Why Not Me?

Chapter 11

"The longer I held onto you the longer my future suffered - r.h. sin"

Harry's Pov

I remained at the same exact spot thinking of what just happened with May. It was a huge mistake, Zayn has been my best friend since childhood and I just f****d him over like that. Guilt was killing me and I wish I could turn back the hands of time.

"So I heard" I heard Kelly's voice and turned around to see her blood shot eyes staring back at me.

"I can explain" I rushed over to her. She took a few steps back. "Don't come close to me Harry" She said rather calmly.

"I thought you loved me. Why did you do it?" She asked looking me dead in the eyes. Why did I do it? I had no idea except for the fact that May is indeed very attractive and couldn't keep my hands off her.

"I got carried away. Things with you left me hurt and torn apart and she was my only shoulder" I tried walking closer to her but she stepped back again creating space between us. Tears begun to roll down her cheeks. She looked so broken and just the thought that I caused it made me sick.

"I love you Harry. I was scared of falling in love for the second time so I pushed you away but those were the hardest days of my life and now things just got complicated" She cried and I embraced her.

"I'm soo sorry babe. I swear I love you too" I told her.

"But you kissed her. Your lips were on hers" She sobbed on my chest. I was sure that my feelings for Kelly was love but my mind kept wondering to how May was.

I could just imagine what she was going through at the moment with her two best friends against her.

"Just stay away from me Harry" Kelly pushed me and walked away. This was the most stressful night of my life. I was making my way back to the party in hopes of seeing how May was when I saw Louis for the first time the entire night standing with Zayn, Niall and Liam.

"Have you seen May?" Zayn asked and I creased my brows. Before I could answer we spotted Mariana walking towards us looking all drained.

"Babe have you seen May?" Liam asked and she nodded.

"She left"

"Are you okay?" Niall asked. The look on Zayn's face was terrifying.

"Why did she leave? What happened?" He asked.

"She got into a fight with Kelly" Mariana answered.

"And where is Kelly?" I asked. Mariana looked at me like she'd rather see me dead.

"She left as well" She said flatly. Zayn had already started calling May but she obviously wasn't answering and he started freaking out.

"What if something has happened to her" Zayn remarked as he kept dialing her number.

"Don't think the worst right now man" Louis tried to calm him and the others nodded in agreement with concern written all over their faces.

I started calling Kelly as well but she wasn't picking up. I really f****d up big time this time. I paced back and forth worried as to why she wasn't picking my calls. She told me she was in love with me and decided to shut me out. This was all my stupid fault for kissing May. It felt amazing but I regretted every second of it.

Our night was cut short because of all the drama that was going on. Zayn wanted to drive up to May's house but Mariana convinced him into giving her space which he only listened after the guys also got involved. Everyone got in their cars and drove their separate ways. I drove directly home. I took what Mariana said about giving May space into consideration and decided to stay away for a while.

I barely slept the entire night, for some reason I kept thinking about Kelly and how I hurt her. I pulled out my phone and looked at the screenshot I took off May's i********:.

I was so confused.

I honestly didn't know which hurt more, hurting Kelly or hurting May.

May's POV

I received several calls from everyone but I kept rejecting them and eventually I ended up switching my phone off. I don't even know what saddened me even more, the fact that Harry didn't bother to call me or the fact that Zayn kept calling but I wished it was Harry instead.

After that kiss I was completely sure that no one could ever replace him. But it killed me to know that he regrets it. I could just feel it in the pit of my stomach that he wished he could take it all back. The funny part was that with all that has happened ever since that kiss, I still wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.

I laid in bed crying myself to sleep. I walked towards the window and I saw his car. The crazy part is if he had tried to call once I knew I would have answered in a heart beat. I walked back to my bed and flung myself on it. I was so tired and immediately slept off.

_____

I woke up the next morning feeling like s**t. My eyes were all swollen from crying. I went into my bathroom and took a shower and freshened up for the day, wearing an oversized sweatpants and a black tank top. I walked downstairs and grabbed an apple and I was walking upstairs when I heard the bell ring. I had a shred of hope that it was Harry so I sprinted down and opened the door but instead, before me was a tired looking Zayn. I wasn't mentally, emotionally and physically ready to talk to him but I couldn't kick him out.

He looked worried and concerned and I immediately felt defeated. How could I have been so wicked? How could I have hurt him this much?

I gave him a half way smile stepping to the side for him to come in.

"What happened to you last night?" He asked immediately I closed the door. I didn't know what to say to him. The last thing I wanted was to ruin a friendship.

"We have to talk Zayn" I walked closer to him. "We have to talk about us"

He just stood there looking at me without saying a single word which made it even harder.

"I'm soo sorry that I couldn't be what you deserve" I told him and he held his finger against my lips.

"You are more than what I deserve" He told me. I shook my head, he was making it harder.

"I can't keep seeing you Zayn. I know we are not official but I don't want to hurt you" I told him and his face dropped. He ran his fingers through his hair.

"Why? I thought everything was going perfectly, you aren't hurting me"

"For starters I'd be leaving soon and I don't plan on coming back anytime soon"

"I could come visit you that's not a problem" He pleaded. My heart stopped for a second as I watched him. I wanted to love him so bad but I couldn't and he deserves better.

"Secondly I love someone else" I bit my bottom lip as his eyes widened and he stood before me looking lifeless. He opened his mouth several times but closed it again.

"So everything was a lie? The way you kissed me and... and everything?" His question broke my heart. It was never a lie. I started generating genuine feelings for him but having Harry close by just made it hard.

"No no. God I swear no. Everything was real. I was genuinely getting to like you but I'm just a stuck up stupid b***h" It sucked that he felt that way, it worsened my pain. I wish I wasn't doing this.

"Who is he?" He whispered but I heard him. The sight before me broke my heart and I begun to cry again. I felt horrible.

"I can't tell you Zayn" I ran my hand through my hair frustratedly.

"I really love you May" My eyes widened at his revelation. He had never used the 'love' word when addressing his feelings towards me and that made everything even harder.

"Zayn please don't" I said and he took giant steps towards me. He locked his lips with mine and kissed me for what I assumed was the final time so I kissed back. He pulled me closer and my arms wrapped around his neck. He pushed his tongue into my mouth and kissed me like never before. In that moment I didn't think of Harry, I owed it to Zayn to kiss him and only think of him while doing so. He pulled away to catch his breath and his eyes were red.

"I wish he knows what he's got. And most importantly I hope he deserves you" Was all he said as he disappeared from sight. I wanted to stop him so badly but it was for the best. I couldn't hold in the tears any longer. I broke down completely. It was so sad looking into the eyes of a guy who saw everything in me and I saw nothing in him because I wanted a guy that would give anything to have my best friend that probably hates me by now.

I was frustrated and didn't have any ice cream at home so I hurried outside to my car to go get some. I stopped dead in my tracks as I saw Kelly's car parked in Harry's driveway. I just turned back and entered my house. I needed to clear my head.

Nothing could clear my head and I heard a knock on the door. I stood up lazily and opened it without checking who it was.

Mariana...

I sighed painfully as I watched her. The last person I wanted to see was her. I knew something like this would have happened sooner or later but the last person I expected to hurt me was Mariana.

I confided in her for years and she knew exactly how I felt and why I wanted to leave so badly. I know what I did was wrong but I truly expected her to understand me and not treat me the way she did.

I didn't move aside. I wasn't going to let her in.

"What do you want?" I asked calmly. I didn't have strength to go crazy on her.

"May we need to talk" She begged but I just looked at her emotionlessly. I could tell she had been crying. She looked sorry but that wasn't going to cut it.

"Mariana I-" I got interrupted.

"You never call me that" She said desperately.

"I'm not going to forgive you, I told you to stay away from me and I meant it" I told her straight forwardly. She opened her mouth to speak but I slammed the door before her face and locked it.

I couldn't believe I had done that but guilt didn't consume me because I was enraged.

I wanted to leave everything behind for since I can remember and it turns out I was going to leave everything indeed.

I was drowning in self pity. I felt stupid. There I was crying my eyes out whiles Harry was patching things up with Kelly. I brought this upon myself and I felt truly used by Harry but I couldn't blame him. I felt like one of his many girls and that killed me even more..

I reached for my car keys and drove to the forest. I needed to feel like me again. I climbed up my favorite tree with a Nutella and a teaspoon. It calmed me down even though my mind kept wandering off to Harry and Kelly and everything that was happening.

I wasn't crying anymore. I wasn't feeling anything anymore after I had felt everything. More than ever I wanted to leave and I was going to make it happen even before it's time.

After several hours I entered my car and drove back home. Her car was still on his driveway. I parked my car and begun to walk to my front door when I saw Harry and Kelly walk out. My heart stopped.

They both saw me and Harry immediately pulled his arm away from Kelly.

I braced myself and entered my house. Not even a call or a text from him. I wasn't that important to him as I thought. I was just a weak moment and a rebound to get over Kelly.

Karma is a b***h, I was doing it to Zayn so why couldn't Harry do it back to me?

_____

Harry's Pov

I kept trying Kelly's number immediately I woke up but she was rejecting my calls. Yesterday was all my fault and I wanted to make up for it.

I took a shower and got dressed. I walked down stairs into the kitchen and saw my mum and Gemma eating breakfast.

"Isn't someone up early?" Mum asked and I groaned. I wasn't in the mood to talk.

"Woke up on the wrong side of the bed?" Gemma mocked and I rolled my eyes.

"Shut the f**k up Gem" I barked angrily and mum gasped. I probably crossed the line but what can I say? I wasn't in the f*****g mood.

"Harry Edward Styles I won't allow you to talk to your elder sister like that" Mum scolded but I wasn't listening.

I grabbed an apple off the table and walked towards the door totally ignoring my mother.

I heard her talking but I couldn't focus on what it was she was saying.

I swung the door open and my mouth dropped, before me stood Kelly. Her beautiful face looked pale and her eyes were swollen. She had been crying and it was all my fault. The only person that has been on my mind since morning has been Kelly.

I was going to go find her but she found me first. I stepped aside for her to enter which she did slowly, making sure not to touch me. I saw mum and Gemma widen their eyes. They were probably shocked because they've never seen me bring a girl over.

"Hey Mrs Styles, hi Gem" Kelly greeted. Mum and Gemma acknowledged her but I saw a questioning look on Gemma's face. Mum asked Kelly a few questions as I stood there awkwardly scratching the back of my head.

After the long talk I took her up into my room. It was awkward being with her. I put her through hell and guilt was killing me.

"Kelly I'm very sorry, I swear I didn't mean to hurt you" I apologised desperately. I wish there was some other way I could show her how sorry I was.

She sat on my bed ignoring my apology. She took a deep breath finally meeting my gaze. She shook her head and tears fell causing my heart to tighten.

Fuck.

I sprinted towards her immediately and cupped her face. She looked too weak to reject my touch else I know she would have.

"Why exactly did you kiss her Harry?" She asked sadly. Why did I do it? That's what I don't know, I can't explain it. There was just something about May that took away my sense of thinking. I was silent because I didn't know what to say.

"Baby I-' I tried to speak but Kelly wouldn't let me.

"I really need to know why Harry" She pleaded and again I was speechless.

"I don't know why" I told her but left out the part where I have feelings for May as well. I couldn't break her heart like that. She stared at me through her lashes.

"What do you feel for me Harry?" She asked suddenly. Before this day I was positive I was in love with Kelly but being asked this question just left me wondering what the answer really is. Do I actually love Kelly? I still feel very strongly for her but if I love her then why did I really want May? Even more than I wanted Kelly at some point.

"I really love you Kelly" I said what I thought I felt. I wasn't sure anymore but isn't love unsure sometimes? I was confused as hell.

Her face lightened up as she watched me. I felt her tiny hand rest on my cheek. Her touch didn't really feel the same as before but it could have been because of all the drama going on. I smiled and leaned forward to peck her lips which she smiled after I pulled away but it dropped again.

"Please stay away from May" She begged and I was taken aback by her request. What did she mean by that? I furrowed my brow readying myself to ask her why but she beat me to it.

"It took you a few days to like her Harry an-" She tried to explain but I interrupted.

"I don't like h-" I replied but at that point I was trying to convince myself.

"I know you do Harry, even if not you still find her attractive and that scares me" she said interrupting me. She stood to her feet leaving me on my knees.

"It took you just days to want her and.. and I don't want you talking to her Harry" she said desperately. If she had asked me this a few days ago it would have been easier but now I felt like she was asking me to find a cure for malaria. I turned to see her looking at me expectantly. I sighed, it was either Kelly or May at that point. I was going to pick Kelly but what I didn't understand was why leaving May was very hard.

I nodded weakly at her. I wasn't happy with what I agreed to but I wanted to make Kelly happy? I don't know. She smiled and hugged me which I hugged her back.

She asked for water and I went downstairs to get her some. It was only Gemma in the kitchen. Ugh. I walked pass her and grabbed a bottle of water. I was walking away when I heard her speak.

"What's Kelly doing here Harry? She's May's best friend" Gemma asked and that's when it hit me. She thinks I'm dating May so she was worried that I was going to cause trouble again. Little did she know I've already caused a s**t ton of trouble.

I turned "May isn't my girlfriend Gem. Kelly is" I told her and confusion was written all over her face and suddenly her eyes widened

"Oh my God Harry you are sleeping with two best friends?" She asked disappointedly and I frowned. I took a deep breath.

"I haven't slept with May Gem" I explained calmly but frustratedly. She let out a breath I didn't know she was holding. The look on her face was priceless but I couldn't tease her at that moment, too much was going go.

"Could you please go check up on May though?" I asked her and her brows furrowed.

"Why can't you do it yourself?" She asked. Gemma knows about my womanizing ways so there wasn't anything I couldn't tell her.

"Let's just say I f****d up... would you?" I said plainly not wanting to elaborate any further. She looked concern but didn't question me any further which I was glad. She nodded and I thanked her returning back to Kelly.

Something was off, I was thinking of Kelly the entire time but now she is here I can't stop thinking about May. I've never been this confused about my feelings and if this is what being confused is like, I hate it.

I walked into my room to see Kelly fuming with anger. I stopped dead in my tracks when she turned my phone towards me and I saw a picture of May, the one I took a screenshot of.

"What's going on between the both of you Harry?" She asked clearly broken. I walked closer to her not knowing how I was going to fix this one.

"It's not what you think babe" I told her and she looked at me with so much hurt that I didn't know what to do next. I've never put up with this before, when a girl gets too complicated I just ended things but with Kelly I wanted to make things right.

"Then what is it Harry?" She snapped angrily. I wanted to come up with an excuse, anything but I remained silent. She chuckled bitterly and stood to her feet.

"Even if you don't know it, you've made your choice Harry" She said dryly and begun walking pass me. What was she saying? Choice? I had no idea what she meant and before I could stop myself I held her arm and swiftly spun her around. I wasted no time in finding her lips.

"I've made my choice Kelly... I choose you" I said between kisses and she kissed me deeply immediately the words left my mouth. I wasn't confused anymore. In that moment, as I kissed Kelly, nothing mattered, no one mattered.

We spent the next few hours just talking and making out a lot. I really missed the side of her I was seeing. Mum brought lunch for us which we thanked her.

"Mum needs me to come help her do something, I need to get going" Kelly informed me as she stared at her screen. I smiled looking at her.

"So soon?" I pouted not wanting her to leave. She laughed rolling her eyes and I immediately thought about May. I shook the thought away and focused back on Kelly.

"It's been hours Harry" She stated cutely. It was my turn to roll my eyes. She rose to her feet waiting for me to walk her to the door which I gladly obliged. I wrapped my arms around her waist and we headed for the front door.

My eyes landed on May immediately we stepped out and I stopped dead in my tracks. I pulled my arms away from Kelly before I could even register my actions. She frowned but didn't say anything. May diverted her attention but I could still see how broken she was. She was there for me when I needed a shoulder and now that she is broken and needed a shoulder I couldn't be there for her. I was even the cause of her pain and that fact was hurting me more than I'd like to admit.

She walked into her house lazily and I knew where she came from immediately. The only place she couldn't leave behind. The only place she loved the most for some reason, the only place that can make her feel better. A strange feeling ran through me and I wanted to run towards her house and be with her. I wanted to replace that place for once but I couldn't.

I turned to see Kelly already staring back at me. She smiled weakly and I smiled back. She kissed my cheek and got into her car. I was deep in thought and didn't notice her pull off but I saw her car far away. I looked at May's house contemplating but decided against going there. I walked back into my house and saw Gem approaching me.

"Going to check up on her" She said answering my unasked question. I nodded and she disappeared into thin air.

I flopped onto my bed exhaustedly, I was emotionally tired. I pulled out my phone to see several texts from Liam, Louis and Niall. I read through the group chat noticing that Zayn left the chat and Louis explained that May called things off with him and that he wasn't in the mood for disturbance.

I really f****d up badly and was dreading the day Zayn would find out exactly what happened. I went to my pictures and looked at the picture I had of May. I imagined how sad she looked minutes ago and it killed me. I needed to stop, stop hurting her? I pressed delete and deleted the picture quickly before I could changed my mind.

I stared into space for only God knows how long and I heard a knock on my door. Gemma peeped in and I nodded for her to come in. When she did, she was silent for what felt like hours but in reality was seconds.

"She's anything but fine Harry. She tried to act fine but I've known May for a while, she looked like the small girl that used to cry for her parents" Gemma said worriedly. Hearing Gemma's words broke my heart deeply.

"Stay away from her Harry!" Gemma said suddenly and my head snapped in her direction. I opened my mouth to speak but closed it.

"May is broken, she's always been broken. You aren't good for her Harry. I don't know what you did but just let her be! She deserves someone that would make her feel secure and you can't. Whatever that happened is really hurting her. She's fragile even if she doesn't know it" Gemma poured out her mind to me and I listened. May has already been broken by her parents of all people. The last thing she needs is for anyone else to add to her pain. I nodded. I'm not good for May, I needed to stay away from her but a part of me still wanted to go and be with her.

"But she'd be fine, she's a strong girl just don't make it harder for her" Gemma adviced like she knew what was happening. I nodded again completely unable to speak. She smiled and left without another word.

I let out a deep breath. I could only imagine everything that was going on. She was feeling so alone and it was all my fault. I chose Kelly and was sure of my decision but something just felt completely off. I couldn't pin it but there was just this feeling in my gutt.

Something is wrong.