Trauma Grieving

Chapter 20

Vee pov

I was booked for a next appointment with Mr Gabriel. As I sat in Mr Gabriel's office, I felt a mix of emotions swirling inside me. The familiar comfort of the couch was a reminder that I was in a safe space, but the weight of my thoughts and feelings was still crushing at times.

"So, Vee, how have you been feeling since our last session?" Mr. Gabriel asked, his gentle tone putting me at ease.

I took a deep breath, trying to articulate the emotions that had been brewing inside me. "I've been having some tough days, but I've also had moments where I felt like I'm finally starting to heal. It's weird, you know? It's like I'm unraveling this huge knot, and it's painful, but it's also kind of liberating."

Mr. Gabriel nodded encouragingly, his eyes filled with understanding. "That sounds like a really insightful observation, Vee. Can you tell me more about what you mean by 'unraveling the knot'?"

I leaned forward, my eyes welling up with tears. "I guess I mean that I've been carrying around this weight for so long, and it's been holding me back. But slowly, with therapy, with support from loved ones...I'm starting to let go of some of that burden. It's scary, but it's also kind of freeing."

Mr. Gabriel smiled softly. "You're doing great work, Vee. Healing is a process, and it's okay to take your time. What do you think is the most challenging part of this process for you?"

I thought for a moment before responding. "I think it's trusting people again. After everything I've been through, it's hard for me to open up and let people in. But I'm trying. I'm really trying."

Mr. Gabriel nodded. "Trust is built incrementally, Vee. It's not something that happens overnight. But it sounds like you're taking small steps towards trusting yourself and others, and that's something to be proud of."

As we talked, I felt a sense of relief wash over me. Maybe, just maybe, I was going to be okay. Maybe I could learn to trust again, to love again, to live again.

As I left Mr. Gabriel's office, I felt a sense of hope that I hadn't felt in a long time. Maybe I was finally starting to heal, to move forward. I thought about Sophia and how she had forgiven her mom, and I felt a pang of jealousy. Why couldn't I forgive the people who had hurt me? Why couldn't I just let go?

I walked home, lost in thought, and didn't notice Emily waiting for me on the porch with her brothers, Max and Jack, until they called out my name. "Hey, Mom! Mom's home!" Max exclaimed, racing towards me with Jack giggling behind him.

I smiled, feeling a surge of love and responsibility. "Hey, guys! How was your day?"

Emily filled me in on her day at school while Max and Jack chattered excitedly about their adventures at kindergarten. I listened attentively, happy to focus on something other than my own thoughts.

As we had dinner together, the three of them chattering and laughing, I felt a sense of normalcy wash over me. This was my life now, and it was worth fighting for.

After dinner, as we were cleaning up, Max climbed onto the couch and started playing with his toys. Jack sat next to him, watching with wide eyes. Emily helped me load the dishwasher, and I couldn't help but feel grateful for these little moments.

As bedtime approached, the kids started to wind down. I read them a bedtime story, feeling a sense of peace wash over me. Max and Jack snuggled up close, their eyes drooping as I read. Emily sat beside me, her eyes fixed on the book.

As I finished the story and tucked them in, I felt a lump form in my throat. I was doing this. I was being a mom, a good mom, and it felt amazing.

"Goodnight, Mom," Emily whispered, giving me a hug.

"Goodnight, sweetie," I replied, hugging her back. "I love you."

"Love you too, Mom," she said, smiling.

As I turned out the lights and closed the door, I felt a sense of determination. I was going to get through this. I was going to heal, to move forward. For myself, for Emily, for Mark and Jack. I was going to be okay.