Why Not Me?

Chapter 10

May's POV

I wanted more than anything to walk away without making it awkward. I had my entire life planned for what I was going to do and then that happened. He kissed me and touched me in ways new to me. Of course I've had my breast groped before but the way he did it had me wanting him in ways I shouldn't.

The way his hand rubbed me through my panty. He looked so sexy as he watched me, he was filled with lust. I've imagined Harry pleasuring me several times but him actually doing it was more than what I could have imagined.

I walked towards my house mentally slapping myself. I couldn't do that to myself because I knew I wouldn't recover. I couldn't stop the tears from rolling down my cheeks as I ran upstairs. I've always asked myself why not me but the only question I had now was why now? Why after he dated and made love to my best friend? Why when I was starting to have genuine feelings for Zayn? Why when I was about to say goodbye to everything I've ever known? I just made my way to the bathroom and got in the shower.

I let the water run down my body as I visually imagined what happened. Harry's hand all over me and his soft pink lips on mine. I vowed to myself that I would never let that happen again. I couldn't do that to Kelly, something tells me that the reason she broke up with him is because she's actually starting to like him.

I came out of the shower shortly and just settled for a white skinny jeans and a lavender blouse after rummaging through my closet.

I was in no mood to do any makeup so I just held my hair up in a messy bun and applied a red lipstick and combed my eyebrows which luckily for me is really thick.

I reached for my white sneakers and my phone which I placed in my back pocket

As I walked downstairs I saw Harry sitting on my couch with his legs on the table. He smiled at me, looking longer than he usually does- there was something in his eyes that I couldn't identify but that didn't stop my heart from pounding in my chest. He kept it simple with a black jeans and a black t-shirt. I smiled

"You ready?" I asked and he nodded still looking at me.

"You look f*****g beautiful by the way" He said still looking at me and that was the second time I believed it when someone told me I was beautiful. Just the way he said it and looked at me. I knew he meant it.

God.. First being Zayn.

Harry's POV

I made myself comfortable on May's couch as I waited for her. Seconds later I saw her walking down the stairs in a white skinny jeans and a lavender low cut blouse that exposed a sexy amount of her chest. It took everything within me for my jaw not to drop and not to pull her in for a kiss, I needed to control myself. She looked so f*****g beautiful, each time I thought she was beautiful but she made me feel like the last one was an understatement every time.

"You ready?" She asked and I just nodded totally unable to speak.

"You look f*****g beautiful by the way" I told her before I could stop myself. I know I shouldn't be saying such things to her especially after what happened between us at my house but who can blame me?

"Thank you?" She replied with a question. I could see she was still confused and uncomfortable.

The car ride was silent with me letting her drive again. There was something about her taking control that I found extremely sexy. Her hairstyle exposed her whole face structure and I could see her numerous piercings and a tattoo just below her ears.

I squinted and switched on the light in the car to see what it was. She looked at me in confusion.

"Nice tattoo" I said and she smiled. Her smile is so beautiful. I couldn't take my eyes off her.

"Thanks, I hope you aren't just saying that because it's a H" She said focussing on the road and I chuckled. Well that was one of my reasons but I just found it attractive. I also liked the idea of my initial being on her body even though it's not necessarily representing my name. I wanted to reach out and kiss it but I had to control myself. What happened can never happen again.

We soon reached Phil's Pizza and she parked. We entered and occupied an empty booth at the far back. We ordered two small pizzas because I wanted a cheese pizza and she wanted chef's special. Minutes later our pizzas arrived and we dug in right away, making small talk back and forth.

"Hey excuse me" A strange guy walked towards our table with his eyes directly on May.

"Hi" She smiled at him looking expectantly for what he had to say.

"I'm sorry to disturb you but you are so beautiful and I just had to come over and say hi" He said and I immediately clenched my fists. What the f**k was he thinking? Didn't he see me opposite her? I might as well have been her boyfriend or something. I wanted to punch him but what right do I have?

"Thank you" She smiled politely at him.

"Erm I'm Mike by the way" He introduced himself totally ignoring my presence. I was glaring at him, he was f*****g lucky I held myself back. Red, f*****g red is all I was seeing at that point. May introduced herself politely.

I chuckled and they both looked at me.

"Oh sorry your girlfriend is-" He tried to come up with some f*****g lame excuse but May interrupted him.

"Oh we are just friends" She told him, my mouth dropped and the smile on the asshole's face brightened. What did I expect? For her to tell him we were dating? We have barely been good friends for a week.

"Oh that's nice to hear" He smiled smugly, the damn bastard.

"But we are going to meet up with my boyfriend soon" She said and his smile dropped.

Take that asshole.

I couldn't help but widened my eyes. I had no idea she was officially dating Zayn already. She and the guy just kept talking until he eventually left but I was in deep thought the entire time.

"Boyfriend? I didn't know you and Zayn made it official already" I said to her and she chuckled.

"We haven't made it official yet i***t. I just said that to get him off my back" She explained and I internally sighed a sigh of relief. I knew she'd never want to be with me because I dated her best friend and I didn't want to date her either but I just felt angry at the thought of her being with someone, Zayn inclusive.

She drove us to the party where we saw the rest of our crew sitting on top of their cars a few blocks away so we parked next to them. Everyone acknowledged our presence by saying little heys here and there. May hugged Mariana but Kelly ignored her completely whiles she gave all her attention to the unknown guy that stood next to her. As usual Kendall used my breakup with Kelly to her advantage and clung to my hand immediately. Zayn smiled widely as May made her way over to him. He hopped off the car and she jumped up on him, wrapping her legs around his waist. He attached his hands to her bum to support her as their lips found each other whiles battling for dominance. I knew she regretted what happened between us and that was why she was trying to make up for it? I thought about her to do list and wanted to groan, the thought of her wearing a red set for him to have his way with her made me furious. I had no idea which was worse, Kelly being with another guy or May kissing my best friend that is soo into her. Somehow my eyes kept wandering back and forth between the two girls that I have feelings for, just developing for May but madly in love with Kelly? I'm so confused that I don't know what I'm feeling for either of them.

Zayn whispered something into May's ears and she giggled. I couldn't help but wonder what it was. Kelly kept stealing glances from me. I wanted to jump the guy she was with but what was the point? I think she already made her choice. We stayed outside for a bit with everyone chatting back and forth not to mention Kendall kept talking about old times which bothered me because I didn't want to go there. During our relationship she got really close to my friends so after our breakup she just stuck around which was totally fine with me except for the fact that she keeps trying to revive the relationship.

We finally decided to make our way to the wrecked house that was beaming with loud music. People were everywhere outside making out, arguing, dancing and so on.

We made our way inside which was pretty chilled compared to what we thought it was going to be. We laughed at Jeff when he said he was going to organized a chilled and a little bit relaxed party. But the atmosphere inside was amazing. It looked more like a lounge. Everyone dispersed immediately with Kendall still holding onto my arm. I searched the crowd for where Kelly would have wandered off to but I couldn't find her. Kendall and I made our way to the kitchen where we saw May, Zayn, Mariana, Liam and Niall who was talking to a random girl already. We all soon had red plastic cups in our hands. Everyone was just calm. I caught May looking at me a few times.

God I wanted to kiss her...

"Boy what you tryna prove? Can we just talk about it" A song boomed and I saw Mariana and May look at each other with wide eyes. They both walked to each other and started dancing to what I assumed was their jam. The way May started swaying her hips did things to me and my eyes were stuck on her.

"I think I know the truth but sometimes I doubt it" She looked back at Zayn singing to him whiles moving sexily to the music

"And I'm afraid it will hurt when I finally fall down cause the weights of my world is in the palm of your hands now" She looked at me when she sung that part and I couldn't steer my eyes away. She was probably just having fun but I wish she was speaking to me. I wish she was dancing for only me.

She and Mariana kept dancing to the music and Kelly came running out of nowhere and joined them. I think that's a top level jam of theirs. They sang to each other as they danced with May constantly looking at Zayn and occasionally looking at me. I just wish she looked at me more. Kelly was dancing as well but my entire being was focussed on May. I had no idea she could dance like that and I wanted to go and dance along with her but that would get me killed by Zayn.

"I tried to keep my cool but it's too hard to tell if you played me for a fool but you're the one who's losing" She sang that part looking at me. Zayn just admired her like she was the most beautiful creature he has even seen and they kept going on and on until the song finally came to an end which I mentally cursed the dj for not prolonging that s**t. May and Kelly hugged at the end of the song.

I assumed they apologized to each other and made peace. She made her way back to Zayn and locked lips with his. His hands rested on her waist slowly making their way lower and finally resting on her ass. He squeezed it in his hands. Zayn wasn't one for publuc displays of affection but he admitted to us that he did it with May so that guys around would back off, I guess he was doing it to mark his territory and I chocked on my drink spilling it all over my body. It wasn't something I hadn't seen already but it disguested me seeing him kiss her like that. The kind Kendall helped to clean me up by reaching for paper towels. We engaged in a conversation shortly after and I tried my best not to look at May and Zayn.

Tried.

I saw May looking uncomfortable as she tried to excuse herself from Zayn that looked concerned. He nodded shortly after and left her hands. I can't blame him, you can't let a girl like May out of your sight. Looking at her now I can't believe how I didn't see her. I was so f*****g blind. She didn't look okay so I excused myself from Kendall and followed after her as I saw her walk out of the house. She stood at an isolated spot with folded arms as she moved around.

"Are you okay missy?" I asked calling her attention. She nodded her head faking a smile.

I walked closer to her "you can always talk to me" I told her.

She walked further looking up at the sky and I immediately remembered our first night together in her garden. I smiled and walked next to her doing the same thing.

"I think I'm developing real and genuine feelings for Zayn" She told me and I was speechless.

Ouch. For some reason that left a sour taste in my mouth.

"And that's the last thing I want to happen" She admitted.

"Why not?" I asked her.

"Because I can't stay even if I wanted to and if I don't control myself I wouldn't be a-" She told me and her voice cracked. Because she had to leave. I wish I could make her stay.

"Why not?" I asked again trying not to sound happy at the fact that she didnt want to fall for him.

She shrugged "I've been planning this my entire life. I have reasons I can't explain and I need to get out of here" She said facing me and I could tell she was holding back.. her eyes gave her away.

I nodded my head. I wanted to beg her to stay but I didn't think it would make any difference. Besides it seemed like her dream even though she spoke of it as an escape from something or someone.

"Just live" I said to her after a long silence. She smiled a type a smile that was obvious she was holding the tears back.

"Come here" I said as I opened my arms for her. She looked hesitant and that kind of stung but she ran in, embracing me in a tight hug. Her body felt like it was meant for mine and I didn't want to let go. My hand flew in her hair rubbing it. She pulled away slightly staring at me and I couldn't stop myself. I reached out and caressed her face as she just looked directly into my eyes. They were telling a story I couldn't detect.

"You are so beautiful" I whispered to her. There was nothing I wanted more than to kiss her so badly and I felt like she wanted it to. The look she had in her eyes gave her away again.

I lowered my body down closer to hers and we were mere inches away from each other. Our noses touching again. I had no idea if it was just in the heat of the moment but I felt like my life depended on kissing her there and then.

I moved in closer to kiss her and she turned her face away. "We shouldn't" She whispered to herself. I couldn't agree more but I really did want to kiss her. I'd been thinking about kissing her since I tasted her lips.

I reached for her chin and brought her face up to look at me. Her eyes were locked on my lips and I bit it in anticipation. "Please?" I begged. I've never begged for a kiss but with May the words just flew out of my mouth.

Her lips parted. I paused waiting for her permission as my arm still held her against my chest. I begun to lean down slowly to give her a push. She didn't reject me this time...

I pressed my lips to hers. I started sucking on her lips and she started kissing back. She parted her lips as soon as I poked my tongue out and they ignited fireworks in my stomach as we kissed each other like we had been holding it back our entire lives. Her hands flew to the back of my hair and mine on her waist. As we both battled for dominance. It was different from the first one.

I never wanted it to end. It was soo wrong but it felt so f*****g right.

May are yo-" Mariana paused immediately she took in the scene. May pulled back instantly and I longed for her touch again. She started fidgeting awkwardly as I scratched the back of my neck awkwardly

"I can't believe you right now" Mariana exclaimed clearly angry. She stomped away and May ran after her leaving me standing there awkwardly thinking of what I had just done.

Fuck.

May's POV

"Mariana please wait" I pulled her hand stopping her.

"It's not what you think" I tried to explain. She looked at me disgustedly.

"What the f**k were you thinking? First of all he's Kelly's ex and the guy that never set eyes on you before and if he is now it's because you are just like the many other girls he uses. You are just hurting yourself further and betraying your best friends and for f***s sake hurting Zayn" She spat. She smelled of alcohol but knowing Mariana she would have still behaved like this even without alcohol. The worst part was that she was absolutely right. I felt like a play toy , Harry's toy.. He only loves Kelly, he was just using me because I sparked his interest.

That thought alone was enough to shatter my entire being. I wanted to kill myself at that realization. I wanted to hate him but couldn't, if anything I wanted him to use me again...

Pathetic.

"What are you guys doing here? I've been looking for the both of you" Kelly said coming out of nowhere. The sight of her made me feel guilty instantly, I would never intend to hurt Kelly. Mariana and I just remained silent, staring at each other.

"I found May here making out with Harry" Mariana blurted out. My mouth dropped open, I never expected Mariana to tell on me like that. Kelly's face dropped suddenly like she cared about Harry. I knew she did but in that moment I couldn't help but be mad at how she treated him and she was claiming she cared about him.

Not more than I do..

"She what?" She looked at me waiting for an explanation. She looked broken and angry at the same time. I caused that, f**k I caused that look on her face and I couldn't bare it. I would have given anything to wipe it off her face.

"Kelly I'm so sorry I didn't-" She cut me off.

"You f*****g slut how could you?" I froze completely taken by surprise. Tears were threatening to fall down my face but I tried holding it in.

I tried to talk but I couldn't bring myself to say a single word as I watched her latch out on me. I deserved it, I deserve more than it.

"That's my f*****g ex. Exs are off limit you w***e" She spat and before I knew it I latched out as well.

"Oh please but you never f*****g loved him" I said. I was wrong to even talk back but I couldnt help it, I refuse to be called a w***e for loving Harry. She laughed frantically in my face.

"And you do? You slut" She asked. That was all it took for me to vent. I never in a billion years expected Kelly and I to use such words against each other.

"Since the f*****g time I set my eyes on him. That f*****g boring boy you talk about, the one that was 'bad' in bed is the only f*****g man I've ever loved in my f*****g entire life. Do you know how f*****g hard it was for me to watch him kiss you? Tell you that he loved you and go crazy over everything you did to him? Do you know what his f*****g pain put me through? I would have traded places with him any day but at the end of the day do you know what sucked more? The only person he could think about was you. He only truly wants you. And do you know what scares me? That the kiss I just had with him meant absolutely nothing because he wished it was you instead. Don't try to come at me! I have f*****g tried to put your happiness above mine even though I know I stand no chance with him" She froze just listening to all I had to say.

"You know what hurts more? I have the most amazing guy in there that truly wants me for me but no, I can never love him as much as I love Harry. f**k I can't even love my own f*****g self as much as I love Harry. And you always asked why I wanted to get away from here? Well here you go. I need to get away from Harry. Oh and this 'H' beneath my ears stands for Harry" I chuckled bitterly. "I'm sorry but don't blame me because it took everything within me to stay away from him" tears were rolling down my face by then as I poured out my heart. I felt like such a fool. She pitied me just by the look on her face. I hate being pitied.

"You don't love him, you only just ever wanted him in school to gain some sort of fame but how did that f*****g work out for you?" I spat. She slapped me immediately the words left my mouth. I knew I went to far with what I said but that was her only reason for ever wanting Harry back in school. I didn't turn but just looked at her. I turned on my heels for the road and didn't look back even though I heard Mariana calling me.

I was done. Right then the realisation that our friendship was over hit me. I didn't know how to feel, just the thought was killing me and Harry's kiss wasn't helping.

"May wait up" she caught up to me and pulled my arm.

"Don't f*****g touch me" I yelled at her, yanking my arm away from her grasps.

"I'm so sorry I-" She tried to apologize but I cut her off.

"Sorry for what? For having my f*****g back? I thought I could trust you. I wasn't ready for that confrontation. Thanks soo much 'best friend'" I spat still in tears and she froze.

"Gosh I f****d up and I'm soo sor-" She tried to speak again but the words just angered me. She was in tears by then but I couldn't seem to care. She really hurt me and I never expected it from her.

"Stay the f**k away from me Mariana" I spat...

That was the first time that she'd seen me like that. I turned around and started walking in the middle of the empty road. Thankfully she didn't follow me.

"Can I get a ride?" I asked a strange guy that was heading away from the party scene. He smiled but looked concerned. I had no makeup on so my face wasn't stained. He looked awfully familiar but I couldn't remember from where and I couldn't think at that moment.

"Sure but are you okay though?" He asked and I just nodded and got into his car. I told him my address and minutes later we were at my driveway. I thanked him and entered my house. Immediately locking all the doors and windows so no one could get in. I was done with all that s**t I was going through. I slumped down against my door as I let the tears roll down my cheeks freely. Everything was falling apart. My phone kept ringing but I ignored every phone call.

The only thing that kept going through my head was that I needed to get the f**k away.....

And fast...