Why Not Me?

Chapter 12

"You may never have been mine but I, I was yours - Cindy Cherie"

May's POV

I barely got any sleep yesterday and I barely ate either. I had no appetite and no sleep. I stretched on my bed wishing day didn't break so soon and that I had more rest. Yesterday was an unusual day. My heart couldn't handle the pain. I missed Harry so much and I had to talk myself out of texting or going to his house countless times. I couldn't handle whatever it was I was experiencing. Technically speaking, Harry didn't hurt me? I guess the situation just turned out wrong and cost me my best friends and Zayn. It made me realize that I needed to stop using Zayn because I could never love him as much as I love Harry.

At this point I was scared that even going away wouldn't make me love Harry any less. I found myself thinking about an unknown someone, anyone out there that was destined for me that can make me learn to love differently.

I was convinced that Harry didn't care about me but when Gemma appeared at my door step asking how I was I knew he told her to check up on me. Even though that wasn't enough, it made me smile. That's what scares me, I always settle for whatever he did even if it isn't the best. Loving Harry is making me feel belittled. Loving Harry makes me feel like I'd never get what I deserve- which is someone who would love me even more than I love them and treat me with respect and love.

Dreading the day already, I made my way towards my bathroom. I brushed my teeth and took a very long shower. I just relaxed in my bathtub thinking about the same old things.

Kelly.

I missed her as hell. Feeling like crap wasn't a feeling new to me. The new feeling was being alone with no Mariana and Kelly to cry on and it sucked. This made me realise how much I relied on them. I was tempted to call Mariana on several occasions but I decided against it because she really hurt me. I wanted to blame Harry but I couldn't. I never put it pass Harry to hurt me, without knowing he did but Mariana, never in a thousand years would I have guessed that she would have done such a thing.

I stepped out of the shower, wrapping a towel around my body, I made my way towards my closet. I decided to go with a white dress. I held my hair up settled for a black nike feetwear.

I wasn't in the mood to head out but if I didn't I would drown in self pity so I was heading for the park. Seeing cute kids running and playing around would definitely put a smile on my face and that was exactly what I needed, a smile on my face.

Just as I opened my door I saw a familiar face. He looked about ready to press my bell and I chuckled.

"Hey?" He asked and I tried my best to smile genuinely but I know I failed miserably. I looked at him expectantly.

"I came to check up on you." He answered my unasked question. I would have given anything for it to have been Harry but no, it was a stranger instead. The guy that gave me a lift. I smiled but it didn't reach my eyes.

"Thank you" I replied. I truly appreciated his concern. Even though I shut everyone else out, I really did need someone to be there and even though his wasn't exactly that, it made me feel better.

"My name is Eli by the way" He said extending his hand out for me to shake. I shook it with yet another forced smile. Now I remember why he looked very familiar when I asked him for a lift, he is the pub guy, the one that pushed Zayn into marking his territory.

"May" I told him and he smiled. Looking at him in broad daylight, he is definitely a sight to see. His icy grey eyes and black hair, very tall and built.

"That's a nice name" he complimented and I smiled forcefully. "Thanks"

"Thank you soo much for coming to check up on me but I was heading out" I said smiling sheepishly and he chuckled.

He looked disappointed but smiled and nodded. "I'd see you later then?" He asked hopefully. I was hesitant but nodded anyways. He smiled charmingly as he said his goodbye with us both walking towards our cars.

I watched him walk towards his car after he walked me to mine. I really didn't want to be alone and the next thing I know, I called out to him before I could stop myself. He turned back with a furrowed brow.

I walked to him. "Do you have anything planned? I really don't want to be alone" I said. I mentally slapped myself for sounding desperate. He didn't need to know I was lonely but I didn't care at that moment. I needed not to be alone.

He looked concern for a second but smiled. "I don't. What do you want do?" He asked trying to lighten up the mood. I could tell he knew I wasn't okay, that explained why he came to check if I was okay. I smiled to show my gratitude.

"I was heading to the kids park, you could join me?" I enquired from him and everything was settled when he agreed. I tucked my car key into my dress pocket and followed him to his car.

The ride wasn't lively. I stared out the window the entire time in deep thoughts. It wasn't that far from my house so within no time we arrived.

Kids were everywhere and that immediately brought a smile to my face. We sat on a bench near the playground where we could see all the kids having fun and being kids with no worries.

"Is this a hobby of yours?" Eli asked snapping me back to reality.

"Not really, I just love kids" I shrugged looking straight ahead. I turned to see him smiling down at me and I smiled back. Silence engulfed us but it was peaceful as I watched kids being kids. Little boys bullying the cute little girls probably because it's kids crush.

"If you don't mind...." Eli begun to speak but trailed off and I turned to look at him. "What?" I asked curiously.

"Why were you crying the night I gave you a ride?" He asked carefully and my mouth became dry. The last thing I wanted was to relive the memories of that night. Both the best thing of my life and one of the worst things of my life occurred that night.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to talk about it" Eli assured me when he noticed I wasn't speaking.

"Its nothing big, I just don't want to talk about it right now" I told him. He nodded in understanding. We begun to converse and I got to know more about him. He was visiting his grandma who lives nearby and that's where he lives until he leaves. He is twenty-two etc.

We kept talking until my eyes landed on a familiar body... Calum. I smiled brightly when I spotted him running towards me. I stood to my feet immediately making my way to him as well. I went on my knees and embraced him tightly. His tiny body brought so much comfort in that moment that no one else could have given me.

"May... I missed you" He said when we pulled away from each other. He is so adorable. "I missed you more little bud" I said ruffling his hair. He giggled cutely as his eyes landed on Eli.

"Hey buddy" Eli said as we took a seat with Calum between the both of us. Calum looked at him with an expression I knew way too well, dislike.

Calum ignored Eli and spoke to me alone.

He told me about how his trip was and about his family members that he didn't know he had. I loved hearing him speak, it took away all my worries and made me feel like a kid again.

"CALUM" I heard a familiar voice shout.

Kelly.

I heart raced within my chest when her eyes landed on mine and none other than Mariana was next to her. I gulped down hard. Kelly looked at me with disgust and hatred? They made their way over and every step they took made me want to burry myself.

"Are you okay?" Eli whispered and I faced him nodding. He didn't believe me but nodded anyway.

"We need to leave now Calum" Kelly spoke to Calum totally ignoring my presence when she got nearer. I looked everywhere and anywhere but at them. I could feel Mariana' s eyes on me but I avoided her gaze.

"You can leave if you have to go Kels.. May can bring me home later" clueless Calum said. My eyes snapped up to see Kelly's eyes on mine. She looked like she'd rather be with anyone else but me. I diverted my gaze to Mariana's. She smiled but I turned away.

"No Calum. We are leaving now" She snapped. I clenched my jaw and bit my lip in order not to speak. "But Kels -" Calum attempted to speak but Kelly cut him off.

"But Kels nothing" she glared at Calum and he huffed giving up. He looked at me pleadingly but I couldn't do anything about it- it's her brother. I watched as Calum left with sadness written on his face and it broke my heart.

"What was that? I thought those were your friends?" Eli spoke breaking the awkwardness.

"Were... They were but things can change in an instant" I confided that little in him.

"Sometimes the people we think will never leave leave." I bit back my tears. Seeing them made me realise how much I truly missed them but I could do it. I can do this.

May f*****g Myers.

I can pull through whatever that came my way. If I could live through my parents leaving me, there is nothing I can't live through.

Eli opened his mouth to speak but I spoke up quickly "swings?" I said gesturing towards the swings not far from where we sat. He chuckled but nodded anyways. I was an emotional wreck but Eli was indeed a good company. His little attempts to talk to Calum left me laughing the whole time. Let's just say Calum can be really mean when he wants to.

Eli and I brought out our inner child as we laughed and played on the playground like kids after the swings. I was having a nice time and I wasn't thinking about anything. We spent hours? I can't tell because I never brought a phone but I could tell we whiled away time.

"So want to grab something to eat?" Eli asked as we talked back to his car. I nodded frantically, I was starving.

"Good. Steak paradise it is? He asked again and I nodded.

The ride wasn't like the first one. I was in a better mood. Eli and I talked and laughed as we listened to music. I was enjoying his company even though my mind kept wandering back to Harry still.

We arrived at Steak Paradise and I mentally did a happy dance. I barely ate anything yesterday so I was starving beyond the human imagination. I literally sprinted through the front door and I heard Eli chuckling but I couldn't be bothered.

We took a seat in the middle of the restaurant because there was no space in the corners. Eli kept cracking jokes which had me laughing like an i***t. Some people looked at us amusedly whiles others snarled at us but again I couldn't be bothered. The waitress came and took our orders.

"Its not funny, I can't believe I climbed a wet tank" Eli defended himself after I laughed calling him a scary cat for sprinting up a wet tank at the sight of a harmless dog. I was laughing when my eyes caught familiar eyes staring back at me with fury. Eli was still talking but I tuned him out.

The entire squad were sitting in the corner of the restaurant with their eyes on me. I froze. Zayn, God Zayn. He looked broken as he watched me. He was probably thinking Eli is the one I'm in love with. I gulped and Eli noticed my state of distress.

Kelly was sitting next to Harry and she hung on to him tightly when my eyes found them. Mariana and Liam sat next to each other and there was Louis, Niall and a girl I've never seen before. I excused myself instantly and made my way to the restroom. I needed to breathe, I needed to escape and get out there.

Before I could enter I felt a strong hand wrap around my arm. I came face to face with a sad looking Zayn. I gulped. He was still so gentle with me even after I broke his heart.

"Why are you with that guy May?" He whispered calmly leaning his forehead on mine. My back was pressed against the wall by then. My breath hitched. I didn't know what to say.

"What do you mean by why?" I answered him with a question. He leaned in further, his nose touching mine and his lips almost touching mine. I gasped.

He closed his eyes. "That's the guy from the pub May.. since when did you both become friends?" He sounded so jealous and frustrated.

"Zayn -" I opened my mouth to speak but his lips smashed into mine. I was taken by surprise because even though our position was dangerously close, I didn't expect him to kiss me.

He kissed me desperately and even though I knew I should have pushed him away, I didn't. I kissed him back. My hands caressed his jaw as he deepened the kiss. He pulled back still resting his forehead head on mine.

"I really do love you May" he told me and I bit my bottom lip

"Zayn I-" I stuttered not knowing what to say. He tried to kiss me again but I pushed at his chest softly to stop him. He looked like he had taken a hit multiple times. It broke my heart that I caused that.

He pulled away from me completely nodding his head to my unspoken words. I wish I could love him back. It was then it hit me. Zayn was feeling the same way I was, loving someone that doesn't love you back is a hard hit in the stomach. I guess it's true what they say- 'karma would pay you back for not loving someone who loved you'

"I'm sorry Zayn" I said and when he didn't reply I just walked away. I aborted my journey to the ladies and walked back to see Eli looking at me worriedly. I didn't have the courage to look at the eyes that I knew were on me. I didn't even sit down.

"Can we leave?" I asked Eli desperately. He looked confused but his eyes wandered behind me. I turned to see a defeated looking Zayn walking back to his group with his eyes on me. I turned back immediately.

"Sure" Eli stood to his feet pulling out money to pay for the food that had already arrived. I felt like crap all over again. I didn't wait for him, I discreetly sprinted for the exit like my life depended on it.

Eli joined me shortly and I immediately ran into his embrace. I had no idea why I was in tears, because of Harry with Kelly or Zayn?

No matter how I tried to be strong, I am weak and I needed to get away before I lost myself.

If there is a chance for me at happiness, it isn't here...