The Reincarnated Luna

Guilt

    Once I was done with the shower I wrapped myself in a towel and tried to quietly move from the bathroom into my bedroom so Rowan didn't hear me. A very low click sounded before a loud squeak resonated through my room. I tip-toed cursing as I glanced out my doorway. Rowan was sitting on the couch, watching the holographic TV. I knew he had to have heard me, so I gave up on trying to be quiet and grabbed a large T-shirt before crumbling on the bed. I almost crushed Mana in the process. 

"I'm sorry bud." I rubbed his head and noticed how much bigger his horns were. Immediately I was sad that I knew there would be a day he'd have to go on his own. "You did great today, but please be more careful." His purring grew as he curled up beside me making my eyelids heavy.

 Out of nowhere the exhaustion lifted and replaced with concern. I was now standing on the very same cliff that Fin and I had sacrificed ourselves. I had been staring at the water crashing against the rocks deep in thought as a large warm hand landed on my shoulder. I turned, a bit startled since I was supposed to be alone. Rowan's eyes were blazing as he looked at me, obviously upset.

"You know I can't let you do this." I placed my hand on his and offered him a sad smile.

"It has been decided-"

"Bullshit!" He gripped both my shoulders and look down at me with fury. I knew his anger wasn't directed at me, and it only made my heart ache even more.

"It's the only way-"

"You don't love him. You can stand here and look me in the face and tell me you love him." My eyes never left him, but I could feel my heart-shattering.  I didn't want to hurt him this way.  "I can't let you just throw your life away-"

"It has been decided. I will do this, and you will be saved, along with everyone else."

"For how long? You die now, and a hundred more times, when will it end? Why does it have to be both of you-"

"We aren't strong enough to overcome them on our own. You know this." I brought my hands to Rowan's face and slowly brought his forehead down to my level. Giving it one last kiss, sorrow and love started to overwhelm me. 

When I opened my eyes again my lips were against Fin's, but my chest was pierced with the same fiery red opal dagger as before. Again we fell to the ground, and I watched as Rowan got closer. This time I could hear sobs, and there was a large town directly behind him. It reminded me of something in ancient Greece. Just before all the life faded from my corpse I could see the moon turn into an almost purple shade. 

Then the light came once again. Birds were chirping outside my window and I rolled over to see Mana had left me again. I peered from my bed into the living room to see if Rowan was still there, but I was all alone. I sighed in relief and dragged myself from bed. My body felt twenty times heavier than normal, and I somehow looked even paler. 

Selene, please. I begged. Why are there two of them? It feels like when I start to even grasp a part of your world I just get sent another curveball. I felt her stir, but she never responded. I sighed again before moving to get dressed. I glance out the window to see Eli's convoy had been parked out front. If I could just curl up and hide forever I would. What do I do? It's not like in now somehow promised to Eli. Not when I have the same feelings for someone else right? Deep in thought I almost ran dead into Lilly when I stepped out of the elevator on the first floor. She greeted me with a large grin and immediately started to babble about her time with Cora and Sam yesterday. Her talk was short-lived when Sam turned to me and started to clap. Then followed Cora, and the various other people who were in the foyer. With it being mid-day, the curious people from all over the house started to step out and clap. People stepped into the room from the Library, dining hall, and the daycare wing. If dealing with my inner turmoil wasn't enough now I had to deal with the public eyes looking at me as I'm weak and sickly. 

Slightly taller than the rest of the crowd I noticed a familiar sandy blonde head step into the doorway from outside. The growing crow stopped clapping and stepped aside to let Eli through, all muttering some form of apology or welcome home. He seemed confused at first about all the commotion until his eyes fell on me. Then his face immediately looked stricken as he briskly walked to me and placed a hand on my forehead. Then my neck before he started to talk hastily.

"Denver told me what happened and I immediately made my way home. I'm sorry I didn't know-"

"No one could have," my voice came out strong but tired. "But a tragedy was prevented. I would like to know what happened to the woman who-" Eli scooped me into a tight embrace and I immediately felt embarrassed with everyone just standing and staring at us. Eli must have sensed my uneasiness because he slowly set me down, careful not to hurt me. Then turned to face the crowd.

"I'm sure everyone here has heard of what events unfolded yesterday." The crowd stirred, as murmurs erupted. "Now, everyone knows that this woman here is a hero. Not only is she a wonderful person, but she also cares for each and every one of you. She would die just to make sure you are safe, and she proved so yesterday. Many of you know that she arrived here a while ago after I found her in a colony, but she is no ordinary werewolf." Some of the people held knowing smiles, and I really wish they would have let me in on what he was getting at. All I know is that I am confused and embarrassed. I'm not exactly used to being in the spotlight unless it was for my father, and even then it was political.

"This has been long-awaited by all of you. This woman here is my mate-" he pulled me even closer, and then gave me a loving kiss on my forehead. "and your future Luna." Cheers continued and I wanted to shrink into myself. The wonderful overwhelming sensation Eli made cascade over me only made me feel more guilty. 

I should have known he actually wanted me. I mentally kicked myself, wishing I would have listened to Selene. But that still doesn't explain why I felt the same with Rowan when Eli was miles away. 

"We should get you to bed." Eli had bent down and whispered in my ear. His warm breath sent goosebumps down my spine as his lips grazed my ear. I had just left my bed and it was already mid-afternoon.

"If I stuck in that bed any longer today I'm going to go crazy." Eli nodded and placed a guiding hand on my back.

"Everyone go back to your regular tasks. We will update you all on when the ceremony will take place." Like little worker bees the bustling crowd quickly dispersed as Eli kept his arm around me to help me to the dining hall. 

"So does that make you like a princess?" Lilly skipped ahead.

"More like a queen," Eli answered before I could. My stomach churned. 

Why didn't he talk to me before just announcing it like that?  

"So that makes me a princess!" Lilly twirled around as if she was wearing a gown. Once we were in the dining hall my eyes fell on Rowan sitting across from Nia and Denver. His gaze met mine and electricity flew through me. Just as quickly as it washed over me it receded when his eyes didn't linger. He didn't hesitate to ignore me and kept speaking to Nia. 

"You feeling okay? Need to sit down? I know Selene isn't up to full strength and from what I heard, that blow yesterday was severe." I laughed as I let him guide me to sit down

"Yeah, I didn't even feel it." He let a small chuckle slip out as if he didn't believe me, but I honestly didn't feel it until I was back in my body from the Manticore's memories. I felt a gaze tearing through me but I tried to do my best to ignore it. 

"I'd like to talk about the girl from yesterday, and I think someone was trying to sabotage the evaluation." Eli nodded but made a shushing motion by pressing a finger to his lips. 

"When we aren't in such a crowded room. I'll go grab some grub for you okay?" I looked to Lilly to see if she had eaten but Cora spoke up.

"She's been snacking all day and night. This little girl never stops eating."

"I can't!" Lilly stood in her seat, making me move to hold her and try to make her sit down. She started to throw a miniature tantrum. "No! Sam said if I wanted to be strong like Al I had to eat everything!" She went to grab food from Sam's plate but Sam was faster. She scooped her plate up and Lilly nearly fell over. I moved my arms to grab her sides and winced from the sharp stabbing pain in my abdomen. When I opened my eyes again Rowan was holding Lilly up in her chair.

"Can't you see that Al is in pain?" He said solemnly. "And you're making her hurt more." She squealed and made a pouty face. "You don't want to hurt her anymore now do you?" Lilly's adorable chubby cheeks puffed out showing she was embarrassed. My heart clenched at how good he was with her. "So please sit down. I'll make sure you get a snack okay? But you have to put your butt in the chair." She plopped down with a huff, but just seconds later she was bouncing again. I tried my hardest to avoid Rowan's gaze but a large hand rested on my shoulder. The very same tingles traveled down my arm as I looked up to see Rowan smiling down on me. 

Wait, why can I feel it now? Eli is here. Shouldn't it be like before?  I had honestly hoped this would be behind me once he was back. Maybe that it was just all in my head. I guess I was foolish.

"I'll be right back okay?" His smile seemed unwavering and unbothered. Once he walked away Cora hit me on the shoulder super hard. I looked at her then to Sam for some kind of explanation.

"Don't look at me. You're the one with some explaining to do." I scrunched my face up, making Cora slam her hand on the table.

"You didn't even mind link us to let you know you were okay! We had to find out from Rowan!" Her chubby face was turning a bright tomato red, making her look like an adorable upset toddler. I let out the breath I had been holding. I thought she somehow knew about what had happened between me and Rowan.  

"I'm sorry; I could barely hold myself up after to shower-" My mind flashed to Rowan's body against mine. His mouth dancing across my skin. I cleared my throat and looked down at my hands. 

"She's not really upset with you. We were just worried. Not to mention curious." I looked to Sam a bit confused.

"You haven't shifted, or been given a serum. So why could you mind-link? Let alone mind-linking so many people at once. Some can do like five people at most. You did an entire room." I made an O shape with my mouth then shrugged.

"It seems like I have all the talents to be a great werewolf other than actually becoming one." 

"But you will soon," Eli interjected. "Just another two months or so and we'll have a full-blown Luna on our hands." I gulped.  I forgot that it was that close. My first shift, Selene's memories. All the answers we've been looking for. He sat back down beside me and scooted a sandwich in front of me.

"Gods, has she really been here for that long? It feels like she just walked into our lives." Sam covered her mouth with her hand. 

"Painstakingly long." I watched as Cora made a face toward someone standing behind me. I turned to face Nia with a sickenly sweet smile. 

"Nia, how are you after yesterday?" My voice came across so sweet and kind I felt like I was going to throw up.

"I'm good and so is everyone else thanks to you." Her eyes were drawn in a thin squint. I nodded and took a bite out of my sandwich. Everyone at the table and almost everyone in the room was looking at the two of us. Some out of curiosity and others radiated anger. Or was it protectiveness?

"I'd do it again, without hesitation." She clenched her jaw and nodded. 

"As would I." A small chill ran down my spine as I swallowed but Nia walked away without another word.

"I don't think I'll ever like her. She just does what benefits her and her motives." I smiled at Selene waking up for a second to express her disdain. 

She gives me a bad taste in my mouth. She could be the person working with Alec. Nia then sat down and once Rowan came back and gave Lilly her snack we all ate and talked relatively normally. I still tried to avoid Rowan, but he seemed to want my attention even more. 

After a while, I asked Eli if we could go for a walk. I wanted to talk to him about the trainer who I thought was working with Nia to sabotage the Evaluation and the trainer that abused the Manticore. I felt like it was connected somehow. When we went to walk out the door from the dining hall, Eli and Lilly went first as I said my goodbyes to Sam and Cora. Just as I went to leave Nia caught me by the arm and put her lips to my ear. Her fresh minty breath making me uncomfortable.

"I know what you did." Without missing a beat she released my arm and gave me a mischievous grin before she sauntered out of the room. My stomach hit the floor and my heartbeat was in my ears. I felt like I was about to throw up everything I had just fought to get down.