning down to kiss me again. It was without tongue as we just sucked on each other's lips. I felt him pushing inside me and I stiffened. He was so big and I felt a ripping pain. He stopped, pulling back to watch me. I nodded for him to continue and he pushed in further as he leaned down to kiss me. He started thrusting in and out at a steady pace.

"You are soo tight baby" He grunted. I moaned his name continually which only willed him on as he rammed into me with speed. My nails were digging into his skin as I tried to control my moans. I didn't want his mum and sister to hear any of it, that would be embarrassing but considering the speed Harry was using he didn't seem to care. He just wanted to f**k me...

I didn't want any of it to come to an end. Not the s*x, the way He looked at me. I never wanted him to stop....